A mate with a bad case of trunk, There was an old sailor named Gibbs, On the lottery, a friend won some money; The retired Navy Chief Jones did quip, As the Navy found young Seaman Graves An oversexed sailor named Koch, Z is for Zimmermann's band, Even now, with our speeds supersonic, W is for Wakes; poor John Paul The whole crew were fed up and jaded; G is the gruesome Gold-Brick, F is for Frenching a sport K is for Kiss, a salute P is the full-dress Parade, N is the noble Navy, He was ready and able and willing. H is for Hazing, an art R is the rough Regulations A sailor with lust undeterred, With barnacled tongue he would wank her, On meeting a good-looking Wren, While in the Navy we stopped in Piraeus, There was a marine in the Corps A Catholic sailor named Davy, The whales they were blue, that is right, He could have spent life on the road, There was a young girl from Tahiti, It's Admiral Bull Halsey's birthday, Blimey, Admiral Nelson was hip, (cove - bloke, chap)
Last Monday, a skipper named Keef, A naval commander from Troon Before she gave Nelson (Horatio) Said Lord Nelson, "Oh for a boat!
This is file fyl
Now Nelson was short of some parts, "Hardy! Now what's this I see? He hopped on one leg he had left, "Sacre Bleu, he's blown us apart An admiral, based in Seattle, In the Navy one Captain Vermeer A young navy captain named Gene The navy wants "a few good men", A gay old Swiss admiral would wail, They had a clandestine arrangement Charlie was the name of a marine; For its civil defence, Saskatoon Coast Guard cutters are built to give chase A submarine skipper, it's said, Your friend should have joined the Navy It's spring, with a tinselly moon: There was a young warrior, Eugene, There once was a grunt with a sore; A soft hearted lady named Gore A lady whose named is forgotten A notorious bitch of a whore, A jilted young lady, Eleanor On the Gulf, the Iraqi top brass It was wartime with danger and tension A clean-cut and straight-laced Marine There once was a transvestite grunt, With the sirens, we rushed helter-skelter There was a young GI so glum -- I've listened to new of the war, With satellite dishes I'm able In battle the Japs rarely fled. A draft would impose common sense If everyman had to pay dues,
Would hang from the side of his bunk.
Squids filled him with rum,
And sipped hookay-bum.
He'd toss salad till they were drunk.
--- H Welchel
Who told the most outrageous fibs.
He once caught a whale
Just by grabbing its tail;
Hooking flying fish with flying jibs.
--- Warrick Elrod
He's a Marine and we all call him Gunny.
He fought in the wars
On foreign shores,
Now his retirement gonna be sunny.
--- Anon
"My life's been one prolonged ocean trip.
Since it's been pitch and yaw,
Twenty kids call me pa,
Which speaks well for my semenship."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0506
To be one of those troublesome knaves,
They discharged him one day,
Authorities say,
Since he spent all his time making Waves.
--- A N Wilkins P8406
Whose orgies were something to watch,
As a form of epistle,
Sent his heat-seeking missle
To hunt for his ladyfriend's crotch.
--- Armand Singer
The girls say its music is grand;
For when it plays "Dearie" --
So love-sick and leery --
Each Midshipman squeezes a hand!
--- William O Stevens 1906
And reliance on arms electronic,
We're in awe of the crew
Who hand-cranked the screw,
When the Hunley sank the Housetonic.
--- Dr Limerick 03-24-01
Every month has a fresh funeral;
When he's buried at last,
This still may be asked:
Is he the right corpse after all?
--- William O Stevens 1906
The hopes of land sighting had faded.
We all turned to port,
And stuff of that sort,
And shortly were all marinaded.
--- Anon
Whose face makes the midshipmen sick;
She'd like to have Dates,
But her eyes are not mates,
And her waist, like her head, is too Thick.
--- William O Stevens 1906
Indulged in far more than it ort;
Over wall, or straight through
The gate you skiddoo --
Then find yourself on the Report!
--- William O Stevens 1906
Not high in Official repute;
But the fact that some choose it
And frequently use it,
No Midshipman girl can dispute.
--- William O Stevens 1906
With boys in brass buttons arrayed;
What's meant though, I guess,
By saying "full dress,"
Is the girls who are out on parade.
--- William O Stevens 1906
Our sole source of income; you see,
Navy people must pay
Whatever we say,
So we whoop prices up to High G.
--- William O Stevens 1906
He agreed to take the king's shilling.
He put "X" on the line,
He spent money on wine.
The new life was better than tilling.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
That Congress has caused to Depart;
Nowadays, if you'd talk
To a Plebe on the walk,
Say "Please," with your hand on your heart.
--- William O Stevens 1906
That offer alluring temptations;
The trouble lies here:
Officers may appear
Without waiting to get invitations!
--- William O Stevens 1906
May have girls in each port, goes the word.
A provocative move,
One could only improve,
With a port in each girl, softly furred.
--- Bob Giandomenico
And deep-six his rusty old anchor.
And like a good sailor,
When through with Mikaeler,
He'd scuttle the bitch and not thank her.
--- Travis Brasell
A sex-starved young sailor called Ken
Came straight to attention
And, needless to mention,
He shafted her daft there and then.
--- Michael Horgan
And the Brass all tried to warn us
That Ouzo's vile stuff;
More than one is enough;
Only remember the Shore Patrol's Bus.
--- Saint
Who stepped on a mine in the war.
Montezuma's great halls
Were struck by his balls
And his dick's on a Tripoli shore.
--- David Miller
The fuckingest fool in the navy,
Confessed to his sins
With frequent wide grins,
"O Father forgive me, peccavi."
--- Armand E Singer 434
But it's not for those whales that I write.
