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While grouting a tiled tub enclosure, In a hamlet in South Vietnam, Now meat from La France I've forsaken; E're the waitress jumps in with her slasher, "I love organs," she said, "Even kidney. "There are giblets that go in a stew, "The stores will no longer sell lung, It seems that millions of Brits, A good Pork Pie's a real treat; A man in the great state of Texas He was off to the town he was from, He stopped on the road with a swirl; When they got to him mums house, you see, An edible glutinous type Announced on the menu, calves' liver I, too, enjoy liver of calf, I also enjoy the pate, When you go to a store in Ascutney, At the village emporium in Woodstock, There once was a fellow named Murray After the nice vindaloo, You'll find in our Irish cheese: "Legislators," observed Mr. Wyatt, "Itadakimasu! There's sushi - An alternative to cooking with WOK A hobbledehoy name of Roy, One evening while eating tandoori, At dinner, a schizo named Bott, At an Indian restaurant, Murray, My mind boggles with things I could do I see that you're eager to please, Waiter! There's straw in my soup! Waiter! This soup's for the birds I won't eat Chicken Ding in Hong Kong, A sinologue student at Queens' (Queens' College of Cambridge)
In Dublin, a Chinese from China In a Chinese restaraunt in St. Louis, Of restaurants ethnic and foreign, An oriental restaurant in Crewe Long before low carb dieting crap, There was a young lad from Kandui There was a young lad from old Spain There was a young lad from Siam There was a young lad from Paradise There was a young lad from New York A cockney at Cafe Royal Thai A masturbating gourmand from Hanoi, The joy of WOK cooking sets tone, Although the Chinese don't complain, I recommend noodles at dawn, Said the Lama, "What fabulous luck! The old Chinese buffet, Ying-Yang, "Pass the wok then," said Hudson to Halls. A restaurant run by Chinese A confederate chef put great stock I went to a restaurant Chinese ...Surrounded by what seemed like oodles "These fresh?" I asked. "Flesh as can be", At that he got rather irate Ho Fuk Yu Lychee has three daughters That's her age, not my age, you see; My hand creeps up under her dress I'd love to get into her beaver A Chinese man named Hung Lo; Ho Fuk Yu Lychee's oldest daughter, He wooed her with noodles and rice,
Ben ran out -- almost lost his composure.
In the lunch his wife made
Of yogurt, Spam, marmalade,
'Twas the answer, albeit not kosher.
--- Bedford
Lived some ladies and ther madam.
They were cheap and quite easy,
But often were greasy.
They took as their payment canned Spam.
--- Mark Amos
I hear that dead artists they've taken
To chop, mince and feed
To the piglets they breed.
I'll refuse, if you please, France's bacon.
--- Peter Wilkins
And creams your potatoes with masher,
This choice that you're makin'
In declining the bacon,
Just couldn't be brasher or rasher.
--- Hugh Clary
I've had sweetbreads from Brisbane to Sidney.
A good serving of liver
Will set me aquiver,
Just like Tom and his organ: Well, didn' he?"
--- John Miller 0090
And chittlin's appeal to a few.
You can start with some heart
And end up with the part
That's best shared just between me and you."
--- John Miller 0090a
Nor cojones from a bull that's well-hung;
And there isn't much hype
About kidney or tripe,
But I truly ADORE some good tongue!"
--- John Miller 0090b
Have become pork-pie eating addicts.
Eating one every day,
Throwing wrappers away,
So to this, they won't have to admit.
--- Anon
Crusty pastry filled with meat,
Pastry lined with aspic jelly,
Puts a lining in your belly,
By gum, they're so good to eat.
--- Anon
Drives a pickup instead of a Lexus.
He travels on wheels
Looking for some meals;
Look for Old Road Kill Bill in the nexus.
--- Liam na Beag
Taking girlfriend to meet his sweet mum.
When there came a loud "THUD"
From under the hood,
And he didn't know what it was from.
--- Liam na Beag
When the dust cleared, he saw a dead squirrel.
He placed the dead creature
With a long-handled reacher,
In a sack which he stored in the rear well.
--- Liam na Beag
The squirrel with veggies and tea!
