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The Bolshevik General embarks A general remarked with smile brightening, I often go laughing this way, Once the TV reporters were gone, Two generals, May and Dismay, The finest tribute I can pay (Fake tribute to the Limericks Regiment)
Such a book is long overdue (Brig Sir Arthur Gumby, retired)
Laughed Brigadier General Willett, American Generals can hardly go wrong; You're right, and that was a stench A major general wears just two stars, I suppose it's just mess table chaff There once was a leader of France I had an affair with a general Perestroika's beginning to tell, General Patton had started to fret. The Generals musn't keep score That Schwarzkopf that we call Norm, Can a man serve his country if gay? General Queero was such a great charmer, When a messenger ran into camp "The hordes have come out of Mongolia; Said the general, "Things could be worse, "I'll take on the chinks by the score; But the general succumbed to the trial; Such things are depraved you may say, A White Russian general embarks There was a discreet Brigadier, General Sir Marmaduke Maye Egyptian General Gammel General Patton arrived with his tanks A General, known as Debility, Westmoreland, so went the old claim, The Gulf War was a triumph for Norman, A colonel who served in Karachi Right, Sergeant, I've studied the plan, I say, local peasant, come here. You what? Hey there, Sergeant, this chap "You fool! Now there'll be hell to pay," Count Ivan Skavinsky Skavar On land and sea and in the air, A Major, whose mutinous trews, A colonel had on his agenda, My friend, a U.S. Army colonel, There's an eagle on a colonel's collar, Two colonels, between desert bases, A commander assigned to Calcutta A lieutenant was full to the brim In the army once was a gay colonel, Light colonels oft run battalions, In the current military scene, Teenager, teenager, teenager, "Tell me, what's going on at HQ?" Regulations forbid that a colonel An officer's pay is too low A second lieutenant named Jess A report now from Wolf Blitzer live; it's The lieutenant looked on quite askance. An infantry captain named Bowes, Now one of von Richthofen's tricks, ...To give the impression of speed Von Richtoffen, damen und herren, A second lieutenant named Ames A stupid cadet at West Point Go go go go go go go go boot! An Air Force pilot named Drew,
To pick up some whores in the parks.
One exposes her muffin
And the general starts puffin' --
It reminds him so much of Karl Marx.
--- Al Chaplin via Art Deex
"I never feared thunder or lightning.
And a war, as you see,
Has no horrors for me,
But the prospect of peace I find frightening."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2472
As taught by General Pinochet.
Take spammers, quite frantic,
Out to mid-Atlantic,
And let them swim back all the way.
--- Xavier Arnolis
The general said with a yawn,
"It's not hard when they need ya'
Misleading the media.
I just wish I knew what's going on.
--- A N Wilkins P9103
Disagreed in a general way.
May's might in defense
At the public expense
Made no sense to the General Dismay.
--- Laurence Perrine P8406
To those chaps, is quite simple to say
That when there was a fight,
And things really got tight,
You'd not catch them running away.
--- Michael Palin
And I hope you will all think so too,
As it could be, I know,
The last chance to show
What the Limericks really could do.
--- Michael Palin
"The shoe fits, so soldier, just fill it.
You lucky young fellow,
Your room's a bordello;
You're lodged in a cathouse by billet."
--- Armand E Singer 460
In small countries, they come on so strong.
These military Yankers
Were an army of wankers,
When they lost to the little Viet Cong.
--- Tony Burrell
Like a second-hand fifty-cent wench.
I think we were wrong
Not to help the Viet Cong,
In ridding the place of the French.
--- John Miller
And seldom visits strip-teaser bars.
A division, his command,
Which he fights on the land.
Peace bores him because he likes wars.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Put about for an innocent laugh,
That Monty's baton
Had a condom thereon
And was known as The General Staff.
--- John E Mayhood
Who in Belgium thought he'd take a chance.
After which his design
Was that England resign,
But Wellington stopped his advance.
--- Literary Group
Who was not the most virile of men; ral-
Lying once a week
Was the norm for this freak --
I hardly would call our sin vener'al.
--- Robin K Willoughby P8406
For the generals cannot dispel
The feeling of gloom
From impending doom.
For them, they say, no war is hell.
--- A N Wilkins P9005
"Those guys in DC are all wet.
I said this to Ike,
'I face the Third Reich!
Is that all the tanks that I get?'"
--- Al Willis a
Of outcomes, if you go to war:
End contradictory,
A Pyrhhic Victory
Is just what they try to ignore.
--- Chris Papa
On "Gulf War II", wasn't too warm.
He felt much distress
And then did express
Some qualm before the storm.
--- Gary Hallock
It's a question that's asked to this day.
Well General Queero,
A byzantine hero,
Shows each can serve in his own way.
--- Anon
But in battle was quite the alarmer.
When the going got tough,
He would show his true stuff
With a widening stain on his armor.
--- Anon
(A handsome attractive young scamp)
The message related:
"The empires invaded!"
The general's skivvies grew damp!
--- Anon
They're rampaging through Anatolia
On their way to Byzantium.
Where we hope to stanch 'em.
If they catch ya they're sure to cornhole ya!"
--- Anon
Since to cornholin' I ain't averse.
I'll slow the horde down
While you rally the town;
Hold on while I go fetch my purse"
--- Anon
Ten thousand at least maybe more.
There's no time for tactics;
I need prophylactics.
This looks like a real Trojan war"
--- Anon
Took 'em all up his ass single file.
They plundered his booty
Till he died in his duty,
It took two weeks to wipe off the smile
--- Anon
But the city was saved on that day.
When General Queero
Became a great hero,
By throwing his ass in the fray.
--- Anon
To gather some whores in the parks.
