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There was a young plumber named Fenchter,
Who wrenched an old whore and he benched her.
She went into a panic;
But there came a mechanic --
With a twist of the wrist he unwrenched her.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1509

A fun-loving hooker named Cass
Inked, "ENTRANCE, PERMISSION TO PASS
GIVEN DOGS AND MERE MORTALS
THROUGH THESE FUR-BEARING PORTALS,"
And "EXIT" writ large on her ass.
--- Armand E Singer 453

There once was an Indian Maid,
A whore she was by trade.
For two-bits a whack,
She'd lay on her back,
And let the cowboys ram it up her crack.
--- L0939

One day to her surprise,
Her belly began to rise,
And out of her cunt
Jumped a little black runt
With his ass between his eyes.
--- L0940

Oh, the moon shines tonight on Mrs. Porter,
She had a daughter,
Who was a slaughterer,
She washed her cunt with caustic soda,
To keep the odor from growing strong.
--- L0941

A cyber-vamp left me a cooky,
Although I was hoping for nooky;
Now there's pop-ups galore,
From most ev'ry old whore;
They'll flash their dead meat and yell: "Lookee!"
--- Anon

A lady of joy, young and bold,
Offered ass to a man for some gold.
The man was beguiled
By her warmth as she smiled,
But the ass that she sold was ice-cold.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1452

A cross-eyed young stud fond of sewing
Was found out at sea, gently rowing.
Two whores he had with him
Claimed though he had rhythm,
Couldn't say he was coming or going.
--- Laurence U

There was an old trollop of Mayence
Renowned for her nasty defiance.
She would curse you and spit on you,
Piddle and shit on you--
This pleased only a few of her clients.
--- G1835

I met an old whore from Hong Kong,
Who's talent for the job was all wrong.
Her tits hit her knees;
Her gash smelled like cheese;
When I came, almost bit off my dong.
--- Anon

I picked up a whore after my job,
And paid her to slob on my knob.
After a hot beef injection,
I did an inspection
And found out she bit on my kabob!
--- Trekking Guy

I've discovered the real missing link;
Why tarts intellectually stink.
For as pig is to vulture,
You can lead whores to culture,
But you sure as hell can't make them think.
--- Friar T9801

There was a young thing from Missouri,
Who fancied herself as a houri.
Her friends thus forsook her,
For a harlot they took her,
And she gave up the role in a fury.
--- L1039

A lady of joy on the street
Was stopped by a butcher discreet.
For this man was beguiled
By her warmth when she smiled,
But she sold him a cold cut of meat.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1669

There was a young woman of Norway
Who drove a rare trade in the whore way.
'Till a sodomite Viscount
Brought cunt to a discount,
And the bawdy house belles to a poor way.
--- L1042

An old and experienced whore
Said, "My business is really a bore,
But I struggle to keep
From going to sleep,
For my patrons complain if I snore."
--- A N Wilkins P8503

A tough-minded, aged deaf strumpet
Told lovers to like it or lump it.
It made them so mad
To know they'd been had,
One pissed in her hearing-aid trumpet.
--- Armand E Singer 83

A harlot did not think it funny
To hear the bad jokes told by Bunny.
"I will not," she said,
"Have such filth in my bed!"
And she cursed him and gave back his money.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1794

An impatient old harlot of Corning
To her husband presented a warning:
"Get your ass out of bed,
I must earn daily bread,
So do not oversleep in the morning."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1475

We don't know much of Phallos, the Greek.
He engaged seven sluts for a week.
But the two who survived,
Upon being revived,
Were too flabbergasted to speak.
--- John Ciardi

From the mouth of a nubile young whore,
"But sir, you've already had four,
And I'd like you to know,
You should not be slow,
Since EROS spelled backward is SORE!
--- Jim Goodsel

A harlot deficient was Bess;
She had nothing at all to caress.
Her titties were small,
She had no ass at all,
But she promised much more for much less.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0401

