I remember, when young, mother spread
Jars of "fish paste" all over my bread.
Now I'm older, I wish
I could ask her, "What fish?"
But the thought of it fills me with dread.
--- Peter Wilkins

A Japanese maiden named Swooshie,
Was a fan of the late John Belushi.
When they went out to dine,
The crowd formed a line,
To watch Swooshie and Belushi eat sushi.
--- John K Roberts P9212

There nothing as sweet as the fish
That garnished, lies done on my dish.
Unless it's the gas
That soon comes to pass,
And swims up to Heaven -- ka-whish!
--- H Welchel

Since SMOKING IS LETHAL, Jake's wish is--
Since now he can't nosh on smoked fishes--
The US Health Dept
In printing accept
NON-LETHAL a gefiltered fish is.
--- Irving Superior P9103

A chair-lift attendant named Frank
Ate tropical fish from a tank.
When he'd swallowed them whole,
He picked up a bowl
Of goldfish beside them, and drank.
--- Michael Palin

I once had a goldfish, Rene,
Who was oft the light of my day.
Wasn't it a pity
That my neighbor's fat kitty
Dined on my goldfish fillet?
--- Sassy

I went fishing offshore catching grunions,
Now my feet are all sore from my bunions.
But those fish fry up nice
With some butter, red spice,
Some black pepper, white wine and green onions.
--- Limerick Man TP9802

A young man of acumen and daring,
Who'd amassed a great fortune in herring,
Was left quite alone
When is soon became known
That their use at his board was unsparing.
--- Edward Gorey

The dwarf choir of old Amsterdam
Had a drummer they named Onkel Sam.
Those guys really could rock
Long motets by Issac,
As they nibbled on herring and Spam.
--- Joel Cohen

A man of one hundred and three
Dived every day into the sea.
When they said" "Are you mad?"
He replied: "It's my dad --
He insists on fresh herring for tea."
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

After viewing "The Dawn of the Dead",
Herb found himself wanting good head.
Desiring some beaver,
He set out in a fever,
But settled for sushi instead.
--- Anon

Salty brine and the smoke of oak,
Season breakfast for the English bloke.
He's still in his slippers
When he eats his KIPPERS,
And dips them in runny egg yolk.
--- Norm Brust

My neighbor's an excellent cook;
Likes his carp charcoal-grilled "off the hook."
So nine platinum blondes,
In a line past his ponds,
Made a barbecue down by the brook.
--- Chris Strolin

I prefer a good gumbo to stew,
Washed down with cold Mountain Dew;
Coon-ass cuisine,
With something obscene;
And now, SFA, back to you.
--- Q

There was a young woman named Dodd
Whose dinner each night was a cod;
"I'm sick of this fare!"
She cried in despair,
"I think I'll go out and get scrod."
--- Limber Limericks

I'm really not much into steak,
Whether you deep fry or broil or bake,
But I do enjoy fish
When it's served as a dish.
So please offer trout -- that I'll take.
--- Steve Schrader

The Dowager Duchess of Spout
Collapsed at the height of a rout.
She found strength to say
As they bore her away:
"I should have never taken the trout!"
--- Edward Gorey

In the village of Woburn, for years,
You can eat till they come out your ears
At the annual fest.
(But the oysters are best
When they're left in the pan with their peers!)
--- Anon

You sissies, put off by the smell,
The best way to eat them I'll tell.
Not steamed on a platter,
Or fried in some batter,
Just slurp them right out of the shell.
--- Anon

My praises I sing to the oyster
Very much like a pussy but moister
With a delicate smell
You'd find hard to tell
From a nun you've surprised in her cloister
--- Anon

Even better's the cherrystone clam
(For those of you fond as I am
Of that great fishy taste
Some anchovy paste
Improves all three things, thank you ma'am!)
--- Anon

This swallowing oysters, to me,
Is something quite vulgar to see.
Folks claim that they eat 'em
Their tummies delete 'em
Projectile vomit's the key.
--- Anon

