While grouting a tiled tub enclosure,
Ben ran out -- almost lost his composure.
In the lunch his wife made
Of yogurt, Spam, marmalade,
'Twas the answer, albeit not kosher.
--- Bedford

In a hamlet in South Vietnam,
Lived some ladies and ther madam.
They were cheap and quite easy,
But often were greasy.
They took as their payment canned Spam.
--- Mark Amos

Now meat from La France I've forsaken;
I hear that dead artists they've taken
To chop, mince and feed
To the piglets they breed.
I'll refuse, if you please, France's bacon.
--- Peter Wilkins

E're the waitress jumps in with her slasher,
And creams your potatoes with masher,
This choice that you're makin'
In declining the bacon,
Just couldn't be brasher or rasher.
--- Hugh Clary

"I love organs," she said, "Even kidney.
I've had sweetbreads from Brisbane to Sidney.
A good serving of liver
Will set me aquiver,
Just like Tom and his organ: Well, didn' he?"
--- John Miller 0090

"There are giblets that go in a stew,
And chittlin's appeal to a few.
You can start with some heart
And end up with the part
That's best shared just between me and you."
--- John Miller 0090a

"The stores will no longer sell lung,
Nor cojones from a bull that's well-hung;
And there isn't much hype
About kidney or tripe,
But I truly ADORE some good tongue!"
--- John Miller 0090b

It seems that millions of Brits,
Have become pork-pie eating addicts.
Eating one every day,
Throwing wrappers away,
So to this, they won't have to admit.
--- Anon

A good Pork Pie's a real treat;
Crusty pastry filled with meat,
Pastry lined with aspic jelly,
Puts a lining in your belly,
By gum, they're so good to eat.
--- Anon

A man in the great state of Texas
Drives a pickup instead of a Lexus.
He travels on wheels
Looking for some meals;
Look for Old Road Kill Bill in the nexus.
--- Liam na Beag

He was off to the town he was from,
Taking girlfriend to meet his sweet mum.
When there came a loud "THUD"
From under the hood,
And he didn't know what it was from.
--- Liam na Beag

He stopped on the road with a swirl;
When the dust cleared, he saw a dead squirrel.
He placed the dead creature
With a long-handled reacher,
In a sack which he stored in the rear well.
--- Liam na Beag

When they got to him mums house, you see,
The squirrel with veggies and tea!
You may think this one
Was just written for fun,
But the legend needs telling -- by me.
--- Liam na Beag

An edible glutinous type
Of ruminant stomach, is tripe,
Which slippery-slips
Down the gullet and grips
One with painful abdominal gripe.
--- Peter Wilkins

Announced on the menu, calves' liver
Seems bound to give some folks a shiver.
Not of lust but disgust
And the chef they distrust;
My palate with joy is aquiver.
--- Ulla

I, too, enjoy liver of calf,
If sliced very thinly in half;
But tend to be wary
When offered the scary
Equivalent part of giraffe.
--- Peter Wilkins

I also enjoy the pate,
"It's LIVER, my friends cry, but hey!
I eat it up fried,
With toast on the side.
A great start, indeed, to the day.
--- Tychicus

When you go to a store in Ascutney,
There is no use to ask them for chutney.
You may plea, you may tease,
You may go on your knees.
It will do you no good, they ain't gotney.
--- Richard H Field

At the village emporium in Woodstock,
Of chutney they keep quite a good stock.
They're more given to gluttony
Than the folk of Ascutney
Who neither of liquors or foods talk.
--- Frederick Winsor

There once was a fellow named Murray
Whose vision often turned blurry.
With eyes fill with tears
And steam from his ears,
He'd vow to stop eating hot curry.
--- Edwin J Weinstein

After the nice vindaloo,
Whose rapid choice you may rue,
The most urgent quest
To ease the unrest,
Is quick! And go find the loo!
--- Val Burns P0609

You'll find in our Irish cheese:
Aphrodisiac qualities.
Its remarkable curds
Are praised beyond words,
By both sexes, the he's and the she's.
--- 500 Irish Jokes & Lims

"Legislators," observed Mr. Wyatt,
"In Japan are so thin it's a riot.
They never get fat
And the reason is that
They always stick close to their diet.
--- A N Wilkins P8402

