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From the most recent news, me-thinks
We ought not be bombing the chinks.
I don't think them red commies
Are fond of our bombies,
Especially since our aim stinks.
(accidently bombed Chinese Embassy 1999 in Kosovo)
I have heard enough, please, Choosing targets is kind of an art When the Chinese insist that we choose 'em; Believe me, I'm not worried, friend; With a whoosh and a flash and ker-plooey! I'll shoot down a varmint and skin it, There was an old soldier named Frank, Fifty years later, some people swear I've a plan rather cunning, my lord, (baldrick - over the shoulder sword belt)
To folks who are still singing psalms All's quiet along the Potomac. "Hey captain, a building's still standing, "That food aid down there that we smashed? A man by the named of Jerome War only leads to perdition You can't see the wood for the trees, Sometimes you're happy; sometimes you're blue. The right to bear arms is such fun! Impregnable up on its hill, If a comrade with AK-47 Old Glory waves proudly unfurled A soldier marched out to the field; The Crusader's supporters are hustlin' Ending this crazy arms race, If it ever becomes your fate, The best plan is simply to wait, It's advice from out of the Pentateuch; But won't fallout and new radiation The nuclear test was, no doubt, We dropped a big bomb on the Japs; "The Raptor costs two-sixty million," An early machine gun called a Gatling, There was a mechanic of Annick, An impudent fellow named Pruitt (espoused making Alaskan harbor with a-bombs)
A cockeyed old dullard named Hank, That old tank just sat there in a grove, An elegant knight, quite a charmer, As the tensions are reaching their crest, A clumsy young soldier named Tom The Irish I don't really hate, A bomb that was from IRA An I.R.A. retard called Grommet "The grenades that the fuckin' Japs use Half a century plus is the span Had the Bomb first been built by Japan, If Japan got the BOMB, though we'd cuss, The Jap sons of heaven may boast Believe this canard if you like, The way the conglomerate flouts Our Lesley is a whiz with a knife; There was a young girl of the Somme, A scientist working at Sandia This soldier who married his tank, Of terrorists there's a reduction. Here's a survey that needs to be done "My dear, you've lost your loving touch; The DoD should not be judged Then please give us info complete "To end all the commotion and stir There was a young fellow named Tom In western New Guinea today, If you have to make a big fuss "The salt mines? Oh spare me the salt! He envied his neighbor's archdukedom; When the O-bomb gfoes off near their trench, (orgasm bomb makes enemy troops helpless)
Over Iraq we'll drop an O-bomb,
--- Anon
From the lousy chinese.
Daily at home,
They kill their own;
They should be fond of our deeds.
--- Anon
That sets intelligence people apart
From the average chap;
Just buy a good map
For each aimpoint; you then throw a dart!
--- Anon
To deliberately and brutally abuse 'em;
Then sure you can reckon
On our next secret weapon,
We dispatch Miss Lewinsky to soothe 'em.
--- Anon
I'm so glad that with each bomb we send,
No CIA dunce
Has ever yet once,
Put me on the receiving end.
--- Anon
A few chinks are reduced to chop suey.
After all of their lying
About nuclear spying,
We don't think its an accident, do we?
--- Anon
I'll cut out the innards within it.
Your gun control law
Is so damn bourgeois,
It sticks in my craw; I'm agin it.
--- Tim Alborn
Kept his gun in the house as a prank.
When the cops came to look,
They all trembled and shook;
'Twas not small! 'Twas a large anti-tank!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
"Little Boy" and "Fat Man" did their share.
While other lament
Those bombs being sent,
I just say with a shrug, "C'est la guerre."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9509
Ventured Baldrick, perusing my sword. (TV chaacter in
It was pointless, I felt, Blackadder series
So I gave him a belt
'Round the shoulders, a fitting reward.
--- Rory Ewins
Of achieving our goals, using bombs:
I would guess that depends --
Is one of our ends
Blasting hospitals, children and moms?
--- Anon
The Skybolt's asleep with the Bomarc.
The Kennedy sings
To the last of the kings,
And the diplomat fills his estomac.
