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And then the security guard, She squatted to look at the honey, Then at check out, the lesbian clerk, The boy pushing the carts in the lot, Meg finally got home from the store, She stripped naked to keep her dress clean, There's a moral in here, as you'll see; Happy Valentines Day to the girls; A pearl amongst all of you swine, Surely it cannot be true; I liked the one in the vest, Sadly its all fantasy Das Maedl mit Koerper aufrichtig The girl with a body all-right I had never once though I'd be hurt So what must a young girl now do; Yes it strikes me as being unfair, It's my body and I'm not ashamed, Young Lily's life filled up with glamour; Lily's favorite suitor, Billy, Violence is one ugly virtue One other thing is for damn sure; You sure are a violent young miss. Are you sure you want ladies in here, I've met plenty of ladies, my dear Now Spuddie, just where have you been? And how 'bout your panties? I mean; 'Tweren't me you had dinner and cake A young woman who lived in St. Paul I once knew a spinster from Staines, My wife has, in her memory, amassed A delectable widow named Lyme There was a young lady of Aberdeen, Women cerebrally endowed, So much for that "looks do not matter," Her new boyfriend became such a pest, A poor fellow living at Gostessey, There once was a girl from DC; A prepsterous father named Spencer A young lady, whose harmful advice, A coed fresh out of Cornell A spinster who lived in St Cloud Sneered practical, hardhearted Sue, I have searched from New York to Milan; Oh -- and no, I don't "do" K-Mart It was after the couple had dined, "I married a dumb girl," said Ned, A newsreader aptly named Burke The smartest girl that man has ever known; A woman who lived by the ocean, Ms Computer Whiz said, "It's a bore A ruthless plant manager, Lee, Is it a difference in pussy you seek Most of our limericks are rude, Do all of the smart girls have quims A woman is not understandable; A long limbed brunette am I, My oil is prepared for a feast; And just when you think that you can A long-limbed brunette with a mind With fingers and tongue I will take I won't leave you waiting in vain; Upon deep and protracted reflection, He below my window emotes; No interest has he in my brain. Have I brains and confidence too! "A woman should not have a brain,"
Felt his member begin to get hard,
As Meg searched through the pies
With a flash of her thighs,
That caused him to come in the lard.
--- Bob Birch P0104
A view for which men would pay money.
And a guy by the bread
Saw Meg's slender legs spread,
And he came at the sight of her cunny.
--- Bob Birch P0104
Tried focusing just on her work,
As she rang up some chips,
Meg licked her full lips,
And the dyke's climax made her hips jerk.
--- Bob Birch P0104
Got one hell of a fantastic shot.
As Meg bent to unload,
You could hear him explode,
And he creamed in his jeans on the spot.
--- Bob Birch P0104
And struggled to get through the door.
When a grocery bag split
She cried out "Oh shit,"
As the eggs and the milk hit the floor.
--- Bob Birch P0104
And stood where she knew she'd be seen.
"Hold the noise down out there,"
Hubby yelled from his chair,
"Move your ass 'cause I can't see the screen."
--- Bob Birch P0104
Meg looked great as she bought her green tea.
She was noticed a lot;
By the soups she looked hot,
But at home she's no match for TV!
--- Bob Birch P0104
The ones I have taken on whirls.
Some were just quick
But you all are so slick,
Amongst us swine, you are the pearls!
--- Anon
Is an honor I will not decline.
When rooting for truffles,
Those cute little snuffles,
Down below gives me pleasures divine.
--- Anon
From our windows we share the view
Of beautiful crumpet
And occassional strumpet,
And all of it at no cost, too.
--- Anon
A tiny but pert hint of breast.
Legs were a treat;
Bum tight and neat;
My thoughts in my trousers expressed.
--- Anon
For they would never choose me.
I've put it on disk
Future use for my wrist,
When I go on my self-abuse spree.
--- Anon
Bei Jungens ganz stramm war vorsichtig.
