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No lady goes out without gloves, A woman who reached ninety-nine, My wife is no longer a miss. Her lashes were blackened and bold, Intent on increasing her charm, Soon after, in hubby did come; Doc said to my aging Aunt Katie, A wrinkled old woman named Ruth "Mature" might mean fifty to me, A woman who's really "mature" "The belle of the ball," said Bill Bleakrit The odalisques stay in a harem (odalisque - female slave or concubine in a harem)
You life advice might work for men; The next day when Grandma was sober, A spinster named Lydia Leicester, How often have old women cried, A woman as old as the hills, Grey hair! No sex! Fiddle de dee! A lonely old maid in Nesconsett Cut the cake and let's all celebrate At the old-age home, Grandma McCoo Said a fellow whose first name was Mose, It is said, or so I have heard, There was a young fellow named Morty, An old English woman in Kent Agnes was way over forty, There was an old lady of Rise, The lady was pushing a pram; Said a horrid old hag, "Look her, honey, Let's look at the young Miss Dragon; A little old lady in lace As Grandma sat pushing her rocker, There was a young lady named Rideout The beaches at Clacton-on-Sea And up in the sand dunes observing I could teach you a thing or two, Lamenting in the midst of the night, There was an old dame of Toulouse, My Fanny's she whom John Betj- There was an old maid of Oneida, "I have gone, it seems", said Bessie Blatt, I'd like a new bag, if you please, Auntie Bertha and Freda, her friend, "Paint is youth", Auntie always makes clear; Auntie Bertha does have this strange whim: As the visit turns out a bit boring, The society girl in Alaska There's a girl in Milan, Tennessee, While it's fun and games feeling a frail, The farmer's young daughter had calves; The farm hand, young Henry McDuffen, Her daddy, the farmer, knew better. The daughter knew Henry was hurt; "But what will you do now for cover?" But Henry had never touched touched breasts. The brash daughters of Tash of Tashkent A popular girl is Miss Cholmondeley, A gal with real mammary glamour A woman at work who's called Barbara (bad bridge hand - no points)
If appareled in scarlet, she's headed, The last cunt I had that was tight, Said Lenny to Penny and Jenny, A pious young lass named Veronica Said an amateur hooker of Broadway, When a virile man drops in to call, A girl with a lisp came from Drax, The only girl sailor, Ms Hughes,
Nor whispers bad thing of her loves.
And if she is aging,
Her form's more engaging
Held in firmly below and aboves.
--- Arthur Stanley
Said she always felt perfectly fine;
Thanks to helpings of semen
From rugged old he-men,
Who were not too far gone in decline.
--- Isaac Asimov
While her hair is quite blue, I'll say this:
In years now long gone,
She was sleek as a fawn,
And now I can just reminisce.
--- Al Willis P9605
Her bosom inflated, I'm told.
No guessing how old --
She couldn't be told
From the inflatable dolls that she sold.
--- Lance Payne P8705
A matron thought 'twould do no harm
To get totally bare,
Seat herself in a chair
And throw one leg up over each arm.
--- Anon
Threw a quick glance her way, and them mum-
bled, "Now dear, comb your hair.
Put your teeth in. Take care!
You're starting to look like your Mum."
--- Anon
"Don't worry, you'll live to be eighty."
"Don't give me no jive;
I'm now eighty-five."
"Well, what did I tell you, old lady?"
--- Al Willis
Searched for the Fountain of Youth.
On finding the spring,
She drank the whole thing,
But still was too long in the tooth.
--- Charmorr
But if you hail from old Tennessee,
You can bet that your bed
Each month will be red,
'Cause "mature's" twenty-two, twenty-three.
--- Faerie
Won't redden the sheets, that's for sure.
Please come to your senses,
She's finished with menses,
Her lovemaking's really secure.
--- Frank Fazed
"Is the widow of General Meekret.
Her age, Mister Platt,
'Neath her hat she's told Matt:
A millinery secret! Herr Greekrit."
--- Arthur Deex P0408
Where sheiks can desire and bare 'em.
