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There was a young man in our section Calpurnia lived quite a life: When Calpurnia wed Julius Caesar, Then Calpurnia said, "Very well, "Why do men always make such a pother You men chase young girls without stopping Thus and so, from Time's very beginning, Cleopatra and Mark Anthony, Today Caesar's phrase we will borrow, By toga stripes Romans were classed; Caesar was a great fornicator; Poor Julius was hung like a gnome, Re: Julius Caesar: Of all men he Though Caesar was quite a barbarian, The populous shoulted "Hail Caesar!" J. Caesar was really a guy; When Caesar to his home returned, Caesar, aware of fame's call, With VENI V. VICI used in the past After Caesar was heard to proclaim At an orgy, old Julius Caesar, Old Julius Caesar won fame He met a really fine young dame; The greatest of Romans was Caesar, In the 40's, a war synonym, In the 50's, economy grew, In the 90's, our President's cheating Abigail Adams' quick wit I think it was Dewey who said, At the Alamo Mrs. Laport To beat up the red-coated British "Early rising," Ben Franklin once said, The notorious Benedict Arn- "For me," Anne said, "sex is perennial. Now I know why they reenact In Boston, there was a party, We threw a party in Boston, Years ago, back in New Amsterdam Lee answered the South's strident call, Now a lady of Frederick call Barb, Barbara Fritchie's grey head lived on too, To the Limey who notes with disdain, Give three cheers for the Emperor Norton (Emperor Norton of San Francisco was a little crazy)
Land-owners with heads in the sand The Mayflower's minute immigration The Picket Act of Ninteen Ten The withdrawal of Federal land Here's a question which still confounds me General Longstreet at poker was clever, The thighs of the Lady Mountbatten The trouble with General Sherman, Four score years ago and seven And now we have had a great war, At Gettysburg we lay our dead "From the mountains...to the prairie... Betsy Ross with her bustle a-wagging, J. Edgar, he knew that the crux The damned Jap sons-of-bitches, John Hancock's a name for a name. In sea fights he took such delight, Korea that's called police action, When MacArthur left the concern, Those fellows named Mason and Dixon Both Mason/Dixon names are on Heartfelt pain of past losses acute, The war against Mexico fought, With historians I've had my fill.
Who began an immoral collection.
He had great Caesar's balls,
Which he hung on his walls,
And the tool of Don Juan in cross-section.
--- G2501
She would masturbate with a sharp knife.
Or have sex with a bear
While her husband would stare,
Mumbling something about Caesar's wife.
--- G2401
He swore that he always would please her:
"Every day of her life
I'll make love to my wife --
That is, if I don't predecease her.
--- John E Mayhood
But he often goes off for a spell.
Though he's one of a kind,
I have others in mind
Who know how to kiss and not tell".
--- John E Mayhood
Over something that's really no bother.
I have good fun in bed
And as someone has said,
It's a wise child that knows its own father".
--- John E Mayhood
And boast of your score in "bed-hopping".
Well, we've news for you,
All us girls do it too,
But we call it "comparative shopping!"
--- John E Mayhood
There has been some occasional sinning;
Some lose and some gain
But the meaning is plain,
The DNA knows that it's winning.
--- John E Mayhood
Made Julius C. history.
She said, "He's a jerk,
Who knows not how to ferk --
Because he always comes before me!"
--- Anon
No decision off till "tomorrow";
Uncertainty lost,
Once RUBICON's crossed,
You're on road to great joy or sorrow.
--- Chris Papa
Knights narrow and senators vast.
But the purple put on
At the Rubicon,
Was solid, for the dye was caste.
--- History Pun Chimera P0108
His soldiers all did cheer him later.
He invited them all
Cleopatra to ball,
And before the gang bang, gladiator.
--- Anon
And sowed his wild oats out of Rome.
But after his asp
Slipped from Cleo's grasp,
He did all his wanking at home.
--- Anon
Led a life that was so "molto mene".
