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Test pilot Jill took friend Jack up Aerobatic displays make me loopy; If you fly for America West, Horace Greeley has weathered time's test; The telephone, they couldn't dial it. She wanted to fly in the RAF; From New York in direction of OR Exhibitionist Mary Malloy I'm proud of the list I'm compiling I check all your luggage with zeal. Said the man with the badge they call Jay Said the call-girl, the lovely Marie, You no longer get a great meal She was one of those nudist-camp Dutch The old lady's bra was A-cup, I'm smarter, I'll bet, that you think, Said the dignified old Mrs Lee, There was a young fellow named Raft A dastardly lover called Boeing Air stewardess Jane flies a Boeing; Her favorite captain is Rick; With sexy co-pilot Louise, Were I on a French SST, A highflying harlot named Jane We made love in our suite while in Spain, While flying their plane over Burma, This proves one great truth that I've found, A pilot and one of his crew, The club called 'mile high' is elite; A charming French miss named Odette (clonic - serial spasms)
A vacationing lady named Violet I had a flight plan, as a pilot, When the Baron is faced with a choice, They made love on an airplane by Boeing; As he soared in his old Piper Cub, Has anyone made that grand Club The Birds and the Bees got it right; The Old Pilot said, "I've converted Abandoned am I, high and dry. There was a young girl from Neptune There was a young lady named Violet, The couple who shagged on a plane This airline had clients excited; A novice young hostess named Jane A pilot who lost his propellor An announcement startled first class -- A high-flying pilot named Rhett "It's nothing at all to get in!" The stewardess and pilot shared affection, The new flight attendant was fishin'; There once was a couple named Ryder, In bed an old pilot named Hopper I'm sitting right here in this chair I've not even got on the plane. There's weirdos all over the place; This little man offers me sex. The guy in the purple shirt leers, I am overwrought, well, that's true. The cure for this dreadful affliction? A lady who held 'em all in, The hot summer sun swelled her more. Like Marlene I try not to fly; Most people won't concentrate hard; I could fly United with you I'm not at all bothered to fly. Frank just wishes someone would dub
To fly in right seat as a back up.
When she flew upside down, (While in inverted flight,)
He then wired the ground (He reported his plight)
He was certain that she'd have a crack up.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9005
I'm a crazy old loop-the-loop groupie.
Those magnificent scenes
With the flying machines...
Like von Richtofen fighting off Snoopy.
--- Anon
You must take a sobriety test.
It's a pain in the ass
But you surely will pass,
If you don't grab a passenger's breast.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0209
His advice ranks as some of the best.
Pilots vying to thrive,
When they're too drunk to drive,
He suggests, "Fly American West."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P0209
Their new car, they're afraid they'd pile it.
They were too drunk to drive
But were sure they'd survive
By using the plane's autopilot.
--- Tom Patton P0209
The recruiters thought this a good laugh.
There's no place for you flying,
There are many men dying.
You may find a place in the WAAF.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
A pilot took off: Wrong-Way COR.
In Dublin next day
He said, "Fog the whole way...
When it lifts I'll be ready to SOR."
--- Don Moore P0503
Approached the first checkpoint with joy.
"I have no boarding pass,
But check my tits and ass;
I never was bashful or coy."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0502
Of pretty young girls I'm defiling,
While checking their snatches
For explosive matches,
And never resort to profiling!
--- John Miller
Whatever I need I can steal.
I'm granted immunity
And can with impunity
Right here in plain sight, cop a feel!
--- John Miller
"I'm a screener at 'port JFK.
The pay isn't much,
But my duty is such,
That I feel up twelve women a day."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0502
To the screener who felt her with glee,
"Boy have YOU got a deal;
I charge fifty a feel,
And here you are getting it free."
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0502
On airlines, but here's a good deal:
Let the gal screener think
You're a Muslim fink,
So at least you can get a free feel.
--- John Miller
Of modesty she didn't care much.
She said to the cop
As she took off her top,
"You can look all you want, but don't touch!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0502
And she smelled like a sea lion pup.
At the security check,
Said the homely old wreck,
"I'm suspicious, You must feel me up."
--- Arnie Shoenbrun P0502
Shoring up each security chink --
I stop little nippers
From toting nail clippers,
And won't let you board with a drink.
--- John Miller
"How intrusive you screeners can be.
You can check in the middle
But if my breasts you diddle,
Your balls will collide with my knee!"
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0502
Amazed by the size of aircraft.
To Japan he was going
On a flight on a Boeing,
With two whorehouses fore and one aft.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2244S
Flew in and took off without slowing.
His dissatisfied mate
Gasped, "I wish you would wait
To stop coming, before you start going."
--- David A Brooks Q
To airports she's to-ing and fro-ing.
But lovers abound;
When she touches ground,
Forever she's coming and going.
--- Dirruk
He finds her a very nice chick.
When on auto he flies,
Through the endless skies,
She's allowed to play with his stick.
--- Dirruk
He's touching the tops of the trees.
Her breasts, out she pops 'em;
He thereupon drops 'em,
And gets on his target with ease.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I am sure there would certainly be
A beautiful stew,
Whose task would be to
Enlarge my entire joie de vivre.
--- Norm Storer
Below ten thousand feet did abstain.
Though some clients objected
Yet her view was respected,
For she fucked on a much higher plane.
--- Albin Chaplin S
And our passion unleashed on the train.
But the time we're most proud
Is the flight through the cloud;
Having sex in full view on the plane.
