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Foreplay from the M62
Down to Barnsley just really won't do!
She was in clover
As he passed Bolsover;
But by Shepshed, I heard they were through!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Limericks are a mental distraction
My mind is often missing in action
A car on the freeway:
No attention leeway!
That's how I ended up in traction.
--- Marlene

Out of gas with my car; this was true,
When he tried to seduce Betty Sue.
When she finally said yes,
I bet you can guess;
Old Bernie was out of gas too.
--- Shelby Forrest

I had plenty of gas way back then,
And I felt like a man among men.
Things are different today,
If I acted that way,
I'd most likely end up in the pen!
--- Shelby Forrest

The was never a gal "Betty Sue"!
But today we all know what she'd do.
I'd bet you a buck,
It would just be my luck
That today you would see Betty SUE!
--- Shelby Forrest

The only 'pit' that I'll be in
Is your deep, wet vertical grin.
I'll take your tight curves
With your bumps and tail swerves,
And then take them over again.
--- Anon

The others will never see us,
As we blaze full speed in our lust.
Won't take a pit stop
'Til we're ready to drop.
We'll refuel and they'll eat our dust
--- Anon

Reminisced an old rounder named Levy,
'Bout his many amours hot and heavy;
When asked, "Which was best?"
"As for sex," he confessed,
"'Twas the cramped rumble seat of my Chevy."
--- Armand Singer P0307

Reminisced an old rounder named Lord
'Bout his many amours hot and torrid;
When asked, "Which was best?"
"As for sex," he confessed,
"'Twas the cramped rumble seat of my Cord."
--- Arthur Deex P0307

Reminisced an old rounder named Joe
'Bout his many amours long ago;
When asked, "Which was best?"
"As for sex," he confessed,
"'Twas the rumble seat of my Renault."
--- Arthur Deex P0307

When you drive, show your dick to your date.
As you steer tell her to masturbate
You to full erection,
'Til your load needs ejection;
Come for miles down the long Interstate.
--- Anon

Then because she has been more than sweet,
You will dive to her pussy and eat,
Lick her clit 'til she cums
While the old motor hums,
But make sure that you steer with your feet.
--- Anon

Steering with your feet's kinda tricky,
While you are giving her a licky.
Switch places instead,
Then bury your head,
In her lap while she drives the ve-hickie.
--- Anon

Did what you said -- kinda neat!
And I must say it was a great feat.
Did it right, so I thought;
Licked her clit, like I ought,
But next time she'll sit in the front seat!
--- Anon

Your phobia's really bizarre...
Result of an old psychic scar?
Reconsider the Spyder!
Please be a rider
In my Alfa Romeo sports car!!
--- Anon

There was a young lady from Boston,
Who thought she was raped in an Austin,
But the truth is, my dears,
She sat on the gears,
And a traffic cop kicked the exhaust in.
--- G0533

My cousin, Joe Flynn, who's from Boston,
Went out in his little gray Austin.
He started to swerve,
Then flew off a curve,
And a mountain of snow he was lost in.
--- Monique de Plume

There was a young man from Boston,
Who rode around in an Austin.
There was room for his ass,
And a gallon of gas,
But his balls hung out, and he lost 'em.
--- L1137

The scrotum of L. Cabot Ralls
Lost near one of the large shopping malls
In the suburbs of Boston,
While he drove his Austin.
Reward for return of his balls.
--- A N Wilkins P8703

Poor Patrick thought nothing was neater
Than driving a tiny two-seater--
But it wasn't an Austin,
He wasn't in Boston,
And he lost not just balls but his peter!
--- Norm Storer P9203a

Said a man whose home town was in Boston,
When he drove to Texas in his Austin,
"My next drive to Texas
Will be in a Lexus.
In an Austin it's much too exhaustin'."
--- Tom Patton P0209

He went for a ride with Miss Nealy,
In her new '62 Austin-Healey;
But she gave him a clout,
And she kicked him right out,
When he reached out to cop him a feely.
--- Cap'n Bean P9809

