There was a young plumber named Fenchter, A fun-loving hooker named Cass There once was an Indian Maid, One day to her surprise, Oh, the moon shines tonight on Mrs. Porter, A cyber-vamp left me a cooky, A lady of joy, young and bold, A cross-eyed young stud fond of sewing There was an old trollop of Mayence I met an old whore from Hong Kong, I picked up a whore after my job, I've discovered the real missing link; There was a young thing from Missouri, A lady of joy on the street There was a young woman of Norway An old and experienced whore A tough-minded, aged deaf strumpet A harlot did not think it funny An impatient old harlot of Corning We don't know much of Phallos, the Greek. From the mouth of a nubile young whore, A harlot deficient was Bess; There once was a fellow from Norfolk, There was an old hooker named Ryan, Said the bank teller, "Sorry, Miss Munn, The crotch of a harlot Alsation, An innocent lady in Cicester, Maverick, our resident old fart, There was a young lady from Bude, Another young lady from Bude But fellows were all to her glued; With sense she was not well imbude. There once was a hooker named Judy,
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There was a hooker from Honshu "I find aspects of hooking quite sleazy," An itinerant harlot named Fife, An errant young lady named Cass In Britain a harlot named Skillings A would-be young harlot was Bess, A call girl with manners defective A bible-belt whore of St. Claire Young Sadie keeps books at bordellos, There was a young girl from St. Cyr, There once was a tart called Victoria, As a nympho, though not very good, There was an old hooker, named Shirley, Whore Shirley was surely surly; McJob was a bad place to work; There was a streetwalker from Kiel, A sorry old fellow named Lorne Said the horrible harlot of Dayton: A crippled old man of Manila There was a Young Lady of Dorking, A carpenter living in Crewe, A belligerent hooker (while blewing) A struggling hooker named Mia This location provided reliance Store management couldn't succeed in The store then conceded to reason, There was a young sailor named Farber A shiftless young fellow of Kent, Now dating, your wealth it can break, A painted young lady in Montague, One time, back in old Amarillo, A young social worker named Lear There is this great hooker named Rae, A young London hooker named Flo
Who wrenched an old whore and he benched her.
She went into a panic;
But there came a mechanic --
With a twist of the wrist he unwrenched her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1509
Inked, "ENTRANCE, PERMISSION TO PASS
GIVEN DOGS AND MERE MORTALS
THROUGH THESE FUR-BEARING PORTALS,"
And "EXIT" writ large on her ass.
--- Armand E Singer 453
A whore she was by trade.
For two-bits a whack,
She'd lay on her back,
And let the cowboys ram it up her crack.
--- L0939
Her belly began to rise,
And out of her cunt
Jumped a little black runt
With his ass between his eyes.
--- L0940
She had a daughter,
Who was a slaughterer,
She washed her cunt with caustic soda,
To keep the odor from growing strong.
--- L0941
Although I was hoping for nooky;
Now there's pop-ups galore,
From most ev'ry old whore;
They'll flash their dead meat and yell: "Lookee!"
--- Anon
Offered ass to a man for some gold.
The man was beguiled
By her warmth as she smiled,
But the ass that she sold was ice-cold.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1452
Was found out at sea, gently rowing.
Two whores he had with him
Claimed though he had rhythm,
Couldn't say he was coming or going.
--- Laurence U
Renowned for her nasty defiance.
She would curse you and spit on you,
Piddle and shit on you--
This pleased only a few of her clients.
--- G1835
Who's talent for the job was all wrong.
Her tits hit her knees;
Her gash smelled like cheese;
When I came, almost bit off my dong.
--- Anon
And paid her to slob on my knob.
After a hot beef injection,
I did an inspection
And found out she bit on my kabob!
--- Trekking Guy
Why tarts intellectually stink.
For as pig is to vulture,
You can lead whores to culture,
But you sure as hell can't make them think.
--- Friar T9801
Who fancied herself as a houri.
Her friends thus forsook her,
For a harlot they took her,
And she gave up the role in a fury.
--- L1039
Was stopped by a butcher discreet.
For this man was beguiled
By her warmth when she smiled,
But she sold him a cold cut of meat.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1669
Who drove a rare trade in the whore way.
'Till a sodomite Viscount
Brought cunt to a discount,
And the bawdy house belles to a poor way.
--- L1042
Said, "My business is really a bore,
But I struggle to keep
From going to sleep,
For my patrons complain if I snore."
--- A N Wilkins P8503
Told lovers to like it or lump it.
It made them so mad
To know they'd been had,
One pissed in her hearing-aid trumpet.
--- Armand E Singer 83
To hear the bad jokes told by Bunny.
"I will not," she said,
"Have such filth in my bed!"
And she cursed him and gave back his money.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1794
To her husband presented a warning:
"Get your ass out of bed,
I must earn daily bread,
So do not oversleep in the morning."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1475
He engaged seven sluts for a week.
But the two who survived,
Upon being revived,
Were too flabbergasted to speak.
--- John Ciardi
"But sir, you've already had four,
And I'd like you to know,
You should not be slow,
Since EROS spelled backward is SORE!
--- Jim Goodsel
She had nothing at all to caress.
Her titties were small,
She had no ass at all,
But she promised much more for much less.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0401
Who wondered how well does a Horfolk.
So he tried all the pros,
And now what he knows,
In Norfolk a Horfolk's a Porfolk.
--- Pierce Evans
Who kept tryin' and tryin' and tryin'.
She tried all the way,
From Maine to L.A.,
But not even the Okies were buyin'.
--- John Ciardi
As a callgirl, you've just been undone
By a client named Beck,
Who's rescinded his check,
On the grounds of inadequate fun."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Was the largest throughout the whole nation.