You may think this one
Was just written for fun,
But the legend needs telling -- by me.
--- Liam na Beag
Of ruminant stomach, is tripe,
Which slippery-slips
Down the gullet and grips
One with painful abdominal gripe.
--- Peter Wilkins
Seems bound to give some folks a shiver.
Not of lust but disgust
And the chef they distrust;
My palate with joy is aquiver.
--- Ulla
If sliced very thinly in half;
But tend to be wary
When offered the scary
Equivalent part of giraffe.
--- Peter Wilkins
"It's LIVER, my friends cry, but hey!
I eat it up fried,
With toast on the side.
A great start, indeed, to the day.
--- Tychicus
There is no use to ask them for chutney.
You may plea, you may tease,
You may go on your knees.
It will do you no good, they ain't gotney.
--- Richard H Field
Of chutney they keep quite a good stock.
They're more given to gluttony
Than the folk of Ascutney
Who neither of liquors or foods talk.
--- Frederick Winsor
Whose vision often turned blurry.
With eyes fill with tears
And steam from his ears,
He'd vow to stop eating hot curry.
--- Edwin J Weinstein
Whose rapid choice you may rue,
The most urgent quest
To ease the unrest,
Is quick! And go find the loo!
--- Val Burns P0609
Aphrodisiac qualities.
Its remarkable curds
Are praised beyond words,
By both sexes, the he's and the she's.
--- 500 Irish Jokes & Lims
"In Japan are so thin it's a riot.
They never get fat
And the reason is that
They always stick close to their diet.
--- A N Wilkins P8402
Those cherries aren't real - here is mousse - He
Is licking the platter! -
That's oyster in batter
With Bird's Nest, just swimming in jus, see?"
--- Anon
Is to sear food on a very hot rock.
This technique from Japan
Can give you a tan,
So cover yourself with a smock.
--- Norm Brust
A Hawaiian -- (he sure loved his poi).
He thought it was nice
And preferred it to rice,
Though he drowned it in buckets of soy.
--- Anon
I was seized by a raven-haired houri.
I gave such a start,
My zipper flew apart --
And that's my defense to the jury.
--- Bill Wall
Wanting curry exceedingly hot,
Chose a nice vindaloo,
With enough spice for two,
And then split, for that's just what he got.
--- Pierce Evans
Was eating a plateful of curry.
He cried, "It's so hot,
I shall soon need a lot
Of very cold drinks in a hurry."
--- Funfax Limericks
As I 'curry' up favour with you.
So no chicken Korma
Things have to be warmer
How about a nice vindaloo
--- Anon
So we can exchange recipes.
I do love a Vindaloo,
Or Paella made by you,
But curry powder makes me sneeze.
--- Anon
And feathers, and some kind of goop.
It's saliva? A swallow?
From nests, then it follows
That this stuff is... Let's ask the group.
--- Rory Ewins
Quite literally. There are no words
For the sight of a nest
In a bowl; and the rest
Is disgusting! What are these things? Curds?
--- Rory Ewins
This is file fem
Though I'm told that my reasoning's wrong.
I know that a ding
Is the name of the thing
That swings either side of a dong.
--- Pierce Evans
Complained of a slug in his greens.
And yet dishes Chinese
Contain oodles of these,
Especially in chicken chow meins.
--- Harold C Bibby
Went into O'Sullivan's Diner,
Ordered cabbage, corned beef,
Heard the chef, with relief,
Say, "Today our egg foo yung is finer."
--- Warrick Elrod
You can order a lovely chop suey.
It's the best in Missouri
And this eastern pot-pourri
Is served steaming, all messy and gooey.
--- Deck Hedger
Chinese just might be the least borin'.
There's moo goo gai pan
And almond guy dan;
It's food that I can't help adorin'.
--- Younger Brother
Serves chopsticks with dinner for two.
The savory rice
Is all fluffy and nice,
But the chopsticks are so hard to chew.
--- Funfax Limericks
An ancient food caused no such flap.
The style, if you please,
We took from the Chinese,
Both their eggrolls and springrolls in wrap.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0510Q
Who said: "Where is Gertrude and Louie?
