My British friend, Rozzie's homesick;
Mum's cooking I thought would do the trick.
I'm extremely amused,
Because she's enthused
For pudding they call Spotted Dick.
--- Anon

I like ice cream sundaes, don't you?
With nuts and some berries, it's true.
Whipped cream and caramel
And chocolate are swell.
It makes for a sticky goo screw.
--- Bonnie

I just made some cookies, "They're great!"
(My parents proclaimed as they ate.)
"Ease up on them, Pa!
They're made out of straw-
berries which can cause you ill fate!"
--- Anon

A near-sighted woman in Frye
Put string in her cocoanut pie.
And her nephews and nieces
Ate several pieces
Without even batting an eye.
--- Lims Unlimited

If cellulite dimples your thighs,
Avoid junk food like burgers and fries;
And try not to munch on
Desserts after luncheon;
Instead try my Sundae Surprise.
--- Anon

Said a airy young lady from Metz,
who kept ordering more crepes suzettes,
"Of course I don't eat them,
But nothing can beat them
For a posh way to light cigarettes."
--- John Ciardi

I feel sorry for Wobbly's fudge;
The recipe needs but a nudge.
Take my tally whacker
And carefully pack her;
It'll stiffen right up with the sludge.
--- Wbiler

The baker a La Mezzaluna,
Glad-handed his wife around noon-a.
But business declined
When patrons opined
The petit-fours tasted like tuna.
--- D Fingerlos

I really can't help but to sputter
When thinking of pancakes with butter,
With syrupy slime
And jelly some time;
Its glorious taste is utter!
--- Rev Joseph Blaylock

A chocolate bunny named Fred
To his chocolate wife turned and said,
"You can say Happy Spring!
But I won't hear a thing.
They have bitten the ears off my head."
--- Dark Poet NY

They're long and they're hard and they're wet,
And everyone wants one, I'll bet.
The best way to go
Is licking them slow;
What flavor popsicle d'you get?
--- Marlene Lewis

My popsicle's a tasty red;
The flavor's straawberry, he said.
But it's melting fast;
Don't think it can last;
It's dripping all over the bed.
--- Carol

What's left is a soggy old stick,
'Cause I just licked it up real quick.
Popsicles are nice,
But just flavored ice;
Next time an ice cream cone I'll pick.
--- Carol

Not me -- I prefer something tastey,
That my tongue can plunge in real hasty;
Smooth soft and silky,
Meltingly milky.
My ice cream will not go to wastey.
--- Joe Long

And when do I get my dessert?
Here, let me help you with that shirt,
Let's see if your meat,
Is tasty and sweet,
Or cheesy with just a wee squirt.
--- Anon

I like chocolate, but in moderation,
A precursor to good copulation.
With choc boy paint,
I'll make you feel faint,
With the ultimate in titillation.
--- Jayne

That chocolate titillation
Needs some more distillation;
By adding some mint,
My eyes they will glint,
And I'll try reverse osculation.
--- Archie

Hot chocolate is always in season,
I drink it no matter the reason;
But I'll truly attest
That it's certainly best
When it's cold and my hiney is freezin'.
--- Cap'n Bean P0104

Chocolate. I like it the most.
So I'm grateful whenever a host
Can see themselves clear
To be such a dear
And spread it on onions and toast.
--- Erick Hinds

I think that my hair is allergic
To chocolate bits, thaumaturgic.
But the urge to eat more
Is what's at the core
Off my hair-loss, so dramaturgic.
--- Archie

Your hair's not allergic, you Ace!
The point was to highlight your face!
Chocolate's devine
To help you to shine.
Your hair felt the need for some space!
--- Bridget

For the heart they say chocolate is great,
And one aspirin DO take on each date.
And a shot of whiskey
At first sign -- don't you see --
Of a heart attack -- Now don't you wait!
--- Hilde na Baeg

