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A fellow from old Copenhagen, Down the alley, behind Casey's Bar, A snoose chewer needed to spit My dub was also bright blue, An old man named Finnegan Flannegan, Citroen I greet with a shrug; There was a young man from Sudan VW's will give a cheap ride, There was a young lassie named Phyllis, (Willys - small American car of late 30's & 40's)
To conjugate thoughts does intrigue, oh; Why not, for a change, take the train? If you want to travel by train, The Ugh River & Lake Fester Railway, A railroad hotel in South Joisey, George Stephenson said, "These repairs The sleeping car does intrest me; There once was a Chink named Ching Ling... (Collected by A. Wilson in 1910)
"My wife's ass is large and profuse," The train that I caught at a quarter An astronaut flew in from Houston There once was an engine that could; They weren't sure that Jack was insane, Why do the trains cross at rush hour? Dewitt Clinton, inventor most rare, From the time Anna K. let V. kiss her, (Anna Karenina?)
A railwayman stationed at Rye A couple who lived by the tracks There was an old lady from Carr Yoohoo! Chattanooga choo-choo; On a roadbed when dawn would first crack, A spinster from East in the nation A hard-headed farmer from Maine A very old man of the plains There was a young lady from France A conductor who called himself Moose An adventurous lady of Maine When Marcia embraced Davy Jones, A man and his wife name of Pickett, There once was a girl from Tulane, When the train goes over the points, There was an old person from Tonga, A new honor for women was scored, The tracks were laid down with precision The conductor said, "May I remind This screwing around on a train, At the station, a person called Jim There was a young lady of Spain Your life may be under great strain; In America, trains we can't choose. Two girls, Esmerelda and Jane, Near Hatfield, another train crash. A grumbling commuter from Wapping An ardent young man from Naragansett, This train is a diesel gas turbine; Commuting to London's no fun. They tell me that taking the train The fellows who work for Amtrack There was a man from Haines There was a young maid from Lachine Miss Jane gave my earlobe a chew, The temptress of Cedarwood Lane Nymphomaniacal Jane, A young engine-driver called Hunt I thought I was losing my mind. Steam Trains are a hobby of mine; Said a railroad man George, "Gee, I spoil her,
Wooed a girl in his little Volkswagen.
But the damage was high:
The stick-shift hit his eye,
And a gash from the dash on his noggin.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In an imported Volkswagen car,
Mabel painfully shed
Her tough maidenhead...
You should see the broad's first battle scar!
--- Grand Prix Lim 987
So he looked right and left for a pit;
When he sighted a bug, (VW?)
He shifted his plug
And scored a magnificent hit.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
But got hit by a thing or two.
So I painted it green,
But that didn't seem
To keep me from crashing anew.
--- Karen
Drove around after eating his bran again.
And a dirty old man
He'd be, save for the can
In the back of his Volkswagen Vanagon.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
It looked and ran like old plug.
Those CHEVRONS would clash
Against the panache
Of grand old VW Bug.
--- Chris Papa
Who drove a VW van.
He once got the notion
Do drive 'cross the ocean,
But drowned, out of gas, near Japan
--- Douglas Airmet
Say owners with chests puffed with pride.
But they've run out of pranks
To get tigers in tanks,
Or to try to get pussy inside.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2261
Was deflowered one night in a Willys.
Before they were through
Her spine was askew.
And I very much fear that it still is.
--- L0887
I love it so much, mi amigo,
That when I name cars
As yours, mine, or ours
They're Yugo or Igo or Wego...
--- Anon
It still keeps you dry in the rain.
But you may feel irate
When it's half an hour late,
Wrong snow or wrong leaves once again!
--- Jayne
Go to Russia or England or Spain.
For riding the rails,
The U.S has failed
As Amtrak is broke once again.
--- Dr Limerick
Will stay on the tracks, so they all pray;
The hoboes turn green
As boxcars careen,
And sway on the bridge like it's Doomsday!
--- Anon
Is near switching trains and is noisy.
A guest phoned the clerk,
And yelled, "Hey, you jerk!"
When does this hotel get to Boise?"
--- Anon
Are costing a fortune in spares.
I'll be out of pocket
When I've finished this Rocket,
Unless British Rail raises its fares."
--- Frank Richards
The bumpity bump for small fee.
Would that help the sex?
The beats so complex,
It could make for fun company.
--- Anon
Fell off of a streetcar. Bing-bing.
The con turned his head,
To the passengers said:
We just lost a washer. Ding-ding.
--- P8112
The train master said, "like a goose
That waddles around;
My goodness, I've found
The perfect plan for a caboose!"
--- Travis Brasell
To seven this morning was shorter
Than normal; but hey!
I didn't mind, for today
I was crushed between Jane and her daughter.
--- Anon
And got on the wrong train at Euston.
He said, "I'm an ace
When the target's in space --
It's travel by train I'm confused on."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Running smoothly on coal or on wood.
It chugged up the grade --
Thought we had it made,
Till it slowed to a halt and just stood.
--- Monique de Plume
When they put him in charge of the train.
But now they're convinced,
'Cause the train has been minced.
They should have known after the plane.
--- Anon
Is it because they have the power?
With trains, if you snooze,
You are going to lose;
They will clean you up with a scour.
--- Anon
Nodded off one night in his lounge chair.
He mused, when in his dream
Chugged an engine of steam;
"A strange train of thought, that's for fair."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0305
His life headed straight for a fissure.
Although lovely, with brains,
She had bad luck with trains,
And that last one she saw, didn't miss her.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0608
Hung out his longjohns to dry.
