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A feeble old whore on the coast There was an old whore of Tobruk, A harlot once healthy and strong, At the doctor's, a whore name of Glover A whore who was ripe as a sewer, Said Sue, scraping scabs from her taint, "Make cash on the side? Now Ah cain't! "Yet dearie, Ah have no complaint; Old nymphomaniacal Gussy You really should take better care In the cunt of a dead whore named Phipp, For work the old harlot undressed A hooker from London was found While fucking a whore, Mr. Binks, They buried the young village whore Hickory Dickery do', Ain't that a bitch-and-a-half; A ho' bitch like that got no honor; If bargains are what you are seeking, There was an old whore of Lapeer, The passing of old harlot Krauss A outstanding whore named McCord, A busy old harlot named Banks A popular whore from St. Thomas An old Inuit hooker named Belle A whore, who much trade did attract, Here lieth Marie, whiplash queen, She said, "Will you those DARBIES bring I picked her up right on the corner; We went to the "Lights-Out" Motel: She checked us into a dim room, She threw me right down on the bed, My eyes rolled back to the ceiling, My groans could be heard down the halls, She finished her trick with a suck; On nights at the end of my tether, Here lieth Marie, Whiplash Queen, In his panties, his bra, and his slip, Say hello to your family and wife Yes my dear, I'm still thinking of you All income that's earned in the sack, A prostitute living in London, An indolent lass from Iraq What a wicked young girl is Miss Thayer; Saddam met this tart, Condoleeza; Consider the case of Mae Snively, A business-like harlot named Draper, A peculiar lady of Kitchener That efficient young harlot at Gorms, A business-like hooker named Gower She took all the johns to her tent. There was a young lady named Mary There was a young lady, fantastic, (up to date version)
There was a young lady from Dingle A hooker whose name was Marie In Scunthorpe, we ladies of eve It seems that the ladies of eve While shopping for groceries, old Max Unique is a strumpet of Mazur, Among the social indiscreets For men who were lacking defrayment, The tax-paying whores of the nation There was an old harlot of Cottam There was a young girl from Defiance, "I wouldn't be bothered with drawers," There once was a harlot of fame,
Low prices for sailors would boast.
She was too weak to lay
In the regular way;
She was fucked as she hung on a post.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1473
Who kept her accounts in a book.
And this may sound bizarre,
But her best day by far,
Was the time that with the ague she shook.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1679
For years had been taking the prong.
She was ill for a year
Then resumed her career,
But she found the road back, hard and long.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1672
When checked for her health did discover
A run-down condition,
So said her physician,
"You must stay out of bed to recover."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1532
Whose twat-cheese got bluer and bluer,
Acquired a small cat.
Now pussy's quite fat,
But still no one's queuing to screw her.
--- Anon
"Though certainly Ah ain't no saint,
The chance Ah can pocket
Fees off my eye socket,
Are tearfully, winkingly faint."
--- John Miller
Them doctors, insufferably quaint,
Have covered, (how droll)
My colostomy hole
With a nylon and kevlar restraint!"
--- John Miller
Them medics used some sorta paint
To hide all the moles
On two other holes.
Could tell you which ones, but Ah ain't!
--- John Miller
Was frantic and feisty and fussy;
She'd boffed herself raw
And then Gussy saw
A sore 'tween her thighs that was pussy.
--- Travis Brasell
Of those whores that you like to share.
It would be disgusting
If that sore was busting
All over your patrons down there.
--- Carol
Was installed a new silicon chip,
So feedback from sensors
Went to coils and condensers,
And she fucked with new vigor and zip.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1630
And fucked a young man with great zest.
From the strain she expired
But her cohorts admired,
For to die in the harness was best.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1687
Quite guilty of charging a pound.
They called her a menace
And sent her to Venice,
Where, walking the streets, she was drowned.
--- World Bst Drty Lims P9804a
Observed that she died from some kinks
Which her cunt did invade.
But said Binks, "Since I paid,
I will fuck the old bitch till she stinks."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1446
In a graveyard not far from the shore.
She was not distressed
When they laid her to rest.
She had often been laid there before.
--- Larry Perrine P8802
The mouse ran across the flo'.
I pulled out my nine;
His punk ass was mine.
But I missed and shot my ho'.
--- Ryan Brown
Ain't nuffin' about it to laff.
Just yo' bad luck,
Now who ya gonna fuck.
Gotta find you another calf.
--- Arden
Lets rats in my house, she's a goner!
She prolly worth mo'
As a dead assed ho',
'Cause Dave the Hermit might want her.
--- MrMalo
Madam X. has harlots from Peking.
She had dead ones on ice,
And some covered with lice,
And some with foul odors are reeking.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1864
Esteemed by all men, and so dear,
That when she passed away,
They all gathered to pray,
And the mourners had one on the bier.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1577
Was reason for more men to grouse.
Her remains were displayed
On the roof, and all prayed,
Then the mourners had one on the house.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1578
A great many firsts in life scored.
She went into a frenzy
With Sir William MacKenzie,
And received a posthumous award.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1600
Had died in the midst of her pranks.
She was thrown twenty dollars
By the last of her callers;
And revived long enough to say, "Thanks."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1435
Suffered from all kinds of traumas.
"Stop fucking," her doc said,
"Or you'll wind up quite dead."
So she died, but still showed some promise!
--- Laurence Craft
Hit her head on the ice when she fell.
On her funeral day,
The church bell had to play
To the rhythm of "Eskimo Nell."
--- David Axton
Dropped dead in the midst of a pact.
Twenty men with no hitch,
Paid for screwing the bitch,
Before anyone noticed the fact.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1432
On whom dukes and barons were keen.
