Furious Fran expressed feelings she'd carried,
Since catching her Joe with gay Jarried.
It's not odd of me, Joe,
To curse sodomy so!
Just this morning, my God, Joe, we married!
--- David A Brooks Q

A statuesque beauty, Marlene,
Bowed a curtsy in from of the queen.
Her skirt ripped apart;
Liz saw with a start
She wasn't a her, but a heem.
--- Joy Morin P8312

Way down in old New Orleans,
There are many great shows with drag scenes.
The shows there are great
But the stars I hate --
They look better than me! Damn those queens!
--- Kaylin

She was blond, she was stacked, "Some fine quim!"
Quoth I to myself, through eyes dim,
From boozing too steadily,
But she undressed quite readily.
Then I found that the blond was a him.
--- Anon

"Donuts, Frank? What were you thinking?"
"Sorry, Hank! I must have been drinking."
"But donuts and beer
Will make you turn queer,"
Said Hank, seductively winking.
--- Phil T

There was a young man in Fort Bragg
Who hung out in bars dressed in drag;
When loggers get drunk
Who cares? Lass or hunk?
Better this, than wake up with a hag!
--- Anon

He wanted excitement that noche,
So he got in his lowrider coche.
To some babes that looked nice,
He said, "Que chee-chees trais."
But he found they had dicks, not panoches.
--- Melissa Smead

So often did Mary fail,
To get her a big hairy male;
Each one she would find
Was elsewise inclined,
It's simply a sad fairy tale.
--- Anon

A stranger, out looking for quim
In pubs where the lights burned quite dim,
Approached a cute chick,
Said, " Hi, my name's Rick;"
To which the "chick" answered, "I'm Jim."
--- Travis Brasell

Way back in my halcyon youth,
When discos were dim and uncouth,
Some fellow named Hank
Kept calling me Frank
When he knew full-well it was Ruth.
--- SFA

A bad trait of her spouse she is squelching,
One that is even worse than his belching.
You'll see that I speak
A bit tongue-in-cheek.
The bad trait, I speak of, it is felching.
--- Anon

There once was a fairy called "droll"
Whom the fishermen fucked with a pole.
And he liked it so good
He was getting some wood,
And said "Sailor, you filet my sole!"
--- Anon

There once was a welder named Jack,
Who bragged he could fill any crack.
But he sure changed his tune
When he found out that June
Was really a gay guy named Mac.
--- Jeff Wisnia

Portland's Rose was a fine little flower;
Her bud's did amuse by the hour.
But oh, what a trick,
Under petals so thick,
To find such a magnificent prick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

In Hollywood hookers all stand
On Sunset and wait for a man.
One john learned a lot,
When he reached for a twat,
And wound up with a dick in his hand!
--- Anon

Captain Fortescue (R.N. retired)
Said, "The valet I recently hired
Is a bloody ass-bandit!
I can't understand it!
My ad just said 'Gay soul required'."
--- Martin Rand

Live sex? The best in the world?
Something that made your toes curl?
Get out of here
You pasty faced queer,
Before something at you is hurled!
--- Anon

She seemed different somehow as he kissed her;
Regardless, he could hardly resist her.
But his shock was for real,
As he copped for a feel,
And found that the girl was a Mister!
--- Squeaky TP9806

One very long quite boring day,
Young Jimmy was tickling Ray.
As they rolled in the sand,
It got out of hand;
It all got decidedly gay.
--- Anon

There once was a straight man named Peter,
As a watcher, thought gay would be neater.
There's nothing so scary
As a drunk evil fairy--
Now Peter's an up-ended bleater.
--- Anon

He slyly unhooked her brassiere
As he nuzzled and nibbled her ear.
He spread wide her thighs,
Then to her surprise,
Hollered out, "April Fool -- I'm a queer!"
--- Larry Wilde

When I saw her that night at the dance,
My friend told me "Lad, you've no chance!"
I was coming on strong;
So it didn't take long.
Then I asked for her was Lance.
--- Anon

