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Some might think that she's out of place, A woman renowned as sagacious, A devil-may-care sort of flapper Anna Lisa McClintock declined This woman who lived in a cave While wining and dining Miss Tish (fin - American slang for five dollar bill)
There once was a man from Wheeling, And then there's the story of Shirley There was a young lassie of Lancashire I once knew a lady named Jane, All the girls that the best pageants show, There once was a fine young lass, A woman named Donna-Lee June His teenage bride said not to fret His wife was a pack rat named Sally, I do have a sister named Melly, There's a star-crossed young female named Rose, Miss Candle was out with some friends And then there's Bert's wife, Auntie Jane; I know that you're probably right A coed named Nona McNim I'd much prefer glamorous Miss Blum, Two timorous duelists of Sark At the Mall a young woman drew near There was a young lady from Randalls, In past days in bars one would revel Madame Clara's a famous clairvoyant; There once was a girl that I knew, There's a lady who reads Mills Boone There is a daft gal named Ramona, There's a lady who dotes on pop culture; (vivisepulture - act of burying alive)
A round-heeled lady from Spain Just like a big Amazon you'll Dumb blonde asks the clerk if he'll get You've misunderstood all that I said! There was an old lady named Crockett There was an old woman named Bundy A prudish young lady named Brock A certain young woman of Troy, Said frivolous Fritz down in Florida, There once was a young girl named Heather; There was a young lady named Mary About a young lady from Wheeling, Now dim-witted, dumb Dora Mease, The gals were discussing the pricks A henpecked old man of Seattle A harlot by name of Wisteria, A little old maid in Cos Cob Take interns despoiled by a pol; A puzzled young girl named Loraine In order to get on the dole, There one was a pilot named Flinn, (Lady Air Force pilot ejected for adultry, 1987)
I'm tired of hearing of Flinn A miserable maid from Bermuda Dwayne Douglas was dumping his date, Unattractive as Mabel may be, A woman who came from Beijing Hooray for that dude named Friar; There once was a young milkmaid lass, There was a young woman of Notts In Baghdad I found a girl, Roxy. It's true that the color black's slimmin', A nervous young woman called Fay Cosmetologist Lucylee Stout A babe by the name of Hortense There was a young maid from Superior
Maturing with technical grace.
She gets in the heart
Of the honest and smart;
The others she gets in their face.
--- Anon
Has a penchant for stories salacious.
But for doing the deeds
About which she reads,
Her appetite's much more voracious.
--- Ellen
Was a belle who was seeking a clapper.
But not any bum
Would be making her come;
She was after a Phi Beta Kappa.
--- Isaac Asimov
To be standardly wined and dined.
But she could be had
By any old cad
Who claimed to be wooed by her mind.
--- Nate Birkholz
Was strong and really quite brave.
She would chop down a tree,
And make a chair leg for three
By turning the wood on a lathe.
--- Anon
Asked, "Are you a Pisces, The Fish?"
Was this an implicit
Attempt to solicit?
Should I put a fin near her dish?
--- Irving Superior P8405
Whose wife was continually squealing.
He didn't mind much,
Except the pitch was such
That it peeled the paint from the ceiling.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who acted a little bit squirrelly.
She'd a family of ants
Inside of her pants,
So she left the party quite early.
--- Tom Patton P9611
Who landed a job as a bank cashier:
But as she hardly knew
1 + 1 = 2,
She had to give place to a man cashier.
--- Linda Marsh Coll
Who wasn't completely all sane;
She was good in a bed,
But each time she said,
"The best part is leaving a stain."
--- Neal Wilgus P8511
Balance beauty and brains, don't you know.
If her busts thirty-nine,
I'm inclined to opine,
That her IQ's not too far below.
--- Graham Lester
With a gift for running out of gas.
She asked, "Do you give credit?"
The man said, "Forget it!
You can just blow it out your ass!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Was said to be truly a loon;
She slept in a tree,
She used spiders for tea,
And she claimed she'd been born on the moon.
--- Cap'n Bean P0310
About cash, because, as she told Chet,
"I know this guy, honey,
Who will lend us the money
That we need now to get out of debt."
--- A N Wilkins P8502
Who unto his cause would not rally.
For alas and alack,
She brought everything back
From a rummage sale out in the alley.
--- Reminisce P9310
Who loves to watch cartoons on the telly.
Her eyes have gone square;
She just sits and will stare.
I am sure that her brain is like jelly.
--- Funny Bone
For whom nothing works right -- not her clothes,
Nor her sex life, her money,
Why this ill-fated honey
Broke her finger while picking her nose.
--- Armand E Singer 857
Observing the fashions and trends,
And fuming with ire.
She started a fire
And got herself burned at both ends.
--- Limber Limericks
Alas, she's not blessed with a brain.
But her body is great,
Which helps compensate
Or so Uncle Bert would explain.
--- Tony Burrell
That Nelly is not very bright,
But when we start screwing
She knows what she's doing,
And we screw several times every night.
--- Michael Horgan
Has a brain that's remarkably dim.
But her transcript portrays
Almost nothing but A's--
A tribute, no doubt, to her quim.
--- Norm Storer
But she yammers for dough till you're numb.
So I bang cute l'il Nevis
Who donates her wet crevice,
Being hot and incredibly dumb.
--- G1746
Declined to shoot in the dark;
What their wives did, instead,
Each turned her head,
And was left with a buttock pock-marked.
--- Peter Wilkins
And behaved in a fashion unclear.
She seemed mindlessly prating.
Was she hallucinating?
No, her cell phone was stuck in her ear.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0606
As dumb as the girl that used candles.
Now this dumb little lady
Whose thoughts were quite shady
Thought the Chamber of Commerce had handles.