And sometimes those cuties,
When losing their beauties,
See images mirrored that scare 'em.
--- Philo Logue P8407
We women might try it, but then
We're missing the part
You say to jump start.
I guess we'll just get old somewhen.
--- Anon
She drooled about her neighbour's Dober-
man Pinscher but then
the Lab test came in.
(Her puppies are due in October.)
--- Anon
Claimed strange men had never addressed her.
She said this with pride,
Yet deep down inside,
Her immunity must have depressed her.
--- Anon
"I wish I was still a young bride,
Still in my youth,
Sipping vermouth,
`ith the man I love close by my side."
--- Arden
Said, "I've never had husband nor pills.
I've stayed on the shelf
And talked to myself,
So no wonder I'm free of all ills.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
This generaation has a secret you see.
Miss Clairol it takes
And in a few shakes,
No grey hair to spoil ecstasy.
--- Azul
Is afraid she'll get laid in her Quonset.
She has nothing to fear,
For of all the lads here,
There's not one in Nesconsett that wonsett.
--- Pierce Evans
The birth of a gal who's first-rate.
It seems just a while
Since we walked down the aisle.
But, my God, she is now sixty-eight!
--- Al Willis
Said, "What's become of the men in this zoo?
Used to be, two or three
Interns satisfied me;
Now it takes a good dozen or two."
--- Michael Weinstein P8509
"My girl friend's not young and it shows.
In fact, she's a mess;
She was born I would guess
In the year of 'The Lord Only Knows'."
--- Michael F Ellis P8902
That a woman is like a dog turd.
The older they are,
They're easier by far
To pick up. Now is that not absurd?
--- Jeeves T9710a
Who went on a girl-hunting sortie.
He tried nine and nineteen
And all those in between,
But he settled for those over forty.
--- Albin Chaplin
Had a yen for an old English gent.
But their romance was tame,
For the game's not the same
When the passion you need is all spent.
--- Warrick Elrod
But her body was still trim and sporty.
She worked out by day;
At night she would play
With a young man she knew just as Shorty.
--- Richard Long
Who always hoped for a surprise;
At the Great Exhibition,
She fulfilled her ambition,
When they gave her poke-bonnet a prize.
--- Harold C Bibby
From the rear she looked like a young mam.
When seen from the chest
She was well past her best,
She was mutton who's dressed up as lamb.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
I know that I'm frowsy and funny;
But get me in bed
With a sack on my head,
And I'll give you a run for your money!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 941 G1805
And see how her tail, it is waggin'.
How firm are her tits,
But I hate to admit
When she ages, they'll start in a-saggin'.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Limped along at a very slow pace.
She impeded the speed
Of a big brutal Swede,
Who punched her right in the face.
--- MarcoM P8307
She uttered an astounding shocker.
Granddaughter fell dead
When ol' Grandma said,
"Now there is well hung young cocker."
--- Anon
Who never a young man had tried out.
Much too long did she tarry,
And then when she did marry,
Her whole face was shrunken and dried out.
--- Albin Chaplin
This is file ftl
On these warm summer days around three,
Become crowded with grannies
Exposing their crannies,
And drinking their afternoon tea.
--- Peter Wilkins
Them, dozens of Percies are perving.
They're ancient and old
And their pee they can't hold;
Lest you're 90, the sight is unnerving.
--- Peter Wilkins
To someone as young as you.
I'm really quite bawdy,
And flirty and naughty,
And could take on the whole damn crew.
--- Arden
About her birthday -- stricken by fright.
Grown up women I feel
Have more sex appeal,
They are ripe for the pluck -- what a sight!
--- Anon
Who had no reputation to lose.
When she revelled at night,
Her friends thought her too tight,
And her enemies thought her too loose.
--- A M Sayers
Manex, poet laureate did lech,
A long time ago;
She's 90 or so,
And the sight of her now makes one retch.
--- Anon
Who screamed at the sight of a speida;
She would kick at a lamb,
And run wild from a ramb,
But fearlessly tackle hard ceida!
