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My British friend, Rozzie's homesick; I like ice cream sundaes, don't you? I just made some cookies, "They're great!" A near-sighted woman in Frye If cellulite dimples your thighs, Said a airy young lady from Metz, I feel sorry for Wobbly's fudge; The baker a La Mezzaluna, I really can't help but to sputter A chocolate bunny named Fred They're long and they're hard and they're wet, My popsicle's a tasty red; What's left is a soggy old stick, Not me -- I prefer something tastey, And when do I get my dessert? I like chocolate, but in moderation, That chocolate titillation Hot chocolate is always in season, Chocolate. I like it the most. I think that my hair is allergic Your hair's not allergic, you Ace! For the heart they say chocolate is great, So if you feel the symptoms, just quit Thank you and now I'll be quicker, I will say I just love what you wrote! If you want to look good in the nude, I am working up quite a sweat I've heard it from friends who are gay, You have a most sick twisted mind Well dearie, I'm beggin' your pard'; We Ukranian wonkas work hard Abstention means no chocolate chips. All diets are quite self-defeating, Some children made chocolate fudge, A horror of pink cotton candy, A silly inventor from Kamloops There's a candy shop run by sweet Nelly, Said a bad little youngster named Beauchamp: There once was a boy who's named Sandy, Don't give me milk duds, please. You like mints whilst in passionate throng? I don't care for blackstrap molasses, A mean landlady in Ardee, A young man from Redear, named Vince, A mother-in-law drank a potion Galactose, Fructose, and Sweet, I feel just so rotten tonight. Too much sugar caused me to think "Oh Yeah! I've got them Sugar Blues!" I feel much better today; Who needs to take illegal drugs, When sugar is made to appeal, This habit I can't seem to break -- With junkies I do sympathize; I have inherited, too, I don't use cubed sugar no more. Speaking now is a broad from Mauritius: Although she's of tenderish years When a foolish groom in Armenia When you think of a side-dish that's nice, The beetroot's delicious and red, It grows happily under your feet? A wealthy old woman in Queets There once was a small black-eyed pea My partner is really quite mean; A boiled cabbage you can always tell,
Mum's cooking I thought would do the trick.
I'm extremely amused,
Because she's enthused
For pudding they call Spotted Dick.
--- Anon
With nuts and some berries, it's true.
Whipped cream and caramel
And chocolate are swell.
It makes for a sticky goo screw.
--- Bonnie
(My parents proclaimed as they ate.)
"Ease up on them, Pa!
They're made out of straw-
berries which can cause you ill fate!"
--- Anon
Put string in her cocoanut pie.
And her nephews and nieces
Ate several pieces
Without even batting an eye.
--- Lims Unlimited
Avoid junk food like burgers and fries;
And try not to munch on
Desserts after luncheon;
Instead try my Sundae Surprise.
--- Anon
who kept ordering more crepes suzettes,
"Of course I don't eat them,
But nothing can beat them
For a posh way to light cigarettes."
--- John Ciardi
The recipe needs but a nudge.
Take my tally whacker
And carefully pack her;
It'll stiffen right up with the sludge.
--- Wbiler
Glad-handed his wife around noon-a.
But business declined
When patrons opined
The petit-fours tasted like tuna.
--- D Fingerlos
When thinking of pancakes with butter,
With syrupy slime
And jelly some time;
Its glorious taste is utter!
--- Rev Joseph Blaylock
To his chocolate wife turned and said,
"You can say Happy Spring!
But I won't hear a thing.
They have bitten the ears off my head."
--- Dark Poet NY
And everyone wants one, I'll bet.
The best way to go
Is licking them slow;
What flavor popsicle d'you get?
--- Marlene Lewis
The flavor's straawberry, he said.
But it's melting fast;
Don't think it can last;
It's dripping all over the bed.
--- Carol
'Cause I just licked it up real quick.
Popsicles are nice,
But just flavored ice;
Next time an ice cream cone I'll pick.
--- Carol
That my tongue can plunge in real hasty;
Smooth soft and silky,
Meltingly milky.
My ice cream will not go to wastey.
--- Joe Long
Here, let me help you with that shirt,
Let's see if your meat,
Is tasty and sweet,
Or cheesy with just a wee squirt.
--- Anon
A precursor to good copulation.
With choc boy paint,
I'll make you feel faint,
With the ultimate in titillation.
--- Jayne
Needs some more distillation;
By adding some mint,
My eyes they will glint,
And I'll try reverse osculation.
--- Archie
I drink it no matter the reason;
But I'll truly attest
That it's certainly best
When it's cold and my hiney is freezin'.
--- Cap'n Bean P0104
So I'm grateful whenever a host
Can see themselves clear
To be such a dear
And spread it on onions and toast.
--- Erick Hinds
To chocolate bits, thaumaturgic.
But the urge to eat more
Is what's at the core
Off my hair-loss, so dramaturgic.
--- Archie
The point was to highlight your face!
Chocolate's devine
To help you to shine.
Your hair felt the need for some space!
--- Bridget
And one aspirin DO take on each date.
And a shot of whiskey
At first sign -- don't you see --
Of a heart attack -- Now don't you wait!
--- Hilde na Baeg
What you're doing. Find some place to sit.
Take an aspirin quickly
With a shot of whiskey.
Then a chocolate -- a great first aid kit.
--- Hilde na Baeg
If ever I feel that my ticker
Is under attack,
To gulp me a snack
Of Goody's, Jim Beam, and a Snicker!
--- Travis Brasell
Diet expert -- you now have my vote.
It's better than sweating
And very trend setting
And when you are rich, I will gloat.
--- Bridget
You have to cut back on rich food.
So rather than flirt
With that chocolate dessert,
Just cause your jaws to OCCLUDE.
