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I also think carrots are over-rated, On the matter of relative size They don't help me see in the dark, Once finished, the better they see, There is an old cook freckle-faced, In food stores, eccentric Joe Miller, They do say when cooking with chives, A forty-year old at Fitzbilly (Fitzwilliam College of Cambridge)
A big man from old New Orleans, Chef Cole views the cabbage with awe, Use your fingers and rotate the cob; Jam the ham, fork the beef, pluck the chicken; Into the doctors I lumbered; Carnivores! Please don't DISPARAGE us, A courtesan eating falafel, There was a young man of Loch Ness There was a hillbilly named Fritz, There once was a convict named Glime, If in Moncton they ask you to dine Said a freaky French fryer of Frisco, "Watch out for the cops!" said Capone, At a restaurant way out in Wyoming, A lady from near Milton Keynes A babe by the name Peter Piper, Now how many dinners (pre-teens) "I'm sick of this diet!" said Kate. If man is supposed to have joy, I have an aversion to dill. Don't gossip or bandy about There was an old person of Norwich Consider the fate o' the humble potato; One night you have been to the pub, Hummus I love in a tub! A clever old gourmet named Sam A man of the future is Z.; With the "pratee" their principle food, Here's to kimchi the Koreans' delight. The Emir who rules Abou-dabi A gentleman, otherwise meek, Bib said to Cos, "Oh please lettuce A sandwich prepared by Pru Leith There once was a guy named Bob, A fellow named Theodore Thickle, Some Llangollan lovers of leeks I always leave carrots till last; There was a young lady of Cork, Damn these old arthritic knees, At this year's village vegetable show, A sage old observer named Frankton She took me to her leafy bower With cholesterol now on the run, A vegetarian with quite an old plight Carrots in his ear were a sight. My grapes have been aging for years, There were two calamitous pinckles I would rather eat pickles than pie; In all of my eyes, the true hate shows. A half-baked potato, named Sue, How to spell potato has tried Rhubarb when raw is so tough Hey Waiter, my soup has a roach in! A fellow named Christopher Dukes A tossed salad was set on the table, There were two young ladies named Bower I know a young lady of Greenwich There was a young woman of Greenwich An artistic old woman in Hayes
Though vitamin content's debated.
It depends what you need
When it's time for a feed,
But I prefer them when they're grated.
--- Anon
Or how it applies to my prize,
Whenever I bare it,
Gals say, "It's a carrot!"
But taste it to improve their eyes.
--- Anon
For still I am missing the mark.
She says: "It's not right
That a grown man needs light.
Don't come back till you learn how to park!"
--- Anon
Remarking, "It is a bit wee.
Who will you satisfy?"
I always reply,
"I've managed to satisfy me."
--- Anon
Who never allows any waste.
She cooks carrots and pees
In one pot, if you please,
And it really is not in bad taste.
--- Al Chaplin 3024 P8810
Will smash corncobs up on a pillar.
There's squashed grains galore,
All over the floor;
We call him a cereal killer.
--- Tiddy Ogg
"Wait till the fire engine arrives."
They tend to explode,
Then you dump your load!
I'm speaking to you from St. Ives!
--- Kevin Hale Q
Had a passion for strong piccalilli;
But just for a change,
He would widen his range
With a mixture of chutney and chili.
--- Harold C Bibby
Used to smear his big cock with baked beans.
With this, and salt pork.
He avoided the stork
And annoying Caesarean scenes.
--- Anon
As a vegetable having no flaw;
Tasty boiled or stewed,
Leading one to conclude,
That raw kraut, thinly sliced, is Cole's law.
--- Bob Giandomenico
With some butter, a generous glob.
Eat across and around,
But one thing I've found,
Corn is best when you eat like a slob.
--- John Miller 0060
You may love all this good finger lickin'.
Do like Jack Spratt;
Forget all the fat;
A cucumber is healthier pickin'.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
DIET! Or your days will be numbered.
