The strangest thing I ever saw
Was a cafe in St. Stanislaw;
They served corndog pups
In big paper cups,
With turkeys that danced in the straw.
--- Travis Brasell

A geezer from far Argentina
Raised cattle that couldn't be leaner.
The ladies all praise
His ribs and fillets,
But nobody cares for his wiener.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0608

The aroma of well-heated stew
Was praised by the head of the zoo.
He fished from the back,
The balls of a yak,
And also a phallus or two.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1298

The great photography scam,
Involved selling pictures of Spam.
With an airbrush or two,
The pink, sticky goo,
Could easily pass for a ham.
--- Anon

"The stomach," said Napoleon
"Is what an army travels on."
Where else to put the blame
When Moscow's winter came,
They found that all their Spam was gone.
--- Irving Superior P9610

There once was a penniless man,
Who decided that veggies were bland.
So he blended three mice,
With a small hint of spice,
And thus was born glorious Spam!
--- Anon

Justin Wilson won't do Leg of Lamb.
"I'm a Cajun cook, that's all I am,
And I'm lookin' to tipple
A bottle of Ripple
With my crawdads, my onions, and Spam.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9610

There once was a man from New York,
Who tired of regular pork.
To the market he went;
Not much money he spent
For some Spam and a chrome-plated fork.
--- Earl Kwak

Spam for dinner they say is quite nice,
But use caution and heed this advice;
It's made from pigs' asses,
Including the gasses,
So I sure wouldn't order it twice.
--- Kent B Hake P9610

"I won't come," said the old sow to Hormel.
"I don't like to dress so informal.
And as for flesh pink,
I think it's a stink.
It's hardly 'de trop' or quite normal."

(regarding SPAM)
--- Mike O'Conner

On last Easter we had to say, "Damn!"
And to substitute a baked "Whole Ham."
Family anger I earned
when the entree I burned,
Our tradition at Easter is Spam.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9610

I just dined with the King of Siam
At my house and he said to me, "Sam
I could eat a Big Mac
Or even boiled yak,
And I knew you were cheap, but why Spam?
--- Al Willis P9610

A poor lonely butcher from Flamm
Was humping a cold can of Spam.
He said with a spasm
On his second orgasm,
"I just can't afford a good ham!"
--- Anon

When they dated, she made rack of lamb;
Gourmet dishes were part of her scam.
After she set the hook,
Her prime recipe book
Was The Joy Of Fast Cooking With Spam.
--- William N Nesbit P9610

"Observe this pink SPAM," said John Cho,
"Which though apparently solid, can flow,
Especially when old
In a flexible mold;
An experiment I'd rather forego."
--- Mike O'Conner

Now Spam's an incredible thing.
Not only to ribs does it cling;
I fed it to Mary,
My lovely canary,
Who gagged while attempting to sing!
--- Mark Levy P9610

The knees of gnats. Of newts, a gram.
Of clots, of eyeballs, a half a dram.
Mix well in pot.
"Ach Liebergott!"
The Germans who invented Spam.
--- Irving Superior P9610

A Pentagon note:--Do not pamper
Our men in the field. Do not tamper
With diets that might
Make them hate to fight.
For dinner one fresh can of Spam per.
--- Irving Superior P9610

At the Gates, St. Peter said, "Sam
They tell me you always served Spam.
You displease me beaucoup,
And I know what I'll do.
I will send you to Hell, so now scram."
--- Al Willis P9610

Has anyone here tasted SPAM?
It's Hormel's concoction: spiced ham.
Don't knock or deride it
Until you have tried it;
You just might get hooked, as I am.
--- Anon

This alternate lunchable meat
Is quite an enjoyable treat.
So fry up a slice,
It tastes rather nice,
On rye bread, or maybe whole wheat.
--- Anon

There once was a man named Sam,
Who never could get any clam.
To prove he's a man,
He opened a can,
And then stuck his dick in the spam.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

An old lady from far Guadeloupe
Complained of SPAM in her soup.
"Do you want," said the waiter,
"Some more alligator
Or more fresh hippopotamous poop?"
--- Mike O'Conner

Those people who put jam or jelly on
Their toast think that we are Orwellian.
But although we're more equal,
And eat toast, SPAM, and treacle,
The word we'd prefer is Hormelian.