--- J F Hartman
"In the time elapsed for a quick chat,
From a sexy teen pixie
To an old dame of sixty,
And accomplished it in nothing flat."
--- Loren Fitzhugh
In exchange for my old one, Louise,
Who's haggard and drawn
And worn out (though I'll scorn
Any dodgy recycled old squeeze).
--- Anon
Who is stricken with Alzheimer's and
Blind in both eyes,
Move their wobbly thighs,
Storming every Cafe in the land.
--- Anon
Shocking pink lipstik brings this aim near.
Though she'd never admit
Eyesight's failing a bit --
Her arts turn out a flamboyant smear!
--- Anon
She is trying to look rather trim!
Wearing pants of elastic
That bulge quite fantastic
'Bout her hips, looking all else but slim.
--- Anon
Aunt gets nasty; I'm busy ignoring
Shells of poisonous gas
That drop out of her ass,
Fortified by her most vicious snoring.
--- Anon
Was as proper as Mrs John Astor.
Every day she took tea
In the best company,
And she'd fuck anybody who'd ask her.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0502
Who will lay any jocko for free,
Like Trelawney, or Pete,
Or that guy down the street,
Or with anyone (dammit!) but me.
--- Keith MacMillan A111B
That's just the mere start of our tale.
Shun commercial allure...
Pick a hot amateur,
For they beat babes who have it for sale.
--- Grand Prix Lim 769
She'd rub them with rose scented salves.
Through all kinds of weather
Her calves stayed together;
At night, though, she spread them in halves.
--- Anon
Would dream every night of his stuffin'
Eight inches between
Those fine calves that he'd seen,
But the daughter knew nuffin' from nuffin'.
--- Anon
He'd caught Henry humping her sweater,
That he'd stole off the line
As it dried in sunshine,
While he'd wished it was something far wetter....
--- Anon
Her father had dumped him like dirt.
To make him feel better
When he lost her sweater,
She gave young McDuffen her shirt.
--- Anon
He asked her, his fantasy lover.
"These two on my chest
Should be cupped. Won't you just
Use your two hands? No, don't hover.."
--- Anon
Udders? Sure, and warm eggs in nests...
But never real women.
His head was just swimmin'
When he stammered, "I'll get you some vests!"
--- Anon
Got secured by that gent with cement.
He could safely then bellow
At any sore fellow,
Who went from their tent looking bent.
--- David A Brooks Q
She's youthful, attractive, and comely,
And never objects
To suggestions of sex,
But simply cooperates dumbly.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Caused an unhappy fellow to stammer,
"Though I'm hot for her tail
And would pay without fail,
She ups and says NO, da-da-damn her!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 354
Goes plying the nightlife of Scarborough;
If she turns up in pink,
She gets fucked to the brink;
If in black then life dealt her a Yarborough.
--- Tiddy Ogg
She knows, towards being well-bedded.
She lives for a swive;
But at age fifty-five,
As glance from this Gorgon is dreaded.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Was on that memorable night
That I left Junior High,
And I'd say with a sigh,
That was one girl who did it just right.
--- John Miller
"Why is it you won't give me any?"
Said Jenny and Penny,
"We're doing too many,
Like Denny and Kenny and Benny."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Would play horas on the harmonica;
But spell "hora" right
Or you'll be in a fight,
For her screwing is free during Channukah.
--- Isaac Asimov
"Though I'm happy to make it the mod way,
I would like to begin
An original sin --
Or at least to invent a new odd way."
--- Keith MacMillan A085B
He ends up in bed with Mae Hall...
As we heard the gal tell it,
She knows she could sell it,
But what's fifty bucks after all?
--- Grand Prix Lim 57
And said, "Thwains theduce me with thnackth.
Jutht a Thinickerth or Marth,
Or any thweet thugar barth,
Mean I thwifly thed thweater and thlackth."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Told crewmen of good and bad news.
"The bad is the info
That I'm not a nympho.
The good is: I'll fuck for some booze."
--- David Miller
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