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A confident sailor named Harris The Prez of the U.S. of A. The photographer was sent on assignment, The Army has numerous tanks, There was a young person named Frank. When Scud missiles to Israel were shot, There was a young man from Algiers A Frenchman who always wore creases, This shipment of submachine ammo To avoid ever coming to harm or There once was a wise politician Whenever you go buy a gun, Ashcroft can detain you forever, Phil Reidinger said, "At high noon, (got many complaints when using blanks - 2006)
Nearly sixty years back, in the blitz, From now on, I was not in a funk. No, I was not scared any more. My dad calmed me down, saying "Son, A nation with manner quite trusting We all know St. Francis' prayer... Our pilots, aggressive and zealous, On Lake Erie the battle went fine; The troops thought he was insane, On his deathbed, a vicious old Hun The British uniforms were red "With the Krauts now no faternization." Antiwar? Good for you, son! Hear,hear! It's my guess that George Custer opined These days the world likes to remember I almost forgot to remember What a terrible humiliation I remember well that August day (apologies to P. Tibbets and his mother)
In Flander's fields poppies still grow They said, it's the war to end war. And old men, they told us to fight; Old men still send young men to die My dad in the War flew Spitfires, There's a story they tell rather sadly The Brits had their Monty Montgomery At Civil War's end, an old Yankee Was young Hannibal's reasoning firm? Those who fought for the home of the brave, The British in France, it appears, When the Bosches set fire to Louvain, Admiral Nelson, zapped on his last cruise, The death march on the isle of Bataan The problem today is that slaughter It probably worked when the tribe In World War II the Germans found It was Larry of Araby's brass Americans ten thousand strong It's been 45 years since I shouted My kids have just been away, No babies, no sitters, we're free! To Omaha Beach I have been; The greatest of Want Ads -- War Two -- At the Third Army whorehouse 'am Rhein', Quoth a fellow from Old Phnom Penh, Let's remember Pearl Harbor again A book lover went into a store Let's join the war, the US guys cried, Brits, French, Germans strung in a line, Yankee Generals love great panoramas; General Giap learned to easily confound Remember on Veterans Day To say "They died for nothing"'s a lie.
Was navigator aboard a Polaris,
But his aim was bizarre,
And his sub sailed so far,
It came up in the Seine north of Paris!
--- Karen Becraft
Had sex in the White House one day.
They did naked rolls
On the nuclear controls,
And blew North Korea Away.
--- Anon
To stay with a missile consignment.
A trajectory change
When out on the range;
Arms, legs and lens all off alignment.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Assigned to its armored force ranks.
They are hard to conceal
As they rumble and squeal,
Along with their rattles and clanks.
--- Thomas Ratliff P0304
Who was keen to manoeuvre a tank;
But when given the chance,
Made directly for France,
Went rather too far, so he sank.
--- Anon
The answer was the Patriot.
There were thirty nine hits,
Quite a few in wee bits,
With few casualties, believe it or not.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Who lifted his glass and said, "Cheers!"
They all said, "Hooray
For Abou Ben Bey!"
Then leaped on each other with spears.
--- Limber Limericks
Played cricket with two of his nieces,
By the edge of the Rhine,
When he stepped on a mine,
And was blown into thousands of pieces.
--- Cap'n Bean P2005
Is defective, and makes our guns jam o-
Pen, making them stutter,
Unless we add butter,
Whence the ammo unjams and goes "BLAMMO!"
--- Robin K Willoughby P8406
Your end, just invest in some armour.
In sheet-metal suits
With the pointy-toed boots,
Life is always substantially calmer.
--- Anon
Who said, "I have faith in my mission;
But if this bloody bomb
Kills the fellows it's from,
Then I'm placed in an awful position."
--- A M Sayers
A background check's part of the fun.
But the FBI can't know
This private info,
No matter what they think you have done.
