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There is a fair maid by the sea La Paz? Ain't that down in Bolivia? A low priced young lady named Perkins, There was a young whore from Madrid, "How come you gave sex -- it was free?" A patriot, truly, is Marge; Well, I can't resist a good trade, Said a certain young woman named Fay, A guy met a girl in Anacostia, There once was a tart with a heart; A passionate lad one time sought An old two-bit whore name of Shorter I hereby acknowledge receipt This Peter bloke sounds awfully nice, Although there appears to be cunt Not a morsel? Not even a whit? On holiday once in the Med, I did make a trip to the Med The girl of my dreams, Anastasia, A woman named Roseabelle Lee A detective named Harry McGee A sprightly young tart in Pompeii, An aging call girl in L.A. While checking her cash, madam Fern The harlot from old madam Fern's "Mean, moody, magnificent," that is But then comes a man up from Dover, For a harlot, old carpenter Slade He accepted the harlot's condition; A criminal known as Bernice Bernice and policemen agree As the poem I carefully writ, He said, "Hey whatcha' got? Come, let's barter," "50 bucks? And that's only a starter? A hooker was working the street, The hooker said, "Well that's OK. Because he had just two bucks paid, A whore, and intelligent, too! There was a young fellow named Dick The whores who work out in St. Louis Juanita, the Mexican whore, Said an over-fastidious gent, When she quoted her price to him, Dawn, Our neighborhood whore is no beauty. There was an old hooker named Jane, Says campfollower Mitsy McGore, An obliging young harlot named Lentz That luscious young harlot, Miss Burkes, The shadier ladies from Queets, To the whore on the farm went young Matthew, There once was a harlot named Suzie, To the butcher, a lady named Gail In a bawdy house, naive young Ted A sturdy old harlot named Astor A van-driving hooker named Crenna, She said, "I'm from Boise, you know.", For men who have wives like Xanthippe, She said that for payment in coin, (groin - beach extension to protect from erosion)
A studious harlot was Metters, There was a young fellow named Si, Observed a Black hooker named Flo, A trollop named Mae in Montclair, Opined a smart chippie from Beasely, A movie producer named Mudgett There was a young lady of Kent, Though many a modern maid may
Who services lovers for free.
But this casual lass
Has a germ in her ass,
Causing sailors to squirt purple pee.
--- The Sailor P0307
That's where I met luscious Olivia.
I said: "How ya doin'?
How much for a screwin'?"
She said: "Nothing mister, I'll give ya."
--- Anon
Would do it for peanuts or gherkins.
But she wouldn't give in
To a man for some sin,
Till she had a good look at his workin's.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0290
Who anyone could fuck for a quid.
But a bastard Italian
With balls like a stallion
Said he'd do it for nothing, and did!
--- L1031
Asked Willie of Madame McGee.
She paused for a while,
Then replied with a smile,
"Tonight you were not on TV."
--- Clarence E Boyle P8707 A
She services guys at the lodge.
Her prices are fair,
She wears clean underwear,
And for veterans - never a charge.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
Whenever I want to get laid.
I'll barter, I'll swap,
From each bed I'll hop,
And never once need to get paid.
--- Carol
"There's nothing that's on for today.
There's a fellow or two
Who are waiting, it's true,
But that's fun! Neither one has to pay.
--- Isaac Asimov
And said, "Darling, dare I accost ya?
I got only a buck.
Is that good for a fuck?"
She replied, "Not a fart will it cost ya."
--- L0992
All the guys would just fuck and depart.
She forgot to charge fees
In advance, if you please.
Was she desperate or not very smart?
--- Peter Wilkins
A no-good young lady named Scott.
"For how much," then he said,
"To be no good in bed?"
He replied she'd be no good for naught.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8703
Was engaged by an elderly porter.
She was so much impressed
By his vigor and zest,
No one asked for or gave any quarter.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0756
Of Peter's nine inches of meat;
So thankful I be
That I'm waiving my fee.
Signed _ _ _ _ _ _, who'd like a repeat.
--- Peter Wilkins
Since ladies are waiving their price.
But a nine-inch screw
Just doesn't ring true.
So maybe he visited twice?
--- Hermione
In Scunthorpe, I have to be blunt;
I've never, indeed,
Felt the tiniest need
Of Hermione's twat for a punt.
--- Peter Wilkins
Not a drib, or a drab, or a bit?
That's not what you said
In West Birkenhead,
When I offered a peek at my tit?
--- Hermione
I took a young lady to bed;
It might have been you,
But it cannot be true
For she gave me the best firk'n head.
--- Peter Wilkins
And took a young man to my bed;
When I asked him for tact
And respect in the act,
All I got was his best smirk instead.
--- Hermione
Knows sexual tricks to amaze ya.
She'll bring you coition
In any position,
And (now here's the dream part,) she pays ya.
--- Anon
Would screw for a nominal fee.
But her sister, Suzette,
Was a better fuck yet,
'Cause she would just do it for free.
--- Cap'n Bean
Enjoyed screwing hookers for free.
He's able to keep
His sex life quite cheap,
But not his urologist's fee.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0412
Used to make fifty drachma per lay.
But age dimmed her renown,
And now she lies down
Fifty times for the same pay.
--- L1046
Used to make half a thousand a day.
But age dimmed her renown,
And now she lays down,
Nearly ten times for exactly that pay.
--- Anon
Found counterfeit bills from young Bern.
Though she ran up the stair,
He was already there
At the point where there was no return.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1510
Had such a great time with young Burns,
And she found him so gay
That she asked him to stay,
Until all of the harlots took turns.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1511
A phrase you'd not use about Gladys.