A horny young lady was Babbitt;
To fuck in a car was her habit.
On the banks of Euphrates,
She tried the Mercedes.
"It is better," she said, "in a Rabbit."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0032

There is a bandy-legged policeman from Crewe,
Who doesn't know what to do.
He can stop without fuss,
A lorry or bus,
But bubble cars simply go through!
--- Geri Hughes

GM and Toyota, I'll bet,
When they join Chevrolet and Chevette
With the hybrid Jap car,
Will not go so far
As to call the new model "Toylette."
--- A N Wilkins P8407

A frustrated man was McNair;
He could not get into his Corvair.
But he managed to squeeze
In with relative ease,
After lining the doorway with hair.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2189

A German consultant named Moon
Signed a deal for a car name at noon.
Client phoned the next day,
"Need the name right away."
"Oh really," he said, "Dat Soon."
--- Henry Mucha

There was a young fellow named Watson
Who tried to make love in a Datsun.
Said his dad, "It's no shame
If you forfeit the game,
It just matters how well you have fought, son."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0776

An incestuous fellow was Watson;
He tackled his aunt in a Datsun.
For an hour he strained
Then his auntie complained,
"I'm afraid that you're in the wrong slot, son."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0775

There was a young fellow named Watson
Who buggered his girl in a Datsun,
But he lost this mad scramble
And his car was a shamble,
And his epitaph said "Well You've Fought, Son."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0957

DeLorean said, "It is great!
Iacoca and I will soon mate
To make cars that are classy--
Lee does the chassis
And I'll make the license plate."
--- Arthur Deex P9112a

While out on a date in his Fiat,
The man exclaimed, "Where's my key at?"
As he bent down to seek,
She let out a shriek:
That's not where it's likely to be at."
--- Anon A

I once owned a Fiat 126;
Into the smallest places it fits.
On day trips I'd go
In rain, sleet, and snow,
But sadly, it now lays in bits.
--- Funny Bone

This is file etl

You have given me cause to ponder,
Sex in the Prelude from Honda.
Big lasses cause tension
And damage the suspension,
So try shagging a midget called Wanda
--- Anon

What a coincidence! Hue
Of my little Honda is blue!
The thing to be said is:
"It ain't a Mercedes,
But it runs and it carries the crew."
--- Nik Synytskyy

High on Viagra in Bude,
Is not something well understood.
But a man here in Leeds
Likes to broadcast his seeds,
In the back of his Honda Prelude
--- Anon

What really does get on my wick
Are gals who say "Pull over, QUICK!"
"I've not had a shag
inside of a Jag..."
Then jump on my five-speed gearstick.
--- SFA

A Jeep was the first car I knew.
Remembering...the year, '42...
The Second World War...
My body...no flaw..
My eyes are now shifting to dew.
--- Irving Superior P9203

They sat in his little old Lloyd,
Frustrated, hot and annoyed.
But enough of palaver,
He attempted to have 'er,
And the car was entirely destroyed.
--- Anon

Making love in my little MG
Took a turn for the worse after she
Cried out, "Give me more!"
I replied from the floor,
"Foolish girl, that's the gearshift, not me!"
--- Anon A

I once purchased a brand new MG
Which ran idiosyncratically,
And its troublesome clutch
Made me swear overmuch,
So its theft was a blessing to me.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9203

Young people are probably bored,
When we pour out the memories we've stored.
But we're glad, for their sake,
They never did take,
Long trips in a Model T Ford!
--- T G Culwel P9208

There was a young fellow named Dorgan,
Who tried to make love in his Morgan.
The result of this madness
Was to view with great sadness,
The decline and the fall of his organ.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0682

A careless young fellow named Boris
Tried diddling his girl in his Morris,
But the facts we compile
Were his car had a smile
And he never got near her clitoris.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0654

"Tis my custom," said dear Lady Norris,
"To beg lifts from the drivers of lorries.
When they get out to piss,
I see things I miss,
At the wheel of my two-seater Morris."
--- L0760

