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That infamous Emperor Nero He made of his penis The gladiators, heads held high, The Greeks sure were smart in their day; You'll read in the "Decline and Fall" You could furnish your home like the Forum, A Roman of old, named Horatio, At a consul's election, a quorum In great Rome was a lady, Rappatio, I come to deep-six Brother Caesar, Said Nero to one of his train, For the next Games' finale, the hero, Signed, Nero.
Consider the Emperor Nero, An old Roman emperor named Nero An old Roman ruler named Nero, Said Nero, just after the fire, The Romans had, so it appears, Erupting volcanoes, the skinny, Old Pontius instilled abject fear; I think that to make things here clea-a', And as for the speech that I quoote, I'll tell you the tale of Poppea, The emperor's aim was quite rough, "I'm Poppea, Roman Queen, Young Poppea lurked round the docks, "I'm Poppea, Sailor man, Marie, in a tight fitting tunic, Marie shimmied out of her tunic Q. Flaccus in his third liber: When Rome was invaded by Vandals, The babe had a blouse that was frilly, It occurred on a paved Roman iter, Old Arch didn't want to deceive her Her advances, she felt, were in vain In ancient Rome each convict tries Tiberius sat on his patio, 'Tis said that the Emperor Titius, A flatulent Roman named Titus, A man called Andronicus (Titus) Ancient Roman Wars we now call Punics When Vespasian the senate did stand, (plinth - lowest member of a pedestal)
They said to Vespasian, "Good grief! When Vespasian's son did opine: When at long last he laid down the rod, A long time ago in days past, But before that, three wars in the west Friend Brutus on that fateful day, As a victim of false allegations, England was grabbed by Julius Caesar, He said, "I'm a man of refinement; Boudicca heaved one of her sighs; Boudicca she charged down the road, Boudicca said, "Now that I've started, Cleopatra's sweet pussy would clasp The Ides of March Roman CABAL, An epitaph unknown to fame I, Caesar, when I learned of the fame Though the nations all feared Caesar's name, When Caesar stepped in the Queen's tent, Julius Caesar would screw a fine quorum, What word sent he home, mighty Caesar, When Brutus, that jolly old teaser, Across the Rubicon broods Caesar, Caesar was man of the day. With epileptic Caesar sure Cleopatra appeared at the border,
Was hardly your average gent's hero.
Scaled up one to ten,
As judged by most men,
He'd probably rate a flat zero.
--- Armand E Singer 907
A libation to Venus,
(Or was it Cybele?)
He became quite dribbley;
Nappies kept him cleanest.
--- Jim Jambor P9107
Cry, "We who are about to die
Salute you but forgive
The half who will live
For telling such a naughty lie."
--- Irving Superior P9401
An empire whose goal was to play;
Great was their home,
Then here came old Rome
And wiped that Greek Empire away!
--- Travis Brasell
That Romans were not lewd at all.
If depravity you seek,
Then turn to things Greek;
Athenians may answer your call.
--- Bob Mornington
With authentic old Roman decorum.
But an orgy's success
Depends on the guests,
So make sure you're invited a quorum.
--- Alex Heydon P0411
Was fond of a form of fellatio.
He kept accurate track
Of the boys he'd attack,
And called it his cocksucking ratio.
--- L0405
Lacked a Senator, Rex Asinoruin.
So they asked in a note
How he wanted to vote.
His laconic reply was "I'm Forum."
--- Williams Purple Cow P0007
Who shook, with her hand, shy Horatio.
He said, "You are kind,
But if, now, you don't mind,
Introduce me as well to Fellatio."
--- David A Brooks Q
Not praise the ambitious old geezer.
His good works are gone,
But his evil lives on.
Now that, friends, should be a crowd pleaser.
--- Lassies Lover
"These Christians will surely refrain,
Encased as the are
In coatings of tar,
From burning my city again."
--- Anon
Gets a crack at the Empress's zero,
While the emperor stands by,
Swinging out "Traumerei",
On his flame-throwing fiddle,
--- Anon
Of many lewd tales he's the hero.
