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There was a fine fellow from Gransome, A buggerish Texan named Skelly, A gay lost his boots in a game... They accused an old lecher of Sodom A sodomist, fresh out of gaol, In Frisco, some high heels have spurs, A young faggot named Tomcat O'Harry, I'll join in this talk, intellectual; Our ambassadorial Ottoman A classical man from Victoria, On a whim, a man tempted fate The gays at the Church in the Dell, There's a guy who wears his hair parted, Said the Dean, "I don't care what you think, In the darkness of deepest Khartoum, From my reading of Jimmy's composite, An athletic young cowgirl named Harriet Geoffrey Howe's in a bit of a tiz, There is a queer fellow named Hayes A Young Person came out of the mists 'Twas only last Saturday (was it?) A big brawny bastard named Tex There was a chap who dropped into Cheers, A gay politician named Dean There was a young physicist named Fisk In my time I have written bad limericks, There once was a gay bloke named Bob, There was a young lad named Harry The story continues you see, Helen is pure to this day. The grand-niece of Madame DuBarry, The queen used to stay in his closet A tiny bit suspect is Bert, A cowboy from old Santa Fe The things they do tell about Murph! A man entered, peeked, unrested; A British rock star by name Bodenham, There once was a gorgeous young jock A costumed old faggot named Dwight At the draft board, they said, "War is hell! A young man who sacked coke in Fort Knox A young circus midget named Joe A daring gay man named McQueen A toothless old faggot named Keith, There once was a virile young jock, It's true; I'm providing a vitamin, That famous old pederast, Wilde, An unrestrained diner named Rhine, There once was a man named Chuck Knox A professional WASP named Fitzgerald, There lived a bloke called SFA. A swisher who lives in Revere The soul-searching fag from New York, A gay Nimrod would trek hill and dale, Young Jim asked his lover in Claire Laughed a mincing young faggot named Hewitt, A hairdresser working in Birmingham, A fag bumped a truck in Laporte A young fellow exceedingly rash There was a young man of Oak Grove; After vainly invoking the Muse, I get a thrill on Blueberry Hill. There were twenty-two homos had lain How sad to see someone like Yates There once was a queer named Horatio Today, my friend Carl goes by Carol,
Who was hot, and they say he was handsome.
Young men he'd embrace
And take to his place,
And alone in his room, he would pants 'em.
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
Likes boyish butts under his belly.
When a catamite foil
Hears him brag "I'm in oil!"
What he means is petroleum jelly.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
And from that point was never the same.
Ran about acting manly
In front of his family,
Who wondered who put out his flame!
--- Oddo von Schlong TP9802
That he fucked 'em and promptly forgot 'em.
"Though I may forget faces,"
He told the straight laces,
"I always remember a bottom."
--- Lloyd Rawley
Was desperate for some sort of tail.
By necessity forced,
He screwed the exhaust
Of a van clearly marked "Royal Mail".
--- Linda Marsh Coll
On a cowpoke with leather and furs;
This simpering savage
Seeks sailors to ravage;
Should hear this big brute when he purrs!
--- Anon
Had a bath with a singer named Larry.
One could clearly imply
From that look in his eye,
That the kitten just ate the canary.
--- Anon
A cupboard for love's quite effectual.
When after some beer
You're feeling quite queer,
Go there with your closet homosexual.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Is rumored to be slightly not a man.
His manner so airy,
Reminds one of Faery;
He isn't a top but a bottom man.
--- Mike Tice
In a post-alcoholic euphoria,
Was discovered one day
In a club for the gay,
Immersed in an Ars Amatoria.
--- Anon
And entered a gay bar quite late.
What a fix he was in,
When to their chagrin,
They found he was a "closet straight".
--- Macsam
Swore never to end up in hell,
So when each knelt to pray
(as they liked to say)
They practiced "Don't ask and don't tell."
--- Bob Birch P0507
Who kept his gay-side so well guarded,
He thought nobody knew.
But guys had a clue
When it smelled of spunk when he farted.
--- Anon
Of the depths to which others may sink,
But when I go down
And you tell the whole town,
That I did, then young man, you're a fink!"
--- John Ciardi
Lives a carpetmaker in his room.
His designs are quite fey --
I suspect the man's gay --
People call him the fruit of the loom.
--- P Chernoff
It's no wonder he's been in the closet;
There's a greater agenda
Than to pump her pudenda,
Though a piping hot prepuce can cause it.
--- Anon
Keeps her boyfriend in line with a lariat.
Though she keeps a tight rein,
All her effort's in vain,
'Cause she isn't aware he's a farriet.
--- G0981
Since I found some lingerie of his.
He claims that he's butch;
He protesteth too much.
He says that he isn't; he IS!
--- Kevin Hale
Who is frequently normal for days,
But even a friend
Finds it best not to bend,
On account of his "in-different" ways...
--- Grand Prix Lim 265
Who had the most beautiful wrists:
A scandal occurred
Which had long been inferred,
But the legend about them persists.
--- W H Auden P8608
That Jimmy came out of the closet
And said to young Brenda,
"I fear your pudenda
In future won't get my deposit."
--- Peter Wilkins
Had muscles he'd constantly flex!
Rope a cow? Ride a horse?
He couldn't, of course...
Nor could he have hetero-sex!
--- Writerman
Just to have a few beers,
After a while,
He said with a smile:
"In Cheers there aren't any queers."
--- William K Alsop Jr
Was caught frolicking in the latrine.
He claimed it was rape,
But they have it on tape,
And his smile's positively obscene.
--- Larry Wilde
Who was termed a security risk,
For acts of perversion
Were his only diversion,
At which one can only say "Tsk."
--- G0972
And true, there are several sweet tricks,
But the ones that are best,
Will squat on our chest
And play with our two little limp dicks.