Last night at the dance,
We planned in advance
To meet for a plate of Chop Suey."
--- Lims Fables & Poems P0507
Who said: "Where is Gertrude and Elaine?
Last night at the dance,
We planned in advance
To meet for a plate of Chow Mein."
--- Arthur Deex P0507
Who said: "Where is Gertrude and Pam?
Last night at the dance,
We planned in advance
To meet for a plate of Hunan style lamb."
--- Arthur Deex P0507
Who said: "Where is Gertrude and Brice?
Last night at the dance,
We planned in advance
To meet for a plate of Flied Lice."
--- Arthur Deex P0507
Who said: "Where is Gertrude and Rourke?
Last night at the dance,
We planned in advance
To meet for a plate of Sweet and Sour Pork."
--- Arthur Deex P0507
Having Yum Neau, Moo Ga-Pow, and Larb Gai,
To his frumpy wife Mable,
As she ate across the table,
Said, "Hit's 'eaven to down this Sam Sahai."
--- Arthur Deex
Had a tool that resembled Bok Choi.
What came in his hand,
Looked like Moo Goo Gai Pan,
So he ate it with duck sauce and soy.
--- Richard Long
For partners in kitchen are shown:
No matter the weather,
Those who together
Do cook Chineses, never WOK alone.
--- Daniel Ford
The abundance of Chow Chows is plain;
And though it's not kind,
You should keep this in mind
The next time you're eating Chow Mein.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8309
Or a plate full of sweet-and-sour prawn.
But you don't want to mess
With young Jasmine Leaf's dress,
For Ho Fuk has a shotgun off-sawn.
--- Anon
Yes, I know that the communists suck.
They're disgusting and mean,
Shameful, foul and obscene,
But their fowl -- I just love Peking Duck!"
--- William N Nesbit P9712
Once had on the menu "Poon-Tang."
We started with shrimper,
Then gals who would whimper,
And ending the meal with a bang.
--- SFA
"I'm sorry, I'm afraid nature calls."
"Stop that, you fat Kiwi!"
"It's only a wee wee!
It might even improve the Prawn Balls."
--- Kevin Hale Q
Cooks king prawns and bamboo in green cheese.
It smells rather frightful
But tastes quite delightful --
Sweet and sour, boiled or fried, as you please.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
In Chinese meals for his flock.
He could skillfully cook,
So he's written a book,
Aptly titled, "The Reb and the Wok".
--- Bob Giandomenico P9608
"Number seventy-two, if you please",
I said. That strange writing
Looked rather exciting,
But what did I get? Monkeys' knees...
--- Anon
Of entrails (or possibly noodles)
And sweet 'n' sour prawn
Balls which one could have sworn
Were the testicles (maybe) of poodles.
--- Anon
Said the waiter Ho Fuk Yu Lychee,
"Would you rike some flied lice?"
I said, "That would be nice;
And a pot of your Jasmine Leaf Tea."
--- Anon
And said, "Have what you like on your plate;
But I won't heat the water
To brew up my daughter;
The beautiful Jasmine Leaf, mate."
--- Anon
Employed in his kitchen as porters;
But sweet Jasmine Leaf
Has been causing me grief
From the age of fifteen and three-quarters.
--- Anon
And we often have afternoon tea
In the kitchen while father
Is out and she rather
Enjoys herself sat on my knee.
--- Anon
And she smiles as I start to caress.
She giggles and wriggles
And constantly jiggles
Which causes me trouser distress.
--- Anon
And dampen her ardour and fever
Or give her a suck,
But her father Ho Fuk
Has a fucking good aim with his cleaver.
--- Anon
And his wife, named Fuk Mei Slo;
With their baby, Suc Sum Tit,
Took their Dachshund, Shteppin Schitt,
To get spayed, now he's Fuk No Mo.
--- Anon
Chrysanthemum Bud, never oughta
Have married so young
To her cousin No Hung,
A Malaysian noodle importer.
--- Anon
But could only just manage it twice,
And turned out such a dud
That Chrysanthemum Bud
Took to poodles; a singular vice.
--- Anon
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