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There once was a man called Hussein He's one of the crazy dictators; There's a lesson Saddam should be taught: The Butcher of Baghdad did bite it, Like Osama, there ain't no damn proof, I saw how the crowds, they were dancing; "The game is now over," quoth one. I saw an old man with a shoe You see, there's a reason for doing Like marriage, he could not annul it; But just between me and just you, Yesterday, on TV, it was sad; Some say Clinton attacked with no warning, The casualties make this unfunny; (bunny is ubiquitous battery ad on TV 1998)
At this time of the year all my bristle Hussein, as it turned out, had hidden He'd run for it, come the next morning; As we aimed all those surgical strikes, Saddam once had sensitive skin The dictator ruling Iraq "Dad's moustache exceeds any other," In order to set an example, Next to Hitler's, it's not trimmed as well; Saddam cut a figure quite charming -- Samson's strength was dependent on hair. While Saddam grew his 'stache with no trouble, Saddam, now most likely the late, Saddam, a prince among shits, At it again, that goat's pizzle, To one thing we can't get attuned: If this government just had the nerve Saddam is too brutal for words, He's the foe of the Kurds and the Turks; That statue in Baghdad's now rubble, Of course it was him; 'tweren't no ruse; That Saddam continues to gloat, I can just see him fucking that goat, The aftermath soon will be seen Some say he's here and not there; Perhaps, when you read between lines, I asked a commander from Texas, Said I, "What you're saying is silly. Odai and Qusai...oh how sad; I'm sure that Saddam's not a-quake Explosions compacting and lifting; To look for some person's remains, It makes a guy wonder about These lead to explosions and booms When suddenly, BOOM, it went dark, I'm afraid it is just as I feared. His guests come from all walks of life -- His sponsors have the demographic There was a young sailor from Rome That infamous sailor named Davey A puzzle theosophically weighty, The Animal is in Charge of the Navy, The medico's surname is Bee, There was a man chemist named Lee, When the young lady demos a life vest, The greenie we have on our boat A seaman by the name of Smitty, U is for Uniform, here A young sailor who stopped at all ports, Come all ye landlubber folks all There once a seaman named Davey, X is eXcursionists rude, The crew on the cruiser did rig it;
Who died in agonising pain.
The gun went CRACK!
He was shot in the back,
And never was seen again.
--- Richard Noble
He's smart as two witless dumb-waiters.
Saddam, the barn burner,
Is just a slow learner.
And now his land has some new craters.
--- Al Willis P9610
By the Gulf War he shouldn't have fought,
But he's back to provoking.
This guy must be joking;
We'll find out Hussein and who's not!
--- Larry Hollister
When looking up, half-undecided.
Half choosing to stay
Or run far away.
He got a cigar just to light it.
--- Tiddy Ogg
That Saddam was beneath the roof.
In Afghanistan,
They're still bombing, man,
There's more bloodshed yet, that's the truth.
--- Tiddy Ogg
A jubilant scene and entrancing.
His pictures were trashed;
His palace was crashed;
Even if the attack was just glancing.
--- Matthew Montchalin
"Don't ask me if war is much fun,
Or who will succeed him,
Or whether we need him
Or where his supporters will run."
--- Matthew Montchalin
Bash a picture of old you-know-who,
When up came a gent,
Lifted skirts and was bent
On the use of the pic for a loo!
--- Matthew Montchalin
That kind of thing, that is, shoeing
The face of that man
With sandal or hand;
It's better that double voodooing.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Mishandled his sword and did dull it.
He messed up and missed it;
His doom he sure kissed it,
When he bit off the big one, a bullet.
--- Matthew Montchalin
I hear that his show's in the loo.
The ratings anemic,
Scripting's bulemic;
He's already bombing there too.
--- Timothy Torkildson
It's perplexed me much more than a tad;
What can this portend
When for hours on end,
CNN was not broadcasting ads!?
--- Mike
But it's obvious something's aborning,
When the President says
Before going to bed,
"We will sortie this out in the morning."