But Frank wanted a shag, not a joust
Such a pity his flame had been doused
Had he taken his chance
And he nailed lovely Lance
We would now have to get him deloused
--- Anon

I knew a young chap we called Tim,
Who decided to go out (on a whim).
He paid for a whore,
But got even more
When he found out the her was a him.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

An Irishman known as Molloy
Said, "Everyone thinks I'm a goy.
But in fact it's not true,
For I'm really a Jew --
And what's more, I'm a girl, not a boy."
--- P Chernoff

I had a card, what a beauty;
Hearts and flowers, a real cutie.
But then I looked inside,
And read "Love from Clyde;
I'll be round when your wife's on night duty."
--- Anon

Of all the cute girls I have seen,
Sweet Mary was one who had been,
Fucking with me. I am told.
All that glimmers ain't gold,
'Cause Mary, he was a queen!
--- Anon

A most hateful fellow, Kris Haight
Wants to keep all the rest of us straight?
So with logic absurd,
This arrogant turd
Exercises a queer Nazi trait.
--- Anon

I dated a woman named Venus.
It turned out that she had a penis
Much bigger than mine!
My six and her nine,
Gave us fifteen inches between us!
--- Wildman TP9802

I met a young lass using E-mail;
I certainly thought she was female.
We had cybersex,
But me she did vex,
'Cause it turned out the lass was no female.
--- Sean Curtis

Young Alex I met once in Cottam;
Quite pretty, but tits, she'd not got 'em.
A cross-dresser! Shit!
It's a bottomless pit;
Or rather a damned pitless bottom.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There once was a boy named Matt,
Who dated a gal named Pat...
But under the covers,
He saw that his lover,
Was really the Perfesser - that rat!
--- Anon

I once met a person named Nell,
And I guess I fell under her spell.
I tickled her toes
While removing her hose.
"Nell" was male, and I just ran like hell!
--- Al Willis P9805

This is file gzm

The candidates are courting the cattle
For the double-aught primary battle;
We'll find in due course
That some Man On White Horse,
Was seen to be riding side-saddle.
--- Anon

Tom thought it was time that he bred,
And took Tony, his crony, to bed.
He groped in the dark;
Confused, missed his mark,
And had Roger, the lodger, instead.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

There was a young girl from the West,
Who looked like a queen when she dressed.
On a date she would wear
Fake tits and false hair,
And she'd shave all the hair off her chest.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2383

The transvestite wore a perfect disguise,
And as my member started to rise,
I reached for her thigh;
But "Oh Shit! It's a guy!"
He just giggled and said, "Surprise!"
--- Norm Brust

Fair Julia, who sold Christmas candy,
Her ass was really quite dandy.
I jumped into the sack
And looked at her back,
And I found out that "she" was Randy!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

As I was reading my e-mail,
I came across a note from a female.
I went out and met her;
It would have been better
If "she" had not been a gay he-male.
--- Popsicle TP9806

An elegant dandy from Cock,
Hands on hips, took a stroll through the pock.
He won glances so queer,
They filled him with fear,
And he took to his bed with the shock.
--- 500 Irish Jokes & Lims

There was a young girl from the city
Who was flattering, charming and pretty.
But the men who all fail,
Found her to be male,
And departed with way too much pity.
--- Anon

There once was a young man named Tony,
Who liked his girls skinny and bony.
But his eyesight deceived him
When he took home Girly Jim,
Who's a he, not a she, and a phoney.
--- Anon

There are homophobes, I would guess
Who might be obliged to AGGRESS
At time when they're caught,
When gal's favors bought,
Are given by guy in a dress.
--- Chris Papa

I met her and tried to impress her.
And later, I tried to undress her.
When I tried to explore,
Some things fell to the floor.
'Twas then I found he's a cross-dresser.
--- Al Willis P9609

