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These three Lees, Bruce, Peggy, Robert E, The Cocks are a colorful three, Another fine Cock trio batch, Of the oft-storied family named Stein, (limerick author named Michael Weinstein)
The Clan Herring consisted of Fred The Las are an interesting folk, Three wonderful people called Ley; Each Lon was a notable man: The Mans have Tru, Good, and Bee. "My girlfriend wants me to ski," The next group of Mites, a mixed bag, Than the Mites there is no family finer; How varied the family Sen! Yet another fine Cock trio batch The Sky's are a pitiful lot, A clan of renown is the Son; There's a notable family named Stein, The family Tine, I'm no fibber, Here's some more of the Tine family charts, In tracing my family tree, "I come from a long line of trans- Plutonius Puffington Brown Three wonderful people called Wick: A bard whose louse rhymed, for a price (cents), (claiming to be the first and only hyper-limerick)
A thesp, playing farmer Tim Dart (wich) "From the day that my service began," ATHLETIC and SCHOLARSHIP are A prospective young football recruit A pretty young coed from Hood One cardinal of the consistory Contradictory terms, it is true, BUSINESS ETHICS may be A bumbling priest, Father Tucker, She can be deceptive and smart. For CHRISTIAN and SCIENCE to fuse If CIVIL type SERVICE you crave, When I'm left by a poem unsure A belle that I fell for, named Nell, Her mother did something quite mindless. "Although I should not really care," After fishing they counted the cod Tight is -- what you want in a twat. Uncle James was an old, FOXY MORON, The results are deadly and dire, A virgin who came from Van Nuys Our late mayor, who was queer to the end, "I ordered a sofa," he coughed, Through a clerical error in space On oxymoron I must dwell In the vestry a preacher named Slater To free Zion from bondage, he swore What LEGISLATIVE LEADERSHIP does (who is P.G.E. - McW)
About an Earth language, advice -- Let Disney, Inc. call me a louse. Behold the crypt-oxymora, What ORGANIZED LABOR may be, An old man whose pecker was dry, In Washington one of the giants This new book is some piece of shit; In a march, a teenager named Stan There is only one at the crest, "I want," she said, "love that's platonic." A Bishop must choose from his file No one may care just who is there. As in summer a delicate flower Descriptions which we like to pour on Ida Bell was a girl from St. Paul.
Were reviewed as to activity.
While all three were most daunting,
Robert E was found wanting.
He'd kept too many waiting, you see.
--- Loren Fitzhigh P0605
There's Hitch and there's Poppy and Pea;
The Pea is a bird;
The Poppy's absurd,
And the Hitch kills his victims with glee.
--- Hugh Clary
Is Shuttle and Weather and Spatch.
Weather swings in the breeze;
Shuttle clears nets with ease,
And Spatch is not six weeks from hatch.
--- Ward Hardman
We've met Gertrude, and Ep, also Ein,
But lest we forget,
There's another one yet --
A limerick fanatic called Wein.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8507
And Chauncey, the eldest, then Ned.
Next in line there was Tom
But the favorites of mom
Were her twin lads, young Pickled and Red.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0511Q
St. Nicho has his great poke.
Stell Dal was on air,
But none can compare
To the brownies of Alice B. Tok!
--- John Roberts P9302
There's Hen and there's Bench and there's Hea.
Hen wrote jingoistic verse,
Bench wrote Jaws, which is worse,
And the less said the better of Hea.
--- Tim Hopkins A
Greek So, French Vil, and Brit Scan.
So made people think,
Vil was put in the clink,
And the plebs made a Lord out of Scan.
--- L G Udall A
Young Margaret grew up on Tru's knee.
To Good's music we hum
While chewing Bee's gum;
So each had his fame, don't you see.
--- Harry Rubin P9302
Said the flabby young cellist, "but Gee!
With Stravinsky, Stokowski,
Mussorgsky, Tchaikovsky,
That's quite enough skiing for me."
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Features Cata, plus Ter and Stalag.
Cool stalag likes damp caves,
Hungry Ter eats wood staves,
And poor Cata's the toy of a fag.
--- Hugh Clary
There's Ere and Bedla and Dyna.
The Ere likes cavs
while the Bedla likes raves,
And Dyna blows miners to China.
--- Hugh Clary
For instance, Sun Yat, Ib and Jen.