--- Dr Limerick 12-06-01
Or eavesdrop on you and whomever;
You'll be secretly tried
And might secretly die,
But your right to bear arms they can't sever.
--- Dr Limerick 12-06-01
Fort Sam Houston's Honors Platoon,
Who've fired a few blanks
And then got no thanks,
Will fire real ones all afternoon.
--- David Miller
I was scared nearly to bits.
I'd fall to the floor
When I heard a plane's roar:
Will ours be the house that it hits.
--- Tiddy Ogg
They'd not write Tiddy Ogg on their junk.
I'd do no more cringin',
When I heard a plane's engine;
I would sleep quite sound in my bunk.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I heeded my old dad's folk-lore.
No, I'd not be caught,
But I did spare a thought,
For the Doodlebug family next door.
--- Tiddy Ogg
If it's got your name on it you're done.
If not, you're OK;
You'll see another day;
Otherwise then there's nowhere to run."
--- Tiddy Ogg
Said peace was a subject disgusting.
When they got into war
All their profits did soar,
And it kept all the weapons from rusting.
--- Albin Chaplin
And Nathan Hale's words of despair,
But which diplomat
Said, "What the hell's that?"
The answer? Hiroshima's mayor.
--- Arthur Deex P9003A
Make all other services jealous.
We applaud them, and yet,
We shouldn't forget,
We know just what they choose to tell us.
--- Dr Limerick
The British were forced to resign.
Said Perry, the victor,
"Great Britain - I've licked her -
Take the Union Jack off and raise mine."
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When Geronimo jumped from the plane.
But they knew that he had
Begun a new fad,
When he fell while screaming his name!
--- Jumping Jack
Confessed all the evil he'd done.
He had beaten his wife
Throughout married life,
But he chuckled, "At least it was fun."
--- Isaac Asimov
So they'd not know if they had bled.
And from the waist-line down,
Their uniforms were brown,
To blend with bullets overhead.
--- Irving Superior
General Patton gave this explanation:
"You may copulate freely
And fraternize really
As long as there's no conversation."
--- A N Wilkins P8901
Lets avoid any bloodshed this year.
Let's all lay down our arms;
Trade our swords in for farms!
Though I hear Cromwell's troups are quite near...
--- David Morin
Marcus Reno just must have been blind.
For the Major that morn
At the Little Big Horn,
Couldn't locate troops he tried to find.
--- Loren Fitzhugh
Hiroshima and Nagasaki in embers.
But they tend to forget
What led up to it;
Pearl Harbor, the seventh of December
--- Azul
What happened that day in December,
Nineteen Forty One,
When the Jap Rising Sun,
Left Pearl Harbor a smoldering ember.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When the Japanese humbled our nation!
That they made us a clown
With our pants falling down;
That day rivaled Hawaii's devastation.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
When THE BOMB blew the Jap war away.
Pastor screamed, "I ain't glad.
It's a sin and I'm mad,
When ENOLA said, 'I'm one proud GAY'."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9808
And flying high, bird songs still flow.
Beneath the tilled soil,
Lost spirits still toil --
We died, under orders, you know.
--- Archie
This is file fcl
We willingly went and lots more.
But since we have died,
More widows have cried.
Please tell us just what we died for?
--- Archie
And we believed them, it was right!
They made up the rules,
And made us just tools,
Then paid for the crosses so bright!
--- Archie
And now hear our granddaughters cry,
As down through the ages
That bloodlust still rages.
Why the Hell did we even try?
--- Archie
And fought with the Boche o'er the shires.
Confirmed kills of seven,
With one over Devon;
Of flyers, an Ace!...And of sires.
--- Ogni Gioia
Of that excellent General Bradley.
His tactics appealed
To the troops in the field,
But with girls in the mess they failed badly.
--- John E Mayhood
Whose court martial might have been summary,
When Dickie Mountbatten
Told General Patton
That Monty said Ike was all flummery.
--- John E Mayhood
Burned Georgia because he was cranky.