There once was a fellow from Norfolk,
Who wondered how well does a Horfolk.
So he tried all the pros,
And now what he knows,
In Norfolk a Horfolk's a Porfolk.
--- Pierce Evans

There was an old hooker named Ryan,
Who kept tryin' and tryin' and tryin'.
She tried all the way,
From Maine to L.A.,
But not even the Okies were buyin'.
--- John Ciardi

Said the bank teller, "Sorry, Miss Munn,
As a callgirl, you've just been undone
By a client named Beck,
Who's rescinded his check,
On the grounds of inadequate fun."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

The crotch of a harlot Alsation,
Was the largest throughout the whole nation.
But she said the enormity
Of her grevous deformity,
Was a hazard in her occupation.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0384

An innocent lady in Cicester,
One day asked an elderly visitor,
"Now why's it illicit
For a girl to solicit,
When a man can become a solicitor?"
--- Anon

Maverick, our resident old fart,
Decided he'd date a young tart.
On that very night,
Not far from delight,
Couldn't get her legs spread apart.
--- Anon

There was a young lady from Bude,
Who lived by the sea in the nude.
And would in the port,
With sailors cavort,
Who were stewed, blewed, screwed and tattooed.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Another young lady from Bude
Liked to walk around in the nude.
Yes, even sans knickers,
Which quite shocked the vicar's
Wife, Judy, 'cause she was a prude.
--- Tiddy Ogg

But fellows were all to her glued;
From Newquay to Penzance, she screwed.
And ne'er use proctective
Device contraceptive...
Of kids, now she has quite a brood.
--- Tiddy Ogg

With sense she was not well imbude.
When told that she ought to include
Some sun-screening oil,
Saw garage-hand Doyle,
And splashed herself over with crude.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There once was a hooker named Judy,
Who now and again was moody.
She'd fuck on a Monday,
But never on Sunday,
What a funny conception of duty.
--- B Rice

This is file hbm

There was a hooker from Honshu
Who on peckers and peni did chew.
Said a friend, "Why don't you
Have them stick it in you,
Then you could enjoy the sex too."
--- Henry Mucha

"I find aspects of hooking quite sleazy,"
Says a finicky harlot named Kesey.
"Though is costs me some bread,
I refuse to give head,
Since my virtue, while easy, is queasy."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

An itinerant harlot named Fife,
For the railroad detective caused strife.
She sold sexual relations
On the platforms of stations,
But could not find her station in life.
--- Albin Chaplin

An errant young lady named Cass
Refused to spend Sundays at Mass,
Sneered at the Trinity,
Lost her virginity,
And ended up peddling her ass.
--- Anon

In Britain a harlot named Skillings
Sold ass for a crown and nine shillings.
But she failed to adapt
To new coins and was trapped;
She no longer could make out her billings.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2304

A would-be young harlot was Bess,
But had nothing at all to caress.
Her titties were small,
She had no ass at all:
She could hardly do business with less.
--- G1742

A call girl with manners defective
Greeted her Johns with INVECTIVE.
And though she was hot,
Few customers got
And now is a nun introspective.
--- Chris Papa

A bible-belt whore of St. Claire
Gave service beyond all compare.
She sang hymns of devotion
Which brought tears of emotion,
And she opened each piece with a prayer.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1648

Young Sadie keeps books at bordellos,
And she's sore as can be at the fellows.
All the others turn tricks,
Get their fill of men's pricks,
But Sadie just gets polite hellos.
--- Isaac Asimov

There was a young girl from St. Cyr,
Whose reflex reactions were queer.
Her escort said, "Mable,
Get up from the table.
The money's to pay for the beer."
--- Anon L1053

There once was a tart called Victoria,
Promising sexual euphoria;
Hoped we might write
For perverted delight.
Nymphomaniac whore! We ignore ya.
--- Peter

