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I'm not the least bit scared today,
About those harsh words that you did say.
I'll just get Jack and Jack
To help watch my back,
And then I'll be Mary and gay.
--- Gearhart

I too, find your post quite offensive
And since the trespass is extensive,
I hope those Jacks and queens
Show you what Freud means,
When he calls your ass "anal retentive!"
--- Fred

To Simms, big butch Kermit did say,
"Get off me, goddammit, I'm gay!"
She left in a huff,
He muttered, "How rough!"
And relieved, settled down to chrochet.
--- Anon

There's a flaming young faggot named Simmen;
It is said of the couplings of him `n'
His fruited Greek friend,
There's simply no end
Of their love for each other, not women.
--- Armand Singer

"Do you know," said a punter called Dai,
"'I'm In Love With A Wonderful Guy'?"
The pianist replied,
Without missing his stride,
"I suppose, dear, than this is goodbye?"
--- Ron Rubin a

A pansy who lives in Dobb's Ferry
Asked a limp-wristed swish if he'd marry.
He at once got his jack up,
Saying, "No, but I'll shack up
Till tomorrow, when I'm marrying Harry!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 791

Jim Smith left City Hall "wed," and cried.
His new "husband" was bursting with pride.
Jim's really dynamite!
A red-hot catamite!
And he looks lovely, dressed as a bride."
--- Ward Hardman

At the party, his "husband's" hand clasping,
Jim felt part of his lingerie rasping.
He's such a bad farter;
When he tossed his garter,
He left the guests on the dance floor, gasping.
--- Ward Hardman

Dressed all in velvet and brocades,
Jim Smith earned bridal passing grades.
Now, as all expected,
His "husband's" infected,
Since the wedding night, with AIDS.
--- Anon

On honeymoon, by pervert lust buoyed,
His "husband", Jim's backside destroyed.
About 9 months later,
Jim went into labor,
Gave birth to an eight pound hemorrhoid.
--- Ward Hardman

Jim came to "Baghdad-by-the-Bay,"
To get married, just because he's gay.
Don't dare laugh, you peasants!
Now he'll expect presents,
Given to him on Mother's Day.
--- Ward Hardman

A zooman who loved drinking mare-y piss
Was advised to get help from a therapist.
The shrink, it is true,
Was also a zoo,
And they both hopped a fence and had merry bliss.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Two fussy old queers from Algiers,
Were flustered and almost in tears,
For the buggers had spent
What they needed for rent,
And their landlord had said, "No Arrears!"
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

Alas, this will always perplex,
Cohabitors of the same sex,
Though fulfillment they crave,
They're not born concave
In the place where their partner's convex.
--- DC Dave

This was really great news for old Harry.
There's a cousin he wanted to marry.
'Twas a terrible blow
When the preacher said "NO!
I won't marry a Harry to Larry!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0205

A gay lost his boots in a game...
And returned to his home full of shame.
"Lost my tackle", he groaned
To his partner who moaned,
"Our relationship never will be the same !"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

On Fire Island stood Jerry and Davey,
Observing the waters so wavy.
"Wath THAT boat, dear Jerry?"
"Why, dear, that's a ferry."
"Gracious! We now have a navy?"
--- John Miller

Two gals who were feeling quite plucky,
Drove north in their lesbian truckie.
But the Mass. judge said no,
And so home they did go.
Now they're living in sin in Kentucky.
--- Anon

Same sex marriages just don't do it,
For marriage is two as a unit.
When the wedding is done
Two can't become one,
Unless the parts fit so's to screw it.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young man we'll call Harry,
Who was in no great hurry to marry.
The situation was this:
To achieve married bliss,
He'd rather wed Larry than Carrie!
--- William K Alsop Jr

Two misers named Jock and MacTavish
Tossed bachanals, bawdy and lavish.
This strange contradiction
Is palpable fiction,
For they'd only each other to ravish.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A couple named Jackie and Jill
Had a lesbian romp on the hill,
In a steamy affair,
In the sweet, dewy air,
On a warm summer's night in Brazil.
--- Cap'n Bean P0208

