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Pass not this lonely grave by, men. An impatient virgin named Lantz Last night I dreamt I had the power When I found one -- the girl was a dog; But my search wasn't over, not yet. So I looked by the sea and inland Well I found a chaste lass in Montana; And that's when the alarm clock went off; You may search into each leafy bower, A Palm Beach virgin allotted, When the lass went away to Virginia, In Stokes, lived an ugly bluestocking, A voluptuous maid from Montrose Some girls are all talk and no action, While petting she called for abeyanaace, Said a virgin from old Wyomissing, There was a young lady named Bates, She had held to her maidenhead true, There's a tiresome girl in Bay Shore, A girl named Alice, in Dallas, Each Christmas I try to make Merry, Quoth a maid to a swain growing hot, She was virginal, comely as Venus, Said a lecher in old Metabechuan There was a young virgin called Heidi There was a young fellow named Gluck, There was a young beauty named Mia, Said a virgin, "My only defense A man who is perfectly chaste Said a timid young girl in Hong Kong, We know a young artist named Jerry, For years all the young men had striven, (In heaven such sins are forgiven.)
There was a young lady named Laura, Virgins are now so damned rare, There was a old lady of Leicester, There once was a woman named Baker, No matter how hard I tried There was an old maid from Hoboken, For some things men have no affinity, Snorting outrage she'll trash your petition, There was a young virgin named Heidi Sighed a cautious young freshman named Blaydes, A girl's life has lots of duress. A virgin who lives in Kenora She exulted, while touring Nantucket, Cy was known as a maidenhead breaker... There was a girl named Kelly D. No one can tell about Myrtle. In the back street down in San Maduro A hidebound young virgin named Carrie Stone lions at the library, lie I'll tell you a tale, mi amigo, So what if I'm a virgin at 30 Her virginal zone set him wild, There was an old maid from Bermuda, There was an old beauty named Haste A maid who grew up in Chaddis Ford A miserly jeweler named Nissing, A pathetic appellant at Reno No longer a babe or a child, A comely young woman named Laura, There was a young lady named Donna, I bring you the story of Mick This battle between the sexes ...On all the men who have loved me; "How large is the count?" you may ask.
Pass not without a deep sigh, men.
For here lies Jane Jorgans,
With all her own organs,
Including, alas, her own hymen.
--- Anon
Said, "I well know inside a man's pants
Lurks a sexy extension
Of varying dimension;
I'll try one for size my first chance."
--- Grand Prix Lim 336
To tell if she still had her flower.
I was not surprised when
No girl over ten
Could be found in under an hour.
--- Anon
She looked like whe crawled from a log.
And when she made sound,
It made my head pound,
And my eyes to cloud over with fog.
--- Anon
I said to myself, "Scott I bet
If you search really well,
You'll find a young belle
Who you'll be the first one to pet."
--- Anon
For a virgin to take by the hand,
And turn her face red
When I showed her my bed,
And slipped my hand in her waist band.
--- Anon
A 20 year old name of Hannah.
Naked men she'd not seen
Plus her twat hadn't been
Penetrated by man or banana.
--- Anon
I never got where we would boff.
I just woke with my cock
Throbbing, hard as a rock;
To the shower I went to jack off.
--- Anon
In search of that delicate flower.
But all the best fruit
You will find has been loot-
Ed and that what is left is quite sour.
--- Anon
"I hate to be poked and be prodded."
Said she with due pride,
"Nothing gets inside;
My chad has not been besotted!"
--- Lynn Mostafa
Her mom said "Don't let no one in ya!"
The boys wanted to,
But she would not screw.
So they all said "Bug off, ya Virginia!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who declared that men's manners were shocking.
Why, she'd never been diddled,
Even fingered or fiddled,
So she finally moved over to Focking.
--- L0814
Was as pure as the Antarctic snows.
And a maiden so pure
Is bound to endure,
As long as she stays on her toes.
--- Lims Unlimited
Giving men no satisfaction.
They don't do dick,
Have not touched a prick,
So where is there any attraction?
--- The Man
And told her beau, "Keep on your payants.
Despite all your urgin',
I'm stayin' a virgin,
So right now you haven't a chayance."
--- Gary Hallock
"You bet I know what I am missing:
Grief games, and charades,
Clap, herpes, and AIDS,
And quick humps with no hugging or kissing.
--- Ann Gasser P8712
Who was cursed from birth by the Fates.
She wished that she could,
And feared that she would,
And that was the end of her dates.
--- Anon
But she oft thought about it with rue.
But her chiefest excuse,
"Don't want to get loose
And I don't want my quim full of goo."
--- Straydog
When her fiance cried, "I adore
The beautiful sea!" (Your beautiful twat!")
He replied, "I agree (She replied, "Like it or not,)
It's pretty, but what is it for?"
--- Morris Bishop L0809
Had never felt of a phallus.
She remained virgo intacto,
Because, ipso facto,
No phallus in Dallas fit Alice.
--- Playboy Mag L0826
But she's still protecting her cherry.
My pleadings and rants
Can't get off her pants,
And I'm pissing her father off -- very.
--- John Miller
"My honor should tell you I'll not.
You can be on your life,
Until I be a wife,
No man ever gets what I've got."
--- Warrick Elrod
When she got her first look at his penis
She exclaimed, "I can see
That you're different from me,
But I don't want that coming between us."
--- Jemstone
"There's a long lovely bed I would stretch you on!"
The virgin replied,
"Till you make me a bride,
There's a long lonely road I would set you on."
--- John E Mayhood P0101
Whose box was always kept tidy.
There lived not a mortal
Who could enter her portal;
She's waiting for God almighty.
--- Anon
Who found himself shit out of luck.