But she said the enormity
Of her grevous deformity,
Was a hazard in her occupation.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0384
One day asked an elderly visitor,
"Now why's it illicit
For a girl to solicit,
When a man can become a solicitor?"
--- Anon
Decided he'd date a young tart.
On that very night,
Not far from delight,
Couldn't get her legs spread apart.
--- Anon
Who lived by the sea in the nude.
And would in the port,
With sailors cavort,
Who were stewed, blewed, screwed and tattooed.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Liked to walk around in the nude.
Yes, even sans knickers,
Which quite shocked the vicar's
Wife, Judy, 'cause she was a prude.
--- Tiddy Ogg
From Newquay to Penzance, she screwed.
And ne'er use proctective
Device contraceptive...
Of kids, now she has quite a brood.
--- Tiddy Ogg
When told that she ought to include
Some sun-screening oil,
Saw garage-hand Doyle,
And splashed herself over with crude.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who now and again was moody.
She'd fuck on a Monday,
But never on Sunday,
What a funny conception of duty.
--- B Rice
Who on peckers and peni did chew.
Said a friend, "Why don't you
Have them stick it in you,
Then you could enjoy the sex too."
--- Henry Mucha
Says a finicky harlot named Kesey.
"Though is costs me some bread,
I refuse to give head,
Since my virtue, while easy, is queasy."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
For the railroad detective caused strife.
She sold sexual relations
On the platforms of stations,
But could not find her station in life.
--- Albin Chaplin
Refused to spend Sundays at Mass,
Sneered at the Trinity,
Lost her virginity,
And ended up peddling her ass.
--- Anon
Sold ass for a crown and nine shillings.
But she failed to adapt
To new coins and was trapped;
She no longer could make out her billings.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2304
But had nothing at all to caress.
Her titties were small,
She had no ass at all:
She could hardly do business with less.
--- G1742
Greeted her Johns with INVECTIVE.
And though she was hot,
Few customers got
And now is a nun introspective.
--- Chris Papa
Gave service beyond all compare.
She sang hymns of devotion
Which brought tears of emotion,
And she opened each piece with a prayer.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1648
And she's sore as can be at the fellows.
All the others turn tricks,
Get their fill of men's pricks,
But Sadie just gets polite hellos.
--- Isaac Asimov
Whose reflex reactions were queer.
Her escort said, "Mable,
Get up from the table.
The money's to pay for the beer."
--- Anon L1053
Promising sexual euphoria;
Hoped we might write
For perverted delight.
Nymphomaniac whore! We ignore ya.
--- Peter
She tried screwing the whole neighborhood.
Said the men, with some class,
"Please remove your ass,
And fuck your own self, if you would."
--- Arden
Who often became rather surly,
When dealing with guys
Too slow on the rise,
And not prone to finish too early.
--- Chris Papa
Made her business decline early;
Lost customer Bob,
So took work McJob
And demeanor of a nice girlie.
--- Larry
Surly Shirley made coffee perk,
Delivered McKings
And all other things,
Even handjobs to poor male clerk.
--- Larry
Who offered some fun to MacNeal.
With some words she did tease him,
And showed pictures to please him,
But he said, "I get more from one feel."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1565
Was fucking a harlot forlorn.
When she told him her fears,
He welled up in tears,
And he wished he had never been born.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1586
"I'm getting tired of all this waitin'.
Fuck me, you fool!
Or I'll cut off your tool,
And send it to someone in Place Peyton."
--- G2003
Was screwing a whore named Priscilla.
But he thrashed with his crutches
To get our of her clutches,
For she grasped like a hairy gorilla.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2897
Who bought a large bonnet for walking;
But its color and size
So bedazzled her eyes,
She forgot what it was she was hawking.
--- Edwardian Leer 040
Who had nothing whatever to do,
Once assisted a whore
With the hinge of her door,
But he made her pay for the screw.
--- E O Parrot
Said, "I snigger and snort when I'm screwing.
It bothers the gents,
With their genitals tense,
And fucks up the screwing they're doing."
--- Grand Prix Lim 560 G1744
Had a lucrative business idea--
To go prostitute on
A floor demo futon
In the bedroom display at Ikea.
--- Alex Heydon P0501
On an endless progression of clients.
The line for a lay
Was as long, the first day,
As the line for a discount appliance.
--- Alex Heydon P0501
Removing her lecherous Eden.
"I can't be arrested,"
Young Mia protested,
"Prostitution is legal in Sweden!"
--- Alex Heydon P0501
And smartly decided to seize on
A new 'lay-away' promo
To compete with Idomo, (Toronto store)
And prepare for a record sales season.
--- Alex Heydon P0501
Who screwed the old whore at the harbor.
But this young buccaneer
Wore a muff on each ear,
For she gave him more talk than a barber.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1507
Had his wife fuck the landlord for rent.
But as she grew older
The landlord grew colder,
And now they live out in a tent.
--- L1022
And lead to a night half-awake,
Alone in your crib,
Having heard the old fib:
"I'm sorry I've got a headache"!
--- Tim Fisher
Her eyelids are smeared with a rotten hue.
With rouges and paint
From forehead to taint,
You shag her, it all will rub off on you!
--- Anon
Found myself in a fine peccadillo;
Without mulch ado
I staked out a screw.
She nabbed my cash and pussywillow.
--- Anon
Was counseling whores in Lapeer.
The things that one whore did
Were so utterly sordid,
That he worked to improve her all year.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2154
Far-famed for her T. and her A.,
But sad to relate,
Her chances aren't great:
The guy she just winked at is gay.
--- Armand E Singer 751
Was frigidly told she must go.
The heat of her action
Had produced liquifaction
In the waxworks of Madame Tussaud.
--- Isaac Asimov