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Cindy's a lisping annoyance; Unlucky indeed was young Fife, Women are dangerous critters; When Karen get's miffed, you are right; My fat wallet's rapidly slimmin'; With women and horses I'm cursed; My wallet is stuffed full of plastic, A lecherous fellow named Dan I've searched many years for a spouse, Joe lays his landlady, Miss Kent, Your one eye's a dark limpid pool, I love every zit, every pimple; The Girl Shooting Season's commenced My shotgun is ready to fire We'll chase you with shotguns half-cocked, Now my love doll could please a collegian; Begged a crafty young steno named Sutton, What a man needs at home is a drudge There was a young girl from Texas, There was an old recluse named Schartner A frustrated husband named Dwight My husband's a sweet little lamb; I hear that housework makes you ugly. Said the fiance of Mr. Keith Hutch Two babes who keep light house in Hatteras There once was a fellow of Bath Remarked a West African pigmy Said she, "Don't forget the shindig." There is a young girl so fine, She sometimes gives me a stir, With my spouse, I got into a fight! Lady Clara Cuddlestone Clyde There was a young fellow of Wheeling There once was a girl called Muppet; The doc said, "For the sake of your health, A dolly like that I have got, A blue-eyed young beauty from Closter One time I loved me a poet; We loved very truly for years, Love is a double-edged sword; Each time we suffer its stings, Love has many variations. If you don't want to sleep with your hand, It costs me a fortune to keep If now all the truth must be told, For I lost my love two years past. Now my bed is much colder than snow. A girl who lived by the tombs, So anti-female is McMann "Dirty limericks, the sort which malign Said a Women's Lib girl named MacPherson, Girls shouldn't depend on sweet charity; All wives drop their names when they wed. "What's in a name?" William said.
Should I be choked up with emotion Most women get married, 'tis true, Fellow fem, I don't usually boast While ranting, I'll beat a new cow -- A poet from Cheltenham Spa, "You're a chauvinist pig, born and bred; I think that he is not benign; Her convictions are strong, though I rib her; That orator Senor Demosthenes A satyr who leered with perversity There was a young lady abject; Please take note of the ex Mrs. Tolliver. These feminists get so uptight.
Blonde curls give me pains in the gro-ins.
Would she sink like a stone
If in water she's thrown?
I'm wondering what is her bouyance?
--- Artie TRoll
For nagging made misery of life.
He was terribly fraught
And a mistress he sought,
But the mistress nagged worse than his wife.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2570
Never seen such for cussers and spitters.
They piss and they moan,
And they stay on the phone,
But they're handy for cleaning the shitters.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
'Fraid to say, not at all a pretty site.
Her arms she starts flinging,
My ears they start ringing,
That woman sure enjoys a good fight.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The future's looking quite grim, in
The hall bills are piling,
I'm for bankruptcy filing,
The reason: slow horses, fast women.
--- Anon
At least the gals usually came first.
But they don't want to know,
Now I'm clean out of dough,
And so I'm in sorrow immersed.
--- Anon
Which means that my wealth is elastic.
For cash I have none,
Which would limit my fun,
And my life to the merely monastic.
--- Anon
Thought he had the best seduction plan.
He would lure all the girls
With both diamonds and pearls,
But they grabbed the jewels and just ran.
--- Warrick Elrod
And found one who thinks I am grouse;
She will, I'm confiding
Visit me, providing,
Her guide dog can find my new house.
--- David Miller Q
But he still has to pay the whole rent...
She claims that seduction
Doesn't rate a reduction,
So Joe says, "It's money will spent."
--- Grand Prix Lim 395
And you look oh so cute when you drool.
Though your hair's rather sparse,
And you've got a fat arse,
The sight of you makes me a fool.
--- Anon
Those pock-marks you told me were dimples.
And that fog-horn like voice,
Makes my glad heart rejoice;
And best of all, hon, you're so simple.
--- Anon
On my grouse moor in Ayrshire and hence,
I invite you for huntin'
And fishin' for cunt in
My old country castle immense.
--- Peter Wilkins
And it's AJL girls I desire;
So, m'dears, you're invited
To make us excited,
By runnin' through heather and briar.
--- Peter Wilkins
But won't fire 'til our eyeballs are locked
On your faces and figures;
Then squeezing our triggers
We'll shoot when you're fully defrocked.
--- Peter Wilkins
We'll go pub-crawling in some tough region;
So her make-up's too thick;
She can stir a drunk's dick;
In the dim light she'll pass for Norwegian!
--- Anon
"With a mink coat I soon will be struttin'."
And she soon had the mink,
But she raised a big stink,
When she found the damn thing would not button.
--- Albin Chaplin
Who never from housework will budge,
And a mistress so spicing
For providing the icing
Made of marshmallow, chocolate and fudge.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2028
Who said that she knows what real sex is.
It's give and it's take,
But make no mistake,
A girl will give more for a Lexus!
--- Anon
Who found his young lady a heartener.
He said, "I can see
How much fun it can be,
When you do all these things with a partner."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0321
Knows headaches cause marital blight,
But his big-boobied mistress
Is unceasingly estrous
And never says "no" in the night.
--- Armand E Singer 270
He does whatever he can:
To stay on my good side,
Keep me a sweet bride,
And keep himself out of a jam!
--- Anon
If true, then I can say smugly,
I'll stay beautiful,
One lovely armful;
I don't even vacuum the ruggly!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
"At last I've got him in my crotch.
But if you tell Keith,
I'll lie through my teeth,
And swear I said not crotch but clutch!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Said, "Hot fellows think, if they flatteras,
We'll be so delighted,
They'll each be invited
To play house with us on our matteras.