Though he petted and wooed,
When he tried to get screwed,
He found virgins don't give a fuck.
--- L0864
Who never quite got the idea,
Or who wasn't inclined
To what boys have in mind.
Either way they stopped coming to see 'er.
--- John Ciardi
Against rape is this galvanized fence:
For over a year,
It's protected my rear--
Though by now it is covered with dents!"
--- Norm Storer
Is letting his cock go to waste.
His peter will die,
His balls atrophy,
And his semen will turn into paste.
--- Anon
On seeing her cabdriver's dong:
"I have heard about sex
And its heady effects,
But must I use that to go wrong?"
--- G0687
Whose ass is both pimply and hairy.
That horrible sight
Puts the ladies to flight.
It's no wonder the fellow's still cherry.
--- Grand Prix Lim no num
To seduce a young lady called Riven.
Once a plumber called Bert
Got his hand up her skirt,
And his plumbing has never forgiven.
--- Anon
Whom the mere thought of sex fill with horror.
You may think that 'de trop',
But I want you to know,
That the pope and his crowd for all for her.
--- John Ciardi
This is file fil
The mere sight of one makes you stare.
Such babes seem to dread
Losing their maidenhead--
What the hell! It won't show through the hair.
--- G1597
And no man had ever caressed her.
And all day she'd wriggle
And giggle and jiggle,
As though seven devils possessed her.
--- L0874
A thoughtful and pious young Quaker.
She's terrifically stacked
But the tragical fact,
Is that none of the fellows can make 'er.
--- Isaac Asimov
I couldn't get my pecker inside.
That neglected old cherry
Was as dry as a prairie,
And her hymen as tough as raw hide.
--- Anon
Who was taught that sex was verboten.
So when she was dead,
Her epitaph read,
"Returned to sender, unopened."
--- Jim
Like women displaying felinity.
But the worst thing by far
In life's comic bazaar,
Is saintly, angelic virginity.
--- Limber Limericks
For a session of cheerful coition;
Her maidenhead stays,
"Forget it", she brays;
(She is saving it for the mortician).
--- Anon
Whose box was always kept tidy.
There wasn't a mortal
Who could enter her portal;
Saving herself for God almighty.
--- Dr Limerick 10-24-95
You must count me among the unlaids;
I do want to frolic
In places bucolic,
But what stops me: I'm scared stiff of AIDS."
--- Armand Singer
The problem that's hardest, I guess,
Is how to say "No"
To a too urgent beau,
When all of her senses shout "Yes!"
--- Laurence Perrine P8503
Has every man kneeling befora;
But anxious to please,
They should rise from their knees
And down and debauch and deflora.
--- Hugh Oliver 78a
"I've a cherry, and no one can pluck it!"
Said her guide, with a smile,
"I was raised on this isle.
You've a virginal clam? I could shuck it."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Connerz
Or at least till he met Tillie Traker.
He was shocked and surprised
Finding hers SIMONIZED,
Which stopped whomsoever might maker!
--- Grand Prix Lim 352
Her finger was what her twat would see.
She said with a chuckle,
"I've slept with a couple.
The last time was when I was three!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Whether she's sterile or fertile.
If anyone tries
To tickle her thighs,
She closes them tight like a turtle.
--- L0878
A tourist from Trenton named Truro
Tried to make sweet Conchita,
But the chaste senorita
Had her sex parts at home in the bureau.
--- G0673
Would say, when the fellows got hairy:
"Keep you prick in your pants
Till the end of this dance--"
Which is why Carrie still has her cherry.
--- G1533
In wait to emit a loud cry.
Legend has it they'll roar
To shake the slate floor,
When a virgin over fifteen goes by.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0311
Of Nola from down in Toledo.
Her hymen's so thick,
It resists any prick,
And fellows each nurse a bruised ego.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And that I prefer to be flirty.
I do what I pleases,
Avoiding diseases,
As well as getting sticky or dirty.
--- Anon
Till she said, "What if I have a child?
A baby's a bother
To an unmarried father..."
And she walked away, sex undefiled!
--- Grand Prix Lim 712 A
Who looked like a sick barracuda.
She walk around naked,
But she never got raped,
Or fucked, and nobody screwed 'er.
--- Penny Nammy
Who stayed till the day she died, chaste.
So even St. Peter,
When he chanced to meet her,
Was heard to exclaim, "What a waste!"
--- Paul Westwood P9607
Was as wooden and stiff as a board.
And though she was slender,
No person could bend her
Or reach any kind of accord.
--- Lims Unlimited
Had no idea the sport he was missing.
His obsession with rock,
Meant neglecting his cock.
His only use for it was pissing.
--- G1406
Was as chaste as the holy Bambino.
For she'd married a slicker
Who stuck to his liquor
And scorned her ripe maraschino.
--- L0890
Her virginity's driving her wild.
It's plain as a plate;
When she goes out on a date,
She's hoping to come back defiled.
--- Laurence Perrine P8503a
Thinking wedlock tyrannical horror,
And sub rosa screwing
The passport to undoing,
Stayed a virgin intact, to her sorrow.
--- G1574
Who felt she was nearly a goner.
Attacked in the park
On her walk in the dark,
She thought, rather death than dishonour.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who's very upset with his dick.
All tense with teeth gritted,
A virgin submitted,
But Mick's dick would not cherry pick.
--- SFA
Is why some nice people have exes.
I stopped from the fight
But, that is alright,
I just sit at home casting hexes...
--- Marlene
All those who had my front door key,
And still went away
On some sunny day,
While claiming they had to be free.
--- Marlene
To tally is not a big task.
The number is none,
Nope, not even one!
To attract men, I need a mask.
--- Marlene
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