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The waiter said: "Try the ragout," It's true, I sure love to partake, There once was a man from Shallot, Bacon meat, if you heat British style, That Burger King tot had the luck, Ronald McDonald cooks patties There was a young lady of Strood, There was an old lady from Mallow, "His life was a grind, butcher Saul." A gourmet on the fly named McGrew, Said Ida naively to Pete: "Have you ever tasted such coarse meat? When I cook melange of grains, There was young fellow named Wyatt None of my shirts will button. My granny made pot pies in Sydenham, Did someone allude to fillet? This young man liked licking one's feet, Sometimes she asks for a fork, I am finally firmly inbued A nice young librarian from New York, God sure made some good things to eat, (apologies to Flanders and Swann - McW)
Would we could return to days of yore "Red meat," said physician O'Rourke, Ham-On-Rye is not elegant fare, The old hamburg-maker named Pete Cor blimey! Bloody Hell! Crikey! I'd rather feel my arteries harden, The English will kidneys oft eat; A tiger sees no reason why it Did I hear you mention a steak? A hard-working butcher named Jake A very weird fellow named Clark There was a young fellow named Jake There was a Levine from New York, I'm starving, got a bad stomach ache; Friar, your pig shot past me, Thank God for the Spring! It is thrilling Two tables, a restaurant barter; There was a pig farmer from York, The curry, as served in New Delhi, There was a young man of Glengarridge, The people, who, dining at Crewe, There once was a man from New York, Well, hark to this sad story, Tony: There was an old farmer of Crecy, There was a young fellow from York Take this piggy from old Tennessee, A salad was fashioned by Pickett To his wife said a grumbler named Dutton, I once knew a guy from New York, The duck is a generous giver, There once was a lamb in Des Moines, Oprah Winfrey sure has what it takes A very smart piglet named Ork A horny old bugger named Sam, Epicures who enjoy rack of lamb, A restaurant serving rat stew The technique of the two Brothers Roux, A Christian, a Moslem, a Jew Armadillos and 'possums will stray When I went to the big marketplace, When a girl on a farm in Saskatchewan, I cannot be bothered with snails. Man's mark on the world is indelible, I hesitate to say "Anthropophagous".
When asked to suggest something new.
Then he said to the cook
With a sly backward look;
"The gent want a bowl of beef stew."
--- Anon
A rare juicy sirloin beef steak,
That melts in my mouth.
I hear that down south,
They're so big, they make your jaw ache.
--- Anon
Whose head was shaped much like a pot.
His wife, by mistake,
Put his head in to bake,
And served her guests brains, piping hot!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Is a soft glob of fat I revile.
Since that's how they dine,
I won't eat their swine,
So I'm sure that their flesh is quite vile!
--- Anon
Not me, I spent more than a buck;
That kid got the breaks
By sucking milk shakes,
Plus his 'Kid's Meal' included a truck.
--- Anon
That turn all the Yanks into fatties.
Each burger is full
Of cholesterol,
And we all know how good for you that is!
--- Tim
Who was very fussy with food.
The meat she would eat,
An occasional treat,
Had to be carefully stewed.
--- Anon
Whose complexion was just very sallow,
When asked for the cause,
She replied without pause -
"Sure, three times a day I chew tallow!"
--- Linda Marsh Coll
The chairperson, a teardrop let fall.
"This man, in his prime,
His choice at the time
Was simply to just chuck it all.
--- Irving Superior P8702
Tried to score on each airline he flew.
Alas, though, Aer Lingus
Foiled taste buds and dingus.
'Twas the fault of a cold Irish stew!
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner
"Though one's genital zone is raw meat,
It seems incredible
The stuff can be edible,
But they claim it's delightful to eat."
--- G0872a
My wife must be feeding us horsemeat.
She'll not again dare
To serve us such fare,
Unless she considers divorce mete."
--- Laurence Perrine P9505
My kids thaink I've lost all my brains.
