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A woman who'd rather be nameless Our neighbor, who looked like a dream, When Hays hired the typist, Miss May, Oh that seeing should stultify so, A prude I once dated, Ms. Stimple, A bed-wrecking rounder named Slocum A dumb girl that was not all there, "The fellows and I have a ball (ADC - aid to dependent children)
Said Sue's Mom, "I've made a decision. This statement may be fundamental, [Mormon coeds graze the football field]
Frail Gail on her birthday delighted There was a young lady in Butte, Laetitia was a buxom young lass, A nervous young woman called Fay A fetching young maid was bombarded The dumbest of Doras I've met You've been bad, old grouch Ebenezer! Occasionally when I am blue, Though I plied her with drinks, my dumb doll A dumb dame once brought home a duck My god, how that woman can talk! I once knew a girl who took teas The Head told a schoolboy named Paul, There once was a postman called Jack, I once had a girlfriend named Didi, They tell of a woman in Brent When she saw all the birds in the sky, There was a young lady of Rhyl, There once was a woman named Jane There was a young lady named Holmes, Though her school had declared a snow day, Gosh, Nancy! A mystery's afoot! One cell that is found in the brain A young hairdresser named Antoinette, There was an old lady from Sace, There was an old lady of Rye By the Nile, I feign that I'm calm; A clique of dumb blondes raised three cheers In the fall, a young blond went absenter; The dumb blond was thrilled to the core An air-headed blonde, that I knowed, Four miles she did the first day. The blondes are unfairly accused Most blondes are unfairly accused In which case, a blond may get vicious I don't know that stupid dumb chick, A young 'bottle-blonde' from the sticks The blondes out there suffer rebuffs, (inelegant or priests? - McW)
Daylight Savings; my neighbor has donned Blondie was a lovable dame; I had breakfast of bagels and lox A blonde who was hurt very deep She thought them so fluffy and sweet, He said "Yes." She looked at them for She took from the edge of the pack, "Don't take off my earphones," she shout- Blonde's are easy to please, it apppears, "She's trouble? One wave of my wand... When Jed took a blonde for a ride, A blonde was in line as it poured Going out when the spring wind was bold, A Brockenhurst blonde girl named Cord, Along came a bloke in a car, She thought for a minute, said "Bless He drives on, but he's out of luck, "That sound in my ears is still there," Creatures that live in a pond
Declared she was willing and shameless,
Which was only an act
For a person half-stacked,
And not only shapeless but flameless.
--- Limber Limericks
Is dumber than dumb it would seem.
So slow on the uptake,
When I called her "Cupcake",
She said, "But I'm not filled with cream."
--- Outrageous Limerick Book
He found to his utter dismay,
She could not type a bit
And was not worth a shit,
So he stroked on her pussy all day.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2184
And that wooing should turn into woe!
An adorable cutie
With bountiful beauty,
As a wife she is "O", "Oh", "Owe"!
--- Laurence Perrine P8405
Could not discuss even a pimple.
In bed, though, she'd grunt,
"Ooh fuck, fuck my cunt!"
Now that parts a fuck, pure and simple.
--- H Welchel
Said, "Gals know they're had when I poke 'em.
With my lecherous urgin',
I make virgins burgeon,
For they fall for Slocum poke 'em hokum."
--- Grand Prix Lim 154
Took underwear soiled in the rear
To her OBGYN.
She misunderstood him;
She thought the test was a "poop-smear."
--- Gearhart
And then I have a kid every fall.
Ma takes care of the litter
And acts as a sitter,
While ADC pays for it all."
--- A N Wilkins P8609
You must sit down and do your revision."
"What you want me to do
Is not fair", replied Sue
"When I'd much rather watch television."
--- Funfax Limericks
But I think for my health, 'tis essential:
Resemblance to pretty
Gals in Salt Lake City
Are totally coincidental.
--- Anon
In calling up friends she'd invited.
To each she'd exclaim,
"I shall not bear the blame
If your gift makes me overexcited!"