--- Grand Prix Lim 709
Who followed a straight moral path.
He spent most of his life
In the arms of his wife,
Which aroused his young mistress's wrath.
--- Isaac Asimov
When caught up knee-deep in polygamy;
"There's safety in numbers,
It spices my slumbers,
And keeps 'em from getting to sick of me."
--- Armand E Singer 55
He replied, "Oh yeah, thingumajig...?
What? A birthday? A mate's?"
Women take to those dates,
While the men? Well they don't give a fig.
--- Doug Harris P0510Q
She bitches but seldom does whine.
I call her baby,
She never says maybe,
And I'm proud to say she is mine.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
For, on occasion, I have made her purr.
She nuzzled my neck,
And I think, "What the heck!
Someday I just may marry her."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
We were yelling and screaming all night!
But then at sunrise,
We reached compromise,
When I got to decide she was right!
--- Observer A
Thought Sir Horace had something to hide.
So she opened his mail
And unravelled the tale
Of the ladies he had on the side.
--- Warrick Elrod
Who liked women submissively kneeling.
This pose of humility
Enhanced his ability,
With results he found soothing and healing.
--- Isaac Asimov
This is file ggl
Her ass I would shove my dick up it.
A thick stream of cum
Would shoot in her bum;
Pulling strings, she was my sphincter puppet.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
You shouldn't be feeding yourself --
Find some little dolly
To feed you, by golly --
So what if she takes all your wealth?"
--- Anon
And you'd think I'd be pleased, but I'm not.
I have to be wary;
She's unsanitary;
Cooks carrots and peas in same pot.
--- Anon
Was number one lay on his roster;
And while occupied
With those on the side,
He would keep her on ice, then defroster.
--- Hugh Oliver A080B
I loved him too much; Now I know it.
I figured he'd leave
But I tried to believe.
Then he left as I'd guessed. Did I blow it?
--- Karen
And deeply, in spite of my fears.
So I learned in my heart
That when we did part,
I love better, in spite of those tears.
--- Karen
From great heights to depths untoward.
But the fact of it is
You never have lived,
Until you have reaped its reward.
--- Azul
We grow to know many more things.
But love always wins
When a new one begins;
It is life the Yang and the Ying.
--- Azul
For a friend, for a lover, for relations.
From deep in our hearts,
The love to impart,
So give it with no reservation.
--- Azul
(And a woman is so much more grand!)
Then you'll just have to pay
For a lady to lay.
Don't bury your head in the sand.
--- Anon
My ladyfriend happy. I weep
At the dollars I spend
Before getting my end.
Then all she wants is to sleep.
--- Anon
I have only one New Year's goal.
A maid will I get
And keep her quite wet,
And all of her virtues extol.
--- KJ
As she was no virtuous lass,
She ran off to Rio
With a lesbian trio;
That's when I began smoking grass.
--- KJ
Is this more than you wanted to know?
Don't need money for beer,
Just a sweet lady here,
This I pray Lady Luck will bestow.
--- KJ
Had a house with forty-nine rooms.
A man gave her the place
For her legs and her face
And a fortune built in her bazooms.
--- Chairman Steve
He calls every woman, WOEman.
Each gal is a gall,
No pal but a pall,
And nastily accents maDAMn.
--- Irving Superior P8112
The feminine sex," says Ms. Kline,
"And treat women just
As object of lust,
Nowadays contravene Title IX."
--- A N Wilkins P8505a
"For an insult to gals, there's no worse 'un,
Than the preachers who say
Ah-men through the day;
We must teach them to change to Ah-person!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2682
The sexes should be on a parity.
But hearing the jokes
And watching the folks,
I fear this ideal is a rarity.
--- Norm Storer
Zycwuvski becomes Smith instead.
And each aka,
Is not what they say.
McCarthy called everyone Red.
--- Irving Superior P9507
That you were denied a promotion?
Your skin's a shade pale,
And besides, you're a male.
Be glad you avoided demotion.
--- Anon
They feel it's the best they can do.
But why spend your life
Being somebody's wife,
When you might spend it just being you?
--- Barney Blackley
Of the secret I treasure the most.
Men are by far much more tender;
If they're not, try the blender,
Or my personal favorite, "Nut Roast!"
--- Anon
That late women's lib group called N.O.W.
Their last big hurrah
Was burning the bra
Which most didn't need anyhow.
--- Annie Jay
Had a breakdown whilst driving his car.
As he scribbled a sonnet,
Said his girl, 'neath the bonnet,
"You take women's lib much too far."
--- Betty Morris
All those macho ideas in your head!
Even how you address me,
Is meant to oppress me."
"That's arguable, baby," he said.
--- Anon
Suspicious big bulge is a sign
He is packing heat,
And is not discrete.
He's male chauvinistic porcine.
--- Anon
She will harp on fem rights till I gibber.
"If you're so right,
Then get out and fight!"
But she won't; a real chicken libber.
--- John Miller 0167
Said, "Girls show too much when they cross their knees."
But all of the flappers
Just out of di-apers
Cried, "Stupid men never shall boss the knees!"
--- G2685
Was arrested for feminadversity.
But he said at his hearing,
"We can't live without leering;
It is part of our cultural diversity."
--- H P Fletcher P9603
Her talents she did misdirect.
In her manner vandalic,
She destroyed symbols phallic,
And demolished what man did erect.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1918
Her husband tried making a doll of her.
She did learn to blink,
And say Papa, and wink.
But she found that did not express all of her.
--- John Ciardi
If you woo them they put up a fight.
They should just relax,
And take off their slacks,
And enjoy the phallic delight.
--- Anon
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