"Itadakimasu! There's sushi -
Those cherries aren't real - here is mousse - He
Is licking the platter! -
That's oyster in batter
With Bird's Nest, just swimming in jus, see?"
--- Anon

An alternative to cooking with WOK
Is to sear food on a very hot rock.
This technique from Japan
Can give you a tan,
So cover yourself with a smock.
--- Norm Brust

A hobbledehoy name of Roy,
A Hawaiian -- (he sure loved his poi).
He thought it was nice
And preferred it to rice,
Though he drowned it in buckets of soy.
--- Anon

One evening while eating tandoori,
I was seized by a raven-haired houri.
I gave such a start,
My zipper flew apart --
And that's my defense to the jury.
--- Bill Wall

At dinner, a schizo named Bott,
Wanting curry exceedingly hot,
Chose a nice vindaloo,
With enough spice for two,
And then split, for that's just what he got.
--- Pierce Evans

At an Indian restaurant, Murray,
Was eating a plateful of curry.
He cried, "It's so hot,
I shall soon need a lot
Of very cold drinks in a hurry."
--- Funfax Limericks

My mind boggles with things I could do
As I 'curry' up favour with you.
So no chicken Korma
Things have to be warmer
How about a nice vindaloo
--- Anon

I see that you're eager to please,
So we can exchange recipes.
I do love a Vindaloo,
Or Paella made by you,
But curry powder makes me sneeze.
--- Anon

Waiter! There's straw in my soup!
And feathers, and some kind of goop.
It's saliva? A swallow?
From nests, then it follows
That this stuff is... Let's ask the group.
--- Rory Ewins

Waiter! This soup's for the birds
Quite literally. There are no words
For the sight of a nest
In a bowl; and the rest
Is disgusting! What are these things? Curds?
--- Rory Ewins

This is file fem

I won't eat Chicken Ding in Hong Kong,
Though I'm told that my reasoning's wrong.
I know that a ding
Is the name of the thing
That swings either side of a dong.
--- Pierce Evans

A sinologue student at Queens'
Complained of a slug in his greens.
And yet dishes Chinese
Contain oodles of these,
Especially in chicken chow meins.

(Queens' College of Cambridge)
--- Harold C Bibby

In Dublin, a Chinese from China
Went into O'Sullivan's Diner,
Ordered cabbage, corned beef,
Heard the chef, with relief,
Say, "Today our egg foo yung is finer."
--- Warrick Elrod

In a Chinese restaraunt in St. Louis,
You can order a lovely chop suey.
It's the best in Missouri
And this eastern pot-pourri
Is served steaming, all messy and gooey.
--- Deck Hedger

Of restaurants ethnic and foreign,
Chinese just might be the least borin'.
There's moo goo gai pan
And almond guy dan;
It's food that I can't help adorin'.
--- Younger Brother

An oriental restaurant in Crewe
Serves chopsticks with dinner for two.
The savory rice
Is all fluffy and nice,
But the chopsticks are so hard to chew.
--- Funfax Limericks

Long before low carb dieting crap,
An ancient food caused no such flap.
The style, if you please,
We took from the Chinese,
Both their eggrolls and springrolls in wrap.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0510Q

There was a young lad from Kandui
Who said: "Where is Gertrude and Louie?
Last night at the dance,
We planned in advance
To meet for a plate of Chop Suey."
--- Lims Fables & Poems P0507

There was a young lad from old Spain
Who said: "Where is Gertrude and Elaine?
Last night at the dance,
We planned in advance
To meet for a plate of Chow Mein."
--- Arthur Deex P0507

There was a young lad from Siam
Who said: "Where is Gertrude and Pam?
Last night at the dance,
We planned in advance
To meet for a plate of Hunan style lamb."
--- Arthur Deex P0507

There was a young lad from Paradise
Who said: "Where is Gertrude and Brice?
Last night at the dance,
We planned in advance
To meet for a plate of Flied Lice."
--- Arthur Deex P0507

There was a young lad from New York
Who said: "Where is Gertrude and Rourke?
Last night at the dance,
We planned in advance
To meet for a plate of Sweet and Sour Pork."
--- Arthur Deex P0507