Sun Yat changed Cathay,
Ib wrote play after play,
And Jen played and changed the Top Ten.
--- Roy Fuller
Contains Shuttle, plus Weather and Spatch;
Weather swings in the breeze,
Shuttle clears nets with ease,
And young Spatch is not six weeks from hatch.
--- Anon
There's Chom, and there's Spas, and there's Trot.
Trot chose the wrong lobby,
Spas flunked out to Bobby,
And the structures of Chom are all rot.
--- Bob Scott
There's Thomp, Ty and Ben -- men of fun.
Thomp turns out great choppers, (machine guns)
Ty was busted by coppers,
And Hedges and Ben you should shun.
--- Arthur Deex P9302
There's Gertrude, there's Ep, and there's Ein.
Gert's prose is the bunk,
Ep's sculpture is junk,
And no one understands Ein.
--- Anon
Has Byzan and Philis and Liber;
The Byzan's a schemer,
The Philis a dreamer,
And Liber's an alcohol bibber.
--- Hugh Clary
With Pris, Adaman, Valen on parts.
Adaman's rod's always hard;
Sweet Pris is unmarred,
And cute Valen encourages hearts.
--- Ward Hardman
I first paid the fifty buck fee.
(For fifty bucks more,
The nice lady swore,
It's Garden of Eden for me!)
--- Irving Superior
Vestite headwaiters," said Vance.
Dad dishes out meals
In a tight skirt and heels;
Gramps wears halters and velvet hot pants.
--- Michael Weinstein
Said, "Just call me Tony. I frown
At my name of great length.
It wears out my strength.
And it takes such an age to write down."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
There's War and there's Chad and there's Pick.
War said, "Kings, come on!"
Chad found the nuetron,
And all the world knows Mr. Pick.
--- A M Sayers z
Was arrested, and thought them not nice (gents).
Who must have been joking
To say, "We're revoking
Your permit for poetic lice (nse)."
--- Cyber Geezer
Was arrested while taking the part (ridge)
Which he'd shot on location.
He confessed at the station,
"It was wrong of me, firing that cart (ridge)."
--- Anon
Explained an old soldier named Dan,
"From Berlin to Peking
I was only one thing --
An ARMY INTELLIGENCE man."
--- A N Wilkins P8809
Exact words, that are on a par
With pepper and salt,
Or proceed and halt.
Use one and the other you bar.
--- Larry Davis P8809
Asked a coach for the college at Butte
How long would it be
Till he got his degree
By the ATHLETIC SCHOLARSHIP route.
--- A N Wilkins P8809
Always behaved as she should
Till a big-time fraternity
Risked collective paternity
And then rated her as AWFULLY GOOD.
--- Arthur Deex P8807
Maintains he can clear up the mystery
Of where Cain found a wife
To comfort his life,
By deciphering BIBLICAL HISTORY.
--- A N Wilkins P8809
Tend to baffle me. How about you?
Sabbath Day prohibitions
Which save us from perdition,
As is off color speech, both termed "blue."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0108
A terribly hard thing to see.
But if you will squint,
And read the fine print,
It's there, but quite small, you'll agree.
--- Larry Davis P8809
Was known as a screw-up, a mucker!
The boys in his class
Were a tad bit more crass,
They called him "The CELIBATE FUCKER!"
--- Ann Gasser P8809
This is file hhl
She can have a treacherous beart.
To think she is pure
Is just horse manure,
Because there is no CHERRY TART.
--- Larry Davis P8809a
Would truly be lead story news.
But it seems to me
That it's got to be,
Just one or the other, you chose.
--- Larry Davis P8809a
Just stand there in line, and behave.
They service a sow,
A mare, and a cow,
In that very way, so be brave.
--- Larry Davis P8809
Of its meaning, I feel insecure.
Am I or the poet
To blame I don't know it? C
--- Laurence Perrine P8809
Declared, "I'm not feeling too well."
She was freezing her tush
'Neath the gooseberry bush
Because it had turned COLD as HELL!
--- John Dohner P8809
She said that if Caroline dined less,
She'd have more time to fast
And get thinner at last.
Cried Caroline, "What a CRUEL KINDNESS!"
--- John Dohner P8809
Observed a French prof from Eau Claire,
"I'm depressed that a friend
And a linguist should send
A note FROM THE DESK OF THE CHAIR."