(Hormel is the company making SPAM)
--- Barrie Collins

A hungry young fellow named Marvin
Sat dreaming of turkeys and carvin'.
So a lady brought Spam,
But he said, "Thank you, ma'am;
I prefer the alternative: starvin'."
--- Cyber Geezer

An endearing young ostrich named Lou
Once laid an egg lopsided and skew.
When viewed from within,
One could see a blue tin,
Though how it got there, no one knew.
--- Mike O'Conner

Julia Child once eschewed Rack of Lamb
Saying, "I may be wrong, fool I am.
But I'm searching you know
For the perfect Bordeaux,
To wed smoothly my truffles and SPAM.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

It's gelid and squishy and pink,
And, good Lord, it might learn to think,
If with great resolve,
It was left to evolve
For ten minutes under the sink.
--- J B Zimmerman

There once was a little lamb,
Who liked to eat lots of jam.
With some research work,
He joined jam with spare pork,
And so he came up with SPAM.
--- Andrew Wiseman

GI's swore that it was a scam;
That the victim was old Uncle Sam;
That some son of a bitch
Is now filthy rich,
From making the army eat Spam
--- A N Wilkins P8901

A dumb backward cook said, "Perhaps
I can lift myself by my boot straps."
Her boss said, "A Tony,
You get no baloney;
I'll fix you a sandwich of mapS.
--- Tom Patton P9610

The soldiers when first eating Spam,
Kept looking for some bits of ham--
The Spam/Ham sound--
But all that they found
Were bits of both scam and of sham.
--- Irving Superior P9610

When you told me you know how to bake,
I envisioned a roast or a cake.
With that bod like Raquel's
I could hear wedding bells,
But SPAM! You can jump in the lake.
--- Al Willis P9610

This is file ffm

The snorting of piglets most rank,
Rises up from the processing tank.
One by one, they squeal out
As Hormel harvests their snout,
To put in the blue tin "pig bank."
--- J B Zimmerman

"For World War Three, we're making Sclam,
But unlike War Two's Spam/Ham sham.
Inside each hundredth tin
We'll put a whole clam in.
Good luck to you all. Yours, Uncle Sam.
--- Irving Superior P9610

There once was a desolate ham,
Whose existence was only a sham.
One day to his muck
Came a slaughterhouse truck.
The rest can be read on canned SPAM.
--- Reber Clark

To honor the Spam theme I got
A can of and ate it, and thought--
I'm back fifty years,
My youth reappears,
So fifty more cans of, I bought.
--- Irving Superior P9610

While dining on roadkill and rabbits,
And scraping off wandering maggots,
The man from Down Under
Said, "SPAM makes me chunder;
It shrivels the hair in my armpits."

(chunder - australian slang for vomit)
--- Anon

A fat girl, an upstate New Yorker,
Thought she was some kind of corker.
She gave not a damn;
She ate only Spam;
Grew bristles and smelled like a porker.
--- Tom Patton P9610

While others will Spam now address,
We should not forget S.O.S.
It came on a shingle.
On top of, they'd mingle
Those items in Spam, they'd repress.
--- Irving Superior P9610

One thing about Spam which is great,
Is the interesting sound it creates:
Like the post-supper burp
Or the mucousy slurp
When you empty the can on a plate.
--- Sam Mahmoud

Twenty-five piglets per hour
Times Spam to the seventeenth power
In whatever equation,
Is an abomination
And from ten feet makes my milk go sour.
--- J B Zimmerman

I just dined in downtown Manhattan,
On filet de SPAM, served au gratin,
Which the matre d' swore
Had drifted to shore
From a boat from the isle they call Staten.
--- Barrie Collins

"Yon haggis Ah can nae mair stomach,
So Ah'll tak tae the road with ma crummock!"
Cried Dougal MacPherson
(A Scottish-type person)
As he sat, eating SPAM, on a hummock.

