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Vicki at the sign of the rooster; I'll speak now for all of the men: Just like all cats are grey by night, Oh say can you see, what a sight! With tight jeans hung low on his hips, And can't help but fantasize My cry for young boys has been answered; Although old, he still has a use; It's time wasted to get him in bed; She was always keen for enjoyment, To Business school went our bitch hound; Yes she's back, that cute horny lass; Well, I told her that an MBA was The football boys are drunk and dizzy; Imposter! You ugly old cow! I do not pay money for sex. Just call me a "neck nibblin'" man! Pleasure should be a two-way street, I've heard that you're exactly right -- Now, Barb, an Ontarian Princess This Barb was an elegant screw Our Barb had a mouth like an "O" When Barb was once pissed on in bed, It has often been said I had to add one more ditty The Sunday outside is so grey Dear, you're wasting this glorious day There was an old lady named Barrett There was an old spinster named Barrett, If you take this girl out for a canter, (breasts like a pair of roe deer - Song of Solomon - McW)
That simile of Solomon's corny; What could he have meant about her? My man is my man, I'll tell you, You better start treating him right If he says "Lie down on your back", I love you, I love you, I do! You must mean me, Susan Arden. There once was a woman called Shebula, I've heard, (but I'm sure it's not true,) First she thought she would knit him a sweater; Girls night out, what sweet, sweet delight; A blind date my friend did devise And the oddities didn't end there; A hooker from North Carolina Angy felt that she was cursed There was a young missy called Inga, Had a horn, she was trying to prune it; You've seen this complaint here before; There was a young lady of Lowestoft, Wise Confucius declare that young daughter, There was a young prankster from Stoke A typist had a problem to wake up, There was a young girl of Milwaukee The shortest retirement in history The children of poor Mrs Oldham, I once met a girl who was spastic; A frustrated young woman named Emma While solving the ills of the world, I wouldn't think that was so bad When it comes to your thoughts on sex, Hollywood's full of these flickers And what about glamour magazines A short while ago I went barms; They should cut the crap causing fear, A debutante staying in Crete, There was a young lady named Lizzie, She thought she saw love in his eyes;
She gives men one hell of a booster.
They ask for her time
And she smiles sublime;
"Yes indeed! Any cock-le do sir"
--- Anon
You've done it, go turn in your pen.
She's quick as a bullet
To offer to pullet;
That Vicki's a most lovely hen.
--- Anon
Each lady's a beautiful sight,
When stripped to the buff,
Demanding her muff
Be filled during dawn's early light.
--- Tiddy Ogg
An odious image; a blight!
What seemed fair in the dark
Has four legs and does bark!
What the Hell; one more time in the light!
--- RanDog
Shirt unbuttoned to show off his nips,
A well-formed bulge
Makes me want to indulge.
I admit, I start licking my lips...
--- Jim Weaver Collection
About what I could do with this prize.
The image, I find,
Is a treat for the mind,
As well as a feast for the eyes!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
As you predicted, I'm swampered.
I've no time for Archie,
He's aged and gauche.
Young ones keep on coming; I'm pampered.
--- Liz
Cocktail maker, he'll never lose.
With B52's
And others that ooze,
But his orgasms are self-abuse.
--- Liz
He snores and he won't give me head.
But I just need him near me
To do the house-wiffery,
While I screw young boys, like I said.
--- Liz
Especially genital deployment
On an office chair.
She's no longer there,
But searching for some new employment.
--- Anon
The faculty loved her plump mound;
Screwed 'em all, so they say;
Now she's back: MBA!
Her spreadsheet's the biggest around!
--- Anon
A change in outlook's come to pass.
When some people say,
'What's an MBA?'
She answers, "Mean Ballbreaking Ass".
--- Anon
What my dog drags on my carpet's fuzz;
She left me and my tool
Outside her stud pool;
Suits me! That crowd was all scuzz!
--- Anon
The cricket teams' gone out with Lizzy.
The circus left town.
The pub is closed down.
Let me think: Hey boys! Are you busy?
--- Peter Wilkins
You're built like a shit house and how;
You look like a yak
Or a bus from the back;
And you're Sister Christina, I vow!
--- Peter Wilkins
That goes 'gainst my every reflex.
But I would like to mention
I do pay attention,
To gentlemen who nibble necks...
--- Anon
I'll nibble as slow as I can.
Then, dammit, I'll hurry
To nibble your furry
For free in a one minute span!
--- Anon
When under the covers we meet.
A man soon discovers
Nurses make the best lovers --
And you're really in for a treat!
--- Kaylin Brandon
A nurse will insure your delight.
Don't feel too rejected --
Does this look infected?
Will you wear that outfit that's white?
--- Frank Fazed
Would allow all the Court to caress
Her legs and her arms
And all other charms.
She did, and was better than Bess!
--- Anon
And often took on all the crew,
One after another,
Till even her mother
Joined all of the cheering that grew!
--- Anon
And squatted right down really low.
Her teeth she then hid
For the job that she did,
Was the type that's described as a blow!
--- Anon
There was only one thing to be said:
The hose, how it hissed,
But then it just missed,
And it pissed on her sister instead!
--- Anon
That if you will folow this thread,
It leads to a spot,
(Gee, but it's hot)
And my pussy has not yet been fed.
--- Arden
To Arden, she's the one witty,
Who's looking for food.
Well, all this old dude
Can say is...here kitty, kitty.
--- Frank Fazed
And there's no one around here to play;
There's this itch in my pants
And it sure isn't ants -
Guess I just want a roll in the hay.