Upon being smitten
By Cleo, sex kitten,
He orated "Vidi, vici, vene!"
--- Macsam
His huge cock gave most gals an ovarian.
When too small was her yummy,
He'd go in through her tummy,
Creating the world-famous Caesarian!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
But what if they knew this old geezer
Ran 'round in his toga,
Not practicing yoga,
But pinching the Vestals with tweezers.
--- Ystap
He was hetero, homo, and bi.
He could have or be had
By a lass or a lad,
Or even by both when he'd try.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
The republic idea he spurned.
So Brutus and co.
Killed him off, don't you know;
What a lesson that poor Caesar learned!
--- Anon
At forty was nowhere at all.
"It seems," he said
"That getting ahead
Is going to need plenty of gall."
--- History Pun Chimera P0108
On Rubicon's crossing, THE DIE IS CAST.
The great Julius C.
"That's two out of three.
I'm saving, of course, ET TU for last".
--- Irving Superior
His great words of historical fame,
He cavorted in bed
With his mistress and said,
"I saw, I conquered, I came."
--- Alex Heydon P0411
Met a virgin and tried hard to please her.
She said, "My name's Mimi,
Are you pleased to see me,
Or is that just the Tower of Pisa."
--- Bill Wall
One night, for seducing a dame.
He went on to write
What happened that night:
I saw, I conquered, I came.
--- Tiddy Ogg
He saw, he conquered, the came.
She wanted some more,
Right there on the floor;
If she's pregnant, he'd not take the blame.
--- Enema Bandit
A venturesome whoring old geezer.
From girls far from home,
He brought back to Rome
A Veni -- Vici -- VD fever.
--- Irving Superior P9004
Though the early parts looked pretty grim,
But it came to pass
That we kicked Hitler's ass,
And took names on the Pacific rim.
--- Anon
But the cold war was starting to brew.
In my early classes,
We kissed our own asses
Goodbye as the atom bomb flew.
--- Cyber Wizard
Had 'most the whole country repeating.
And Dolly, the clone
Was complete from the bone
All the way down to the bleating.
--- Cyber Wizard
Sparkles in letters she writ;
To hubby and son
Wrote "Virtue is won
When to a great cause you commit."
--- Tutta Gioia
As the battle raged all around his head,
"Where's your 'esprit de corps?'
Let's go -- damn the tor-
Pedoes, fellows, and full speed ahead!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8406
Was expected to be a good sport;
She elected to sock it
To the others and Crockett --
But discovered it wan't their fort.
--- Thomas A Quinin P8405
Was Washington's principle fetish,
Compounding the follies
Of General Cornwallis
With tactics King George thought quite shitish.
--- Hugh Oliver A135B
"Makes for health, wealth, and wisdom," I've read.
Those who bed or rise late
I suppose have the fate
Of winding up poor, dumb, and dead.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9004a
old was first in a line of consarn'
Low-down traitors and spies,
Which our country now fries;
In the past, they were hanged in a barn.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8603
This is file frm
And fills me with pleasures millennial.
On the Fourth of July
With my two-hundredth guy,
I have marked my great land's bicentennial."
--- Isaac Asimov P8208a
That party in Boston; they lacked,
Being very austere,
Interaction all year,
But in Concord they've counterattacked.
--- Anon
In seventeen seventy three.
And our British pals
(Though, be it with scowls),
Quite kindly provided the tea!
--- Observer
Despite all the trouble and costin',
We charged for the scones
And the Indian clones,
But the tea -- that we happily tossed in.
--- Dennis Hammes
The Dutch worked one hell of a scam,
Saying, "For your land's deeds,
We'll trade you glass beads."
All without so much as, "Thank you, ma'am."
--- Loren Fitzhugh
He marched o'er the Maryland wall.
He came with his horse,
And his best foot, of course,
Into Frederick, the next town to fall.
--- Peter Matthews
Cared not that the men came to rob.
With Old Glory in hand,
She overlooked the band;
The flag they saluted with sobs.