--- Paul M Hoffman
Who thought she was terribly cute.
So she struck a pose
As she powdered her nose,
And said: "I'm really a beaut"."
--- Thomas A Ratliff P0407
The best in the whole senior class,
Which did her classmates perplex;
Her secret was sex,
'Cause she really was dumb as an ass!
--- Annie Mae Hentai T9712
Always used to react with dismay
At a match being struck,
Or the quack of a duck.
"Hello, Fay!" made her faint clean away.
--- Michael Palin
By suitors whose pleas were discarded,
So they all got together
Like birds of a feather,
And resolved that the maid was retarded.
--- William K Alsop P8808
Are those who will, "Is it in yet?"
If they had but one brain
They'd silent remain
And puff-puff on their cigarette.
--- Irving Superior P9003
A lonely and horny old geezer.
You need Christmas cheer;
Go find you a dear
Young girl who will then let you squeeze her!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With nothing special to do,
I stand on my head
At the foot of the bed,
And then shove my nose in my shoe.
--- Jean Fox
Was scarcely affected at all.
Sometime later I groaned,
"Have you ever been stoned?"
She said, "Yes, but the rocks were all small."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P9008
And her neighbors were all thunder-struck.
One said, "What's with the pig?"
"It's a duck," she said, "Dig?"
"I was talking," he said, "to the duck."
--- Bob Giandomenico P9003
She ate all her food, every stalk!
Yadda yadda blah blah,
She just won't shut her maw;
Don't believe it...she's shrunk up my cock!
--- Anon
On the bank of the river called Tees
Without knickers. The breeze
That played over her knees,
She regarded as only a tease.
--- Anon
"Write two hundred lines! In the hall!
But whilst in those confines,
Paul did not write his lines;
He wrote cheeky remarks on the wall.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who tied up his wife in a sack,
Because the old bag
Did nothing but nag.
YAKKITY YAKKITY YAK!
--- Funfax Limericks
Whose eyes were so terribly beady.
The presents she got
(and there were a lot)
Weren't enough. She was also quite greedy.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who stepped in a tub of cement,
And then she got out
And tracked it about,
In order to see where she went.
--- Alsops Foibles
My sister said, "Why can't I fly?"
So with paper and things,
She made herself wings,
And jumped off a clifftop -- Goodbye!
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Whose general knowledge was nil.
She thought Joan of Arc,
Navigated the bark
That landed on Ararat's hill.
--- Archie
With a soft and pliable brain.
When she went to the pool
At her junior high school,
They used her to plug up the drain.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who read poetry, prose, many tomes.
This stupid young floozy
So dumb and so woozy,
Thought 'Vice versa' meant dirty poems.
--- Clarence E Boyle P9003
With blizzards and winds here to stay,
Faith worried, 'twas fake;
That they'd made a mistake,
So she'd wait for the bus, anyway!
--- Ed
Why is my sex drive going kaput?
Is it cause your so nice,
Totally lacking in spice,
When I crave a slut covered in soot?
--- Cruelty Jones
Is a pretty delusional drain.
When the neurons are firing
And the legs are tiring,
She needs energy to wash clothes with Gain!
--- Anon
This is file gll
Was the best at wave, shampoo and set.
But to go every week,
Caused their spouses to shreik:
"At her prices, you'll put me in debt!"
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who kept up a terrible pace.
To get her to stop,
They had to air-drop
A billboard in front of her face.
--- T9707
Who was baked by mistake in a pie.
To the household's disgust,
She emerged through the crust
And exclaimed with a yawn, "Where am I?"
--- VOL 1
I've been stood up, yet I sing with aplomb.
Here he comes -- It's my Laddy
Oh my God, it's my daddy!
(No good comes from a date by the palm.)
--- Anon
That everyone present now hears.
For in only a fortnight,
Assembled a puzzle right,
And the box had said "Two to five years."
--- Res Ipsa
She was found at a drive-in theater.
She had froze to the wheel,
And I now can reveal,
She had gone to see: "Closed For The Winter."