--- Allen Wolverton
A pilot and his girlfriend Irma,
Went into a spin
While committing sin,
And they bit the old terra firma!
--- Observer
So simple but yet so profound:
Obsession with sex
Will mentally vex,
Until folks will drive sex into the ground!
--- Travis Brasell
Were stranded with nothing to do.
They decided to dine,
So she poured the wine;
And he ended up making the stew.
--- Pierce Evans
To join it there's only one feat:
To peak in the loo
Without a yoo-hoo,
From stews who warn "get to your seat!"
--- Mara
Set a record for sex in a jet.
At speeds supersonic
Her vagina went clonic,
And her orgasms haven't stopped yet.
--- G2637S
Took a plane to a far away islet.
She slept sound in her seat
And did not feel the meat
Of the captain, the steward and pilot.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0771S
When I took up a sweet "shrinking violet".
She let out a sigh,
As we passed a mile high...
Plan accomplished; I never did file it.
--- John Miller
At the airport he parks his Rolls Royce,
Then goes up in a plane
And he fondles Miss Jane,
While slipping his joy stick to Joyce.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0082S
This is file eil
The couple was happy in knowing
That while in the air,
On the way to Mt Claire,
That they were both coming and going.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun
The old pilot said, "Here's the rub;
Although a mile high,
There's just me and I,
And it's not really much of a club."
--- John Miller
In a venerable old yellow Cub?
It would be quite a feat,
Even with the front seat
Removed and the gentleman "sub".
--- John Miller
It's more fun to do it in flight.
In planes or balloons,
With chicks or baboons,
When weightless, they're all a delight!
--- Mark Levy P9604S
Some young girls to women, inverted.
And some things I've done,
As I've looped and I've spun,
Were more fun, if slightly perverted."
--- John Miller
The Captain left, I don't know why.
I guess he's not repentant
For screwing Lieutenant
Marlene; that was pie in the sky.
--- Cyber Wizard
Who went up in a hot air balloon.
The girl was quite hot
But the pilot was not,
And he always came down too soon.
--- Neal Wilgus P8211S
Who flew to a far-away islet.
But she found it so boring
That she started in whoring;
She was screwed by the captain and pilot.
--- Albin Chaplin S
Ignored all requests to refrain.
Their passions astray,
I've just this to say:
Just tell me when she flies again!
--- Anon S
Their stockholders, too, are delighted.
Their commercials declare,
"If you travel by air,
Spread our friendly thighs, fly united!"
--- Bob Giandomenico P9005S
Was fucked as she flew in a plane.
She remarked with a sigh,
"It was fun; I felt high;
And I think I will try it again."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2132S
Told the stewardess, "Really, Miss Weller,
This is no time for sex...
Things are just too complex!"
She hollered, "Aw nuts, you're just yeller!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 221
"I could use a stiff drink and some ass!"
The stew raced up the aisle --
Said 3B with a smile,
"But miss, you've forgotten his glass."
--- Martin Wellborn P9005
Screwed a stew in the Loo of a jet.
Though the plane had arrived,
And the crew clearly strived,
They haven't untangled them yet.
--- Larry Wilde
The old pilot said with a grin.
"But you can't beat the fun
Of getting your gun
On about the third turn of a spin!"
--- John Miller
A small motel near Rome their selection.
With an hour between flights,
That made love many nights;
They agreed, it was a very tight connection.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0511Q
The Mile-High Club was her mission.
Too bad. After dinner
The crew locked her in her
Original upright position.
--- Anon
Who wanted to screw in a glider.
She got on his lap,
And by some mishap,
The stick, not his dick, was inside her.
--- David Miller
Was spinning a girl on his whopper.
And if I may quote her,
She said, "I'm a rotor,
And we are the first fucking chopper!"
--- David Miller
Surrounded by airplanes - out there.
They squat in the dark,
Malevolently park,
Awaiting their turn in the air.
--- Anon
If I had just half of a brain,
I'd leave here right now,
Convince work, somehow,
That I am in the most severe pain.
--- Anon
They have made the airport their base.
(I think some are spies!)
And if I'd been wise,
I'd have sneaked in my can of mace.
--- Anon
He says he has travelers' checks.
Good grief what a place!
(It can't be my face;
I look like I've been in some wrecks!)
--- Anon
"Let me rid you of all your fears."
He's sweaty - the smell!
I stand up and yell,
"Were you raised without any mirrors?"
--- Anon
I do not like flying, do you?
I don't want to go;
There's no one I know;
I'll be all alone there and blue.
--- Anon
A chastity belt and restriction
Of movement. (Suggest
That a straight-jacket's best
To prevent any bodily friction.)
--- Anon
And never once flapped sphincter skin,
Rose into the air.
A crowd gathered there;
Debating blimp? Or Zeppelin?
--- Anon
The pressure she bore and she bore.
She vanished in clouds
To "oohs" from the crowds,
A legend of UFO lore.
--- Anon
I'm most afraid that I will die.
So I grip the seat tight;
Hold on with my might;
I lift that plane up in the sky.
--- Archie
We who understand have to guard.
We must concentrate
In an airborne crate,
Else planes will crash in some backyard.
--- Marlene
(Though flying on Quantas would do).
If you will think hard
Without self-regard,
We could keep the plane flying true.
--- Marlene
The following thought made me sigh:
I would be delighted
If we flew united;
We'd join in that club that's mile high.
--- Frank Fazed
Him "Gold Member: Mile-high Club."
(If I may be bold --
His member is gold.
I saw it last week in the tub.)
--- Marlene
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