So if you feel the symptoms, just quit
What you're doing. Find some place to sit.
Take an aspirin quickly
With a shot of whiskey.
Then a chocolate -- a great first aid kit.
--- Hilde na Baeg

Thank you and now I'll be quicker,
If ever I feel that my ticker
Is under attack,
To gulp me a snack
Of Goody's, Jim Beam, and a Snicker!
--- Travis Brasell

I will say I just love what you wrote!
Diet expert -- you now have my vote.
It's better than sweating
And very trend setting
And when you are rich, I will gloat.
--- Bridget

If you want to look good in the nude,
You have to cut back on rich food.
So rather than flirt
With that chocolate dessert,
Just cause your jaws to OCCLUDE.
--- Norm Brust

I am working up quite a sweat
Making fudge after fudge, and yet
Although it's delicious
And the calories vicious,
I can't get the damn stuff to set!
--- Michelle

I've heard it from friends who are gay,
It's quite possible to make it stay
In place firmly set
Despite all your sweat,
When you pack in the fudge the right way.
--- Obnoxio

You have a most sick twisted mind
And I think, I am sure you will find
That I'm simply looking
For a method of cooking
This damn stuff and get it to bind.
--- Michelle

Well dearie, I'm beggin' your pard';
Will you take advice from this bard?
That fudge may be male,
There is one way to tell;
Cook naked -- that fudge will get hard.
--- Travis Brasell

We Ukranian wonkas work hard
To earn the pig lovers' regard.
We meld chocolate confection
With porcine perfection;
Our candy bar's soft core is Lard
--- Oddly Informative P0501

Abstention means no chocolate chips.
Among the best of "no-no" tips--
The cookie, eat all
But let the chips fall...
Or buy them with no chocolate pips.
--- Irving Superior P9708

All diets are quite self-defeating,
'Cause all day you think about eating.
You mentally wilt,
Through the feelings of Guilt,
When on big Snicker bars you've been cheating.
--- Anon

This is file fam

Some children made chocolate fudge,
And then, when this sugary sludge
Was still piping hot,
The demolished the lot,
And it so weighed them down, they can't budge.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

A horror of pink cotton candy,
When down at the beach, gets all sandy,
And cause cavities
And fits of depravity,
And makes one sticky and randy.
--- Blundel's

A silly inventor from Kamloops
Invented both Fruit Loops and Spam Loops
But he made, I confess,
A most horrible mess,
When he tried to make Strawberry Jam Loops.
--- John E Mayhood P0012

There's a candy shop run by sweet Nelly,
Who sells 24 kinds of beans jelly.
There's such good stuff there,
That if you don't take care,
You surely will supersize your belly
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0406

Said a bad little youngster named Beauchamp:
"Those jelly tarts, how shall I reach 'em?
To my parents I'd go,
But they always say 'No,'
No matter how much I beseech 'em."
--- Carolyn Wells

There once was a boy who's named Sandy,
Who loved to eat all kinds of candy.
When he lost all his teeth,
He said with relief,
"For Ju-Ju Bears, gums are quite handy."
--- Celine Terrian

Don't give me milk duds, please.
They tend to make me sneeze.
'Til folks sitting behind me
Whisper "hush" to remind me.
But - I'd like some jujubes!
--- Lynn Mostafa

You like mints whilst in passionate throng?
I'm not saying that's right or that's wrong.
Although not a fan,
I'll do all I can,
To keep passion and lust extra strong
--- Jayne

I don't care for blackstrap molasses,
And if offered syrup, I passes.
No sugar or honey,
And jam just tastes funny.
I only want sweet sassafrasses.
--- Heather McCabe

A mean landlady in Ardee,
Served little of honey at tea.
A new lodger said,
As he shook a sad head,
"I'm glad, Ma'am, to see you've one bee."
--- 500 Irish Jokes & Lims

