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Said President Jobcock one day: The Anzacs fought bravely, they say, When they beat the swords into plowshares, On Memorial Day, an old Vet Cash dwindles for ammo and guns, "With Lake Woebegone's cure for malaise", In the progress of civilization, Said the Brass, "What a man did before Oh the sight entrancing When hearts are all high beating To the ages this song does belong, From Ghent, I had galloped to Aix, An army corp's mission, of course, is (corse - archaic, dead body, corpse)
Some boys with the taste and discernment "Samaritan goodness, alas," 'Tis folly in face of defeat We're sending our Green Beret teams I suspect that the mission's a sham; Service people grace places afar, Give a cheer for our boys at the front, To an American military professional, A rebel who fought at Shiloh, The Pentagon set to announce Although they are not very bright, Private MacDonald was built ...Which he varied from zero degrees All honour and glory accrues On breakfasts, six days were just "Yuck!" A young soldier, who I'll call Lorne, When a certain group of GI's "I'll be all I want to be," said Don. (Army slogan - Be all you can be [unless shooting starts])
There is a GI at Fort Drum, There once was a soldier named Frank, A man recently out of the forces, The river was ragin', but shallow. An ingenious Sergeant Cooper, There was an objector at Chirk Although a young draftee named King Few boasted as much as did Joe The general said, "When spirit droops, To the Draft Board young Buddy Mahew A drill sergeant I once knew was a PHILODOX; Ten cadets and a dog from Moldavia Although I am aged 79, The enemy I faced single handed, And anyhow, I couldn't crawl, So there I just had to reside, I go to the regiment's functions, In the desert, an abandoned tank Just think of a boy at the front, Home on leave in familiar scenes, Then Uncle Sam beckoned to me; He'd ordered "Hors d'oeuvres for Headquarters," That noble hussar, Captain Kossoff, Uncle Artie's come down from the attic; Cousin Tom is a Vietnam vet, When those paid soldiers, CONDOTTIERI, A communist comrade, old Fred, A soldier known only as Sarge There was an old soldier call Beddles Sir Jeremy "Juggernaut" Jones There was a young woman in Banks, They were lying together undresed, A GI was sent to Ft. Bliss. "I enlisted," confessed Private Lear, There was once a professor named Snife,
"War's better than love, I should say.
Instead of a virgin,
It's murder I'm urgin',
You get lots more blood that-a-way."
--- G1538
In Gallipoli, even though they
Faced a ludicrous task,
So it's not much to ask
`o remember them on their own day.
--- David Morin
They caught army brass unawares,
And left them enraged.
Now the troops are engaged
In learning to fight with plowshares.
--- Attic Salt P9901
Tried his uniform on for a bet.
As he strained to look thin,
He said, "Sucking it in,
Helps remember my army corps set!"
--- Prof M-G
And RIF's have only just begun.
Enlisting today,
You might find that they
Really mean it -- You're an army of one.
--- Dr Limerick
Thinks the Army, "morale we can raise.
Won't our military
All above average be
If we issue them all black berets?"
--- Peter Wilkins
Of wars between nation and nation,
Our weapons, refined,
By the mind of mankind
Wreak targeted broad devastation.
--- Laurence Perrine P9308
Determined his place in the war.
Thus a butcher, you'll find,
Is always assigned
A place in the Medical Corps."
--- A N Wilkins P8901a
When morning's beam is glancing
Over files arrayed
With helm and blade
And plumes in the gay wind dancing.
--- Thomas Moore
And the trumpet's voice repeating
That song whose breath
May lead to death
But never to retreating.
--- Thomas Moore
But army cooks say one word's wrong.
In the artillery
Their new lyric would be:
"As those capons go rolling along."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh
All night, without stopping for breaks,
But instead of a hero,
I finished a zero
By forgetting the meassage, land sakes!
--- Hugh Clary
To make skillful use of its forces,
Its guns, and its horses,
And all its resources
To make other corps into corpses.
