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Just two doors away on the right, There once was a girl named Bette. Soon that round majorette was the toast A helium plumped drum majorette, It's a very peculiar affair, It was all for the best, truth to tell, Well, I won't say the dear girl was fat, The poor girl was in dire distress, That descent past the end-zone she met In agrarian terms, it's quite rare It's surrounding the site like a shield. Then a doctor was called to the scene, I've heard rumors that this girls fecundity I submit then for what it is worth, A young man from up in the booth Yes, they call her the Home Run Queen, Sure, with many fellows she's been; A too popular cheerleader said, Thers's a starlet who's still in her teens, Young Katie, a terrible flirt, Mrs Robinson shudders and moans A courtesan eating falafel, There was a young lady named Bream They were cheering and clapping their hands; There was a young steno named Krupp A girl on a countryside course There was a young maid from the Vosges I want some old bitch who in bed, I once met a barfly from Cannes There was a young woman named Firth, In moments of quarrelsome urgency, A librarian, checking her stacks, The lovely Susan would inviegle Though American girls are good-looking, She has a fine business, my Honey; It is not the size of the stick. In a bed, Dee's not much of a star; A Frenchman who exudes savoir faire; The requirements are not that she's cute, (and a nympho midget with a flat head - McW)
An indecent young lass of Batavia, A rather plain coed named Basset A driving instructor from Queens There was an old lady called Dora, A maid should avoid any scandal The call girl arrived at the door There was a fair maid from Grenoble Said a loose-moralled lady at Trinity: To a loose little lass of LaBelle, Said a little coquette of De Witt A clever young woman named Treadwell An experienced girl of Alberta There was a young girl of Detroit There was a young maiden named Biddle, The housewife around the house trudges, I am in search of Miss Right, A horny young lady named Rach- A farmer who came from Bordeaux Said farmer Jones, "My daughter Heather, When tested for kinky sex, Pam's "I wedded me Flo," muttered Saul, The newspapers print an assortment Said a raunchy spelunker named Otto, As she slowly peeled off her last stocking, A lady from old Pakistan There was a young lady named Conner, To bed spread delicious Miss Vance
Lives Anna-Marie, a delight.
A scrumptious nineteen
Year old Essex colleen,
Who wears skirts most exceedingly tight.
--- Peter Wilkins
When she became a majorette,
They found her too skinny
To wear a cute mini;
They plumped her with a helium jet.
--- Phyllis Johnson
Of the crowd, as she gave her utmost,
And in flamboyant leap,
Won the game with broad sweep,
Sailing squarely between the goal posts.
--- Mary Sullivan
Is a sight to behold, you can bet.
That game winning fete,
To the crowd, was a treat.
Which they're likely not apt to forget.
--- Don Tidwell
For it seems as Bette flew through the air
And sailed through those posts,
To the cheers and the toasts,
She changed from a round to a square.
--- John Pickersgill
That her shape metamorphed as she fell.
She got squared off, all right,
Else that gas-induced flight
Might have puffed up her ego as well.
--- Mary Sullivan
But a sports fan relayed to me that
When our Bette hit the ground,
There was heard to resound
An earthshattering squishy KER-SPLAT!
--- Mary Sullivan
Green grass stains all over her dress,
And the umpire they called
Was completely appalled
As he gingerly surveyed the mess.
--- Don Tidwell
Gave new meaning to "hedging a Bette".
For she landed with flair
On a ripe prickly pear,
And the prickles, they are in her yet.
--- John Pickersgill
To encounter a ripe prickly pear
In an area made
So team games can be played...
Makes me wonder how come it was there.
--- Don Tidwell
And the reason will soon be revealed.
Yes, that ominous cactus
Was there to protect us
From limerickers storming the field.
--- Mary Sullivan
To remove those sharp spines long and green.
With a small hemostat,
He explored where they're at,
And removed, at first count, seventeen!
--- Don Tidwell
Abounds in the greatest abundity.
Well...Helium jet?
That's the best I've heard yet!
To explain her excessive rotundity.
--- John Pickersgill
This resolves the true cause of her girth.
We should celebrate her joy
With her new girl or boy,
And raise up our glass at the birth.
--- John Pickersgill
Asked his cheerleader girl for the truth
"I know from their eyes,
You've played ball with the guys,
And more call you Babe than say Ruth."
--- Anon
And I'm sure you know what they mean.
She'll go all the way;
They score every day;
She's the greatest thing they've ever seen.
--- Anon
With her the team always can win;
She's scored with the stars
And gotten some scars,
As the batter would safely slide in.
--- Anon
"I'm afraid that I'm failing phys ed.
I have no energy --
So you think it could be
I spend too many hours in bed?"
--- William N Nesbit P9609
Who's adept at removing her jeans.
And in X-rated flicks,
So accomplished with pricks,
That she steals all the pictures obscenes.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
Has bazookas exceedingly pert,
But I can't take my eyes
Off her arse and her thighs,
In that teensy wee hoo-ra-ra skirt.
--- Peter Wilkins
And sometimes she actually groans.
Her nerve endings reign
But she isn't in pain;
She has sixteen erogenous zones.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0608
Auctioned herself with a raffle.
She sold twenty tickets
To some Lord with rickets.
Quoth he, "Ho, my chances are awful!"
--- Buckaroo
Notoriously low in esteem.
But the doubts and the jeers
Turned to shouts and to cheers
When she made the All-American Team!
--- Albin Chaplin
A pretty girl was affecting their glands.
When a sad story was told
About a roue 60 years old,
Not a dry handkerchief in the stands.
--- Andy Sorenson P9009
Who lacked a spare dime for a cup.
She got under a man
An intense artisan,
And proficiently worked her way up.
--- Albin Chaplin
Found a brand-new natural resource.
