There was a young woman named Tats,
Whose cooking was done in big vats.
When I went to her house,
She fed me stewed mouse --
Now I know why her friends are all cats.
--- Anon

An urchin who lived on the street,
Decided he needed a treat.
He sneaked into a shop
And stole a veal chop,
While the butcher was beating his meat.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0303

There was an old man in North Platte
Who swallowed a very large gnat;
When asked why he did,
He said,"It just slid,
But protein is good, and that's that."
--- Limber Limericks

A lesbian frog said, "You see,
It's plain that we don't disagree.
We do taste like chicken,
(My pulse starts to quicken)
And that's because we're vis-a-vis."
--- Al Willis T9712

A hungry young thief name of Jake
Asked the judge if he'd give him a break.
Said the judge, "You must pay
For your crime -- choose the way."
So he asked to be tied to a steak.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2627

It's over, I'm finished, I'm through,
Had mine, but your asking for two.
I am quiet satisfied,
But I'll stay by your side
As you eat one more bowl of that stew.
--- Bob Birch P0207

An overweight vulture named Marion,
When others had eaten, would tarry on.
She was slow to embark,
Which caused the remark,
"Your excess baggage must be carrion."
--- Macsam

Meat sandwich I've got for your lunch;
Pickled onions as well for the crunch.
Will you please let me sit
And watch for a bit,
As you slowly and carefully munch?
--- Anon

The chef, a lubricious Ms Knox,
Served a dish, simmered bovid with lox,
That became so renowned,
Men for miles around,
Came to sample her well boiled ox.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0311

A strange fact about Tony Gubber:
His fondness for eating whale blubber.
He starts off quite slow
And then lets it go!
And folks say, "Do I smell burnt rubber?"
--- Bill Wall

I found out that nothing can beat
A generous portion of meat,
Topped off with whipped cream;
It's the ultimate dream
Of those chicks looking for a dutch treat.
--- Anon

We're told to be discreet;
Not devour animals when we eat.
I've never understood,
If not meant for food,
Why are they made out of meat?

(aplogies to Flanders and Swann)
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There was a young lady libertarian
Who eloped with a strick vegetarian.
But she said to him, "Sam,
You know how I am --
I'm afraid it's for meat that I'm marryin'."
--- Neal Wilgus P8203

A hungry young man of Athlone
Had a great many reasons to moan.
His wife ate the ham,
And the best leg of lamb,
So all that was left was the bone.
--- Anon

There was a young woman named Nelly
Who fell in a vat of mint jelly.
Instead of escaping,
She left the crownd gaping
By ordering lamb from the deli.
--- Timothy Torkildson

To get fish Poe went down to the shore,
But the fish did not bite any more.
So a raven he shot,
Which he cooked in the pot
Took one bite and he said, "Nevermore!"
--- Albin Chaplin

I had a big duck I'd abuse;
I'd fill it with seminal juice.
At last it died, beaten,
And now it's been eaten.
Now that is a real good ex-goose.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I invited four friends by letter,
For a fine feast of pheasant and feta;
But I couldn't please.
We just ate the cheese,
'Cause sadly the bird had got better.
--- David Miller

The topic has been much debated,
But pheasant, I feel's overrated;
It's lacking in juice,
And I'd rather a goose,
When wishing my lust to be sated.
--- SFA

I've heard that before you were through,
Your guests were all sick, so were you.
Could it possibly be
A new STD?
I'm speaking of Avian Flu...
--- John Miller

A man who lived on McMicken
Had a very great fondness for chicken.
"It's no matter," he cried,
"If it's roasted or fried,
But I'll wait for the gravy to thicken."
--- William K Alsop Jr

There was an Old Man of Peru,
Who watched his wife making a stew;
But once by mistake,
In a stove she did bake
His Peruvian "El Cockatoo."
--- Edwardian Leer 011

I've got me a turkey. I say;
It's so fresh it keeps running away.
I keep shoving it back
In the oven; alack
And alas, it refuses to stay.
--- Anon