Those sweet Southern Belles
Were all blonde bombshells,
But they told him no hanky-panky.
--- Anon
I still wonder and would like to learn
Why in God's name would he,
When those Alps he did see,
Suggest crossing them by Pachyderm?
--- Loren Fitzhugh
In remembrance brass plaques are engraved;
Great heroes that died,
Heroines by there side,
Sacrifice that our flag may long wave.
--- Anon
Waged battles for one hundred years.
Now they said it was grand,
A quite chivalric stand,
But the loot they took came out their ears.
--- Warrick Elrod
It caused the All-Mightiest pain;
They say that the heart
Was the sensitive part,
And I fear it is bleeding again.
--- Anon Punch 1918 (Bibby)
Was preserved in a keg of hard booze.
When the keg was uncapped
The good admiral was tapped,
To the smiles and applause of his crews.
--- William N Nesbit
Atrocities that were part of their plan;
The Bushido creed
That Samurai heed;
They would have fought to the very last man.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Won't weed out the weak, like it oughter,
But kills off the best,
Along with the rest,
Including your son and your daughter.
--- John Miller
Would capture, not kill off, a scribe,
Or an artisan skilled;
Now those who aren't killed
Are skilled at the art of the bribe.
--- John Miller
Instead of through, to go around
The Maginot Line.
"Imagine no line
And Ein Zwei Drei, we're Paris bound."
--- Irving Superior P8901
Which induced him to fondle the ass
Of a truculent Turk
Who made very short work
Of our hero's advances, alas!
--- Thomas A Quinine P8407
Defeated the frenzied Viet Cong.
They took over the area
But they lost to malaria;
The survivors did not stay too long.
--- Albin Chaplin
"Hurray!" For an enemy routed.
I don't, by and large,
Give a damn who's in charge,
When the might of our Pentagon's flouted.
--- Anon
A week at their Granny's to stay.
The house has been quiet;
No shouting, no riot!
More peace than for many a day.
--- Joie de Vivre
We went to the pictures to see
A film...Private Ryan,
Got me to cryin'.
The poignacy did upset me.
--- Joie de Vivre
The cemetery there I have seen;
Rows of white crosses
And stars. Oh, the losses
To life. So immense and obscene.
--- Joie de Vivre
Shows grim Uncle Sam, "I WANT YOU,"
On walls everywhere
To make us aware
Our blood type was Red, White, and Blue.
--- Irving Superior P8703
The GIs all saw old Patton's sign,
Once they'd made the steep climb
Up the stairs: "Don't waste time!
Other soldiers are waiting in line."
--- A N Wilkins P9205
"I swear I won't do it again.
So to gain absolution,
I will pay restitution,
And have counseling got for the hen."
--- Phil Jeux
And vow that we'll always make plain
That we'll take no crap
From an Arab or Jap,
As we recently proved with Hussein.
--- John Miller 0173
To read every book that he saw,
On Korea and Vietnam,
Iraq, Kuwait and Iran,
'Cause he said I'm a student of war.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
But it took them too long to decide,
That the Brits had it won,
But it seemed so much fun,
That the Yanks went along for the ride.
--- Dr Limerick
From Antwerp to the banks of the Rhine,
And there matters stood,
Until Belleau Wood,
When the Yankees arrived, just in time!
--- Dr Limerick
World War II and other such dramas.
But they only can win
When they've got Errol Flynn.
They can't beat guys with black pajamas.
--- Dr Limerick
The American giant, musclebound.
The humiliation
Of the number one nation,
Was like what once happened at Yorktown.
--- Dr Limerick
How you served in that comfortable way.
You were looking for cunt
While the bastards up front
Has their asses shot off in the fray.
--- A N Wilkins P8612
On the plains of Ukraine, in the sky
Above the Channel, on the sands
Of Africa, in France;
They died so that others might die.
--- Aaron Bell P9412
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