--- Laurence Perrine P8406
To dodge the draft with a deferment,
Grew up to be hawks,
With bloodthirsty talk,
Once safe from the Army's procurement.
--- Dr Limerick 09-05-02
Said Father McFarland at mass,
"Demands we be kind,
So next time you find
The wounded, put them on your ass."
--- Travis Brasell
To take, VAWARD, the front seat.
It's abundantly clear:
Advantage of rear
Is being the first in retreat.
--- Chris Papa
To Georgia, because our brass deems (Russia)
Their troops must be trained
And our doctrines explained,
And not for a fight, as it seems.
--- Dr Limerick 02-27-02
Soon our guys will get into a jam,
And then while we sleep
The weed, mission creep,
Will take over, just like in Vietnam.
--- Dr Limerick 02-27-02
And in some there's not even a bar.
Since the Saudis, I'm thinking,
Object strongly to drinking,
Our troops there fight a prolonged gulp war.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0208
Whether GI, or Dogface, or Grunt;
And another loud cheer
For our men in the rear;
And you guys in between 'em, well, punt!
--- Robin K Willoughby P8406
Top honor is the Medal Congressional.
In the war against slavery,
None went for Southern bravery,
For their cause was considered secessional.
--- Thomas G Keller P9501
Said: "I don't want to do this no mo'.
I'm tired of the drillin',
The bloodshed, the killin'.
It brings me nuthin' but woe."
--- Thomas A Ratliff
"We no longer do body counts;
We just estimate
And manipulate
The numbers for maximum bounce."
--- Dr Limerick 03-14-02
In the headbone indeed not quite right,
How could any jerks
Accept army perks
Without thinking they might have to fight?
--- A N Wilkins P9102
Like a howitzer under his kilt.
He was used in the war
As a substitute for
A bazooka because of the tilt...
--- Peter Wilkins
Up to ninety with consumate ease;
Not just vertically true,
Horizontally too,
When he swiveled around on his knees.
--- Peter Wilkins
To the regiment of the Vingt-Deux.
Said a girl with delight,
"I don't know about fight,
But the whole twenty-two of them screws."
--- Hugh Oliver 43a
Old rations with which we were stuck.
But if you would single,
That stuff on a shingle,
Is worse that that dried egg foul muck.
--- Anon
Regretted the day he was born.
He'd been to the barber,
A grudge he did harbour;
His hair was not cut, it was shorn.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who thought themselves rather wise,
Let out of the bag
A startled old hag,
They took a long look of surprise.
--- Baxter Sperry P0111
"I am big and I've all of the brawn.
But when they start shootin'
And stompin' and hootin',
Then all I want to be is gone."
--- Tom Patton P0412
Who had come to Fort Drum from a slum.
As he breathed the fresh air,
He says: "I'll be fair;
This is better than where I came from."
--- William K Alsop Jr
I don't know his unit or rank,
But he played with his "gun,"
Because it was fun,
And that's why they called him a Yank.
--- Bob Birch P0206
This is file fgl
Decided to sit for some courses.
He had degrees in a few,
Many others he knew,
But he liked putting carts before horses!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
"Get in there!" the major did bellow.
But Sergeant McCorr
Sat down on the shore;
He was chicken, and piss-weak, and yellow.
--- Anon
For a soldier did something super.
Had him cloned, two for one,
So that when he was done,
He'd invented a pair o' trooper.
--- Anon
Who was charged with an impulse to shirk;
But he answered, "All action
I love to distraction,
But I loathe and abominate work."
--- Anon Punch 1918 (Bibby)
In the army learned many a thing,
About men who'd gone wrong
With wine, women, and song,
He was too cultured even to sing.
--- A N Wilkins P8901
About what he'd do to the foe,
We had simply no doubts
That he'd slaughter the Krauts
Till the guy shot himself in the toe.
--- A N Wilkins P8901
We engage our most favorite groups;
The ones with the curls,
Made up of just girls,
Known the world over as our crack troops."