She traded her ass
For anti-knock gas,
At the sign of the Flying Red Horse.
--- G1764
Who laid men in dark theatre loges.
A Paris success,
She got into a mess
In a cross-channel pew at Stoke Poges.
--- G1884
Can roll-over, beg, and play dead;
Wags her tail for a treat
(Such as my slab of meat)
And barks but not bites giving head.
--- David MIller Q
Who always liked a one night stand.
Her pussy was choice
And so very moist --
That cat's the best fuck in the land!
--- Anon
Who canoodled for all she was worth,
Guys at B.P.O.E.,
Said 'twas easy to see,
Why they deemed her "Best Pussy On Earth."
--- Bob Giandomenico P0206
A wife quelled her husband's insurgency,
By the sweetest of smiles
And sexual wiles;
Plus a mallet, in case of emergency.
--- Isaac Asimov
Decided to unzip her slacks.
Her pussy was wet,
Affirming her bet --
A book fetish is better then facts.
--- Magunda
Me into her bed and spread-eagle.
I offered a wedge
Of meat and two veg,
But she wanted a bulldog, not beagle.
--- SFA
This is file fol
Their husbands get a terrible rooking,
And learn with surprise
That their partners are wise
In fooking rather than cooking.
--- G1559
She takes in just oodles of money.
She's never in debt;
She has a sextet;
And at night she cavorts like a bunny.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It's more like the power in the wick.
The one who is sweet
Gives off the most heat;
Well, he is the one that I'd pick.
--- Anon
There are others more agile by far.
But she'll spraddle out bare,
And she'll straddle a chair.
And My God! What she does in a car!
--- Larry Wilde
He would never say, "Her ass is bare."
When he sees a cute butt
Of a sleek nubile slut,
He always says, "Cute derriere."
--- Al Willis T9707
Or that she has got lots of loot.
For your perfect girl,
The absolute pearl;
She would have to be a deaf-mute.
--- Archie
When jailed for indecent behavia,
Quite unsettled the guard
With a husky, "Get hard,
As I slowly and madly depravia."
--- Keith MacMillan A084A
Learned giving consent, even tacit,
When out on late dates
And flat on her nates,
Sure proved her most durable asset.
--- Armand E Singer 377
Had a pet cat she kept in her jeans.
Such a randy pussy
She had, it was pushy.
That cat was the best fuck I've seen!
--- Anon
Whose hobby was fauna and flora.
As she lived on a pension,
She lived under tension.
She found she was richer -- and poorer.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
And with caution take what she can handle.
If she oft takes the shaft
From the fore and the aft,
Both ends will be burned by the candle.
--- Albin Chaplin 302 a
On my opening night with Miss Gore.
Now I'm getting sex free,
You can easily see
Why no call girl need call any more...
--- Grand Prix Lim 83
Who'd lie on her bed quite immobile.
But massaging her clit,
The fires would get lit...
Her pussy's a Gallic Chernobyl!
--- Ogni Gioia
"The date when I lost my virginity,
I cannot remember,
But there's been a male member
Ever since in my genital vicinity."
--- Grand Prix Lim 642 G1621
Said her Ma: "See here, Newell, what the hell!
All this time in the hay,
You are giving away
A commodity other girls sell."
--- John P McKnight
To a bald-head who thought he was "it':
"Your love making's a farce
And your hair is so sparce,
And she bawled at the bald head, "Now git!"
--- Verses From Nam P0605
Was noted for baking her bread well;
She invited her beaus
To sample her doughs,
Which kept them performing in bed well.
--- William K Alsop P9209
Was convinced that no pecker could hurt her.
Though she felt some unease
When invited to squeeze
On the province's champion squirter.
--- Keith MacMillan 88d
Whose movements were very adroit.
She was screwed by old Harris,
Who was just in from Paris,
But some facets he failed to exploit.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0108
Who was charitable with her middle.
In an airplane one day,
She let a youth play,
And enjoyed a high diddle-diddle.
--- G2256
Removing the filth and the smudges,
Which she finds with eye keen,
In a house that is clean,
While she wonders why men can't be drudges.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2821
A lady with charm and with bite.
With two lips full and red
That just love to give head,
And two more that go hump in the night.
--- Writerman
El had a libidinal nat-
Ure under the covers
With all sorts of lovers,
Including John Miller and Aitch.
Was screwing a lady named Jo.
This young lady, so proud,
Had too often been plowed,
And he found her a hard row to hoe.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0053
May have to be tied to a tether...
For a farmer's daughter,
You'd think that she oughter
Know how to keep her calves together!"
--- Anon
Scores showed she had passed her exams,
With colors high-flying,
And now she is trying
For bonus grades with Mexican yams.
--- Travis Brasell
"Then sells all me books -- I mean all!
What I needs to know,
Is told me by Flo.
I've learnt that the gal knows it all!"
--- Travis Brasell
Of ladies all lacking deportment.
They leave limousines
Displaying their genes,
And somewhat bereft of comportment.
--- Anon
"Though I've explored many a grotto,
Girl grottoes, I've found
Sure beat those underground,
So today 'Ladies First' is my motto!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 940
Sighed a Hohokus honey named Hocking,
"When you tantalize
Guys with tail-lighted eyes,
It adds schmock to the jock when they're socking!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 803
Hooked up with a young Arab man.
She said, "Now be gentle,
I'm not oriental,
But I learned a few tricks in Iran."
--- Bob Birch
Who said that no man had been on her.
But old Charlie DeGaul
With her had such a ball,
Her award was the Legion of Honour!
--- Albin Chaplin
Is well worth your taking the chance...
For she plays a gay tune
On your old macaroon,
Till it's like a dead coon in your pants!
--- Grand Prix Lim 963
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