"Give us some meat,"
They cry, "not this peat."
And they dump the stew down the drains.
--- Esther
Who kept a big girl on the quiet.
But down on the wharf
He kept a dwarf,
In case he should go on a diet.
--- Anon G0858
I don't think that I am a glutton.
Born hungry, I guess,
Must start eating less
Of things I don't like, such as mutton.
--- Dorman John Grace P9504
But I was a lad and forbidden `em;
I learned in those days,
That only gourmets
Ate pot pies with monkeys and squid in `em.
--- Lims Unlimited
The kind that quite oft gets away?
And for which I unsheathe?
That gets stuck in my teeth?
And makes me walk funny all day?
--- Anon
Be one Tom, Dick, or Harry, or Pete.
If a feminine toe
Happened by, he said, "No,
I'm sorry, but that's not my meat."
--- Gents Alphabet Book P9507
When eating a tough piece of pork.
To her great surprise,
He unzips his flies,
And discovers 'twas fork and not fawk!
--- Anon
With great confidence when I make STRUD
EL or HASENPFEFFER
So now I'll "endeffer"
To fry bacon or ham while I'm nude.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9709
Refused to eat meat with a fork.
Off the spoon it would flip,
'Cross the floor it would slip,
To be eaten by tomorrow's pork.
--- Earl J Moniz
But veggie folk frown at the feat.
If it wasn't God's plan,
To have cows eaten by man,
He wouldn't have made them of meat.
--- Irish
When we knew not what foods held in store.
Red meat ruled over fishes,
Butter was just delicious;
Merely that, certainly nothing more.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0402
"I mean like your cow and your pork,
Will give you a heart
Attack, stroke, make you fart,
And put green-yellow spots on your dork."
--- Frank Perdue P8604
But you can get one most anywhere.
With chips and a pickle,
It will cost you a nickel
Plus five bucks, with a tip that is rare.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Came home every day somewhat beat.
His wife itched for a lay,
But he said, "Not today --
All day I've been plunging the meat."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2226
That hedgehog pie weren't half spikey.
Me wife is a slut;
It's destroying me gut.
Me shit'll be black more than likey.
--- Phil T
Than eat from a vegetable garden.
Tomatoes are fine
If they stay on the vine;
I'm a meat lover, begging your pardon!
--- Anon
Arabs like a goat's head for treat.
Horse meat don't dismiss
With smart Gallic kiss --
The French say is just can't be beat.
--- Chris Papa
Should favor a vegetable diet.
He likes flesh to eat,
Especially human meat.
"It's delicious!" he roars. "You should try it!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8402
I'm hungry and my belly does ache.
Is it thick and juicy,
Char-grilled and spicey?
If so, a bite may I partake?
--- Anon
Would never take time for a break.
He would toil endlessly
Like the busiest bee,
For he knew that his job was at steak.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2628
Gobbles spiders up, just for a lark.
He's gone very hairy,
And looks awful scary,
But spins lovely webs in the park.
--- Funfax Limericks
This is file fim
Who choked on a huge piece of steak.
It tasted so good,
He ate more than he should;
Now we're attending his wake.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
Who loved ham and sausage and pork.
He knew that he shouldn't,
But quit it, he couldn't,
So he changed his last named to O'Rourke.
--- Wanda Cunningham P9208a
This diet's more'n I can take.
Guess I just had enough
Vegetarian stuff.
Someone help me -- my life is at steak!
--- Eva Bekker
Four feet off the ground yelling "Wheeeeee!"
He didn't get far;
Slammed into a car;
But the bacon was nice - thanking thee!
--- Anon
When I think of the juice that is spilling
From one young and tender;
A "grade-A" rear ender,
Like the loin that the cook is now grilling.
--- Anon
The waiter could have been more smarter.
For fish and for steak --
A double mistake --
For A1 I bartered for tartar.
--- Irving Superior P2005
Who savored the taste of roast pork.