But the six fifty-nine
Whipped them clean off the line,
And they finished their drying in Skye.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Were making the beast with two backs.
When the train whistle blew,
Then the train went right through,
Heightening their explosive climax.
--- Sylvia Honig
Who took the 3.03 to Forfar;
For she said, "I conceive
It is likely to leave
Far before the 4.04 to Forfar."
--- Anon
I'll couple my engine to you.
Then clickety clack,
Shunting forward and back;
We shall come 'round the corner, us two.
--- Peter Wilkins
Gandy dancers arrived, white and black.
As they'd sweat, strain and pant,
Keeping time with a chant,
They would trust they were on the right track.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9709
Saved up for a dude ranch vacation,
But a rhinestone-type cowboy
Found out she knew how, boy,
So she never left Grand Central Station.
--- Cow Sheep Petersen Rhodes
Laid his head in the path of a train;
They found the caboose
On top of a moose,
And the engine way out on the plain.
--- Lims Unlimited
Was slightly deficient in brains;
He lay on the track
With his head in a sack,
And was often run over by trains.
--- Lims Unlimited
This is file esl
Who go on the train in a traince.
To help the conductor
The engineer fucked her
And the fireman went of to his aunt's.
--- Albin Chaplin
Sought out girls on the train who looked loose.
Then he'd take 'em far back,
As they rolled down the track,
And he'd fuck 'em inside the caboose.
--- Cap'n Bean
Had a yen to be screwed by a train.
And on lifting her dress
To a passing express,
Was, alas, never hear of again.
--- Hugh Oliver A058A
We were treated to orgasmic groans.
It's the last Clarkesville train,
He screwed out her brain,
And she claims she loves all of his bones!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Had boarded the train with no ticket.
This made the conductor
So mad that he fucked her,
And when through he forced Pickett to lick it.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0865
Whose hobby was pulling a train.
Guys lined up at the station,
And with some fascination,
All passed GO but she didn't complain.
--- Ray D
The vibration gets into the joints,
You can tell by the smile,
That she's going her mile,
As her soft pubic hair she anoints.
--- Anon
Caught an underground train toward Ongar.
But found himself stepping
On the platform at Epping,
Since trains go to Ongar no longer.
--- Richard Long
When the railroad advanced Ms. McCord.
She was made a conductor,
But so many men fucked her,
She no longer will shout, "All Aboard!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0731a
To minimise wheel wear attrition.
The clickety-clack
Of a train on the track
Was silenced by conscious decision.
--- Ryan Waldron
You that having a bump and a grind,
Is illegal on trains;
It leaves terrible stains
And disgusting wet patches behind."
--- Peter Wilkins
From that kind of behavior, refrain.
The train hits a bump --
If you're in mid-hump,
You could wind up in great pain.
--- Marlene Lewis
Crossed over the line on a whim.
When he crossed back again,
He did not miss his train,
And the train, sadly, didn't miss him.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1
Who took off her clothes on the train.
A brave matador
Fucked her twice on the floor,
And once on the plain in the rain.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 G0187
All your hopes may have gone down the drain.
You're going down the funnel...
But at the end of the tunnel...
Is the headlight of the oncoming train.
--- Peter Wilkins a
Long ago to the planes they did lose.
But now we board planes;
We do wish we had trains,
Because now they are searching our shoes!
--- Hans
Were stuck on the same fellow -- Shane.
And so, who would get him?
The one who would let him
Have time off to play with his trains.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Across the papers, the headline did splash:
Many injured, Four dead
Rail broke as train sped,
Due to lack of repairs, and of cash.
--- Anon
Said, "Standards of trains are all dropping.
They're late and they're dirty --"
His train, the 8:30
Went 'Whoo' and dashed through without stopping.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Was accustomed to fucking in transit.
He'd catch something neat,
In a Pullman retreat,
Say "How do you do?", and then pants it.
--- L1647
You can tell by the distinctive whine.
But just to be clear,
I'll just get down here
And put my ear to the li.....
--- Tiddy Ogg
I oft catch the 7:01.
And would you believe
That's the previous eve?
It would surely be quicker to run!
--- Peter Wilkins
To London will lessen the strain;
It's bollocks of course
For it's quicker by horse
(And to heaven, it's quicker by Jane.)
--- Peter Wilkins
Are the horniest bunch of the pack.
They ride the females
Who ride the rails
From Chicago to Frisco and back.
--- Pedro J Saavedra P8208
Who used to run for trains,
But now he thumps
Along on stumps
And falls in open drains.
--- Limber Limericks
To whom sex in a car was obscene.
But I ought to explain
That she liked it by train,
And was screwed on the 7:15.
--- Hugh Oliver 52a
When in a loco we started to screw.
We hit some rough track,
She threw her head back,
And I swear she shrilled "Whoo - Whoo"!
--- Anon
Made love on the late midnight train.
The clickety-clack
'Caused a fall from the rack,
Resulting in God-awful pain!
--- Jeffrey Beeton
Enjoyed having sex on a train.
As Jane lay in the sleeper,
Moaning, "deeper, go deeper",
The train was progressing to Maine.
--- Anon
Once took out his engine to shunt,
Saw a runaway truck,
And by shouting out "Duck!"
Saved the life of the fellow in front.
--- Victor Gray P9002
I was needing a way to unwind,
So I went on vacation,
To my local train station,
And spotted all the trains I could find.
--- Anon
I ride to the end of the line.
And then come back again
On a different train;
A pastime that I think is fine.
--- Anon
I stroke and I grease and I oil her.
But my dear old man,
I don't understand
Why she squeals when I stoking her boiler."
--- Tiddy Ogg
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