MORE
West Virginia has passed a new law: A trapper from 'round Hudson Bay When we came acrosss a toe-stubber, The bear in the back room is wormy. A sodomite gourmet named Denison Amazingly, antelope stew As a lark's tongue will help you to sing, I'm making a pie, all from scratch. You need any help with the dough? The shortening is always a bitch. An epicure living at Gratz, This old cat -- I couldn't abide her. I'm too in the cat eating school; Cats taste like frog, I would say Whoever it was, was mistaken; A pretty young lady called Splatt Polacks chased a Newfie to make stew of him. (I assume a Newfoundland dog? - McW)
Yes, put on your very best finery There once was a woman named Yannish, A blind chef whose roast did meow, George is a blithering pratt. I don't eat food sponsored by dogs; We know an old fellow named Jarrott If kosher you're going to be, Here's some hair-of-the-dog to revive you; Puppy stew? That calls for champagne! A candle-light dinner for two! I'm partial to eating cat meat; In some lands they have the strange habit: Christmas is coming, the goose isn't fat. It's true. When I saw the dead terrier, While it's true that Attila the Hun There once was a vicar from Bude (saveloys - spiced sausages sold ready to eat)
There was a big farmer in Dutton One end of the sausage, so neat, A seller of hot dogs was spied Fine meats had the butcher of Brest Contravening the guidelines on health, "On offer, dear ladies, there's rump Then Bob, the sausage inspector, Homophobic old Pastor McPhee A waiter was coming to grips And as for that sausage you've grilled, A lady from Kalamazoo (vindaloo - highly spiced meat in wine and garlic sauce)
There once was a fellow from Turkey The triumph might feel bitter-sweet Rachel sold many hot dogs that day, A certain young gourmet from Crediton, A weenie-roast! That sound's like fun. Heinrich showed off his Bratwurst From Rectum-on-Pot in West Bum Bark like a dog she would say, Here's the sad tale of foolish young Post, There once was a drunk lad named Marvin, The things that are eaten by Hy, A horny old chef known as Skinner, Said a canny young housewife named Joan, In the Army, on Saturday night, In spring, in a ranching society, In a meat plant a butcher named Nick Please, sweetheart, come here -- kiss my lips -- There was a young lady called Maryanne, They found her and the guy down the street -- A huntress by the name of Amy "I'll serve you a franfurter, ma'am -- In Bama, 'sweet-breads', bless our souls,
If you hit it, it's yours, hurrah!
Cook it all day,
Any old way;
Just soft, they've no teeth in their jaw.
--- Karen
Would dine on fat seal and dry hay.
We once tracked him down
From snowbanks stained brown;
His farts froze and frosted the way.
--- H Welchel
We'd check if it came from Old Clubber.
The yellow ice spikes,
He'd leave on his hikes,
Would taste just like fodder and blubber.
--- H Welchel
He's getting all stinky and squirmy.
So I'm reading a book
About how to cook,
And another about taxidermy.
--- Judson Jerome P8804
Considered perversions a benison;
He thought it a treat
To sit down and eat
A buck he'd just fucked, i.e., venison.
--- Armand Singer
Is supposedly better for you,
Than a goulash of rat
Or Hungarian cat;
I guess that you already knew.
--- Peter Wilkins
That antelope stew makes you spring.
And if you decide
On a bit on the side,
The monkey glands may help you swing.
--- Tiddy Ogg
The fillings whatever I catch,
With help from the cat:
A bird or a bat,
And maybe some fur from its snatch.
--- Anon
Just press this way and like so.
Roll it out flat
On a large pastry mat,
Then add pussy leavings and go!
--- Anon
It's always the crust-kneading hitch.
Lard is too porky,
Spunk is too dorky,
So maybe some cunt-grease be rich!
--- Anon
Was exceedingly partial to cats.
He relished them toasted,
Or boiled, baked, or roasted,
Or thoroughly stewed in old hats.