--- Peter Matthews
In a legend that grew and it grew.
Which goes only to show,
If you wanted to know,
That men to their flag will be true.
--- Peter Matthews
At the lack of a British Domain,
May he be reminded by us
He can tour Yorktown by bus,
And view Cornwallis' claim to fame.
--- MaryMac
Who breathed fire and always was snortin'
About ghosts in the air,
And things that weren't there,
And other phenomena Fortan.
--- Neal Wilgus P8308
Bought slaves for their plantations grand.
But soon fate did decree
That the slaves should be free,
And the slaves then took over the land.
--- Albin Chaplin
Appears to have peopled this nation;
Which in turn would suggest
That the Pilgrims at best
Were a people of fast fornication.
--- Hugh Oliver A135AA
Let Taft, with the stroke of a pen,
Reserve oil and gas
And hold this rich stash
Exclusively for Navy men.
--- Marlene Lewis
Can frequently get out of hand.
Some must be preserved;
So much is reserved,
All that we have left is some sand.
--- Marlene Lewis
But its answer I hope yet to see.
Our Forbears took great pains
To strike off England's chains,
But from what is a "Free Mason" free?
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0007
The best at that leisure endeavor.
With a sternly set jaw,
When asked when to draw,
To an inside straight, he said, "Never!"
--- Warrick Elrod
Alarmingly started to fatten.
"To spread them aside,
Even with legs wide,
Was challenging!" quoth General Patton.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
He acted to much like a German,
Attacking Savannah
In much the same manner
As Adolf or Heinrich or Hermann.
--- Basil Ransom-Davies
Our forefathers looked up to Heaven
To bring forth a nation,
The best since creation,
With freedom and justice its leaven.
--- P8305
That nation is covered with gore;
It has come to the test --
Free or slave -- which is best?
Shall liberty come to the fore?
--- P8305
With a prayer that is reverently said:
"Dear Lord, let those slain
Have not died in vain --
A new birth of freedom instead...."
--- P8305
To the ocean...", Westward, dare we
Ever hope to go so far?
"God Bless America"
(To be sung ((probably rarely))).
--- Irving Superior
Had George seeing stars, lolly-gagging.
When he asked, "How's chances?"
She spurned his advances,
Saying, "Sorry, my interest is flagging."
--- Bob Giandomenico
Of gangster control, was big bucks.
Some said he was queer,
But, that was a smear;
It's the other Hoover that sucks!
--- Tyme 321
We made them wet their britches.
We grabbed our gun,
And made them run,
The goddamned sons-of-bitches.
--- L0752
How's that for a ticket to fame?
He wanted what Rex
Could read without 'specs'
And forfeit all claims to the same.
--- Laurence Perrine P9501
That he cried through the flame-litten night,
To the arrogant British,
Who considered him skittish,
"I haven't yet started to fight."
--- Laurence Perrine P9501
Vietnam with mixed public reaction;
We must honor all those,
Gone to heroes repose,
Care for wounded beyond mere abstraction.
--- Anon
How his girl-friends did yearn.
"Will you be back someday?
Or are you fading away?"
Said the General, "I shall return."
--- Ed Wolfert P8212
Were hoping the line they were fixin'
Would keep damn Yankee swells
From those sweet Southern Belles,
So bad blood with good blood ain't mixin'.
--- Warrick Elrod a
The list of patriots long gone.
Although some critics say
That mere surveyors they.
Who knows where the line is drawn?
--- Irving Superior P9502
On Memorial Day, pay tribute;
All recalled July Fourth,
In the south, in the north,
To our finest arms raised in salute.
--- Anon
Civil War oh so deep in our thought;
Any time blood is shed,
We revere gallant dead,
Even fights as with Spain that are short.
--- Anon
They wrote, "Bunker" instead of "Breed's Hill".
They pulled one more switcher,
Called "Molly Ewer", "Pitcher."
Will they change that? No, like Hell they will!
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0007
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