As a nympho, though not very good,
She tried screwing the whole neighborhood.
Said the men, with some class,
"Please remove your ass,
And fuck your own self, if you would."
--- Arden

There was an old hooker, named Shirley,
Who often became rather surly,
When dealing with guys
Too slow on the rise,
And not prone to finish too early.
--- Chris Papa

Whore Shirley was surely surly;
Made her business decline early;
Lost customer Bob,
So took work McJob
And demeanor of a nice girlie.
--- Larry

McJob was a bad place to work;
Surly Shirley made coffee perk,
Delivered McKings
And all other things,
Even handjobs to poor male clerk.
--- Larry

There was a streetwalker from Kiel,
Who offered some fun to MacNeal.
With some words she did tease him,
And showed pictures to please him,
But he said, "I get more from one feel."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1565

A sorry old fellow named Lorne
Was fucking a harlot forlorn.
When she told him her fears,
He welled up in tears,
And he wished he had never been born.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1586

Said the horrible harlot of Dayton:
"I'm getting tired of all this waitin'.
Fuck me, you fool!
Or I'll cut off your tool,
And send it to someone in Place Peyton."
--- G2003

A crippled old man of Manila
Was screwing a whore named Priscilla.
But he thrashed with his crutches
To get our of her clutches,
For she grasped like a hairy gorilla.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2897

There was a Young Lady of Dorking,
Who bought a large bonnet for walking;
But its color and size
So bedazzled her eyes,
She forgot what it was she was hawking.
--- Edwardian Leer 040

A carpenter living in Crewe,
Who had nothing whatever to do,
Once assisted a whore
With the hinge of her door,
But he made her pay for the screw.
--- E O Parrot

A belligerent hooker (while blewing)
Said, "I snigger and snort when I'm screwing.
It bothers the gents,
With their genitals tense,
And fucks up the screwing they're doing."
--- Grand Prix Lim 560 G1744

A struggling hooker named Mia
Had a lucrative business idea--
To go prostitute on
A floor demo futon
In the bedroom display at Ikea.
--- Alex Heydon P0501

This location provided reliance
On an endless progression of clients.
The line for a lay
Was as long, the first day,
As the line for a discount appliance.
--- Alex Heydon P0501

Store management couldn't succeed in
Removing her lecherous Eden.
"I can't be arrested,"
Young Mia protested,
"Prostitution is legal in Sweden!"
--- Alex Heydon P0501

The store then conceded to reason,
And smartly decided to seize on
A new 'lay-away' promo
To compete with Idomo, (Toronto store)
And prepare for a record sales season.
--- Alex Heydon P0501

There was a young sailor named Farber
Who screwed the old whore at the harbor.
But this young buccaneer
Wore a muff on each ear,
For she gave him more talk than a barber.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1507

A shiftless young fellow of Kent,
Had his wife fuck the landlord for rent.
But as she grew older
The landlord grew colder,
And now they live out in a tent.
--- L1022

Now dating, your wealth it can break,
And lead to a night half-awake,
Alone in your crib,
Having heard the old fib:
"I'm sorry I've got a headache"!
--- Tim Fisher

A painted young lady in Montague,
Her eyelids are smeared with a rotten hue.
With rouges and paint
From forehead to taint,
You shag her, it all will rub off on you!
--- Anon

One time, back in old Amarillo,
Found myself in a fine peccadillo;
Without mulch ado
I staked out a screw.
She nabbed my cash and pussywillow.
--- Anon

A young social worker named Lear
Was counseling whores in Lapeer.
The things that one whore did
Were so utterly sordid,
That he worked to improve her all year.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2154

There is this great hooker named Rae,
Far-famed for her T. and her A.,
But sad to relate,
Her chances aren't great:
The guy she just winked at is gay.
--- Armand E Singer 751

A young London hooker named Flo
Was frigidly told she must go.
The heat of her action
Had produced liquifaction
In the waxworks of Madame Tussaud.
--- Isaac Asimov


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