One opens her crack,
But the general draws back --
It reminds him too much of Karl Marx.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2032
Very fond of Four Thousand a year,
Who, when her heard the guns rattle,
Fiercely cried, "Ha! The Battle!"
Then complacently slid to the rear.
--- Carolyn Wells
To recall holding Afgans at bay,
Had tattooed on his ass
A view of Khyber Pass,
With his troops in full battle array.
--- Warrick Elrod
Wore underwear made of enamel.
Without it, his tenting
Had the men commenting,
"Where'd he get the three humps on the camel?"
--- MrMalo
And the French girls turned out to say thanks.
And those who approved
Had their undies removed,
Assisted by several strong Yanks.
--- Bob Giandomenico P8901
Is the offspring of Utter Futility.
Though he frequently claims
His progenitors' names
Were Hard Work and Creeping Senility.
--- Lims Unlimited
Was a superstud. Vast was his fame.
But girls found out quick
That to have a big prick,
And to be one just isn't the same.
--- Michael Weinstein P8406
This is file fel
Stormin' Norman who led the allied warmen.
In the Wild West days of yore,
He would have , I am sure,
Been the marshall, the sheriff or lawman!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Had undies most rigid and starchy,
So that even 'at ease'
Or in the mess, he's
A great aerial for the Hitachi.
--- Lucy
That coast there is Afghanistan.
It's land-locked? Oh no!
You see we can row
Ashore. Come, what's wrong with you, man.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Is that Ossie Laden bloke, near?
What's that you say, mister?
Me jig-jig your sister?
Some afghani tart? Oh no fear.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Is certainly talking pure crap.
He says the most danger
To an innocent stranger,
Is an officer, dumb, with a map.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Said the sergeant, on the Spanish quay;
"Please err to the East,
So if we miss our beach,
We hit nude beaches at St Tropez!
--- Dr Limerick
Was sent to the front by the Czar,
Where he fell to the rear
Of Abdul Amir,
And buggered the rest of the war.
--- Anon
There are captains everywhere:
On SST's and in subs,
In restaurants and old tubs;
And railroad tracks are what they wear.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Got him smartly cashiered from the Blues,
Found alternate employ --
Hired his pride and his joy
As a cool, shady place for a snooze.
--- Lucy
To assail a fair maiden's pudenda.
He found the best battery
Was unlimited flattery;
It was this which induced her surrender.
--- Rick O'Shay
Had manners and language infernal.
As he went into action
He'd mellow a fraction;
It was blamed on assignments nocturnal!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
(Also on the bright silver dollar).
When a colonel leads the troops,
Out in front, with the dupes,
"Charge!" is what you'll hear him holler.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Once ordered their men: "Stop! Oases!"
Informed entourages
Who knew these mirages
With glee watched them sand both their faces!
--- Prof M-G
Was the sort who would stammer and stutter.
He procured his cigars
In the finest bazaars,
But his girlfriends he got from the gutter.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8506
Of strategy, tactics, and trim.
The broads had a notion
He was due for promotion,
The way staff work was handled by him.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8406
Who wrote all he did in his jolonel.
His wife found it one day
And loudly did say,
"I think this is simply infolonel!"
--- Yale Record P0007
And they earn medals not medallions.
They need not be intellectual
But can not be ineffectual
Battalion CO's, not rapscallions.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Majors are kind of between.
They join a staff; that's the rule,
Or, perhaps, go to school.
Their lives at this point, are serene.
--- William K Alsop Jr
I'll make with you now a small wager:
Whether coalminer's son
Or son-of-a-gun,
You'll chute up from miner to Major.
--- Laurence Perrine P8503
"Why, Colonel, we thought that you knew.
We've aimed all our mortars
At Nurses' Headquarters.
We hope, before long, to break through."
--- Lance Payne P8406
May fraternize, making infernal
Demands which connive at
Seducing a private,
In hopes of adventures nocturnal.
--- Hugh Clary
To allow him to make a great show,
For it doesn't make sense
To charge an expense
When one ought to be charging the foe.
--- Laurence Perrine P8406
Had just finished his OCS.
As he pinned on his bars,
He said: "I'll reach for the stars,
And become a general, no less."
--- William K Alsop Jr
A scoop for The World News at Five; it's
A new prison tenant,
A pervert lieutenant,
Who can't keep his hands off his privates.
--- Larry Hollister
"Send reinforcements, we're going to advance!"
His request, now aborted;
At Command, they retorted,
"Send three and fourpence, you're going to a dance?!"
--- Doug Harris P0506
As the company orders disclose,
Had the urinals raised
As the corporals gazed,
Just to keep all the men on their toes.
--- A N Wilkins P8406
Which made enemy pilots shit bricks,
Was to put on his scarf
(A full mile-and-a-half)
And support it behind him on sticks ..
--- Peter Wilkins
So alarmingly rapid indeed,
That the enemy, awed
And transfixed muttered "Gawd!"
And then "Blimey!" or "Bugger, I've peed."
--- Peter Wilkins
Was so much in love with wife Karen,
They'd fuck, scarlet faced,
Till his heart and pulse raced...
No kids though, for poor old Red's barren.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Delighted a number of dames
By using a ruse
Designed to amuse,
While playing unusual games.
--- R J Winkler P8406
Got caught while smoking a joint.
At the end of that day,
He no longer wore grey;
His parents he did disappoint.
--- Thomas A Ratliff P0308
Fight fight fight fight fight fight fight fight loot!
Win win win win win win
Win win win win win win
Win win win win win win win win shoot.
--- Anon
Strapped on his fighter and flew.
He didn't ponder
The extent of the yonder;.
He just knew it was wild and blue.
--- William K Alsop Jr
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