--- Langford Reed
Then one day I had too much cider --
I chased her, by heck,
Then I wrung her neck --
Then dipped her in batter and fried her!
--- Kaylin
Just the thought of the beasts make me drool.
With contented sigh,
I'll down kitten pie,
With a pint of strong ale as a rule.
--- Tiddy Ogg
In butter and garlic saute.
Then lemon -- a squirt
With greens and dessert,
A tasty raspberry sorbe.
--- Kaylin
When fried with a small strip of bacon,
Cats taste more like rabbit,
To those in the habit
Of eating small game when they waken.
--- Kaylin
Was mistaken one day for a cat,
By a man called Van Damm
Who make pets into jam --
And now she's spread out rather flat.
--- Michael Palin
To do this they had a great crew of them.
They back, later straggled,
Bloody, beaten, bedraggled,
And said, "It's not fair, there were two of them."
--- VOL 11
And go out and dine in a winery.
I shall don my old togs,
Share a bone with the dogs,
Trading tales with the wags of caninery.
--- Laurence Perrine P8307
Who vowed to eat food solely Spanish.
And though no one had heard
Of her breaking her word,
Chihuahuas occasionally vanish!
--- Tillmanator
Determined the meat was no cow.
He said "I see that
It's a burned puttycat;
I must suffer through succotash now."
--- Ryan Waldron
His hair's like a sheeps wooly hat.
He'll do him self harm
By waving his arm.
I think I'll feed him to my cat.
--- Anon
I don't think it's from cows or hogs.
It's probably cat,
('Cause dogs would love that)
Besides it does not smell like frogs.
--- Anon
Who barbecued part of a parrot.
Poll's crackers and cheese
He then mixed with peas
And invited his friends in to share it.
--- Calvin R Openshaw P8210
The pot bellied pig must go free.
No tasting of pork;
Put down that fork.
The pig will be happy, you see!
--- Maggie
Puppy stew would be splendid in my view.
I will cook him in sauce,
If some salad you'll toss;
We should have it with wine. Will rose' do?
--- Michelle
I could eat that again and again.
What goes nicely with that
Is some nicely grilled cat,
And a soupcon of hamster's fried brain.
--- Michelle
Pup and pussy, and rodent-brains too!
All this cholesterol,
Chased with good alcohol;
Aphrodisiacs all. I thank you!
--- Allen Wolverton
It's best when the cat is in heat.
The fur is a pain,
But now and again,
It does make it taste rather sweet.
--- Anon
If food's passing by, then they grab it.
They trim off the fat
And serve you up cat,
But it says on the menu, "Roof Rabbit."
--- Spru
The poor old farmers are the cause of that.
Bird's getting thinner;
None for our dinnner.
We've no choice, we must eat the cat.
--- Tony Burrell
My impulse, at first, was to bury her.
But somehow I feel
That she'd make a good meal
If I'd properly season and sherry her.
--- Anon
Rated maiming and killing as fun,
Did he have to appall
All of civilized Gaul,
Eating liverwurst cooked underdone?
--- Cyber Geezer
Whose manners at table were rude.
It wasn't the noise
As he ate saveloys,
But the way that he sat on his food.
--- Michael Palin
This is file fgm
Who dined upon sausage and mutton.
And on pretzels and beer,
Till his wife said, "My dear,
You have too much around which to button."
--- Alsops Foibles
Was filled not with pork, but with wheat.
Said the butchering guy,
"With my costs so high,
It's hard, sir, to make both ends meat!"
--- Hugh H Hanlon P9208
By a Buddhist who happily cried,
"Make me one, if you please,
With everything -- cheese,
And some onions, and slaw on the side
--- Norm Storer P9606
And buyers were duly impressed.
But the ladies confessed
They were mostly obsessed
With his wurst which they found to be best.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2467
Butcher Frank likes exposing himself,
But he hides it away
In the sausage display,
When young ladies come up to the shelf.
--- Peter Wilkins
Steak or sausages plump.