A young man from Redear, named Vince,
Used to drop very obvious hints
Like, "Oh dear, I say!
It's my birthday today,
And I'm all out of After Eight Mints."
--- Michael Palin

A mother-in-law drank a potion
Of saccharin, honey, and lotion;
It made her so sweet
That she uttered one "Tweet!"
And collapsed from excessive devotion.
--- Lims Unlimited

Galactose, Fructose, and Sweet,
Were producers who couldn't be beat.
Their profits, now naught;
Competition (a lot),
From Maple, Cane Sugar, and Beet.
--- Al Willis T9710

I feel just so rotten tonight.
I've been crying. I look a fright.
My face paint is smeared.
My vision is bleared.
My life is a deserted blight.
--- Marlene

Too much sugar caused me to think
I should just sever my link.
Nobody there likes me
Every one of them hates me,
And all of my limericks just stink.
--- Marlene

"Oh Yeah! I've got them Sugar Blues!"
It's harder on me than some booze.
I fly for a bit;
Then feel just like shit.
The only cure is a long snooze.
--- Marlene

I feel much better today;
I want to pass warning your way.
Stay away from sugar;
It's really a booger;
Your nerves it will frequently fray.
--- Marlene

Who needs to take illegal drugs,
When sugar will give your brain bugs.
The crash is so hard,
It ain't worth it, pard,
Unless someone is there to give hugs.
--- Marlene

When sugar is made to appeal,
Lock the makers in the Bastille,
Where they can't get out
And spread it about.
I eat sugar when I need to heal.
--- Marlene

This habit I can't seem to break --
It gives me this damn bad headache.
I just love the taste
Of food sugar-laced!
'Twas sugar Eve got from the snake!
--- Marlene

With junkies I do sympathize;
Sometimes my words are wise.
Sugar makes me sick
But yet I do pick
The candy, the cookies, the pies.
--- Arden

I have inherited, too,
Damned diabetes, type II.
Now my daily pill
Must now cure my ill.
This makes me terribly blue.
--- Arden

I don't use cubed sugar no more.
I used to drop in three or four,
Then probe with my tongue
To where they had clung,
But my wife said it made her feel sore.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Speaking now is a broad from Mauritius:
"A male artichoke may appear vicious,
But though it looks frightful,
Gives a thrill that's delightful,
And the flavor, no doubt, is delicious."
--- Grand Prix Lim 904

Although she's of tenderish years
And generates certain ideas,
When food's in the offing
I'd rather be scoffing
Her sister Asparagus Spears.
--- Anon

When a foolish groom in Armenia
Had nibbled away his gardenia,
They just let him graze
On the bridesmaid's bouquets,
To quiet the old neurasthenia.
--- Morris Bishop

When you think of a side-dish that's nice,
And goes well with cuisine rich in spice,
And is pleasant to eat,
With a fragrance that's sweet,
Then you think of Basmati, the rice.
--- Anon

The beetroot's delicious and red,
Like a burgundy turnip that's bled
On your fingers and palms.
It delivers its charms
In a chutney or pickled instead.
--- Rory Ewins

It grows happily under your feet?
When it's roasted, it's pleasant to eat?
Yes and yes, yet you said
That the tuber ain't red?
But then how can this veggie be beet?
--- Rory Ewins

A wealthy old woman in Queets
Ate nothing but spinach and beets;
In a very short while
She was carried in style
In a box through the alleys and streets.
--- Alsops Foibles

There once was a small black-eyed pea
Who said, "I just want to be me."
So a southern gourmet
Cooked him up New Year's day,
And we ate him with gusto and glee.
--- Meps N Barry

My partner is really quite mean;
He likes me eat things that are green.
He made eggs on toast
Which I like the most,
But with broccoli? I think that's obscene!
--- Anon

A boiled cabbage you can always tell,
Because it makes such a godawful smell.
If you slice it when raw,
Then it will make coleslaw,
Which goes with barbecue so well.
--- William K Alsop Jr