--- Anon
Who broke down and started to sob
When his Mum to him said,
"There's sperm on your head,
And poo on the end of your nob."
--- Anon A
Who found the fair sex to be scary.
One day at his leisure,
He found a great pleasure
With another young fairy named Jerry.
--- Anon
When Harry had turned twenty-three,
He desired to marry,
So a rhinoplast fairy,
Swapped Harry's equipment to pee.
--- Anon
No one could lead her astray.
Yet a close call occurred
When a sinister nerd
Came along, but proved to be gay.
--- John Paulk P0310
Suspected her son was a fairy.
"It's peculiar," said she,
"But he sits down to pee,
And stands when I bathe the canary."
--- L1411
And hide as he rode his man's faucet,
With KY grease jelly
All over his welly,
And loved when he'd make his deposit...
--- Jon Gearhart
In tight-fitting and frilly white shirt,
Despite facial hair,
Broadly masculine air,
And a penchant for wearing a skirt.
--- Peter Wilkins
This is file gcm
Seemed to women, the ultimate lay.
He machismo was such,
Girls swooned to his touch.
But to tell you the truth, he was gay.
--- Larry Wilde
(The seashore's hot sands are his turf).
He'll seek out some lad,
Completely unclad,
On whom he can try soixante-neuf.
--- Armand E Singer 626A
A barmaid stopped, interested.
She said, "What's wrong, hunk."
He said, "Just blew a chunk."
"Were you forced? Chunks should be arrested."
--- Anon
Wore jeans just like he had been sewed in 'em.
Once he went far astray
With some guy who was gay,
And quick as a flash he got blowed in 'em.
--- Armand E Singer 220
Who liked nothing better than sucking on cock.
But came a young fellow
Whose semen was yellow,
And the jock's cock fell off like a rock.
--- Robert W
Arrived at a party quite tight.
"I see you're a ghost,"
Said the jovial host,
"But I bet you're a goblin' tonight."
--- David Miller
Could you kill a man? Now think well!"
The fairy named Dirk
Answered, "Yes," with a smirk,
"Although it would take quite a thspell!"
--- Five Line Frolics P0407
Lost his job, so he worked tucking socks.
Then he moved to Grand Forks
Where he tried soaking corks,
But he quit and he's now sucking cocks.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2989
Was looking for whores in Bordeaux.
But Joe was demeaned
When a queer intervened,
And he gave little Joe a low blow.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0834
Would keep watch in a public latrine.
And when his bold gaze
Caused a member to raise,
Why then he'd start making the seen.
--- Big Little Playoy Lims
On top of his friends or beneath,
Would let them insert
Their things till it hurt,
Or suck them since lacking his teeth.
--- Armand Singer
Who was found in the loo, sucking cock.
He wanted to scream
"I am not a queen!"
But his mouth was too full to talk.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And I hate to complain when delight I'm in.
But, when taking a load
At the point of explode,
It's better to lap that to bitamin.
--- Paul Ducas
Felt sure a boy stayed undefiled
If you handled his penis
With no trace of meanness,
Whenever you sucked off the child.
--- G1081
Quite horny from oysters and wine,
Once cornered a waiter
And like some wild satyr,
He forced him to do sixty-nine.
--- Armand E Singer 626
Who went around fixing stuck locks.
When business was slack,
He's always go back
To work his old job and suck cocks.
--- David Miller
Was spotted last week by the Herald,
In a village Cafe,
Sucking off an old gay.
Do you think his reputation's imperiled?
--- G2335
Who would masturbate over the hay.
His boyfriend/brother Rob
Felt his cock start to throb,
So they invited in their cousin Ray
Said, "I know that you know I'm a queer,
But you'll find in the end
I can be a real friend...
Can it be you avoid me from FEAR?"
--- Grand Prix Lim 482
Reminisced while popping the cork.
As he lifted his drink
He did toast like a shrink:
"I dropped out the back end of the stork!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection a
Stalking game birds by lakeside and trail.
Through the briars and muck,
He'd flush turkey and duck,
And euphoric to bag a mere quail.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0402
To help him choose something to wear.
"What do you suggest
That would show me up best?"
He replied, "You look best when you're bare."
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
"Opportunity knocked and I knew it.
I saw this cute nance
And jumped at the chance,
So how can you claim that I blew it?"
--- Armand E Singer 447
Who's used by gay actors for permingham,
Both washes and blows
Their pubes before shows,
For she knows there's no danger of firmingham.
--- David A Brooks Q
And the fender did slightly distort.
Said the irate old trucker,
"Suck my cock, you dumb fucker!"
And they settled the case out of court.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2991
Asked me once for a dance at some bash.
I said, "Brother, no way!
I'm extremely un-gay.
I'm just blessed with a certain panache."
--- Graham Lester
For a bit of some action he strove.
And through predilection,
He made a connection
With Homer, the roamer, by Jove!
--- Limericks Naughty & Gay
A poet cried, "Hell, what's the use!"
I get my kicks
On Route 66
I shall go there this moment and cruise.
--- Arthur Deex P0110
There are bluebirds over the white cliff of Dover.
Way down yonder in New Orleans in the land of dreamy scenes.
I shall go there this moment and cruise.
--- Arthur Deex P0110
In a circular path daisy chain.
In that way each queer
Had his spear in the rear,
So that none of the queers could complain.
--- Grand Prix Lim 964
In such impecunious straits.
The reason, of course, is
Fast women, slow horses,
And the sailors he frequently dates.
--- Michael Horgan
Who joined the small cast of a gay show.
He said, "For a start
I will take any part."
The donkey and he did fellatio.
--- David Miller
And Denise used to be called Darrel,
It's a seasonal thing
I think, 'cause they sing,
"Don we now our gay apparel."
--- Anon
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