Be my guest; when they're pressed,
You can tell they're the best."
And he grins as they fondle his pump.
--- Anon
Came in with a meat detector.
Hey, this one's not real!
Yes it is, have a feel,
Frank smiled as he grew erector.
--- Anon
Posed as strange a sight as one could see.
He appeared quite agog
When he'd eat a hot dog,
Which he did from the side, centrally.
--- L C Fitz P0209
With the love of his life -- kissed her lips --
Cried, "What do you want?
Your best wish I'll grant!"
She said, "Thanks, I'll have sausage and chips."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
The way that you did it just thrilled
My entire frame;
Your oven's hot flame
Has taken me quite far from 'chilled.'
--- Anon
Gave her pets hot vindaloo.
Now the cat is dead --
It exploded when fed,
And the dog can't stay out of the loo.
--- Funfax Limericks
Whose tastes in good eating were quirky.
He liked to eat pork
With a knife and a spork,
But his favorite food was beef jerky.
--- Anon
When they managed a sausage based treat;
With lard and soy flour
Came their finest hour,
They pretended to make both ends meet.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8901
But when asked by a man, "I say...
Have you condiments, Dear?"
She replied, "No, not here."
And blushing, she sent him away.
--- Sal R
Took some pate de foie gras and spread it on
A chocolate biscuit,
Then murmured, "I'll risk it."
His tomb bears the date that he said it on.
--- Rev Charles Inge
I'll go get the mustard and bun.
I like mine well cooked,
But last time I looked
I thought it might be too well done.
--- Anon
To Gretchen, who giggled, then cursed
In some consternation
At his revelation...
"Mein Gott!" screamed the fraulein, "Wat? Burst?!"
--- Val Burns P0606
All sorts of wild rumors have come:
Limp-peckered old fools
Have cut off their dead tools,
And already have barbequed some!
--- G1518
As I eat her nice pie every day.
She would then whistle
As I chomped on the gristle,
And lapped up the curds with the whey.
Who cut off his manhood to roast.
Said he, "Though it's tasty,
Perhaps I was hasty --
It's the slice I'll be missing the most."
--- G1510
Who thought his big dick was for carvin'.
He tried to cut slices
Of "Turkey with spices",
And left all his dinner guests starvin'.
--- Pablo Zum TP9807
Do not include ice cream or pie.
But don't knock his diet;
At least 'till you try it.
He often eats down at the "Y".
--- Pierce Evans
Had screwed all the liver for dinner.
I heard a girl state,
"Your meal was just great.
The gravy tonight was a winner!"
--- David Miller
"It is one of the cheapest meats known:
A lean horse's prick
Might make you feel sick,
But you don't have to pay for the bone."
--- Armand E Singer 258
The meal was revolting, a mite.
It was called "donkey dick";
Some soldiers got sick.
At the least, it killed my appetite.
--- Anon
The ranchers cut calves with propriety,
And then folks are fed
At a bountiful spread
Of oysters, the mountain variety.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Introduced a cost-saving plan slick:
A new hot dog treat,
More taste and less meat,
Which he found after sucking a prick.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1281
And bring those electrical clips.
We'll hook up your knob,
Which can do the job,
Of frying up my fish and chips.
--- Anon
Who started to cook vegetarian.
But her family said "Meat
Is what we want to eat,
Or here we will not be tarryin'."
--- Kaylin
With her head in his lap, in great heat.
They said, in shock, very,
"What are you doing, Mary?" --
She said, "You told me to eat meat!"
--- Kaylin
Liked her meat both cooked and gamey.
What she preferred raw
Is something you saw
In Pompeii, city of infamy.
--- Macsam
But not all are made out of ham.
If you bite into veins,
You'll have chewed the remains
Of the penis of my cousin Sam."
--- Dick Potts P8511
Is cow parts men eat from hot bowls;
But women eat balls
Of bulls in hot stalls;
I know they call bull balls 'sweet-rolls.'
--- Anon
MORE