--- Norm Brust
Making fudge after fudge, and yet
Although it's delicious
And the calories vicious,
I can't get the damn stuff to set!
--- Michelle
It's quite possible to make it stay
In place firmly set
Despite all your sweat,
When you pack in the fudge the right way.
--- Obnoxio
And I think, I am sure you will find
That I'm simply looking
For a method of cooking
This damn stuff and get it to bind.
--- Michelle
Will you take advice from this bard?
That fudge may be male,
There is one way to tell;
Cook naked -- that fudge will get hard.
--- Travis Brasell
To earn the pig lovers' regard.
We meld chocolate confection
With porcine perfection;
Our candy bar's soft core is Lard
--- Oddly Informative P0501
Among the best of "no-no" tips--
The cookie, eat all
But let the chips fall...
Or buy them with no chocolate pips.
--- Irving Superior P9708
'Cause all day you think about eating.
You mentally wilt,
Through the feelings of Guilt,
When on big Snicker bars you've been cheating.
--- Anon
This is file fam
And then, when this sugary sludge
Was still piping hot,
The demolished the lot,
And it so weighed them down, they can't budge.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
When down at the beach, gets all sandy,
And cause cavities
And fits of depravity,
And makes one sticky and randy.
--- Blundel's
Invented both Fruit Loops and Spam Loops
But he made, I confess,
A most horrible mess,
When he tried to make Strawberry Jam Loops.
--- John E Mayhood P0012
Who sells 24 kinds of beans jelly.
There's such good stuff there,
That if you don't take care,
You surely will supersize your belly
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0406
"Those jelly tarts, how shall I reach 'em?
To my parents I'd go,
But they always say 'No,'
No matter how much I beseech 'em."
--- Carolyn Wells
Who loved to eat all kinds of candy.
When he lost all his teeth,
He said with relief,
"For Ju-Ju Bears, gums are quite handy."
--- Celine Terrian
They tend to make me sneeze.
'Til folks sitting behind me
Whisper "hush" to remind me.
But - I'd like some jujubes!
--- Lynn Mostafa
I'm not saying that's right or that's wrong.
Although not a fan,
I'll do all I can,
To keep passion and lust extra strong
--- Jayne
And if offered syrup, I passes.
No sugar or honey,
And jam just tastes funny.
I only want sweet sassafrasses.
--- Heather McCabe
Served little of honey at tea.
A new lodger said,
As he shook a sad head,
"I'm glad, Ma'am, to see you've one bee."
--- 500 Irish Jokes & Lims
Used to drop very obvious hints
Like, "Oh dear, I say!
It's my birthday today,
And I'm all out of After Eight Mints."
--- Michael Palin
Of saccharin, honey, and lotion;
It made her so sweet
That she uttered one "Tweet!"
And collapsed from excessive devotion.
--- Lims Unlimited
Were producers who couldn't be beat.
Their profits, now naught;
Competition (a lot),
From Maple, Cane Sugar, and Beet.
--- Al Willis T9710
I've been crying. I look a fright.
My face paint is smeared.
My vision is bleared.
My life is a deserted blight.
--- Marlene
I should just sever my link.
Nobody there likes me
Every one of them hates me,
And all of my limericks just stink.
--- Marlene
It's harder on me than some booze.
I fly for a bit;
Then feel just like shit.
The only cure is a long snooze.
--- Marlene
I want to pass warning your way.
Stay away from sugar;
It's really a booger;
Your nerves it will frequently fray.
--- Marlene
When sugar will give your brain bugs.
The crash is so hard,
It ain't worth it, pard,
Unless someone is there to give hugs.
--- Marlene
Lock the makers in the Bastille,
Where they can't get out
And spread it about.
I eat sugar when I need to heal.
--- Marlene
It gives me this damn bad headache.
I just love the taste
Of food sugar-laced!
'Twas sugar Eve got from the snake!
--- Marlene
Sometimes my words are wise.
Sugar makes me sick
But yet I do pick
The candy, the cookies, the pies.
--- Arden
Damned diabetes, type II.
Now my daily pill
Must now cure my ill.
This makes me terribly blue.
--- Arden
I used to drop in three or four,
Then probe with my tongue
To where they had clung,
But my wife said it made her feel sore.
--- Tiddy Ogg
"A male artichoke may appear vicious,
But though it looks frightful,
Gives a thrill that's delightful,
And the flavor, no doubt, is delicious."
--- Grand Prix Lim 904
And generates certain ideas,
When food's in the offing
I'd rather be scoffing
Her sister Asparagus Spears.
--- Anon
Had nibbled away his gardenia,
They just let him graze
On the bridesmaid's bouquets,
To quiet the old neurasthenia.
--- Morris Bishop
And goes well with cuisine rich in spice,
And is pleasant to eat,
With a fragrance that's sweet,
Then you think of Basmati, the rice.
--- Anon
Like a burgundy turnip that's bled
On your fingers and palms.
It delivers its charms
In a chutney or pickled instead.
--- Rory Ewins
When it's roasted, it's pleasant to eat?
Yes and yes, yet you said
That the tuber ain't red?
But then how can this veggie be beet?
--- Rory Ewins
Ate nothing but spinach and beets;
In a very short while
She was carried in style
In a box through the alleys and streets.
--- Alsops Foibles
Who said, "I just want to be me."
So a southern gourmet
Cooked him up New Year's day,
And we ate him with gusto and glee.
--- Meps N Barry
He likes me eat things that are green.
He made eggs on toast
Which I like the most,
But with broccoli? I think that's obscene!
--- Anon
Because it makes such a godawful smell.
If you slice it when raw,
Then it will make coleslaw,
Which goes with barbecue so well.
--- William K Alsop Jr
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