A captain, exposed to alarms,
And much given to shivers and qualms,
Just couldn't keep warm
On a boat in a storm,
Without the first mate in his arms.
--- Isaac Asimov

Her beautiful face was heart-stopping;
Her figure described as eye-popping;
She said, "Roll in the hay?"
He said, "Sorry, I'm gay."
So together, instead, they went shopping.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0511Q

A strapping young bloke from East End,
Goes out late at night with his 'friend'.
They 'stick' together
In all sorts of weather,
And often for each other bend.
--- Anon

There was a young man of Bengal
Who was fond of the ass on his pal.
"He ain't much for looks
But he cleans and he cooks,
And he's tighter than most any gal."
--- MrMalo

Though bigots may raise up a rumpus,
We won't let their naysaying stump us.
So a Toast and three cheers
For your own little Lears
For the marriage of Toast Point and Wumpus.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Our DIY store's made a fast move,
So lesbian newly-weds, you've
Got to see their new bed;
No screws, but instead
Assembly is all tongue and groove.
--- Tiddy Ogg Q

Our "Do-It-Yourself" guys approve,
If they abhor tongue and groove;
And will require tool
In hand as a rule,
To nail their "Butt-joints" if they move.
--- David Miller

My friend came home high on scotch,
With a tingling deep in his crotch.
He found her in bed
Giving another girl head;
He'd have stayed if she'd just let him watch.
--- Anon

She wouldn't do it, too modest by far.
His belongings he threw into his car.
He left her that day
In a horny drunk way,
And you can find him most days in a bar.
--- Anon

Two lonely old men from Brazil
Lived all by themselves on a hill,
But inserted their pissers
In each other's kissers;
Where there's a way, there's a will.
--- Armand E Singer 335

There once was a young girl named Heather
Who said that she never knew whether
The one she called Mom
Or the one she called Tom
Was her mom -- or both were -- together.
--- Anon

This is file gxm

There were two young brothers named Frood
Who only each other they wooed.
Though their love was intense,
It was full of suspense
For they never knew which would get screwed.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0921

Two fairies got married with pride;
They took all the jibes in good stride.
But they faced with some fright
A dilemma that night,
So they flipped to see who'd be the bride.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0870

Gay lims are often quite droll,
And often refer to some asshole.
But being gay depends
On the circle of friends;
The widening of, is your goal.
--- Funny Bone

We once knew a fellow named Ned
Who did all his best work in bed.
Sometimes he'd just think,
But mostly he'd dink
With a hot-blooded buddy, instead.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay

When the Army, Navy, and Air Force,
Are turning to queers as a resource,
The only thing missing
Is Al and Bill kissing,
And that's no doubt coming, or course.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

With a discharge the Navy has shed
A pot smoking gay, Ensign Tedd;
For in men's rooms in bars
Going down on young tars,
He's a head, giving head, in the head.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8803

The Marine Corp enlisted a queer,
Who caressed the D.I. on his ear.
When the Sergeant was through,
He was battered and blue,
And his bandages came down to here.
--- Vernon R Harris P9309

I know I'm no genius, but ah me!
A friend has done something quite balmy.
He was perfectly sure
Constipation he'd cure,
By joining the regular army.
--- Mike Dale

There was once a young gay in the Navy,
Whose long hair was both scented and wavy.
When he crawled in the sack
With a straight maniac,
He was sent to the bottom with Davy.
--- Vernon R Harris P9309

There was a young man from Dakar
Who hung out in the army base bar.
Don't tell and don't ask
Or else you will bask
On the front page "news" of the Star.
--- Marlene

Even Air Force has not been exempt,
From the pervert's ambitious attempt.
But the gay on the crew
Of a bomber withdrew,
When they dropped both the bombs, and the wimp.
--- Vernon R Harris P9309