--- Clarence E Boyle P9003
While seeking a cute sexy devil.
No one cared your net worth.
(Just the sign of your birth!)
But now? It's cholesterol level.
--- Jane D Hughes P9107
In the fairground she's very flamboyant.
She didn't see, sad to say,
What was coming her way;
In a shipwreck she wasn't too buoyant!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
I'll tell you she'd not have a clue.
If you stood real near
And looked in her ear,
I bet you could see clear through.
--- Misty Dragon
By the light of the silvery moon.
She loves all the stories
And votes for the tories;
They'll be coming to get her quite soon.
--- Bill Wall
Who gigles when you telephone her.
While she waits by the copier.
She gets limpier and floppier--
Is she high from inhaling the toner?
--- Chris Young
She has sex wth a lesbian vulture.
She likes pancakes and crabs,
Pop music and scabs--
She's devoted to vivisepulture.
--- G2305
Screamed, "Oh, baby, do it again!"
Of course what she meant
Was "Act like a gent."
I swear, you've got sex on the brain!
--- Anon
Ride and you'll fight and you'll fuel
Feuds that'll keep
You from your quiet sleep.
You'll spend all your time in a duel!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
This is file gml
Some deodorant, 'cause hubby does sweat.
"Ball type?", He inquired.
"Oh no, not desired!
His armpits are smellier yet."
--- Anon
I'm not the sad slut who gives head.
I'm sweet and I'm pure,
Quite shy and demure,
I'm just rather easily led.
--- Jayne
Who went to put a plug in a socket.
But her hands were so wet
She flew up like a jet,
And came roaring back down like a rocket.
--- William Jay Smith
Who fell on her face every Sunday;
When asked to explain,
She did it again,
And said, "How I wish it were Monday!"
--- Limber Limericks
On sex had a bad mental block.
When the mating of flies
Passed in front of her eyes,
She practically fainted from shock.
--- Grand Prix Lim 162 G2273
Was exceedingly modest and coy.
You would find her the kind
Who would pull down the blind
If she even just thought of a boy.
--- Isaac Asimov
As he felt Friedl's frau in the corridor,
"We've been fast friends forever,
So Friedl would never
Find fault if I fancied to fondle her."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0511Q
Indeed she was light as a feather.
But one fateful day
She floated away,
Because she'd forgotten her tether.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who found nearly everything scary;
She was up half the night
Shaking in fright
From the sight of a little canary.
--- Anon
I have nothing to say that's revealing;
She calls herself "baby"
And always says "maybe",
And spends her time giggling and squealing.
--- Limber Limericks
She was dumb as could be, if you please.
She should go back to school
For this silly young fool,
Thought Grape Nuts a venereal disease.
--- Clarence E Boyle P9003
Of the guys by whom they'd been transfixed,
One said, "I had a ten!"
"Did you measure?" asked Gwen --
"No -- he said something about 4 and 6."
--- Anon
Indulged with his wife in some prattle.
"That's my answer," she said,
As she nodded her head.
But he claimed he did not hear the rattle.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2787
Asked time of a man from Elyria.
He disclosed his big clock,
And she went into shock,
And then into a state of hysteria.
--- Albin Chaplin
Complained as she started to sob,
"There's a man on our street
With a face like a beet,
Who said that I looked like a squab."
--- Alsops Foibles
They are quick to slander the doll.
"She slept with my boss,
But she sure did toss
Her stuff to a satyr's cabal!"
--- Chris Papa
Tried desperately hard to explain
To a newly met fella,
"It's odd! My umbrella
Seems only to leak in the rain."
--- Leland B Blair P0107
You must prove that you're in a hole.
So get you a bride
And get you inside,
Then carry her where you enroll.
--- Irving Superior P8609
Engaging in all kinds of sin,
Adultry and lying,
Now that's really flying;
So will she stay out or stay in?
--- Joe Long
And the consequnce of her sin!
So let's turn our minds
To uplifting designs.
(By the way, do you thing that she'll win?)
--- Jeffrey L Lorentz
Wondered why romance seemed to elude her.
Though she thought she had charm,
She set off an alarm:
She came on like a starved barracuda.
--- Marvin Grosswirth P8612
Delores Duffy, down by the gate.
His dachshund, Dwight,
Dropped dog turds and right
By Delores, who thought they smelled great.
--- Jeanie
What she has that I want, she gives free.
The local love stores
Charge too much for their whores,
So its Mabel, dear Mabel, for me.
--- G1738
Couldn't execute even one thing.
She tried and she tried
And suddently cried
"I should have married a king!"
--- Celica8
Of women he's surely no liar.
No logic or sense
Do their mouths dispense,
The intelligence of men is much higher!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who was not at the head of her class.
She'd pull and she'd pull,
While milking the bull,
And say "Betsy gave only one glass."
--- Ed Hutchins
Who, when learning Morse code, cried out, "What's
The matter with me?
Dashes fill me with glee.
But I can't get along with the dots."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Real foxy and not the least poxy.
So I found, you see,
A WMD:
A Wily Mohammedan doxie.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And if, on the religious women,
What's covered entices,
There's no Paradise as
Fine as that weird country, Yemen.
--- Cyber Wizard
Always used to react with dismay
At a match being struck,
Or the quack of a duck.
"Hello Fay," made her faint dead away.
--- Michael Palin
Is sure that, without a doubt,
"If you use our lipstick
And you put it on thick,
We assure you it'll never wear out."
--- VOL 11
Was the favorite darling of gents;
It made her so glad
That whatever she had,
It was not education or sense.
--- Lims Unlimited
Whose I.Q. was sad and inferior,
But no one in bed
Gave a thought to her head
Or the quality of its interior.
--- William K Alsop P8810 a
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