But cakes made of rice
Don't taste very nice,
Nor lettuce that's only cucumbered.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Because we love so much asparagus!
Let us be fair
And clear the air.
Not just green-eaters are gaseous.
--- Phil Kinay
Finally said, "This is awful!
My chick pea/bean diet
Has caused me to riot.
I'm craving a good Belgian waffle.
--- Anon
Who was partial to mustard and cress.
He would eat it in bed
Between slices of bread,
In the usual state of undress.
--- Anon
Who always ate nothing but grits.
When asked why it was so,
He'd say, "'Cause I'm po,
And around here, it's all that I gits."
--- Warrick Elrod
Tended herbs to atone for his crime.
Garlic had a strong scent,
So to onions he went.
So it went until the end of thyme.
--- Monique de Plume
And you're down there at fiddlehead time,
Be ready to yearn
To munch on some fern
Or else be prepared to decline!
--- T Green, Toronto 33b
"I do all my deep frying with Crisco,
Which entices the girls
More than rubies, or pearls,
Or those dry little things from Nabisco."
--- Keith MacMillan A023D
"They've got guns and sticks of baloney.
If we let them get close,
We can give the a dose
Of fried garlic and cheese macaroni."
--- Mike O'Conner
A vegetarian was moaning,
"What have you got for me",
Said the waitress, "Let's see...
A plane ticket back to your home-ing."
--- Anon
Had trouble digesting her greens.
The odd Brussels sprout
Would find its way out,
But the greens that brought screams were French beans.
--- Michael Palin
Who, about picking peckers, was hyper.
She preferred peckers pickled;
Was delighted and tickled,
To find them still green in her diaper.
--- David Lauridsen
Did a parent say, "Eat up your greens;
'Twill put hair on your chest."
Well I've looked down my vest,
And I guess I preferred to eat beans.
--- Peter Wilkins
"I'd as soon eat the damned paper plate
As these unsalted greens,
The unbuttered beans,
And all other veggies I hate!"
--- Vassar W Smith P9504
Let's ban all the things than annoy;
Like talk Radio
And April snow,
And anything made out of soy.
--- Timothy Torkildson
I've been given an anti-dill pill.
Taken three times a day,
In the usual way,
It still gives me a bit of a thrill.
--- Bill Wall
My cousin smells like Brussels sprout.
His smell, I've opined,
Does bring to my mind
The stink of week-old sauerkraut.
--- Al Willis
Who fed upon grass and on porridge.
When porridge was sparse
And he couldn't get grass,
He would go round the city and forage.
--- Anon
It's really the best you can do.
So don't shed the blood
Of that poor helpless spud,
Who's never done nuffin' to you.
--- Brian Redford
And you stagger back home after grub;
The fridge you explore
And you find in the door
Some hummus-y stuff in a tub.
--- Lucy
An hors d'oeuvre I never would snub.
But I always assume
It's made from legume...
And there's no chick pee in that tub!
--- Tutta Gioia
This is file fzm
Used tubers for sweetening lamb.
He, at times, lacking those,
Substituted his toes,
Declaring: "I yam what I am."
--- Cyber Geezer
He lives on raw carrots and ghee,
Plus grits and gruyere,
Breathes purified air,
And washes food down with iced pee.
--- Armand E Singer 747
Irish cooking is pretty subdued.
Micks are orange or green --
No shades in between --
Either way they are usually stewed.
--- John Miller
Hurrah for each peppery bite!
The eat it for lunch,
For breakfast and brunch,
And there's a hot time in town every night!
--- James Wade P8303
Likes vegetables crisp and not flabby.
He dotes on the crunch
Of his carrots at lunch,
And denied his kohl rabi, gets crabby.
--- John E Mayhood P9809
Detested with passion the leek.
When offered one out,
He dealt such a clout
To the maid, she was down for a week.
--- Edward Gorey
'Scape from this field ere they get us!