Though he scraped at the fiddle,
He just couldn't diddle,
And his real batting average was zero.
--- Anon G0140
Was considered by some as their hero.
His esteem could've gone higher,
But because of the fire,
His popularity dropped to a zero.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Historians have rated a zero.
They all say he fiddled
But really, he diddled.
In my book, that makes him a hero.
--- David Miller
"These viol rumors stir up my ire!
When the government's got
In a spot that's too hot,
We employ a believable lyre."
--- History Pun Chimera P0108
IV limbs, I nose, and II ears.
The toes of these men
All numbered X,
And they lived LX months in V years.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
As written by young Roman, Pliny;
His uncle was fried
In lava and died,
While learning and never a NINNY.
--- Elois
As a Pilate, he was without peer.
Was he sent back to Rome? No!
Yet he said, "Ecce Homo!"
Did he think that Christ (Jesus) was queer?
--- Laurence U
Pronouncing the strange name, Poppea,
To make scansion true,
Stress syllable two
Of her name, be it ever so quee-a.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The point of the scansion is moot.
Just think of it thus,
And then start to cuss,
And finish the verse with "Toot-toot."
--- Tiddy Ogg
The mistress that Nero thought dear.
She's mean and she's vicious,
But looks quite delicious,
And took it in front or in rear.
--- Tiddy Ogg
He'd oft stick her ass, not her muff.
But as he would say,
As on her he'd lay,
"Gee Honey, that's quite Nero-nuff.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And yes, perhaps a little mean;
I pushed out Octavia,
'Cause I had more flavia,
And got to be Nero's new queen."
--- Tiddy Ogg
As cunning as any old fox,
Accosting the barges,
And quoting the charges
She'd make for fellating their cox.
--- Tiddy Ogg
For big boys like you I scan.
I've orifi plenty
For such handsome gentry,
Come try, any way that you can."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Watched the men return from wars Punic.
She did 30 men,
Then she did them again.
Her love for the men was platoonic.
--- Heekster
And took on hard flesh quite harpoonic.
His thick "cox humana" bul-
Ging caused burly Hannibal
To bring her to rapture monsoonic.
--- Randog
"The Romans have no woodpulp fiber.
A crapulent quorum
Will squat in the Forum
And heave dirty stones in the Tiber."
--- L0711
They stole all the lamp oil and sandals.
The Romans made wicks
To stick in their pricks,
And barefoot, became Roman candles.
--- Prof
With a bosom so pleasantly hilly,
That I thought of my Latin,
When I felt myselft fatten,
And offered my membrum virile.
--- Jeanie
And I heard that her pussy was tighter
Than ten peas in a pod,
And our Hugh, the old sod,
Screwed so long that he pulled an all-nighter.
--- Jeanie
'Cause he truly loved her sweet beaver.
Then he, circumspecting,
Hugh volume detecting,
Decided he'd love her and leave her.
--- Jeanie
This is file fsm
And she thought that perhaps he'd disdain
Some connubial yoga.
The bulge in his toga,
However, showed him inclined, plain.
--- Scott C
To please the mob or he dies.
Thumbs down and he's dead;
Thumbs up means instead
That him the mob will lionize.
--- Irving Superior P8912
And said, "I don't care for fellatio,
Nor yet cunnilingus
Or whatever the thing is--
This headwork is mighty damn rash o' you!"
--- L1649
Had a penchant for pleasantries vicious.
He took two of his nieces,
And fucked them to pieces,
And said it was simply delicious.
--- L0352 G0589
Was taken with sudden colitis.
And the venerable Forum
Lost most of its quorum,
As he farted up half of the situs.
--- Anon
Had a nasty attack of colitis;
It began with meat pies,
And the issuing cries
Of his sons, saying,"Daddy, don't bite us."
--- Paul Wigmore
Were not fought by the slaves or the eunuchs,
But instead, it is said,
These were trade wars which led
To Rome's wear of Tunisian tunics.