--- Anon
With your fuss, bother, itch and dismay
But with that now been said
Why not come to my bed
Let me give you a pubic display ?
--- Anon
Who lived all alone in a garret.
It was said she was cute
And she dated a fruit,
But the fact is, she dated a carrot.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1942
Who lived all alone in a garret.
She was screwed by a cripple
Who gave her a triple,
So she gave him the Order of Merit.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1943
Be careful now, just how you handle 'er.
'Cause if you're a fool,
And don't watch out, then you'll
Poke an eye out upon an antler.
--- Tiddy Ogg
An interpretive problem quite thorny.
Did he mean her humps
Look like two deer rumps,
Or just that her tits make him horny.
--- MrMalo
Is it compliment? Or is it a slur?
The metaphor's muddled;
I'm completely befuddled,
Unless he meant covered with fur.
--- MrMalo
And whatever he wants me to do,
Be it rubbing and sucking,
Or straight forward fucking,
He's almost to good to be true.
--- Anon
This is file ghl
Or you'll find sometime in the night,
He walks out that door;
You'll see him no more;
He's packed all his bags -- taken flight.
--- Anon
Or "Turn 'round, let me see your crack!"
You best spread 'em wide
And let him inside,
'Cause it feels like he's got the knack.
--- Anon
Come here now and give me a screw.
You there, on the bench;
I'm one lusty wench.
Take a number, I will get to you.
--- Susan Arden
If not, then I beg your pardon.
Can I call you Sue?
I'll swear to be true...
As long as I have got this hardon.
--- David Miller
Who promised the moon and the nebula.
When she couldn't deliver,
She was sold up the river,
Not knowing her ass from fibula.
--- Anthony Duggan
That girls there don't know what to do.
If so it's no wundra
That out in the tundra,
Men go out and fuck caribou.
--- Anon
He was lonesome - might make him feel better.
She preferred in the end
To find him a friend,
Which occurred when she lent him a setter.
--- Anon
It's been drinking and music all night!
I was gettin real mellow,
When some fucking fellow
Tried to get me; now that was some fright!
--- Anon
He assured me a pleasant surprise
When the time came to meet
I was startled to greet
A nice girl with blue tits and big eyes
--- Jason or Mike Dale
For although, in the face, she was fair
I ran away scared
When I saw what she bared:
She had a blonde cunt and tight hair.
--- Jason or Mike Dale
Placed a Christmas wreath on her vagina;
One constructed of holly
Imported from Raleigh,
So that now pious men can decline her.
--- Isaac Asimov
As she only wanted to be first.
She thought she could win
With a Jay Leno chin,
And looking just like Patty Hearst.
--- Fabrika Lims
Who, at home, would not raise a finger.
She claimed to be ailing,
But this was her failing:
Her dad found out that she liked to malinger.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Had a bush, she was trying to tune it;
That crazy old girl,
With her mind in a twirl,
Had a bird, she was trying to moon it.
--- Cap'n Bean P0507
Sunday lurking becomes quite a bore.
You women are lazy;
You drive us men crazy;
Someone out there -- we need a good whore.
--- Anon
Whose figure was nothing to boast of.
But odd as it was,
It was chiefly because
It was certainly not made the most of.
--- Little More NonsenseP0507
Who won't learn to apply what's been taught her,
Cannot hope to aspire
Or indeed to climb higher,
And could possibly land in hot water.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
Whose hobby was the practical joke.
As a result of her pranks
She never had thanks,
And many a friendship she broke!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
So then had to rush morning make-up.
The other girls in the pool
Said her make-up looked cool.
She needed a cosmetic shake-up.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Whose voice was screechy and squawky.
Her friends were emphatic;
She sounded Iike static
And they called her their Milwaukee-talkie.
--- Ogden Nash
Has become this week's new mystery.
So what was her name?
Was it all just a game?
An attention-getting deficiency?
--- Anon
Were bad and she'd constantly scold 'em.
But they couldn't behave
And their faults were so grave,
That she put out a sign and she sold 'em.
--- Cap'n Bean P0112
But whose tits were amazing, fantastic.
When I pissed in her wind,
She giggled and grinned.
My god, was her pussy elastic.
--- Paul Boston
Well knew the frustrating dilemma
Of spurning advances
And squelching romances,
While racked in a sensuous tremor.
--- Isaac Asimov
I found the problem quite knurled.
Our greatest desire
Is what fans the fire;
It's best if the world is degirled!
As the sweet little thing that I had
In gay old Paris --
What she gave to me
Has turned my poor gonads to plaid.
Your opinions are like writing bad checks.
They are worthless you see,
So don't fuck with me!!
I'M THRU' WITH YOU NOW... NEXT!!
--- Anon
Of sticks in high heels and lace knickers.
They ain't even pretty
And not even witty;
They'd be better as envelope lickers.
--- Nawahl Razak
Portraying these rakes as god's queens.
It makes young girls sick
And anorexic,
By upsetting their stomach and spleens.
--- Nawahl Razak
Ghost-like things floated by, full of charms.
They were ladies, alright,
But I got such a fright,
'Cause it seemed they walked by on their arms.
--- Nawahl Razak
And make ladies wish to disappear
And promote the more healthy
And perhaps a bit stealthy
Real women; we also are here.
--- Nawahl Razak
Found, on horses, that she had a good seat.
When it came to the ball,
She rode for a big fall,
She had two very awkward left feet.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who kept herself terribly busy.
She was so disarranged,
Her life became changed;
She's the original dame who was dizzy.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Surely he'd tell her no lies.
But her hopes were in vain,
He did not love her brain,
But was really quite fond of her thighs.
--- Lims For Year - 01
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