In New Orleans, the place that I dwell,
They serve oysters on the half shell --
I've never tried 'em,
I just can't abide 'em,
But battered and fried? Then they're swell!
--- Anon

The best thing I can say of fishes,
For cooking their very propitious
With veggies delicious.
They're quite expeditious
And make many dishes nutritious.
--- Gary Hallock

A sushi bar that delivers?
That thought will give me the shivers!
Boiled puffers and blowfish,
Sea urchin's a nice dish,
If you like fish that twitches and quivers!
--- Ystap TP9802

A fellow from Tucson named Todd,
For breakfast loved jelly and cod,
Which he fried in a pan
With some pickles and bran,
Which his parents declared rather odd.
--- Cap'n Bean P0510Q

There is just a garden of pleasure;
This gives one a bounty to measure.
The peppers and mellons
Are things you'll be smellin',
And Sally's tart seafood treasure.
--- Anon

Sardines seem to get out of hand
In a way I do not understand.
For they never appear
At the table, I hear,
Unless they are tight, oiled, and canned.
--- Leslie Johnson

I once put myself on a diet
Of sea-food; I thought I might try it.
But lobster and stuff
Made me grumpy and gruff,
So I'm now into "See food and buy it".
--- Anon

In Dundee there's a special wee cake
That's made out of haddock and hake,
With a bit of dressed crab
And a flounder or dab.
But, oh what a mess when you wake!
--- Bill Wall

It's a nightmare that horrifies hakes,
To finish as frugal fish-cakes.
But Oh!, What a dream!
To be stewed slow in cream,
Or fresh, fried in upper class steaks.
--- Allen M Laing

A Japanese man went to college; he
Got bored with the law, and psychology.
He now has his wish;
He's studying fish
In restaurants -- yes, sushi-ology
--- Tiddy Ogg

A cranky old man in Parole
Was eating his filet of sole,
And to stir up some strife,
He barked at his wife,
"This slipper would taste better whole."
--- Lims Unlimited

This is file elm

A man caught a magical fish.
Said the fish, "I will grant you one wish."
Said the man, "You are kind;
I hope you won't mind
Being trout almondine on a dish."
--- Childs Almanac WordsP0202

I said to the fishmonger, Grundy,
"Good sir, do you have barrimundi?
The tropical perch
Found in Queensland? "I'll search...
No, we ran out of that one on Sunday."
--- Rory Ewins

How do you feel about shellfish?
My attitude, I think is selfish.
Though they're up for grabs,
They've all got the crabs;
Certainly they're not a well fish.
--- Tony Burrell

A fishmonger, old Mr. Finkle
Ate garlic -- a lot, not a sprinkle.
The smell on his breath
Caused immediate death
To an oyster, ten whelks, and a winkle.
--- Funfax Limericks

There's nothing in Colchester finer
Than oysters from Deborah's diner;
The best of the fresh
And most succulent flesh
Is served by her daughter Regina.
--- Peter Wilkins

Near a river that's named Dosewallips,
Lived a man with intestinal polyps;
He cured them with diet
(You really should try it)
Of geoducks, dogfish, and scallops.
--- Ed Potts P8606

A girl who was eating clam chowder,
Left the room to put on some face powder.
He cruel date named Sam
Ate up every clam,
And then left the restaurant without her.
--- Anon

Mme Paella, has seafood that's swell,
'Cause I do love a nice fishy smell.
And if you would linger
On my index finger,
We could have some fish fingers as well!.
--- Anon

I'm not really fond of fish
Unless it's crustacean-ish.
How about a crawdad?
This lace smells real bad;
It's fallen into the fish dish.
--- Karen

Our forebears thought lobster quite rude;
It was mud roach, not luxury food.
But right to this day,
Though we call it gourmet,
The best way to eat it is crude.
--- John Miller 0061

A lobster has reasons aplenty
(At least about fifteen or twenty)
To jump from the pot,
And run like a shot
To avoid H2O caliente.
--- Al Willis P9611

There were two nuns, Sisters Boyd.
All men they took care to avoid,
But they loved mountain oysters,
Which they ate in their cloisters.
What kind did they like? Humanoid!
--- Ed Wolfert P8212

By a mosque in the city of Brussels,
A Moorish man hustles and bustles.
And, declaiming at length
How seafood builds strength,
Sells Mussulman muscle-man mussels.
--- Laurence Perrine P9309

There's a farmer who lives in the dell,
And his oysters are raw from the shell.
While the taste he endures,
He maintains it ensures
That the whole second coming is swell.
--- Thomas A Quinine P8302

I don't like those oysters at all;
Not while they can get up and crawl.
Oh, it's oyster fish
You've put on my dish!
And your ruche made a very fine faule.