Last night for example I rammed
It head-first in the oven and slammed
The door shut on its neck,
But it gave me a peck
In the trouser department, be damned!
--- Anon

Bent double I muttered and swore
As it forcefully opened the door.
"Gobble gobble", it said
As it strutted and fled,
Leaving feathers all over the floor.
--- Anon

Regaining composure I chased
It; upstairs to the bedroom I raced.
But it squawked as it flew
Through the door to the loo,
Where the carpet it fowl-y defaced.
--- Anon

And then like greased lightning it sped
Down the stairway just inches ahead
Of me, looking absurd;
But I'll get that old bird
For I've planned a new tactic instead.
--- Anon

I'll treat it with kindness, by 'eck;
Even pet it and give it a peck,
Smooth its feathers and fluff
'Til it's sleepy enough ...
Then I'll strangle its scraggy old neck.
--- Anon

This morning I gave it a feed
Of its favourite mixture of seed.
Though it looked rather puzzled
I stroked it and nuzzled
It hoping my plan would succeed.
--- Anon

It did for I lulled it to sleep;
Quite unconscious it fell in a heap.
I extended its neck
Flexed my fingers ... but heck
I couldn't do it; I felt such a creep.
--- Anon

I let it sleep on. As it snored
I decided to christen it Claude.
(But I've got in my freezer
His sister Louisa;
It's time she came out to be thawed.)
--- Anon

Barbeque lovers have come to know
They've a choice of a new way to go.
When they can't get first dibs
On the chicken or ribs,
Their alternative is to eat crow.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0209

As a kid when we ate finger-lickin',
It's a wonder we all didn't sicken.
For it wasn't the shallots
That tickled our palates,
But the feathers still left on the chicken.
--- Don Moore P0410

This is file fhm

"Oh good," said the dumb little chickens,
"We hear we're the very best pickin's."
But when they were chosen,
They ended up frozen,
And later became finger-lickin's.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes

There once was a geek known as Blake,
Who'd bite off the head of a snake.
He said, "My pulse quickens
When I eat live chickens,
'Cause their heads taste better than steak!"
--- David Miller

(I like my duck tender yet crisp
With gravy made smooth with a whisp
And sauce worth the money
And brought by a honey --
Not served by some guy with a lisp!)
--- John Miller

I'm told by my nemisis, Brucey,
That "tender" above should read "juicy"
And even he likes
The fowl served by dykes
Or a bisexual Mable or Lucy.

When the sidewalk cafe at Colmar
Introduced 'Poulet a la Jaguar'
Patrons groused, "It tastes flat."
"Oui," blabbed the chef's brat.
"Dad ran down the hens with his car."
--- A N Wilkins P9203

A well-to-do lady called Carla
Served Indian food in her parlour;
Not chicken, samosas
Or Vindaloo...No sirs;
But ptarmigan tikka masala.
--- Peter Wilkins

A gourmand sped to Iceland from France,
For roast puffin, he'd heard of by chance.
A most succulent bird,
But to dine on absurd,
For his breath, then, would come in short pants.
--- Bob Giandomenico P0410

Drumsticks are fine, but the breast
Tastes good with some gravy; that's best.
Top it off with some pie.
Gaining weight? Just deny,
And after the dinner we rest!
--- Al Willis T9711

A gourmet from old Albuquerque
Had an id quintessentially quirky.
On a dish he'd recline
With his legs bound in twine,
And have himself stuffed like a turkey!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I know what I want for my present!
It's to watch Santa Claus fuck a pheasant!
Then cook it for lunch,
And I have a hunch
That the stuffing would taste sort of pleasant.
--- Prince Eaglehead T9712

Touching her breast with a sigh,
He drooled as he kneaded her thigh...
Her slit was all wet
The moment was set.
He uttered a wild, joyous cry.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Inside the hole it was murky,
But the flesh all around pink and perky...
He rolled up his sleeve
And said, "I believe
She's ready! I'll now stuff my turkey!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