Sie blieb ja ganz rein,
Doch hielt es fuer fein
Zu wandern in Kleidern durchsichtig.
--- Tucker D Ott P9002
Would tend from hard studs to take flight.
She did remain pure,
Yet upped her allure
In clothes that hid nothing from sight.
--- Tucker D Ott P9002
If I put on and wore my short skirt.
And I just didn't know
That my nipples would show,
And they'd call me a prick-teasing flirt.
--- Bob Birch P0605
It seems we're to blame and can't sue.
Seems I can't be myself;
Must I sit on a shelf,
Or wear clothing that men can't see through?
--- Bob Birch P0605
That men often will openly stare.
They look at my butt,
And call me a slut.
I have feelings, but they just don't care.
--- Bob Birch P0605
And my parts should not be crudely named,
I've got to be me,
I'm a woman, you see,
And I'm angry at how I've been blamed.
--- Bob Birch P0605
At her front door, boys would clamor.
She'd give them a wink,
Watch faces go pink,
Hearts pound and they'd all start to stammer.
--- Anon
Knows that she's daffy and silly.
But he couldn't care less,
'Cause what's under her dress,
Does amazing things to his willy.
--- Anon
With the ultra potential to hurt you.
But I'm telling you this:
I'm one smart young miss
With the ultimate strength to invert you.
--- Nawahl Razak
A kiss for a war's not a cure.
The making of love
Was sent from above
But with AIDS around, best to stay pure.
--- Nawahl Razak
My own happy credo is this:
It may be a bore,
But make love, not war,
And solve all your woes with a kiss.
--- Tiddy Ogg
'Cause what I read a lady , I fear,
Will gasp with surprise,
What she reads with her eyes,
About pussies, dicks and rears!
--- Anon
And of all of those thousands, I fear
Though they act as if shocked
When one goes off half cocked,
I've never seen one virgin ear.
--- Anon
You've been missing too long from this scene.
Don't you know that my percy
Needs you, my dear nursey,
To give him a regular sheen?
--- Anon
All those others you sent have turned green,
And have rotted away.
Will you mail me today
With your next set of undies, unclean?
--- Anon
With; I know your bazoomas aren't fake,
For I've seen 'em before;
They're a good 44,
With a cup-size the biggest they make.
--- Anon
Stood in stockings just seven feet tall,
When asked whom she'd wed
She grinned as she said,
"A man whose prospectus 'snot small!"
--- Limericks Liberated P0501
And a spinster that lady remains.
She's no figure, no looks,
Neither dances nor cooks,
And, most ghastly of all, she has brains.
--- Plaiwon
Much minutiae -- her storehouse is vast.
She's a real history buff
And when she's in a huff,
She will hasten to bring up my past.
--- William N Nesbit
In enjoying her sexual prime;
Having briefly inclined
To the life of the mind,
She returned to her senses in time.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8405 a
Whose admirers were ever so keen
To grab hold of a piece
On a rent or a lease,
Though she'd rather her intellect preen.
--- Anon
This is file gnl
Like to find men not easily cowed,
By a smart-ass young chit,
Or more womanly wit.
But find many are lacking the grit.
--- Anon
And all of that "love your brain" chatter.
But gals who feel guilt
Because they ain't "built",
Must be just as mad as a hatter.
--- Marlene Lewis
When he came to her house just to rest.
When he started to snore,
She showed him the door.
This lovebird would not share her love nest.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Had a wife who was terrible bostessey,
"If you're late home" she said,
With a toss of her head,
"I shall know you've been flirting with Flostessie."
--- Ida Thurtle
A shy, nervous maiden was she.
Until she joined Mensa,
The results were immense! A
Husband, a boyfriend, and me!
--- Ken Kaufman
Got his daughter deprogrammed from Mensa.
The group, he construed,
Had darkened her mood.
She's lightened up now, she's just denser.