They've only one goal!
Put us in a bowl,
Toss us and then vinagrette us.
--- Anon
Got stuck in the teeth of Ted Heath.
If the overstuffed pig,
Should drop off the twig,
Then the lettuce will make a nice wreath.
--- Kevin Hale Q
He loved to eat corn on the cob.
They say you are what you eat,
So he got yellow feet,
And he started to cry yellow sobs!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
His habits of eating were fickle;
A sandwich of meat
He'd be tempted to eat
If it only had slices of pickle.
--- Cap'n Bean P0408
Had supped on this diet for weeks;
As soon as they stirred,
A strange sound was heard,
Which brought a bright blush to both cheeks.
--- Clarkscript
I'm a carrot enthusiast.
I wait to savor
Their piquant flavor
At the end of every repast.
--- Marty TP9807
Whose Pa made a fortune in pork.
He bought for his daughter
A tutor who taught her
To balance green peas on her fork.
--- Anon
So help me, young miss, if you please.
I've broken my shins;
Please fetch me two tins
Of those mushy green marrow-fat peas.
--- Confused
Judges marked all the produce quite low!
The growers (most haughty)
At their pianoforte,
Sang "It ain't mess o' celery so!"
--- Doug P0605
Predicted what man had not banked on.
When the planet was plundered
By a race that had blundered,
There was naught left for eating but plankton.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2577
And promised a warm golden shower.
One whiff and I said,
"Get this through your head:
Asparagus never devour!"
--- Tutta Gioia
Eating steak is no longer much fun.
There's small sex appeal
In a vegetarian meal,
Even if on a hamburger bun.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
Checked himself into ER one night.
With asparagus spears
Stuck in his nose and ears,
The Doc said, "You're not eating right!"
--- Observer
The peas up his nose were a fright.
When he said he felt ill,
The Doctor said, "Bill,
It's plain you're just not eating right."
--- Anon
Awaiting your lips twixt your ears.
To drink of their flavour
And totally savour
The sweet vintage of Gherkinspears.
--- Anon
That laid in the sauerkraut crinkles.
Said one to the other;
What shall I do, mother?
Surely you, not the salt, give me wrinkles.
--- Emma TP9807
Their calories aren't very high.
Their protein and fat
Would fill up a gnat,
And their starch you could put in your eye.
--- Limber Limericks
I'm wishing that I never ate those
Polysynthetic,
Fake and pathetic
Genetically altered potatoes.
--- Anon
Was withdrawn to thicken a stew.
She reluctantly cried,
As she simmered and fried,
"I'm damned if I don't, or I do!"
--- Anon
Many minds, sometimes mine, I'll confide.
Though it may have an eye
There's no F; don't ask why!
Not until it's been boiled, baked, or fried.
--- Graham Lester
And its leaves contain poisonous stuff,
But when cleaned and de-soiled
Dipped in sugar and boiled,
Then the stalks are quite tasty enough.
--- Peter Wilkins A
My potatoes it seems to be poaching.
Though it's not eaten much,
It's actions are such
To make me believe, it's encroaching.
--- Observer
Enjoys eating old rotten cukes;
He swallows 'em down
With a gulp and a frown,
And a half-hour later he pukes.
--- Cap'n Bean P0410
But hark to the end of my fable.
A quick flick of the wrist,
The dishes all missed,
As the waiter was not very able.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who screwed two young Krauts for an hour.
Said one, "My Kraut is sweet,
I must have a repeat."
But the other said her Kraut was sour.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0054
Who cannot resist eating spinach.
She starts off at dawn,
Eats on till it's gone,
And then, only then, will she finach.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who had a great weakness for spinach.
When it slipped down her chin,
She would lap it all in,
In-ach by in-ach by in-ach.
--- Burges Johnson
Made prize-winning spinach souffles.
After winning the prize
She averted her eyes,
While the spinach was thrown to the jays.
--- Limber Limericks
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