--- J Maynard Kaplan
To tell him of a statue they planned,
Huge and costly, of him.
But he said with a grin,
Here's the plinth, as he held out his hand.
--- Anon
Pay toilets in Rome? Past belief!"
Yet what other time
Has the state made a dime
From a project for public relief?
--- History Pun Chimera P0108
"Your latrine tax is way out of line!"
He asked him to tell
If the takings did smell.
He said no, "Yet it comes from urine."
--- Anon
Vespasian said something quite odd.
As his life slipped away,
He was just heard to say,
"Dear me! I'm becoming a god!"
--- Anon
A man said, "The die has been cast."
For Rome he was bound;
Would not turn around.
'Twas not long ere he breathed his last.
--- Scott Oliver
Had led Rome to lay Carthage to rest.
Was it Hannibal's fault
That they sowed fields with salt,
Or cried "Carthago delenda est"?
--- Scott Oliver
An ambush for Caesar, did lay.
Though warned in advance,
He still took a chance;
His last words were "Et tu, Brute?"
--- Gifford Wherry
M Pompeia showed strong indignations,
For J Caesar, of course,
Went and got a divorce,
And he landed in Bartlett's Quotations!
--- J Maynard Kaplan
A conquering Roman type geezer.
Boudicca saw him,
Made a play for him;
He thought she was some kind of greaser.
--- Tony Burrell
I like to enjoy all my time spent.
Take your muddy bike
And go for a hike.
I will not put you in confinement.
--- Tony Burrell
On this Roman there were no flies.
With hate in her heart,
"I'll put blades on my cart,
And that will cut him down to size."
--- Tony Burrell
Blades shining, boobs covered in woad.
She just should have kissed him;
Her chariot missed him;
All that she chopped was a toad.
--- Tony Burrell
I'm determined that he should be carted."
Though so hard she tried,
He just stepped aside;
Poor Boudy, she died broken hearted.
--- Tony Burrell
The Nile's biggest venomous asp.
But Caesar burned ships
While humping her hips;
We should drink to his health till we gasp!
--- Hugh Clary
To Julius gave a grand mal.
The seizure of Caesar
At Brutus's leisure,
Introduced Rome's Rise and Fall.
--- Jim D
Puts the slogan of Caesar to shame.
The tomb of a rake,
Who spent life on the make,
Reads: "I saw, I conquered, I came."
--- G0583A
Of Cleopatra, I straightway laid claim.
Ahead of my legions,
I invaded her regions,
I saw, I conquered, I came!
--- Anon G0583
Not just war, but in love he won fame.
Said the Queen of the Nile,
"I admired his style,
For he saw and he conquered and came."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0273
She quickly divined his intent.
Erect and unbowed
Straight forward he plowed --
He saw and he conquered and went.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0351
Of girls in the old Roman Forum.
He made watchers pay,
Or else turn away.
Thus conducting the show with decorum.
--- Isaac Asimov
To the city of Rome to appease her?
Not "I came, saw, and conquered" --
But concordantly structured:
Eye sees her! I, Caesar! Aye, seize her!
--- Laurence Perrine P9004
Told a joke to a regal old geezer,
In the shade of an arch
On the ides of March,
"Tee hee, Brute," said Caesar.
--- Cyber Geezer
"My legions urge me, 'Caesar, seize her!
Seize Rome and be boss.'
If this river I cross
And Rome's destroyed, they'll call me 'CEASER.'"
--- Irving Superior P8401
Make him Emperor, some senators say.
But Cassius's knife
Cost him his life
Aided by Et Tu Brutae.
--- Fred Cohen P8412
His seizures seldom would recur,
Then on the Ides, a fit!
His friends, observing it,
Thought acupuncture was the cure.
--- Irving Superior P8512
And telling the queen he adored her,
It was Caesar who came,
Saw, and conquered the dame.
But probably not in that order.
--- A N Wilkins P8405a
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