--- Graham Lester
Terrorised even joysticks and mice,
Used to hide her nice chin,
And enjoyed rock and din.
With a spice - she declared - life is nice.
--- Slava Meskhi P0007
Swore she'd certainly not kiss and tell.
So she's silent -- but nimble
With a deaf-and-dumb symbol,
And just taps out Morse Code as well.
--- Isaac Asimov
Was prim, proper, prissy, and proud,
And though she was slim
And shapely of limb,
She never got pinched in a crowd.
--- Lims Unlimited
"Farewell and good riddance, adieu!
What gives you the notion
That I'd feel devotion
For second-rate shitheads like you?"
--- Armand E Singer 662
I searched through tribes, hermits and clans.
To my great distress,
I have to confess,
I wasn't able to find: Perfect Man.
--- Azul
Though I might go read for the part.
This working for lawyers
Puts knots in my drawers --
I'm ornery, nasty -- and smart!
--- Anon
That the fellow began to unwind,
Saying, "I like you, Regina,
You think with your vagina!"
Then she gave him a piece of her mind.
--- Big Little Playoy Lims
After honeymoon spent at Club Med.
"The thought I will willow
Is why she put the pillow
'Neath her fanny instead of her head!"
--- Clarence E Boyle P9003
Rues women ruling at work.
Ranting, "They own us,
As slavish sperm donors..."
Why sweat Mike? You're just a fine jerk!
--- Jarmo
She's the one who always sets the tone.
She knows things of mystery
And ancient history;
We all know her as Rosetta Stone.
--- Tom Patton
Did fondle her boss, using lotion.
While she tickled his bum,
And she got him to come,
She received an outstanding promotion..
--- Cap'n Bean
When I'm horny and I'd like to score,
And he worships my brain
While I try to explain,
It's his hardware that I'm lusting for."
--- Ann Gasser P9307
Sails high on the corporate sea.
Her hidden agenda:
One willing pudenda
And morals the size of a flea.
--- Armand E Singer 790a
Or something that mews and is meek.
Most men are quite daunted
If our intelligence is flaunted,
But at times, I'll give a sneak tweak.
--- Anon
So I have a question for you.
Does having good brains
Close hormone-like drains,
Or are you occasionally crude?
--- Archie
To be fingered at their own whims,
Or is all they've got
Is another big twat
To be screwed by males who are dims.
--- Archie
Her sharpness of tongue isn't sandable.
Among her strong points,
She has flexible joints;
Her strength is derived from her mandible.
--- Limber Limericks
And grey is the color of my eye.
With an education extensive
In sexual arts comprehensive;
Come closer as I you satisfy.
--- Anon
Of many toys it's not the least.
So soft and so tasty,
I will not be hasty,
As I lick from your head to your feet.
--- Anon
Not wait another moment, my man,
I'll bury your sword
Where it strikes the right chord,
And see if you're a real gentleman.
--- Anon
And a body, both surely designed
To excite all the senses?
I have no defences;
To you I'm most surely resigned.
--- Anon
You right up to the edge 'til you ache
For the ultimate pleasure,
Then plunder your treasure;
For all your desires I will slake.
--- Anon
With desire I will drive you insane;
Then my sword I will thrust
In you, quenching your lust;
Then we'll build up the tension again.
--- Anon
It's the men who have need of protection:
From the very first kiss
To connubial bliss,
It's the women who make the selection.
--- Limber Limericks
From Browning and Shakespeare he quotes.
But I am no fool.
I know he's a ghoul.
'Tis only himself he promotes.
--- Anon
Intelligence has his disdain.
He wants only a face
That will not disgrace --
A puppet he feels he can train.
--- Anon
To me, soon he'll say toodle-oo.
Too sharp is my tounge;
With wit he is stung.
What good is a beautiful shrew?
--- Anon
Says he, "It makes them hard to train.
But good she should look
In teddies. And Cook.
From forming opinions abstain."
--- Anon
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