In her inner sanctum
She whipped 'em and spanked 'em;
They're thrill-less since she left the scene.
--- Anon
The next time we're ready to swing?
With whips and some chains,
We'll try out some pains
And get off with the 'Gothic thing'."
--- Chris Papa
Explained to her that I was hornier
Than hell at the time,
Though it was a crime.
She said she's a true double-jointer.
--- Anon
A place I guess she knew well:
The clerk knew her name,
He called her, "Lady Pain,"
I gazed at her ass and thought, "Swell."
--- Anon
Where I caught a whiff of perfume.
My tool got all stiffy,
In less than a jiffy;
I glanced at my watch, it was noon.
--- Anon
Where she started giving 'French Head'.
I said, "I speak no French",
As she took every inch,
Ahh...cest'-la-vie, her lips were red.
--- Anon
At the two-toned paint that was peeling
Off the walls, in flakes;
Then I got the shakes;
My toes curled; my head started reeling.
--- Anon
This is file gom
As she got a death-grip on my balls.
She had one in each hand,
Which felt so damn grand,
That my fingernails peeled paint off the walls.
--- Anon
I asked her to stay for a fuck.
She said, "I gotta go.
"By the hour, you know.
And you're out of money." Bad luck!
--- Anon
I'd welcome the scent of her leather.
She'd tug on my chain,
Compounding my pain,
Then tickle my balls with a feather.
--- SFA
On whom dukes and barons were keen.
In her inner sanctum
She whipped 'em and spanked 'em;
They're thrill-less since she left the scene.
--- Tiddy Ogg
His hand daintly placed on his hip,
Said the delegate Baines,
"I've brought my own chains;
I now need a girl with the whip."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0409
Whom I've know for, I guess, all my life.
I'm still in room six,
If you're up to your tricks.
Come escape, for a while, from your strife.
--- Neal Wilgus P8612
(Though I have other things I should do).
To avoid a rude shock
Be damn sure that you knock.
All my customers do -- you should to!
--- Neal Wilgus P8612
The prudish delight to attack.
"But as all of it's profit,"
Said sexy Miss Moffett,
"I spend all my time on my back."
--- G1861
Went pantless, with zippers all undone.
She'd explain, "Well, you see
I can do two or three,
While Ruby, next door's getting one done."
--- Douglas Catley
Spent a great deal of time in the sack,
Where she'd earn a month's pay
In a night and a day,
Without once getting up off her back.
--- G1809
She's a dope dealer and a horse player.
And something else, too:
For each time that you screw,
She always insists that you pay her.
--- Larry Wilde
He asked her: "How much-a your fees-a?"
She said, "I can faq
You here to Iraq.
You can pay me by Amex or Visa."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who woke every morning at fively,
Uncovered her prize
And said, "Hey! You guys!
If you're looking for action, step lively!"
--- S D Bismark
Once tried an unusual caper.
What made it so nice
Was you got it half price,
If you brought in her ad from the paper.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1776
Would welcome old men who were ritchener.
By the bed, near the closet
Was a box for deposit,
For each buck you could feel a new twitchener.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1566
Made us all fill out "New customer Forms"
On "Position desired..............................."
"Equipment required................................"
And "Other (State Norms and Abnorms..............)."
--- John Ciardi
Keeps track of the time when you plow her.
She gathers all data
And charges pro rata:
You pay by the minute or hour.
--- Armand E Singer 432
She pleased them to their hearts' content.
The line moved quite fast;
The tent emptied at last.
How quickly they came and they went.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who was ripe for some Tom, Dick, or Harry.
But not any old clod,
Only rich ones by God,
For her system was strict cash-and-carry.
--- Isaac Asimov P9805
Who was ripe for Tom, Harry, perhaps Dick.
But not any old clod,
Only rich ones by God,
Her criterion -- paper or plastic.
--- Arthur Deex P9805
Who made the men quiver and tingle,
So she pinned little bells
On their cuffs and lapels,
And charged them a nickel a jingle.
--- Lims Unlimited
Had a novel adjustable fee;
She charged by the inch.
Computation a cinch:
Under three, over ten, it was free.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0408
Have got a few tricks up our sleeve.
If you gents can't rise,
Then we will chastise
You smartly until you achieve.
--- Anon
Will meet every thrust with a heave.
I heard it from Reg,
Whose meat and two veg,
Those ladies did quickly relieve.
--- Anon
In morals became somewhat lax.
He was bold -- stuck his neck out --
Fucked the girl at the check out;
She charged ten on the meat key, plus tax.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0262
In the way that her clientele pays her.
A machine that she uses
Clamps on to her whoosis,
And clocks everybody that lays her.
--- L1034
Are girls on corners of our streets --
The Oldest Profession;
And newest concession,
Providing credit card receipts.
--- Irving Superior P9804a
The harlot would not strip her rainment.
But she took a deposit
For a feel in the closet,
And the rest on receipt of full payment.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1487
Sent Congress a large delegation
To convince the old fools
Their professional tools
Were subject to depreciation.
--- Anon
Whose business picked up in the autumn.
She managed to keep
On top of the heap,
For she did a fine job on the bottom.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1476
An expert in math and in science.
By exploiting the stairs
And arranging the chairs,
She then doubled the number of clients.
--- Albin Chaplin
Says one of our better-known whores;
"There isn't much doubt
I do better without
In handling my everyday chores."
--- Anon G1777
Undaunted when outages came.
She would not lower prices;
For 'tis true with her vices,
In the dark, what she does feels the same.
--- Bob Birch P0105
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