A cockney at Cafe Royal Thai
Having Yum Neau, Moo Ga-Pow, and Larb Gai,
To his frumpy wife Mable,
As she ate across the table,
Said, "Hit's 'eaven to down this Sam Sahai."
--- Arthur Deex

A masturbating gourmand from Hanoi,
Had a tool that resembled Bok Choi.
What came in his hand,
Looked like Moo Goo Gai Pan,
So he ate it with duck sauce and soy.
--- Richard Long

The joy of WOK cooking sets tone,
For partners in kitchen are shown:
No matter the weather,
Those who together
Do cook Chineses, never WOK alone.
--- Daniel Ford

Although the Chinese don't complain,
The abundance of Chow Chows is plain;
And though it's not kind,
You should keep this in mind
The next time you're eating Chow Mein.
--- Margaret A Murdock P8309

I recommend noodles at dawn,
Or a plate full of sweet-and-sour prawn.
But you don't want to mess
With young Jasmine Leaf's dress,
For Ho Fuk has a shotgun off-sawn.
--- Anon

Said the Lama, "What fabulous luck!
Yes, I know that the communists suck.
They're disgusting and mean,
Shameful, foul and obscene,
But their fowl -- I just love Peking Duck!"
--- William N Nesbit P9712

The old Chinese buffet, Ying-Yang,
Once had on the menu "Poon-Tang."
We started with shrimper,
Then gals who would whimper,
And ending the meal with a bang.
--- SFA

"Pass the wok then," said Hudson to Halls.
"I'm sorry, I'm afraid nature calls."
"Stop that, you fat Kiwi!"
"It's only a wee wee!
It might even improve the Prawn Balls."
--- Kevin Hale Q

A restaurant run by Chinese
Cooks king prawns and bamboo in green cheese.
It smells rather frightful
But tastes quite delightful --
Sweet and sour, boiled or fried, as you please.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

A confederate chef put great stock
In Chinese meals for his flock.
He could skillfully cook,
So he's written a book,
Aptly titled, "The Reb and the Wok".
--- Bob Giandomenico P9608

I went to a restaurant Chinese
"Number seventy-two, if you please",
I said. That strange writing
Looked rather exciting,
But what did I get? Monkeys' knees...
--- Anon

...Surrounded by what seemed like oodles
Of entrails (or possibly noodles)
And sweet 'n' sour prawn
Balls which one could have sworn
Were the testicles (maybe) of poodles.
--- Anon

"These fresh?" I asked. "Flesh as can be",
Said the waiter Ho Fuk Yu Lychee,
"Would you rike some flied lice?"
I said, "That would be nice;
And a pot of your Jasmine Leaf Tea."
--- Anon

At that he got rather irate
And said, "Have what you like on your plate;
But I won't heat the water
To brew up my daughter;
The beautiful Jasmine Leaf, mate."
--- Anon

Ho Fuk Yu Lychee has three daughters
Employed in his kitchen as porters;
But sweet Jasmine Leaf
Has been causing me grief
From the age of fifteen and three-quarters.
--- Anon

That's her age, not my age, you see;
And we often have afternoon tea
In the kitchen while father
Is out and she rather
Enjoys herself sat on my knee.
--- Anon

My hand creeps up under her dress
And she smiles as I start to caress.
She giggles and wriggles
And constantly jiggles
Which causes me trouser distress.
--- Anon

I'd love to get into her beaver
And dampen her ardour and fever
Or give her a suck,
But her father Ho Fuk
Has a fucking good aim with his cleaver.
--- Anon

A Chinese man named Hung Lo;
And his wife, named Fuk Mei Slo;
With their baby, Suc Sum Tit,
Took their Dachshund, Shteppin Schitt,
To get spayed, now he's Fuk No Mo.
--- Anon

Ho Fuk Yu Lychee's oldest daughter,
Chrysanthemum Bud, never oughta
Have married so young
To her cousin No Hung,
A Malaysian noodle importer.
--- Anon

He wooed her with noodles and rice,
But could only just manage it twice,
And turned out such a dud
That Chrysanthemum Bud
Took to poodles; a singular vice.
--- Anon