--- Mike
That buildings are levelled so cunning.
The bombed battery site
Leaves a bit of a fright,
That they murdered that little pink bunny.
--- Mike
Goes away, as Noel I do whistle.
So, Hussein I do wish
You'll find love and warm kiss-
es while standing beneath your new missle.
--- Mike
In places unsafe and unbidden;
And pausing for plans,
He looked for a chance
To do what he could, but then didn't.
--- Matthew Montchalin
That is, he would go without warning;
Though fox-like and sly,
It seems he did die
When blown apart in a night storming.
--- Matthew Montchalin
At the target of all our dislikes,
We grew slowly aware
That Saddam's facial hair
Was the lamest since, well, the Third Reich's.
--- Travis Ruetinek
And no hair on his chinny-chin-chin.
But his lip was pubescent,
A real fertile crescent,
Where follicles quickly grew in.
--- Larry Hollister
Grew a moustache all shaggy and black.
A little while later
He lay in a crater,
As vultures approached for a snack.
--- Pat Sajak
Cried young Uday to Qusay, his brother.
It will always be there
Because thick facial hair
Is the one trait he shared with his mother.
--- Brad Simanek
Hussein was the right guy to trample.
Now his bushy moustache
And a bit of eyelash
Are what's left for his DNA sample.
--- Bob Mader
More like Stalin's, as best I can tell.
Lenin, too, might dispute
Saddam's 'stache was a beaut.
They can argue about it in Hell!
--- Brad Simanek
Stalin-like, but perhaps less alarming.
His lip was hirsute,
Which he thought made him cute.
It's too bad that he wasn't disarming.
--- Joseph Moore
Can Saddam Hussein's mustache compare?
We could tell our troops: Wait!
Spend a buck ninety-eight.
You can rub out the bastard with Nair.
--- Michael Sheinbaum
Not so lucky was Chucky, his double.
Though Hussein in his wrath
Threw Rogaine in the Baath,
He could still hardly sprout more than stubble.
--- Larry Hollister
Suffered one final, humbling fate:
His moustache ditched his lip
Like a rat from a ship,
And was seen crawling south towards Kuwait.
--- Joseph Moore
Giving the whole world shit-fits,
With his brazen hoodwinking...
What was God thinking
When he made him from atomy bits?
--- Tutta Gioia
That weasely scumbag of jizz'll
Dodge, weave and mislead...
What we desperately need
Is a single, well-aimed, cruise-type missile.
--- Tutta Gioia
The sight of those kids all marooned
In Saddam's regime...
Their silent eyes scream
And lay open your heart like a wound.
--- Tutta Gioia
To do what they must, and not swerve,
It would not be fun
But we'd get the job done,
And Saddam would get what he deserves.
--- Kaylin
But his threat has been reduced by two-thirds.
Once he torched the Kuwaitis,
From Tigris-Euphrates,
But now he just hassles the Kurds.
--- Larry Hollister
The man's ruthless, he kills while he smirks.
Then he rattles his sabres,
Alarming his neighbors;
The Mother of All Total Jerks.
--- Larry Hollister
This is file fzl
But was it Saddam? That's the trouble.
That nasty dictator
Used impersonators,
So was that thing him or a double?
--- Tiddy Ogg
Consider the bevy of clues:
It's toppling was slow,
(A two hour show!)
And folks beat the thing with their shoes.
--- Travis Brasell
Cock sure that he'll never be smote.
The UN should raid
While he's getting laid,
They might get both him and his goat.
--- Frank a
With his takritty penis abloat.
The sirens he'd hear,
But stuck in his rear,
He'll wish that he'd just blown a shoat.
--- Tutta Gioia
With tyrants like Saddam Unseen,
Reduced and erased,
His shoes half-unlaced,
And retied with his balls chained between.
--- Matthew Montchalin
And others say, saved by a hair.
