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"Sir, the chef's in a bit of a stew. I always wanted to meet a fairy; Friend James wasn't what you'd call hot; There was a young fellow of Wadham, A desperate homo called Cliff Said the barker, gay Ethelbert Russell, After vainly invoking the Muse, A gorgeous young fag of Budapest A pansy, a pimp, and a ponce There once was a cynical sot A handsome young fellow named Newman That young man named Simpson was handsome A queer friend, who is peripatetic, There once was a weaver named Bloom, A wealthy old fairy named Heitz There once was a fellow named Plume, So you males who are too freaking tender, There once was a fellow named Ryan, A footman, once know as Peach Fuzz, On looking deep into his eyes, I know guys who give every day There once was a fellow named Hal A perverted old barber once said, When a girl and a gay wished to sin, An old social worker named Shutes There once was a fellow named Bach, There once was a sailor named Rex As he lay in his bath, mused Lord Byng, I thought, when he spoke of "male bonding," There was a young man from St Mary's Said a sweet little man from Cape Fear, Some gentlemen born under Aries There was a young fellow named Cyril There were two young brothers named Bowles I have never felt kissy-kissy A sodomite jailed in San Quentin George said, "Sex is natural, sex is good; A fellow who played on the flute A young Harvard man, sweet and tender, There was a young fellow named Fender Global ironies come in all grades, There was a young fellow, McBride, A businessman hoteled in Dallas There was a young bachelor named Ned I once was annoyed by a queer, Tom Malin admits he was paid (male prostitute with political ambitions)
There once was a sad man from Adder Bay, If everyone here or over there, Dear Terry, the world will be gay I say that: "I wish I was gay!" I guess I could manage if need be, There's no help for poor Freddy O'Day. In their curriculi, if you should seek, Could a man from the town San Tome, Faggots, in a way, I don't mind; A youth who was much oversexed, A Viking from old York, I wage A handsome young homo named Kohl A pederast here in Moline A young public schoolboy each day A charming girl doctor named Phoebe, I'm sure you have one of those marts Subconscious this deep in repression, He depicts himself King of South Bend, Once a man called John Dansy Smirked a dirty old fag from Lahore,
A man with the cutest kazoo
Has come in the kitchen
With manners, bewitchin',
And basted his meat with the roux."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Last night with his legs so hairy,
We both had some beer.
I felt a little queer;
And now of wishes, I am somewhat wary.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Didn't care what he gave or he got.
Or if he was blown
Or got off alone;
Yes, James was a bit of a snot.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Who asked for a ticket to Sodom.
When they said, "We prefer
Not to issue them, Sir."
He said, "Don't call me 'Sir'! Call me 'Modom'"!
--- Anon
Often cruises the Thames in a skiff.
From Wadsworth to Putney
He searches for chutney,
And ferrets it out with his stiff.
--- Peter Wilkins
"This circus life sure makes me hustle!
But the costumes excite me,
The glitter delights me,
And I just LOVE THE STRONG MAN'S MUSCLE!"
--- Ann Gasser P8711
A poet cried, "Hell, what's the use!
There's more inspiration
At Grand Central Station.
I shall go there this moment and cruise."
--- W H Auden P0110 P8512
Just adored to depants and trasvest.
With things between legs
He'd take ostrich eggs,
And achieve a coq-succulent breast.
--- Mahlon Blaine G2094
Drew their weapons in darkest Provence.
The ponce and the pimp
Came all over limp,
And the pansy escaped, for the nonce.
--- Beelzebub
Quite in love with a man who was not.
Though constantly spurned,
Ever faithful, he returned
To deliver another bon mot.
--- Grantaire
Had heavenly screwing acumen.
A supernatural fairy?
He said, "No! My God Mary!
I have to admit I'm just human."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
And he married the widow, Ms. Ransom.
It turns out she's a whore
And to even the score,
He's been seeing a faggot named Samson.
--- Neal Wilgus P8507
Writes: "Ireland, my dear, is magnetic:
The faires and elves
Simply offer themselves --
Rather small, but most sympathetic."
--- W H Auden P8512
Who took teen-age boys to his room.
He liked to play checkers
While feeling their peckers.
They called him the fruit of the loom.
--- David Miller
Avoids controversial fights
By paying top prices
To humor his vices,
And all of his foul appetites.
--- Armand E Singer 308
A weaver, by trade, in St Hume.
He was dainty and merry
And kind of a fairy.
They called him the fruit of the loom.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Or preocccupied with your own splender,
I have one thing to say,
Stay out of my way
And find someone of your own gender.
--- Ann Gasser P9111
To fuck him the young girls were dying.
But he made them all cry
'Cause he passed them all by;
'Twas guys that this Ryan was eyeing.
--- Bob Leclerc
Thought a patron desired a buzz.
But he was misled;
"I'll be jiggered," he said. (should be jiggro - McW)
And before the night ended, he was.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
I found out with some great surprise,
He just did not care
That I was right there --
He was checking out other guys!
--- Anon
In the most harassing way.
They blab and blab;
They grope and grab.
Turns out that most of them are gay.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had a frolic with Ernie, his pal.
In a voice, not the sternest,
He said, half in Ernest,
"What a way to improve your morale!"
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
"I never can trim a man's head,
'Cause I wish that his jowls,
Were nearer his bowels,
And his nose were a pecker instead."
--- L1528
He confessed to a way not akin
To the usual screwing.
She asked, "What are you doing?"
"I just wanted to keep my hand in!"
--- Jane D Hughes P9111
Worked hard to assist prostitutes.
He spent his last years
With fairies and queers,
Enjoying the labors of fruits.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0883
Who went sailing with young Dr Spock.