--- A N Wilkins P8809
They had caught using net, reel, and rod.
Husbands caught 3, 5, and 7,
Wives 9, 10, and 11;
All thought the range strange, EVEN ODD.
--- Laurence Perrine P8809
Tight is -- what you hate in a sot.
It don't take a Wiz
To know what tight is,
What FEDERAL BUDGETS -- are not!
--- Larry Davis P8809
(An incarnate, alive oxymoron).
If a stamp didn't stick
When he gave it a lick,
He'd pour of epoxy some more on.
--- Laurence Perrine P8809
A hole in the ground or a pyre.
Who shot the gun,
In anger or fun,
Determines if it's FRIENDLY FIRE.
--- Larry Davis P8809
Once put out for all of the guys.
As one tired brother
Remarked to the others,
"That was some FUCKING VIRGIN, huh guys?"
--- Michael Weinstein P8809
Caught AIDS from a casual friend.
In the Times his obit
Said "Mayor's funeral a hit --
Ten thousand GAY MOURNERS attend"
--- Arthur Deex P8809a
"To replace the one in the loft,
Which was scarred, and too hard;
But this too, is marred,
Its cushions are stiff -- HARDLY SOFT."
--- Laurence Perrine P8809
Mick was shipped up to heaven and grace.
When issued his wings,
He cried, "How it swings!
This HEAVEN's one HELL of a place."
--- Laurence Perrine P8809
Till something clever rings a bell.
And when it does, I plan
To write five lines that scan,
Or Art will give me HOLY HELL.
--- Irving Superior P8809
Was screwing some cute young tomato.
When he saw his wife Britt,
He exclaimed, "HOLY SHIT!"
And he caught HOLY HELL from her later.
--- Michael Weinstein P8809
That he'd attack paynim and Moor
And continue to work
To slaughter the Turk
To bring triumph in God's HOLY WAR.
--- A N Wilkins P8809
Is give power brokers a buzz.
To check and to see
If old P.G.E.
Can tell the 'what is' from 'what was'.
--- Larry Davis P8809
This 'English' never fails to surprise.
A meteor falls down to earth,
And I just found, to my mirth,
The expression 'meteoric rise'!
--- Voyager
Let Disney's top PR men grouse.
Let them withstand the blow.
Today the world shall know
An oxymoron, MIGHTY MOUSE.
--- Irving Superior P8809
Small bits of linguistic flora.
Where some common phrase,
Viewed in other ways
Looks like a MOSLEM MENORAH.
--- Larry Davis P8809
We all of us may someday see.
For now, they'll pass gas,
And sit on their ass
And wait for the stool to be free.
--- Larry Davis P8809
Made all of his lady friends cry.
It's quite hard to measure
How PAINFUL the PLEASURE,
Though much Vaseline they apply.
--- Julia Strawn P8809
In lobbying told all his clients
That one of the things
Which helped him pull strings
Was a grasp of POLITICAL SCIENCE.
--- A N Wilkins P8809
Though it's thankfully short, I admit.
But to be rather frank,
'Twould have been better blank.
It's called REAGAN: his WISDOM and WIT.
--- Michael Weinstein P8809
Joined his buddies protesting the ban
Of a popular group
By a joint in the Loop,
Because he was a ROCK MUSIC fan.
--- A N Wilkins P8809
That stands out from all of the rest.
The whole common herd
Is not worth a turd.
Just what the hell is SECOND BEST?
--- Larry Davis P8809
To me that's just OXYMORONIC.
There's all sorts of love,
But when push comes to shove,
I much prefer mine with sex chronic.
--- Anon
A priest with a 'hospital' style.
A priest who would be
Benign cheerfully
But not have a SICKENING SMILE.
--- Irving Superior P8809
No one who's there's not a pair.
The partners are strange
When you prearrange
The guests for your first STAG AFFAIR.
--- Larry Davis P8809
May bloom in a fierce thunder shower,
My dear never knows
How in anger she glows!
Her beauty's most SWEET when she's SOUR.
--- Laurence Perrine P880
Terms we would rather ignore on
Occasions, as in,
"Teetotaler's Gin,"
My newly coined smart OXYMORON.
--- Chris Papa
She was lonesome with no love at all.
Then she started to pet
A nice guy that she met,
But his dong was TREMENDOUSLY SMALL.
--- Julia Strawn P8809
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