She stands in the shade,
There plying her trade,
And gives it away, free and gratis.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who bundles her into his Rover.
'Cause he's far from fussy,
Just wanting some pussy,
So's happy and feels Glad all over.
--- Tiddy Ogg
A partition installed, and conveyed
A bill for the labor,
But the harlot said, "Neighbor,
You can take out your payments in trade."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2925
She lay down and he took the position.
With his finger and thumb
In her cunthole and bum,
He said, "Pay or out comes the partition."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2926
Is wanted by Boston police.
She's addicted to crime,
But she'll never do time,
'Cause she screws cops for five bucks apiece.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0311
To the doctrine of RHIP. (Rank hath its privilege)
So when business is slowed,
Her favors bestowed
On captains and sergeants for free.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0311
Lieutenants I had to omit.
'Twas not just for kicks,
But unlike their dicks,
Three syllables just didn't fit.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0311
As he hastily loosened my garter.
Then looked down with a smile,
Asked "Will you go the full mile?"
I said "Fifty bucks would be a good starter."
--- Anon
This is file gqm
When your sexy young sister will part 'er
Legs for a buck,
And if you get stuck
In well, even then she will barter!"
--- Anon
When a young lad she chanced to meet.
She showed him her boobs
And just a few pubes,
But he had no cash for a treat.
--- Arden
Today you are Frito-Lay.
But please don't Snicker
When you see my knickers,
Or drink from my Milky Way.
--- Arden
I though he had hired a mermaid.
Part fish though she be,
No delta had she,
But knew all the tricks of the trade.
--- Elois
I know I've had one, maybe two;
Some do things back-asswards,
Like misspell their passwords,
And some even fart when they screw!
--- Anon
Who drained blood from his brain to his prick.
During trysts rank and boozy,
He bragged to his floozy,
But to her he was just another trick.
--- Norm Brust
Seek clients by hollering, "Screw us!"
But those in Des Moines
Hide grapes in their groin,
And promise things much more sensouis.
--- Norm Storer
She will fuck you right down on the floor,
But not in the bed.
"It's too soft", she said.
"I like it real hard, Si Senore!"
--- Lims For Year - 01
To a whore, "If you mean to give vent
To my passion, I hope
You've made good use of soap,
And have grown to the age of consent."
--- John Ciardi
Said, "Relax yourself, Man, you look drawn.
It takes nothing but cash
For a stab at my gash,
So shuck out the bucks and climb on!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 167
But we're not the sort to be snooty.
We favor a lass
With a good country ass,
And a proper devotion to duty.
--- John Ciardi
Whose customers all were insane.
She preferred Julius Caesar
'Cause he could in fact please her,
While Napoleon kept trying in vain.
--- Anon
"A trollop can easily score
With any Marine
If she comes on the scene
As the whorps who does morps for the Corps!"
--- Norm Storer
Rents her genital area to gents.
Now and then a guy hollers
At her price of ten dollars,
But to Lentz every dollar makes sense...
--- Grand Prix Lim 89
The pick of our local sex-works,
Attracted the mayor,
The judge, a surveyor,
And a newsboy who normally jerks.
--- Grand Prix Lim 177 G1752
Are ranked their profession's elites;
They arouse in the men
An insatiable yen
For Native American Sweets.
--- Ed Potts P8606
And chickens and pigs did the path use,
For the lad did not think.
Said the harlot, "You stink!
I'm afraid that I first have to bath youse."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1598
Who often got drunken and woozy.
She worked on the street;
Lots of men she would meet;
Now wouldn't you say she's a floozy?
--- Shari Clevenger
Made it clear that she charged for her tail.
But he said, with reflection,
"I can make no exception --
You will find all my sausage for sale."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1526
Paid a hooker to take him to bed.
She asked, with soft laugh,
"Round the World? Half and Half?"
"We can have them drinks later," he said.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P9205
Was fucked by a gent who outclassed her.
She found the old codge
Was head of the Lodge,
And she knew why they called him Grand Master.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1431
C.B.ing for tricks near Ravenna,
Locked professional gears
With a Smoky with ears
And a hyperextended antenna.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
As she sucked on the clergyman's toe.
He said, "I da priest
In dis kinky love feast!"
Which left her to shout, "Idaho!"
--- Anon
There's a gal down in old Mississippi;
A Goddess Astarte
The "wife" of the party,
But to those who can't pay, "Just a chippie."
--- John Mayhood P0206
She'd happily ungird her loin.
Near Freshwater Bay,
So there, as we lay,
I kissed her down there on the groin.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who always was screwed by her betters.
She'd collect B.V.D.'s
From well-known Ph.D.'s;
She was truly a lady of letters.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1606
Whose motto was "Never say die."
Too plain to attract,
He never attacked.
If he couln't persuade, he would buy.
--- Isaac Asimov
(Johns sneered, "Stingy Flossie the ho"),
"As old I.M. Pei
Delighted to say,
`Best dole out the sex - less is mo'."
--- Armand Singer
Would only take tricks in a chair.
When questioned, she said,
"It's too tiring in bed.
If you don't like a chair, go elsewhere!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 494 G1838
"I can handle all comers quite easily...
Now and then there are guys
Oversexed and outsized,
But the average is limpid and measley."
--- Grand Prix Lim 718 G1739a
Loves bringing in sex under budget,
But gladly will blow
A huge wad of dough
On hookers and never begrudge it.
--- Armand E Singer 788
The facts she did misrepresent.
She told lawyers from Yale
That her ass was for sale,
But they proved it was only for rent.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8111A
With loving lads, lustily lay;
A mercenary person
Is Bernice MacPherson;
She'll play not until they pre-pay.
--- Tiddy Ogg
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