"It's my custom," said a driver of lorries,
"To refuse to pick up Lady Norris --
It's not that I care
If she sees pubic hair
But camcording my thing's indecorous."
--- Arthur Deex P8905

Said a man of his small Morris Minor,
"For petting, it couldn't be finer.
But for love's consummation,
A wagon called station
Would offer a playground diviner."
--- Anon

The cow left me all the best china;
It's bone and there is one thing finer:
It's stroking the leather
(Now sat on by Heather)
Upholstered V8 Morris Minor.
--- S&M

There was a young fellow named Hambler
Who tackled a girl in his Rambler.
Just when things looked much brighter,
He got fucked by the lighter,
But Hambler, of course, was a gambler.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0707

Small little cars crawl up the street;
Pint-sized people drive with their feet.
The cops get so vexed;
No wonder they're wrecks.
Driving with your hands can't be beat!
--- Marlene

I've done it -- I've ruined my budget!
I tried to resist, but, Oh fudge it!
I sure ain't a loser
In my new P.T. Cruiser.
Now stand back you people, don't smudge it!
--- Liam na Beag

I'll bet your new Cruiser is fine.
It must be much better than mine;
I thought about trading
'Cause it's so degrading
To drive my old PT-109.
--- Travis Brasell

A promising young woman attorney
Left in her Porsche on a journey,
She encountered a train
While in the fast lane,
And finished her trip on a gurney.
--- Sam Chen

Joe'd open the door to his Porsche;
The babes'd go ballistic, of course.
It suggested amour
And reactions impure --
No need for resorting to force.
--- Armand E Singer P9911

In L.A. the land of show biz,
A license plate on a Porsche said this:
(It was red, like a flame,
And driven by a dame.)
The plate simply said, "WAS HIS"!
--- Kaylin

MAROON MG, most splendid sight,
Buffed up and shining in sunlight;
Favored color hue
Antique vintage true,
Glorious ride welcomed with delight.
--- Nancy

The car is finally found;
Into a Saturn I'm bound.
Of Lilac Pearl
I'll go for a whirl;
All the guys on the road I'll astound.
--- Azul

What a blast to drive all about,
In a sports car, racing flat out!
But low gravity center
Became my tormenter,
When I tried to, but couldn't get out.
--- Ericka

The lust of a young buck
Is to get a fast sports car with luck,
Because young men suppose
That the vehicle shows
The world that they know how to fuck.
--- A N Wilkins P9203

My car is an open two-seater.
I have never once used the heater.
As for a BROUGHAM,
It feels like a tomb.
That a spyder, nothing is neater.
--- Norm

I got a new neighbor named Candy;
She really is quite fine and dandy.
Her guy drives a Corvette,
For which he's in debt,
And all that I want is a handy.
--- Enema Bandit

I have a new neighbor named Randy,
Who really is quite fine and dandy.
He drives a Chevette,
So he's not in debt,
And gives me much more than an handy.
--- Carol

My friend drives a Robin Reliant,
When searching for girls who're compliant.
They say "Fuck off, brat,
I'm not going in that!"
And storm off in a manner defiant.
--- Tiddy Ogg

There was an old man from Zumbrota
Who hollered he had reached his quota
Of pie a la mode,
The changing Zip Code,
And little green cars from Toyota.
--- Timothy Torkildson

Toyota, Nissan, Chevrolet --
They drive like the Devil's to pay.
They're wildly affected,
But that is expected...
The full moon's just a fortnight away.
--- Arthur Deex P0007

Though Bill Clinton declares that he's scored
For GM and Chrysler and Ford,
Since he won't impose duties
On sleek Japanese beauties,
Detroit calls it the Honda Accord.
--- A N Wilkins P9508

Heaven is a very fast car
And a long twisty stretch of smooth tar,
A tank full of gas,
And a bright-eyed lass,
And the cops looking on from afar.
--- Bob Curtis


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