But really, what mattered
Was whether he's scattered
Like dust blown aloft in the air.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Or see from the signs of the times,
Or hear the winds blow,
Hussein had to go,
For doing the Devil's designs.
--- Matthew Montchalin
"Pray tell, how Saddam affects us?"
He said, "What would you do?
This Saddam has voodoo;
We've got to bomb him or he'll hex us."
--- Dohpaz
Your real motivation shows clearly.
All this military toil
Is an aid to cheap oil,
To please some gun-toting hill-billy.
--- Dohpaz
'Twas known that those two sons were mad.
And no tears are shed,
Now that they're both dead.
So what's left to do but bag dad!
--- Observer
With fear; he's with some friendly sheikh;
And for those pics
Of his boys, that a fix,
Like Hollywood film-makers make.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The desert sands loosened and shifting.
It looks like deep trouble
Beneath all the rubble,
If we figure it needs some more sifting.
--- Matthew Montchalin
I mean, that is, Saddam Hussein's,
Which may have been thrown up
Or otherwise blown up,
And mixed into desert sand grains.
--- Matthew Montchalin
The nuclear things not allowed
In underground places,
Assuming mere traces
Of things that we haven't a doubt.
--- Matthew Montchalin
Which raise up great cloud-like mushrooms,
With particles showing
As hot ash, and glowing
Like Saturday Morning cartoons.
--- Matthew Montchalin
And all of the house fell apart.
The building a-rumbling
And other stuff tumbling,
A sudden end to a long start.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Saddam Hussein has appeared.
Not at a tribunal
Or at his own funeral,
But hosting a talk show quite weird.
--- Timothy Torkildson
The butcher, the baker, the fishwife.
Do they have sex
Or write out bad checks,
He asks at the point of a knife.
--- Timothy Torkildson
To prove he appeals to the Catholic.
Also the Gypsy
Whenever they're tipsy,
And those who are stuck in slow traffic.
--- Timothy Torkildson
Who found the girls over the foam
All acted the same
In the sexual game,
So he might just as well have stayed home.
--- Isaac Asimov
Regretted his time in the Navy,
So he ate navy beans
And shot submarines
But they made him clean up all the gravy.
--- Neal Wilgus P8406
Involves a young sailor named Katey.
She's reportedly been
Simultaneously seen
In many places, possibly eighty.
--- Anon
His beard and his hair are quite wavy.
You don't have to be told
That his heart is pure gold,
But his stomach is chips and brown gravy.
--- Anon
But they just call him Bumble at sea.
As well as the pills,
He dispenses for ills,
He'll administer a beer, for a fee.
--- Anon
Who sailed with Australian Navy.
He tested their shit
For a week and a bit;
That's more than enough, you'll agree.
--- Anon
It inflates at her gentle behest.
It would make my eyes boggle
If she pulled on my toggle,
But you will have to imagine the rest.
--- Anon
Is tragically subject to bloat.
He's said to amass
More abdominal gas
That two cows, three sheep, and a goat.
--- Anon
Has an attitude chronically shitty.
Pessimistically cursed,
He assumes the worst.
When he wakes in the morning, says "Pity".
--- Anon
All sorts of brass buttons appear;
And when the Gyrene
In his glory is seen,
On the Cit it is pretty Severe.
--- William O Stevens 1906
Got in trouble with girls of all sorts.
So a new leaf he turned
And his britches he burned.
He now walks around in his shorts.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-3006
And join with us seafarin' blokes all.
The boatswain and coxswain
Are posing with frocks on;
There's fun to be had in the forecastle.
--- Peter Wilkins
Who permed up his pubic hairs wavey.
But at top-side inspection,
By Captain's direction,
'Twas crewcut to stay in the Navy.
--- Jim Weaver Collection A
A wild-eyed, inquisitive brood;
The badges they wear
Would make Sousa despair,
And they're not at all bashful with food.
--- William O Stevens 1906
The crowd on the dock seemed to dig it.
A lady said "What
Would you call such a yacht?"
A sailor nearby mumbled "Frig it!"
--- Anon
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