--- Conrad Aiken P0900
Just right for a half-ton bomb's landing.
Red cross on the top?
You don't want to stop?
OK sir, it's you that's commanding."
--- Anon
It's Euro-crap, all utter trash.
We'll send 'em some more
From our vast Merkin store,
And give our producers some cash."
--- Anon
Said, "Let's bring Americans home.
We'll get out of Vietnam
Which is not worth a damn,
We should then bomb the Pope's palace in Rome."
--- Albin Chaplin
And to end it, I've made it my mission.
But the Serbs disagree
And I therefore decree,
We will bomb their ass into submission!
--- Anon
Tim McVey sure brought you to your knees,
So he had to fry.
But please tell me why
You dropped napalm on young Vietnamese?
--- Tony Burrell
Sometimes the past comes back to haunt you.
I agree that execution
Is an appropriate solution,
But for which bombers and by who?
--- Tony Burrell
You'll always be safe with a gun.
You're never in danger
From mugger or stranger,
We shoot people! Why not buy one.
--- Anon
A castle ain't easy to kill.
But cannon and mortar
Should hasten the slaughter.
Arsenal 1, Castle nil.
--- Anon
Should point it your way, you should leaven
Your words with some praise
For his socialist ways,
Or you'll end up in bourgeoisie heaven.
--- Rory Ewins Q
To honor the bombs that we've hurled,
And soon folks will say:
"The great U.S.A.
Owns all of the land in the world!"
--- Anon
Behind some sandbags he kneeled.
As he tried to take aim,
In his side he felt pain.
Sandbags don't make a good shield.
--- Anon
To save it from procurement's dustbin;
We'll need it, at least,
In the Middle East --
Its name shows it's made to kill Muslims.
--- Dr Limerick 05-08-02
Is something we all have to face.
We need no more bombs,
Koreas or 'Nams;
Destroy instead of replace.
--- Gifford Wherry
Stuck where a nuke will detonate,
Don't run for your car;
You will not get far.
Me? I would just evacuate.
--- Tom Myers
Since traffic jams infuriate.
I will not engage
In hostile road rage;
It's better to evaporate!
--- Travis Brasell
Eye for eye, tooth for tooth, plague for nuke.
Some acts are so vile
That there is no time for trial;
Our missles will give our rebuke.
--- Dr Limerick 03-09-02
Cause cancers, and other mutations?
Similar to the others,
It could be the mother
Of all biological agents.
--- Dr Limerick 03-09-02
Successful, but d'you hear about
Marie and Tyrone
Making love in that zone...
A pity 'bout their falling out.
--- Tiddy Ogg
They'd been led astray by satraps.
With atomic scission
A Fat Man of fission
Vaporized them while taking their naps.
--- Eric Seaberg
Says my crusty old aunty named Lillian
"Maybe Lockheed and Boeing,
Their patriotism showing,
Will cut it to four for a billion."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0508
When fired, it wouldn't stop rattling.
The gunners were shaking;
This was not due to faking;
The gunners' hands soon looked like crackling.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
This is file fdl
Whose feelings were anti-Germanic.
So when war had begun,
He constructed a gun,
Whose dimensions were simply titanic.
--- Langston Reed
Found poison in caribou suet.
"If I tell Dr Wood
That it's not any good,
I'll rue it," said Pruitt, "so screw it."
--- Anon
Had hijacked a used army tank.
He had gone in the dark
To the tank in the park,
And the town folks just laughed at his prank.
--- Bob Birch P0507
But Hank sure thought that it would move.
But the tank in the grass
Had no engine or gas;
Who knows what he thought he could prove.
--- Bob Birch P0507
Had a whopping great hole in his armor.
His wife filled it in
With an old baked beans tin,
Saying, "Nay, it's not posh, but it's warmer."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
India's conducting a test
Of its newest missle
For atomic epistles,
To Pakistan cities addressed.
--- Dr Limerick 01-25-02
Fell flat with a thousand-pound bomb.
And now up on Mars,
They are saying, "My stars!
Where on Earth did you emigrate from?"