No, I mourn for that joker--
The last words that he spoke were
"Why was I... not a smith... nor a wright?".
--- Anon
Instead of the oceans he rode.
Well, if he went to hell
Then he went there pell-mell--
Hell always hath 'ho's to be rowed!
--- Anon
Who seemed the penultimate sweetie,
Until Admiral Dripp
Sneaked her onto his ship,
And she covered his hull with graffiti.
--- Cyber Geezer
The man who let nothing dismay
Him at Leyte
Gulf, what a fray!
The victory that's felt to this day.
--- Tutta Gioia
With that mistress as trim as his ship;
Just the thought of her quiff
And by Jove! he was stiff --
And it wasn't the cove's upper lip!
--- Thomas A Quinine P8406
Ran his cruiser aground on a reef.
Tomorrow he'll be
A lieutenant (jg)
And his Naval career will be brief!
--- Anon
Has a pink ass just like a baboon.
And when he was steamain',
He'd fill it with seamen,
And sail away on the full moon.
--- Donald Britain
His urgently needed fellatio,
She studied a chart
Of his revalent part
At a larger than 1 : 1 ratio.
--- Peter Wilkins
That I might still yet be afloat,
Not standing here solemn
On top of this column,
While pigeons crap over my coat."
--- Richard Long
But he had won everyone's hearts.
They made a collection;
Got a good selection,
And sent them off to him in carts.
--- Tony Burrell
Are these assorted limbs meant for me?"
"Aye, Captain, for you,
But no one sent glue,
So I guess you are still all at sea."
--- Tony Burrell
Which had somewhat widened his cleft.
When Nels droped a fart,
The waves they did part,
And left the French Fleet bereft.
--- Tony Burrell
With one great Nelsonion fart.
With that sort of volume,
They must give him a column
So that London is safe from his art.
--- Tony Burrell
Recounted his life with this prattle:
"Like most sea-faring he-men,
I've lost seamen and semen,
In a naval or navel type battle."
--- Ed Potts P8503
Got belligerent when filled with beer.
He had well earned this snub
At the Officers' Club,
"Hoist your rancor and shove off from here."
--- Loren Fitzhugh
Had skippered a big submarine.
He had plunged to depths hairy
But his plunge into Mary
Was the deepest he ever had been.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0457
To help out this stressed out captain.
What he wants them to swab,
Ain't the deck but his knob;
He makes them take turns swabbing him.
--- Anon
While going down on young gobs by the rail.
Though unskilled on high seas,
He excelled on his knees,
For the sucker would not ever fail.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0209
Of their secret. They wanted containmet.
The Ensign (low life)
And the Admiral's wife,
Had a bi-weekly navel engagement.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
For some reason, he dipped his balls in cream.
So then the ships cat
Chased him out on the flat,
Castrated him and licked the wound clean.
--- Milford
Raised a forty-man naval platoon.
When they asked for a grant,
They were told, "No you can't.
Since your needs are, at best, picayune."
--- J P Slugworthy 83b
To the scum of the two legged race,
As they flee at full speed
To hang on to their weed,
Which they grow all over the place.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Dims his headlights while cruising the Med.
And although it sound odd,
On the USS Cod,
The headlights are found in the head.
--- Arthur Deex P8406
To spend all his life out at sea,
And play with the boats
And hope that they float
Back home, to come and see thee.
--- Paul Steele
As the orchestra tootles its tune,
We see the Marines
And their combat machines
Performing a 'pas de platoon'.
--- Mad Zeno
Who enlisted to be a Marine.
When he had to run,
He carried his gun
At port arms, just like any Gyrene.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Who screwed hundreds of women and more.
And though the marine
Was always obscene,
He ne'er was rotten to the corps.
--- Anon
Gave the G.I.'s relief from the war.
But the anxious Marines
Could not get in her jeans --
She was rotten, they said, to the corps.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0175
Said her ass to Marines was verboten.
But the G.I.'s, they vaunted,
Got all that they wanted --
It was said to the Corps she was rotten.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0149
Would allow horny sailors to score.
But employed every means,
Of avoiding Marines --
She was rotten, they claimed, to the Corps.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Hated all marines forever more.
Is it any wonder
All marines then shunned her,
Because she was rotten to the corps.
--- Tom Patton P0304
Keep watch on all warships that pass.
They can tell, sure as shit,
That a frigate's a Brit
By the price-tag affixed to its ass.
--- Tony Davie Collection
When they met at the Navy convention;
In the midst of the crowd
The Marine stood, tall and proud.
His erection then drew her attention.
--- Parker Waterman P0111
Had a date with a whore from Racine.
His pants were so tight
When he kissed her goodnight,
His demeanor was rendered obscene.
--- Neal Wilgus P8406
Who wore a dress out on the hunt.
With lipstick and lace,
He liked to give chase,
But his comrades just thought him a cunt.
--- Anon
To find a nearby air raid shelter.
In winter or spring
We'd sleep, dance and sing;
'Twas summer that caused us to swelter!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
From Vietnam with medals he'd come.
He received in the mail
Both his arms in a pail.
"It's a good place," he said, "to be from."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2881
But now it is time for a whore.
And after a fuck,
Or a very long suck,
I think I'll turn over and snore.
--- Archie
To watch news of war at my stable,
Around the damn clock,
While blasting my cock
Inside the wet cunt of mule Mable.
--- Travis
Machine guns for them held no dread.
Charging wave after wave,
They proved they were brave,
But most of them also were dead.
--- A N Wilkins P9309
On do-gooders' tough-guy pretense.
That would be good
'Cause everyman should
Learn how to be part of defense.
--- Anon
By having to face draftee blues,
Many would lose
Their do-gooder views,
By walking in battlefield shoes.
--- Anon