As my girl-friend you answered to Les,
Though as Lesley I thought of you, yes.
But I found your equip-
ment made use of a zip,
That's the end of our friendship, I guess.
--- Professor

When I first met young Paul from St Cyr,
I thought he was really a dear.
But his voice and his name
Are now not the same.
His behavior is really quite queer.
--- John T and Donna Burt

Remember that night in Algiers
When we drowned all our cares in our beers?
Oh Lord! What a shock!
When I reached up the smock
Of that sweet Arab lass -- Those damn queers!
--- Arthur Deex P8309

While partying late New Years Eve,
I made a mistake that I grieve.
I thought that my date
Was a woman named Kate,
But I woke up with a Steve!
--- Wildman T9801

Poor Eric was needing a mate,
So swiftly arranged a blind date.
So at eight o'clock
Beneath the town clock,
He proceeded to go meet his fate.
--- Jayne

Quite a big girl was young Kate;
She was only a little bit late.
They went for a meal;
He fancied a feel,
As he finished the grub on his plate.
--- Jayne

She really was quite a prick teaser.
Eric grabbed some beers out of the freezer.
But, Oh what a shock!
She had a big cock!
Young Kate's not a girl, she's a geezer.
--- Jayne

Feel free to just look in and see
When next you are taking a pee.
Go past the first two
And then you can view
Them all there in stall number three!
--- Anon

Do these contests occur every hour?
If you had 'em atop a tall tower
The weirdos we know
Could buy tickets below
To enjoy a real nice golden shower.
--- Anon

You ask me to join in? Thanks, nope!
Against me you'd all have no hope.
When I'm in top form
And ready, all warm,
I enjoy pissing right up a rope.
--- Anon

But it's fun to compete with a friend;
Let loose a full stream without end.
Tell you what, I'm no dope,
While I piss up the rope,
All of you go piss into the wind.
--- Anon

I hope the contest ain't obscurin'
The training required that's so pure an'
Challenging physically.
Do you, he asked quizzically,
Forget the warm wet state that urine?
--- Anon

My window is boring today;
There's nobody good 'cross the way.
There's just one dull guy
As boring as I --
I flashed him, but he must be gay.
--- Anon

Ignored you? That ain't no surprise.
That fellow, like most of us guys,
Will want more invention,
To get his attention...
You've got to flash more than your eyes.
--- Anon

There once was a man from Rinde,
Who might have been the gay kind.
Asked to go away,
He was heard to say:
"I cannot leave my friend's behind."
--- Les Stewart

But maybe his good friend's behind
Was pleasantly tight for a grind,
And better than others,
Including his brother's,
Which isn't so soft and refined.
--- Anon

How is Bob in the cupboard now faring?
Have you let him out for some airing?
He was quite a sight
On Monday night.
(Could I borrow that dress he was wearing?)
--- Petal

Old Bob can't remember which dress
That he wore Monday night to impress
You. Now did it have spots,
Stripes, or blue polka dots?
('Twas a floral arrangement, I guess.)
--- Peter W

He says if you buy him a scotch,
Then he promises never to watch
From his cupboard as you
Do whatever you do
In those undies you wear with no crotch.
--- Peter W

Cried heavyweight pugilist Rex
(Flexing biceps and triceps and pecs,
As he knocked his opponent
Out cold and somnolent),
"I'd love to try lesbian sex."

(bartender, a round for us lesbians)
--- Anon

"I look rather fetching in pink
And this lipstick quite suits me, I think."
Then he sat down and bawled
As the referee called
For a doctor, a nurse and a shrink.
--- Anon

A crafty old codger was Roger;
He rented a room to a lodger
He found most appealing;
Drilled holes in the ceiling,
And watched as he fondled his todger.
--- Peter Wilkins

The lodger stepped out of her skirt,
Her stilettos, her sweater and shirt;
Then her pantyhose, vest,
Brassiere and the rest.
Poor old Roger was ready to squirt.
--- Peter Wilkins