--- Anon
But the IRA makes me irate.
All the bombers are dopes,
Round their necks should be ropes;
To drop them from gallows would be great.
--- Mushroom
Was supposed to go off one day.
But Paddy was thick
And put in the wrong wick,
And it wound up a fireworks display.
--- Mushroom
Once entered a toy shop to bomb it.
Kids made him uneasy,
So, feeling quite queasy,
He slipped, and blew up, in his vomit.
--- David A Brooks Q
Are so lousy," declared Sergeant Hughes,
"That a Jap, battle weary,
With one tried hari-kari,
And suffered no more than a bruise."
--- A N Wilkins P8901
Since the Bomb was laid on Japan;
Though only just nine,
I remember just fine
When the nuclear shit hit the fan!
--- John Miller 0050b
It's use would, of course, have been banned.
From pure love they'd have stopped it,
They'd never have dropped it.
(Just how much bullshit can you stand?)
--- Jim Menger P9403a
Hirohito would say without fuss,
"Since Pearl Harbor, I think,
I have not slept a wink.
Please take it and drop it on us."
--- Al Chaplin P9403
That since they could shell the West Coast,
If they had the Bomb,
They would have stayed calm,
And not turned our parents to toast.
--- Larry J Davis P9403
But they would be likely to strike
That very same day;
Then give it away,
To their lovely friends in the Reich.
--- Larry J Davis P9403
All decency, ends any doubts
That the world's gone to Hell;
What GI could foretell
That Jeeps would be made by the Krauts?
--- A N Wilkins P9812A
'Round her we will never cause strife,
Or else we will lose
What we prize in our trews,
And normally save for the wife!
--- Archie
Who sat on a number five bomb.
She thought 'twas a dud 'un,
But it went off sudden --
Her exit was made with aplomb!
--- Wipers Times 1916 (Bibby)
Found a way to make larger bombs handier.
The result of a test
In the desert Southwest,
Turned the land close at hand even sandier.
--- Chris Marks
Thought that it was just a big prank.
The tank laughed and laughed;
It had a crankshaft!
The soldier can do naught but wank.
--- Anon
A teacher's been seized, causing ruction.
He'd rule, calculator,
Graph sheets, curve creator...
They're weapons all of maths instruction.
--- Tiddy Ogg
On the merits of owning a gun.
Ask anyone harmed
By a thug who was armed,
If he wishes he, too, had had one.
--- F R Duplantier
So much for concordance and such."
Said the wife, with a snigger,
As she pulled the trigger,
"Here lately, I've missed you so much!"
--- Matthew Montchalin
On the test GAO says was fudged;
The results are quite clear
From the test of last year,
That our missle defense can't be dodged.
--- Dr Limerick 03-04-02
To audit last year's spendid feat.
Sorry, we regret
To say it's Top Secret,
And will be 'til it's obsolete.
--- Dr Limerick 03-04-02
About MX missles," said Kerr,
"They should hide them away
In mail trucks today.
Then no one would know where they were."
--- Arthur N Wilkins P8304
Who constructed a wonderful bomb.
His zeal was commendable,
But Tom was expendable --
There was not enough left to embalm.
--- Glen Hughes P0201
Aborigines labor for pay.
And don't be surprised,
If they get civilized
And toss a few missiles your way.
--- Lims Unlimited
And act like a crotchety cuss,
Territorial glomming
Will earn you a bombing;
Its best if you don't fuck with us.
--- Anon
That Russia's no more, ain't my fault!"
"Yes it is, Igor dear,
For you should have kept clear
Of that button marked "Nuke" in the vault!"
--- Peter Wilkins
Each offer he made, they rebuked 'em.
He offered a million;
Then a cool thirty billion.
When they turned down a trillion, he nuked 'em.
--- Anon
All the soldiers will act like they're French.
They will wank 'til they're blind,
Meanwhile trying to find
Enough Kleenex to clean up their drench.
--- Allen Wolverton
Then the only thing from Saddam
That we'll likely hear
Are moans of good cheer,
And whining about sore hairy palms.
--- Carol
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