(ruche - gathered cloth; faule - not in my unabridged)
--- Anon

I love a good meal and my cat
Loves fish more than I do, I bet.
'Bout the oysters: If you
Serve them nude - well, please do!
Cause I love to see what I will get...
--- Anon

Now oysters are really delicious;
For sex they can be quite nutritious.
But don't eat the shell
'Cause you'll feel quite unwell;
Eat only the part that is squishious.
--- Beelzebub

Oysters are sometimes delicious,
Sculpted in form most auspicious;
Reminiscient of twat,
They get you all hot
To try something pink and lubricious.
--- Ogni Gioia

A whole dozen oysters I ate,
For I fancied my chances with Kate.
And I waited until
Their effects I could feel,
Then I plucked up the courage to state...
--- Peter W

"I love you, I need you, dear Kate.
I've a stiffy; it's sticking up straight.
And it's throbbing like hell;
Can I screw you, Michelle?
And she kicked me with venomous hate.
--- Peter Wilkins

A voracious old person of Brussels,
Who feasted on oysters and mussels,
Was firmly convinced
That properly minced,
They were good for the cells and corpuscles.
--- Anon

A snooty young man of Calcutta
Craved oysters with lemon and butter.
He'd have all of those
Just as much as he chose
When they chanced to be found in his gutter.
--- David A Brooks Q

It was said of a girl on Cape Cod
That her verb choice was certainly odd:
In describing a date,
She said, "Tom stayed late.
We ate oysters and clams and then scrod."
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

There once was a little old man
Cooked testicles up in a pan.
Rocky Mountain oysters!
They were his first choisters,
For his quick "Ram Power" food plan.
--- Marlene

Rocky Mountains! Those oysters so yummy!
Do you want some of these in your tummy?
John Denver we'll spin;
Get high on some gin;
Nosh them, then maybe get chummy...
--- Tutta Gioia

Though oysters to many may be
Considered a delicacy --
To me, they just smell,
And are slimy as well --
Doesn't sound very tasty to me!
--- Kaylin

A squeamish young man in Peru,
Complained of a squid in his stew;
His waiter said, "Sonny,
That's a lot for your money;
On Sundays we cut them in two."
--- Lims Unlimited

We went to the orchard in autumn
And out in the orchard we got 'em.
They were juicy and red
And shaped like a head,
With a dimple on top and the bottom.
--- Rory Ewins

The best way to eat avocado
Is underneath Miss Brigitte Bardot.
Well, it was in the forties,
When I practised my naughties
With the help of old Doctor Barnardo.
--- Kevin Hale Q

Avocado has flesh like green butter;
On crackers, it sets me aflutter.
Its alligator skin
Keeps the pear that's within,
From rotting and making you splutter.
--- Rory Ewins Q

Each morning and evening I eat
Not bananas, but fruit that is sweet;
Such as raspberries, straw-
berries, peaches and more,
But it's melons I save for a treat.
--- Anon

When Johnny was dating Diana,
The apples he brought her began a
Nice custom that pleased her,
But soon Johnny teased her
Into letting her bite his banana.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0805

The blackberry grows in a thicket
Of thorns. Any finger, they'll prick it.
But tastes so inviting,
I long to start biting
And scramble through brambles to pick it.
--- Rory Ewins

Blood oranges make a fine juice
From flesh that's deliciously puce.
I guzzle a flood
'Cause it's good for the blood,
Though it's not like I need an excuse.
--- Rory Ewens