"I also like ham,
And bacon and Spam."
He remarked as he lifted his fork.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Is known to put fire in your belly.
But the head of the class,
Is the one from Madras,
Which'll turn you intestines to jelly.
--- Barrie Collins
The fruit of a scrofulous marriage.
He sucked off his brother,
And buggered his mother,
And ate his sisters miscarriage.
--- L0776
Found objects untoward in their stew,
Were so cowed by the wait-
Er, they shut up and ate
What, at Crewe, they call "Mystery Ragout."
--- Robin K Willoughby P8507
Whose penis was shaped like a fork.
While screwing his wife,
Who was shaped like a knife,
They could carve up a really nice pork!
--- Tillmanator
Today at the butcher's, a bony
Old gal cast a glance
Toward the bulge in my pants,
Then asked for nine pounds of baloney!
--- Anon
Who said to his wife, "It is messy
And besides it is rude
To serve eggs in the nude.
In their shells they are modest and dressy."
--- Anon
Who said that he didn't like pork.
Not the meat, he loved Hams
Baked crispy with yams,
He just didn't like screwing, the dork.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Show him all the fine sights he can see.
When he's had quite enough,
If he's tender, not tough,
Can him quick, but don't give him to me.
--- Mike O'Conner
From greens that he picked in the thicket.
There passed a grasshopper
Right through the food chopper
And Pickett said, "That is not cricket!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2747
"I'm a gourmet, I am, not a glutton.
For ham, jam or lamb,
I don't give a damn.
Come on, let's return to our mutton."
--- Anon
Who on Friday's he wouldn't eat pork.
When a lady asked why,
He quickly replied:
"Because, you fat pig, you're a dork!"
--- Gearhart
Who gladly parts with his liver.
So I dine like a Shah
With my fois gras
And even fed my cat a small sliver.
--- Norm Brust
Who petitioned the court to enjoin
The Iowa shops
From selling his chops,
As rib when in fact they were loin.
--- Lims Unlimited
To give old McDonald's the shakes!
Now that she's had her say,
Selling beef will not pay;
Cattle ranchers are pulling up steaks!
--- Gerry Busch
Decided he wouldn't be pork.
So pushing a button,
He turned into mutton,
Which made him as tough as a cork.
--- Limber Limericks
Had a fondness for mutton and lamb.
He declared, "Though I fear
Some may think me a queer,
I don't care if it's ewe or it's ram."
--- Bluebird TP9806
Must, at times be contented with ham.
When deficient, it's due,
By and large, to the ewe,
And, rarely, stems from lack of ram.
--- Bob Giandomenico P2005
Had quite a hullaballou,
When the client quite pale
Forked up with a tail,
With a rat attached to it, too.
--- Anon
Is: "Throw everything in the stew."
They call it "Pot Luck",
And your instantly struck
By memories of Regent's Park Zoo.
--- Bill Wall
Were met at a great barbecue.
While the Christian took ham,
And the Arab took lamb,
The Jew damned them both and had stew.
--- Warrick Elrod
And get crushed on a Texas highway.
Though with hot cajun spice,
They will taste really nice,
They're no match for your seafood buffet!
--- Anon
An old lush by the butcher's meat case
Became quite a boor,
When he knelt on the floor
Mumbling, "Rump roast, please fart in my face."
--- Don Moore P0104
Wants a chicken, she'll run out and catch you one.
Or she'll stick some hen eggs
Up between her slim legs,
And sooner or later will hatch you one.
--- Pierce Evans
They haven't tongues, noses, or tails.
They cannot be pet,
Or else you get wet.
They're only good in your entrails.
--- Heather McCabe
His works are simply incredible.
Imagine the verve,
The audacious nerve,
That found out that snails were edible!
--- Robert S Painter a
I know that I'm Petey monophagous.
But if I must state
Which part that I ate,
Then really I am ophiophagous.
--- Anon
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