--- Tiddy Ogg
With the future she now had in store.
She dyed her hair red,
And happily said,
"I'm not a dumb blonde any more!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0407
Got work painting lines on the road.
"Two miles a day,"
The foreman did say,
"'Swhat I want," and away that man strode.
--- Anon
Next day, two. third day, one. "Honey, hey!
You started so well,
But it's all gone to hell."
"But the paint pot's now so far away."
--- Anon
Of being quite dumb and confused.
Such prejudiced poop
'Bout a popular group
Leaves them rightfully unamused.
--- Observer
Of being quite dumb and confused.
But males should be cautious
'Bout making blondes nauseous,
Lest it leave her sex-attitude bruised.
--- Observer
And start having thoughts quite malicious.
And while you are sleeping,
She'll softly come creeping
And do amputation, pernicious!
--- Observer
With a brain as dense as a brick.
But me, I got hit
Right there where I sit,
By a Lyme infested deer tick.
--- Carol
Sold her 'grandfather clock' to some hicks
For less than a dime.
Said she, "It got 'Chime
Disease' from, I think, all those ticks."
--- Anon
From dilettantes who say their stuff's
Not clever enough,
But most of these muffs
Have collars that don't match their cuffs.
--- Irish
Her gardening clothes. She is fond
Of saying, "Must hoe!
With an hour more to grow,
The weeds get ahead." (Yes, she's blond)
Invited to a party and came.
She hid under a bed;
A month later, she's dead,
Winner of the "Hide and Seek" game.
--- Ron Sartain
With a dumb-blond at a Deli called Blochs.
I could not deduce
Why she stared at the juice,
Till I saw 'concentrate' on the box.
--- H Myer TP9806
By jokes, thought her secret she'd keep.
She dyed her hair brown,
Drove off out of town,
Was stopped by a large flock of sheep.
--- Anon
That she said to the shepherd boy, Pete,
"If their number I guess,
That ought to impress,
Will you give me just one as a treat?"
--- Anon
A minute, "Three hundred and four."
He looked in her eyes,
With a show of surprise,
"Go pick one out, dear, and it's yours."
--- Anon
A beast, but our Pete says "Now slack-
en off there, young maid.
If I name the true shade
Of your hair, can I have my dog back."
--- Anon
ed. "Do and I'll die, without doubt!"
Someone did. The blonde died.
He put 'em on, sighed,
And heard: "Right, Breathe in, now breathe out..."
--- Anon
For their eyes seem to sparkle, the dears,
When you give them a cheap
Little flashlight to keep
And to shine in their pretty pink ears.
--- Anon
She's BANISHED to Hell and beyond!"
I tried to object,
But what's to expect?
My fairy godmother's a blond!
--- Anon
He heard "POW' -- so his brakes he applied;
She jumped out in a scat,
Yelled "Your front tire is flat.
But don't worry -- just flat on one side."
--- Travis Brasell
Down rain when she heard, "Get aboard
If you want to ride."
So, she went inside
The shed where the timber was stored.
--- Anon
My coiffure needed hair spray to hold.
Grabbed a can off the table,
Not reading the label;
Now my hair is a permanent gold.
--- Dorothy Schrader P9302a
Was standing there, just very bored,
In Watersplash Lane
Since several days rain,
And moodily gazed at the ford.
--- Tiddy Ogg
As long as the Rose and Crown Bar.
He shouted, "Hey Honey!
Don't want to be funny,
But what depth of water's in thar?"
--- Tiddy Ogg
My soul, dear, I'd say at a guess,
I reckon there be
About two or three
Odd inches, about, more or less.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And right in the center he's stuck.
His engine's been drowned.
Cordelia's frowned:
"But it's just up to here on the duck."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Cried Blondie, "and I'm in despair!"
Doc Ogg said, "My dear,
The sound that you hear
Is only the 'swoosh' of hot air."
--- Anon
Have more brains that the brainiest blonde.
But who gives a shit
If her body is fit,
And she can't get enough of your wand?
--- PeterW
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