From the oven the turkey did shoot,
And took to the air with a loop.
All the plates it did brake,
And a chair devastate,
As into the corner it did scoot.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There it burst with a deafening roar,
And completely coated the floor.
The ceiling, windows and walls
The dishes, fridge and the halls;
There was turkey where there's no turkey before.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

With displeasure I scraped and I mopped
At all the things that had gone plop.
And thought with chagrin
That never again,
Would I stuff with popcorn not popped.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

You sure eat the strangest of things;
Would you like to try something with wings?
A pigeon or two
Would make a nice stew,
And be a meal worthy of Kings!
--- Mushroom

There was a fat man in Bon Air,
Whose breakfast each day was a pear;
His lunch on the stoop
Was a cup of thin soup,
Then for dinner he ate a whole bear.
--- Alsops Foibles

Try crocodile soup, nothin's greater,
Far better than leek and potater.
First, get a big pan,
Then, quick as you can,
Go catch you a big alligator.
--- Anon

We Aussies all like barbecue,
It's what fair dinkum Aussies all do.
You really can't beat
The half-cooked meat,
Which we get from waste bins at the zoo.
--- David Miller

The smell of burnt steak in the yard;
And sausages burnt black and charred;
The kids are all fighting,
The mozzies are biting...
And there's not enough bloody Aeroguard!
--- David Miller

Last night I ate a wild gnu,
And boy, was I glad to be through.
Never again shall I feast
On broiled wildebeeste;
He really was tough as a shoe.
--- Bill

We were housed with the ANZACS a week,
And the food they prepared was unique.
The meat you could chew
Was like roast kangaroo,
And they served it with bubble and squeak.

(bubble and squeak - misc vegetable stew)
--- A N Wilkins P8611

There was a young man of Calais
Who considered himself a gourmet,
Eating crocodile roast,
Or flies' eggs on toast --
His sex life was more recherche.

(recherche - lavishly elegant)
--- G1490

On a visit to southeast Peru,
I stumbled upon a Gnu.
With a chop and a slice,
He was really quite nice,
And he made the most wonderful stew.
--- Angel

There's this top-notch French chef down at Stebe's
Who is famous for barbequed "reebs."
But the most for the buck
Are his cracklings of duck,
Which, he's always insisted, are grebes.
--- J Maynard Kaplan

There was a man in Comfort, Tee Ex,
Whose diet was very complex.
He ate barbecue,
And jackrabbit stew,
Washed down with a cold stein of Beck's.
--- William K Alsop Jr

A diner in Kalamazoo,
Got a mouse in his Isish stew.
They said, "My dear chap,
Just fasten your trap.
You'll love the rich taste when you chew."
--- 500 Irish Jokes & Lims

A polite little man from Peru
Found a rather large mouse in his stew.
He continued to sup,
Ate it quietly up,
And not a soul else ever knew!
--- Laurence Perrine P8505P

There was a young man named Dale,
Who wanted to eat a whole whale.
He mashed it with cheese
And served it with peas.
But he couldn't quite manage the tail.
--- Anon

A Neanderthal cave man named Neal
Set out on a search for a meal;
He captured a beast,
Dragged it home for a feast,
Which he ate with primordial zeal.
--- Cap'n Bean P0204

The rabbit made wonderful pie,
And was eaten by my sisters and I.
The leftovers will do
For a nice meaty stew,
Or maybe a little stir-fry.
--- Funny Bone

Was the rabbit all juicy and fat?
Or was it all stringy and flat?
As you like to eat pets,
I'd like to place bets,
That you wouldn't eat your pet cat!
--- Mushroom

There was an Old Person whose habits,
Induced him to feed upon rabbits;
When he'd eaten eighteen
He turned perfectly green,
Upon which he relinquished those habits.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

An old Chinaman name of Wong
Liked his chopsticks uncommonly strong.
He would use them as truncheons
On rats for his luncheons,
And bring a good soy sauce along.
--- Don Moore P9212