--- Tom Patton P0407
Raised quite an uncomfortable stew,
And in definite terms
Exclaimed "Listen, you worms,
I refuse to be classed as '4Q'!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 452
A graduate for the school of "hard knocks".
But his wisdom was bluster;
The best he could muster
Was, "Drop your cocks and grab your socks!"
--- Norm Brust
Took a train to Berlin through Moravia.
All but the dog
Were ejected at Prague
For lewd and licentious behavia.
--- David Smith P9604
In the army I'm doing just fine.
And I've this commendation
From a most grateful nation,
For gallantry in the front line.
--- Anon
For I heard not "Retreat!", as commanded.
And the foe, I'd not flee 'em,
I didn't even see 'em,
For I'm deaf and half-blind, I'll be candid.
--- Anon
What with my arthritis and all.
The pains in my hip,
That were giving me gyp,
If I had heard that officer call.
--- Anon
'Til the counter-attack by our side.
Then they called me a hero,
For showing no fear, oh,
They told me that I might have died.
--- Anon
And pick up some dame at the luncheons.
'Cause strictly between us,
I've still got a penis,
That works with some gal in conjunction.
--- Anon
Was wangled by a Yank named Frank.
With no women around,
In his vessel, newfound,
Frank the Yank, in his tank, had a wank.
--- S.M.
No beer, no bourbon, no cunt.
He sits in his trench,
And thinks of his wench,
And his codpiece resembles a punt.
--- Heekster
A recent young draftee named Jeans
Really felt like a heel
At his first homecooked meal
When he asked for the "fucking green beans"
--- A N Wilkins P8901
"The Army's for you", chuckled he.
So I gave him twenty,
But I got back plenty,
Outliving him statisticly.
--- L E Ott P0206
Which the Cook misread "Horse for the mortars."
Well Sergeant, try booze.
You must never confuse
"Ordures" with the General's orders.
--- Laurence Perrine P8406
Gave each of the troops he was boss of
A buxom young wench
For defeating the French,
And a pretty young boy for a toss off.
--- Michael Horgan
He's an ancient ham-radio fanatic.
He "dot-dashed" the war
For the Signal Corp.
(He's convinced he hears "voices" in static.)
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who is horny as horny can get.
He claims Agent Orange
Makes him swing like a door hinge,
And the Air Force is thus in his debt.
--- John Miller 0115
March off to wars so mercenary,
We must think of the Huns
With bayonet guns
In our wars Revolutionary.
--- Daniel Ford
Tried to join I. R. A. for his bread.
The sergeant replied:
"Wrong cause!" -- and then sighed
"Try holy comm-union instead!"
--- Carl Ludvig Kjelsen P8701
Had sex with a hooker named Marge.
Though only a grunt,
He assaulted her cunt,
And gave her an honorable discharge.
--- Lim of Month Nov 2000
Who was terribly fond of his medals.
They hung on the wall
And on hooks in the hall
And he'd two on his bicycle pedals.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Was a soldier, but not in his bones.
He was meek as three lambs,
Wrote love poems in iambs,
And never went near combat zones.
--- Warrick Elrod
Who hated the sight of the Yanks;
When they entered her town,
She melted them down,
Which slowly diminished their ranks.
--- Limber Limericks
And the lancer was fondling her breast,
When he heard his C.O.
Outside in the snow,
Order "Mount!" He obeyed the request.
--- Lance Payne P8406
He remembered his sweetheart's last kiss.
But a girl out on the highway
Said, "Let's do it my way."
He said, "Life was never like this."
--- Ed Wolfert P8406
"And in three years of service, it's clear
If there's one thing I've learned
Where the army's concerned,
It's never," he said, "volunteer!"
--- A N Wilkins P8901
Who grew tired of foxhole life.
He longed for the classroom,
Where he had more ass-room,
And nights in bed with his wife.
--- G0185
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