A company of Grenadier Guards,
While traversing the park, formed in squads,
Saw two naked statues,
At three-quarter pratt views,
Which perceptibly stiffened their rods.
--- L1427

There once was an old pioneer
Who really enjoyed the frontier;
He lived in a cave
With a Cherokee brave -
And nobody thought he was queer.
--- Norm Storer P9509

There was a young pansy named Gene,
Who picked up a sadistic Marine.
Said the Marine with a smirk,
As they got down to work,
"In this game, the Jack beats the Queen."
--- L0469

Yet another gay went in the Army,
And became in the barracks quite charmy.
He attempted to kiss
The First Sergeant at Bliss,
And at Leavenworth, now he's quite warmy.
--- Vernon R Harris P9309

Now I don't feel bloody bad,
All the sex talks I had as a lad.
You'd think I'd get it right,
Screwing knight after knight,
Am I queer? Or a wee bit sex mad.
--- Barbara Cunningham P9604

Were I the President-Elect,
To be more politically correct,
I'd grant each GI gay
His queer roll in the hay.
'Tis the least offensive route to select.
--- Harry Rubin P9301

There once was a guardsman from Buckingham,
Who said, "As for girls, I hate fucking 'em.
But when I meet boys,
God! How I enjoys
Just licking their peckers and sucking 'em."
--- G0831

Two gobs from the cruiser McFoys
Came ashore on the prowl for new joys.
It was well understood
They esteemed womanhood--
So they struck out in search of small boys.
--- G1002

Bill's in charge and the gays have new hope;
They can serve and Marines better cope.
So morale's going to slip.
Better take this free tip:
In the shower don't dare drop the soap.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a Captain of MAG 94,
More easily had than a two-bit whore.
He wanted to drink,
And fondle your dink,
But he's not around any more.
--- L0496

With a Commander in Chief who is weak,
Who suffers a broad yellow streak,
Good soldiers are nervous,
With queers in the service,
That their bunk mate's a sexual freak.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

"We gay boys can make Christmas merry!"
Said a handsome young faggot named Terry.
"We spend Christmas day
Being ever so gay
With the sailors we met on the ferry."
--- CyberCelt T9712

One test in the army detection
Of queers: Does he get an erection
When the company hunks
Stand nude by their bunks
For the regular short arm inspection?
--- A N Wilkins P8901

When the war came they all went unwilling,
And they loathed the routine and the drilling,.
But despite many doubts
In fighting the Krauts,
Some of them did their part in the killing.
--- A N Wilkins P9111

Said a sergeant, obviously queer,
"Men, you really have nothing to fear.
When attacking the tanks,
Watch out for your flanks,
And I'll take good care of your rear."
--- Tom Patton P9605

An apple-cheeked soldier, a runt,
Was welcomed by men at the front.
This God's gift to he-men
Prevented spilled semen,
For his ass was tatooed like a cunt.
--- L0509

There was a young fairy named Lessing
Whose fastidiousness was distressing.
He met many a lad
Who could have been had,
But found their prepuces unprepossessing.
--- G0997

There was a young colonel from Trent,
Who lived in a lavender tent.
He said that some sessions
With interesting Hessians
Had taught him what war really meant.
--- L0520

I hear that your cock is tremendous,
In fact it is really horrendous.
If you don't mind a queer,
You can put it right here,
As long as you promise to mend us!
--- Cyberhog T9710

Colostomy victims, they say,
Pose problems for friends who are gay;
For they now must decide
Is it bottom or side,
The preferred pederastic type lay.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

When a young boy turns into a whore,
He should take lot of cold cream and pour
In some sweet sassafras,
Rub the stuff up his ass,
And in ain't necessarily sore.
--- G2553

There once was a tenor named Boris
Who sang in the local gay chorus.
If they needed soprano,
He bent over the piano
And was corn holed by Leo the Taurus.
--- Anon

Some say it's the price of their toys;
Or dignity, courage, and poise;
But in gay bars in Frisco,
Takes crowbars and Crisco,
To separate men from the boys.
--- Dick Potts P8511a


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