But lust came to the fore,
And they headed for shore,
Where Bach was then laid 'neath the dock.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Who spent his nights prowling the decks.
It wasn't salt air
That drew him out there,
But sailors of the very same sex.
--- Lims For Year - 01
"Oh Blimy! What memories you bring!
That gorgeous young trooper...
No! No! Gladys Cooper!
By Gad, sir! That was a near thing."
--- L0457
Platonically he was responding.
But it seems I was wrong,
The urge was too strong,
For he took up male mutual fondling.
--- Raceway TP9807
Who did it with fags and with fairies.
At least this endeavor
Almost certainly never
Cost any nice ladies their cherries.
--- Armand E Singer 111a
"Every thought that I have is so queer.
With no money, you bet
I can't pay a debt;
As a queer, there's no fear of arrear."
--- Tom Patton
Are likely to go by contairies.
They're apt to ignore
The sweet girl next door,
And feel much attracted to fairies.
--- Isaac Asimov
Who had never been thought of as virile.
No girl made a start
At reaching his heart.
No girl -- but you bet any queer'll.
--- Isaac Asimov
This is file gem
Who buggered each other like moles.
You could join in their sport
If you were the right sort;
They rejected the types with two holes.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0905
Toward a male who is too sissy-sissy.
If he sips herbal tea
And sits down to pee,
He will have no rapport with this missy.
--- Ann Gasser P9111
Is broodin' and darkly repentin'
The lack, in this nation,
Of sex education --
To blame for the wrong way he went in.
--- Hugh Oliver A024B
Not everybody does it but everybody should."
But he had to spoil it,
And go in a toilet,
And try to shag some policeman dude.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Remarked once, when out on a toot,
"I don't get my jollies
From boys...only dollies,
So don't touch my flute, you damn fruit!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 260
Went out with some queers on a bender.
He came back in two days
In a sexual haze,
No longer quite sure of his gender.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G1066
Who went out with some queers on a bender.
He came back in confusion
In a state of delusion,
And not quite too sure of his gender.
--- Albin Chaplin a
But sometimes Fate plays it in spades.
When they're finally at ease
To live as they please,
They're promptly confronted with AIDS.
--- A N Wilkins P9111
Who preferred his trade long, thick, and wide.
But he never rejected
Anything that erected,
For "Peter is peter", he sighed.
--- L1633
Got horny and called his girl Alice.
But since she's on the rag,
And since he's partly fag,
He fondled his fake plastic phallus.
--- Anon
Who, when asked why he wasn't wed,
Said he hated girls,
With ribbons and curls,
He much preferred he-men instead.
--- Thomas A Ratliff P0307
Who made his intentions quite clear.
Said I, "I'm no prude,
So don't think me rude,
But I've already stewed, screwed, and tattooed."
--- L0086
By queers with a yen to get laid.
If he has any luck,
He'll soon get to fuck
All Texans and still be well paid.
--- John Miller
Who stalked a young man on a Saturday.
But he was detected
And swiftly rejected;
Now Adder Bay has a much sadder gay.
--- Travis Brasell
Would shed a tear or give a care
Then maybe one day
The world could be gay,
And we'd walk around naked and bare.
--- Terry Ashley
If it isn't already that way.
And the boom that you hear
Could come from your rear,
Where an AIDS-bearing missile might stray.
--- John Miller
But my dog didn't make me that way.
I tried sucking dick,
But no matter how thick,
I just couldn't swallow the spray.
--- Tom Bishop
But please don't be aking a marquee.
And keep a low profile
Plus I might get hostile
If I thought they thought me a freebie.
--- Tom Bishop
He felt dismal about being gay.
Then a willing young bitch,
Tried to teach him to switch,
But he found it just ghastly that way.
--- John Ciardi
British Public Schools are known to wreak
Havoc on younger lads,
Sent there by wealthy dads
To learn Latin, but some are taught Greek.
--- Loren Fitzhugh
Touch no dames for a year? Men bet "no way!"
But our hero, undaunted,
Got the nookie he wanted;
All he did for twelve months was go gay.
--- Robert Elliot
They can bugger themselves till they're blind.
It's true by far,
The more poofters there are,
There's more shielas around to find.
--- Shane
Was easily fretted and vexed.
When out on a date,
He hardly could wait
To say, "Turn over, bud; my turn next."
--- L0501
Was partial to rape and pill-age.
He had a real ball
And some rump and all --
The only gay in the vill-age.
--- Fluffy
Said Polish guys were his goal.
He hightened his chances
For Polish romances
By wandering from Pole to Pole.
--- Sam Pittman
In search of a new sort of scene,
A broad tried to lay,
But she answered, "No way!
I happen to know where it's been."
--- Hugh Oliver A044A
Would go down on his knees and thus pray:
"Oh Lord, if you can,
Please make me a man,
And Lord, please make sure that he's gay."
--- Michael Horgan
Said "We need to keep cleaner than we be.
Homos fuck up the bum;
Eat shit and suck come,
With AIDS, gonorrhea, and amoebae."
--- Alexander Baron
Where the hits won't be topping the charts.
And I'm sure you're a fool
By applying the rule
That the whole is the scum of its parts.
--- Hugh Clary
Turns outward with shows of aggression.
Buried up to his hilt,
Par is riddled with guilt,
With latent gay anal obsession.
--- Anon
With court jester as wise man and friend.
The picture's a chromo;
The jerk's an old homo,
And constantly at his wit's end.
--- Armand Singer P0104
Stooped down at a lovely dune tansy;
While inspecting the bower
Of the bright yellow flower,
Was attacked from behind by a pansy.
--- Donald McGill
"For my lovers I use the back door;
Well, the front one's too pubic,
But the rear is cherubic,
And discreet, so I need not say more."
--- Armand Singer
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