(crummock - staff with crooked head)
--- Barrie Collins

When I eat SPAM Bolognese,
My eyes become misty and glazy.
But most chefs are truculent
To make me this succulent
Dish--they all think I am crazy!
--- Barrie Collins

There once was a pig of Orsay,
What smelled an unusual way.
It was sort of like ham,
But more likely 'twas SPAM,
By its fat-laden feel and bouquet.
--- Reber Clark

Cold SPAM. served with couscous and dates,
Is a no-no in all Arab states,
All because of some talk,
That it does contain pork,
As the side of the can tabulates.
--- Barrie Collins

My taco is chock full of lunchmeat,
With hog ears and nostrils and cow's feet.
But for SPAM all alone,
With its gristle and bone,
Is more my idea of a dog treat.
--- Bill Mahoney

"Mind your head," said Old Mother Riley,
"There's a SPAM on the roof that's quite oily.
It's dripping its fat
On my best table mat,
And making a mess green and biley."
--- Mike O'Conner

There once was a guy from Japan,
Who fell in love with a blue can.
He started to use
The Web for haikus
And attracted many a fan.

(SPAM comes in a blue can)
--- Bob Roberds

There once was a lunch meat called Spam;
They say it is something like ham.
But it's covered in gel
And it's easy to tell
There's too many nitrates per gram!
--- Starfish

"Good Lord!" said the sanitary man,
"There's a SPAM in the lavatory pan.
Someone's thrown it in there
In a fit of dispair,
After opening the little blue can."
--- Mike O'Conner

Most soldiers really hate Spam,
Which does not taste 'xactly like ham.
It appears at some meals,
Tucked away 'tween heels.
Dogfaces think that Spam is a scam.
--- William K Alsop Jr

"Don't cry, little SPAM," said Big Brother.
"I know we've just eaten your mother.
But it's not long to wait
Before you're on the plate,
With two slices of white bread and butter."
--- Mike O'Conner

For breakfast I'd rather have toad sweat,
Or pickled remains of some house pet,
That pull out a can
Of leftover SPAM,
And wind up bent over the toilet.
--- Bill Mahoney

There was an old lady from Norwich,
Who told us, while eating her porridge,
"Putting SPAM on your cereal
Makes it much more ethereal;
A condition I always encourage.
--- Barrie Collins

There once was a can full of mayhem,
With chunks of white grease and some cat phlegm.
But try as you might,
To cut Spam slices right,
It is often much harder to chew 'em.
--- Bill Mahoney

The SPAM-mobile used by Lake Speed,
It's hoped, will atract a new breed
Of good-ol'-boy fans,
Who will rush to buy cans;
Whether or not there's a need.
--- Barrie Collins

An ignorant fat glutton from Cork,
Was unable to tell mutton from pork.
Yet he'd recognize SPAM
Being quite unlike ham,
Or anything else on his fork.
--- Mike O'Conner

"Have some SPAM?" said the model from Bude.
"I know it's embarrassingly nude,
But clothed in it's tin,
I feel sure it's no sin,
Just, maybe, a sneaky bit rude.
--- Mike O'Conner

In trying indelicate meats,
From alleys and rivers and streets,
I've found with alarm,
That I can't come to harm,
While munching SPAM in between treats.
--- Reber Clark

Eat slowly, take care not to gobble,
Or your front teeth will fall out or wobble.
If it's SPAM you're to eat,
The trick is to cheat,
And spit it outside on the cobble.
--- Mike O'Conner

Eating SPAM on the porch in the nude,
Was a habit the neighbors thought lewd.
But when he donned clothing
They didn't stop loathing;
'Twas the sight of the SPAM they eschewed.
--- Gordon Peery

From dark corners of mystic Siam
Came a Swami they called, the "I AM".
"Thou shalt nots" he'd repeat
And proscribe eating meat.
In his closet though, he'd wolf down Spam.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9610

A woman by the name of Kelly
Used Spam instead of K-Y Jelly.
She finally gave birth;
To a boy of great girth,
With a tattoo, "Hormel" on his belly.
--- Tom Patton P9610a

I would never cook Spam in a pan,
Too much heat would annul my swell plan;
Oh, good heavens above,
Body temp's what I love;
Juicy pork in a tight-fitting can!
--- Mark Levy P9610

"Just try my cuisine, dear madame.
It's chicken croquettes, stuffed with Spam."
Her id, overheating;
She ne'er felt like eating,
And she said, "Check out this bearded clam."
--- Al Willis P9610