Is there anything quite so tart, It's been said that old Buford Smedley I understand just how you're feeling. A nympho named Rose had no class There once was a fellow named Bloom, As the queen's coronation got started, There once was a typist named Cliff, "Goodbye then," said Janine and started 'Tis the vengance of Madame Le Geeze; The beauty put on a nice fur, Anyway she got to his place, A passionate priest in Peru There once was a fellow from Soma I came to my senses with a start; I've always admired thunderation; Onward to the subject of tone; I'll warn you, so you can get ready; There was a young bugger named Art As we move to next topic -- Ozone, Misfortune, this new central air -- The only cure that I could think of Could somebody answer me please? Listen, you silly old fucker; (also get a better tone - McW)
O'Conner, a wild Irish lass, And when this particular odor It came as a great surprise, He became a hero in Britain, A fart can deter some good lovin' -- The spectre of flatulence hovers, Out on our first date we parted It could have become quite a fetter, I wish I could love Eloise. Though Eloise may have an odor,
This is file egm
Eloise is a lovely young lass, A young Kashmir girl (Hindu Kush) Excitedly standing behind, The smell was so foul and so rotten, 'Twas a foul-smelling Vindaloo pong, It shrunk and then withered away, And now it's quite healthy and pink Good grief! What's that horrible pong? In future, dear Pet, 'fore you start, It could be the beans, I suppose, Quite wisely, I thought I'd prepare Last night, when I pleasured young Mandy, If you need any help with that mask, If you must accept recognition There once was a girl from Rangoon A tart who sold tarts from a cart A fart-burning scheme we did hatch; Old Albert stuck vents up his ass A flatulent fellow named Krauss Oh sorrow and grief and heart achin', And being that farts are made of But I guess I estimated your fart The lighting of farts with a Bic My husband takes pride in his gas; An acre of grass? Would I lie? A FLATULENT fellow named Jim There was a young woman named Charlotte, A fireman who called himself Bates, The world record fart-blast of yore All Blue Flame Club members beware Not to mention crisping your hair Lighting an anal fart A dog I once had farted hearty
As a freshly-emitted blue fart.
The pungent aroma
Puts me in a coma.
You'll steer your way clear if you're smart.
--- Erica
Can fart a melodious medley
In the elevator,
And two hours later,
The aftereffects are still deadly.
--- Observer
The insects are thick on the ceiling.
Let me give them a taste
Of my gaseous waste!
To their deaths they all will be reeling!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
As during the act she'd pass gas.
She would sleep with Marines
After boiled eggs and beans,
Then into a coma they'd pass.
--- Barbara Cunningham P9603
Whose intestines brewed gasses of doom.
He let out a blast,
Highly potent and vast,
Killing everyone there in the room.
--- Cap'n Bean P0411
While stooping to kneel the queen farted.
Her Minister of Interior
Who was nearest her posterior,
Is now with the dearly departed.
--- Anon
Who offered his workmates a whiff
Of his rarified art:
The death-dealing fart,
But he died from his own careless sniff.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
To sob as her husband departed;
While breathing his last,
In the gas that she passed,
When she sat on his face and then farted.
--- Peter Wilkins
She offed him by cutting the cheese.
'Twas the one way to cure
Her philandering Monsieur
From bringing home social disease!
--- Allen Wolverton
And went out watched by everyone, Sir.
She arrived at his door
He was shocked, but before
Saw a lady as this whore purr.
--- Anon
Undressed and then sat on his face.
At the Y you know,
The BIG BOMB was let to go,
And killed the poor guy in his place.
--- Anon
Tried to pin a poor nun in a pew.
But the virginal lass
Passed such ungodly gas,
That the priest passed out with a "phew!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who emitted a noxious aroma.
For some it caused wheezing,
For others just sneezing--
But some it put into a coma!
--- Paul Lusch P9405
Jolted by a thunderous fart;
But the cushion was foam,
Muffled all of the drone,
But the smell went right off the chart.
--- Anon
But rather prefer reverberation;
A wood seat in a room,
Creates a nice sonic boom,
And I grin at the loud condemnation.
--- Anon
Perhaps a term best left alone;
Tried to tune a fart,
Realized, (not too smart),
Because I damned near burned down my home.
--- Anon
Here it comes now, slow and steady.
"Here comes what?" -- you say?
Plunk! On the ground you lay;
My farts are silent but deadly. (SBD)
--- Anon
Who let a most poisonous fart;
He collected the spend
Of an intimate friend
From the cunt of a twopenny tart.
--- A Crowley G2456
I'll tell you I knew an old crone
Who farted so bad
In her home, that a lad
A gas mask to wear, must be prone.
--- Nik Synytyskyy
It gave all my guests a good scare.
My farts were all trapped --
Their t-cells got zapped.
'Twas mightier than Legionnaire.
--- Anon
Was burning that poisonous stink off.
But when I went thence
To light some incense,
The fire brought to death, us the brink of.
--- Anon
Am I suffering from some rare disease?
A foul-smelling gas
Shoots out of my ass
Each time that I cough or I sneeze.
--- Wiley
Don't make the air any yucker.
If you have to pass
The stench from your ass,
Squeeze your butt-cheeks for more pucker.
--- That Guy
Had a small problem with gas.
When she bent over,
To harvest her clover,
Farts would fly from her ass.
--- C Broome
Reached the White Cliffs of Dover,
The news was sent
To the Duke of Kent,
Who then told the troops to go over.
--- C Broome
To the soldier awarded the prize;
A lad from York,
Whose skill with a cork,
And whose valor no one denies.
--- C Broome
For stopping the smell of her shittin'.
A Medal of Honor
For plugging O'Conner,
And a statue for keeping her sittin'.
--- C Broome
Can lead on to pushin' and shovin'.
But the worst fate I know?
When your partner lets go
And smothers you with a Dutch Oven.
--- Ericka
When making love under the covers.
The meeting of parts
Can cause belly-farts,
And give much amusement to lovers.
--- SFA
So early, just when it had started.
On account of his finger;
I pulled it and...ZINGER.
The old boy, he tilted and farted.
--- Anon
If manners I'd learned any better.
Perfume couldn't quell it;
Days later I smell it.
Lingering there on my sweater.
--- Anon
Alas, when I give her a squeeze,
She farts a rip snorter
That makes your eyes water,
And makes the leaves fall from the trees.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I still am quite glad that I knowed her.
My sinuses, see,
Are full of debris --
I can't smell how nature's bestowed her.
--- Scott Oliver
Though afflicted with bad anal gas.
Invoking high art,
She lit up a fart,
Shooting flames from the back of her ass.
--- Donald McGill
Stripped off naked and wiggled her tush
In my face, touched her toes,
Spread her pretty pink rose-
Colored pussy-lips wide and said, "Push!"
--- Anon
I started the old bump and grind;
But she farted a rearful
Of vapour so fearful,
I nearly went out of my mind.
--- Anon
It disintegrated clothes made of cotton.
And melted all plastic,
Plus all the elastic
Of panties and bras girls have got on.
--- Anon
Indescribably acrid and strong.
It eroded my nose
But the worst of my woes
Was its gruesome effect on my dong.
--- Anon
Turning purple and yellow and gray;
And it stayed in that state
Until Jan '98
When I entered this lim-verse affray.
--- Anon
And stands stiff as a ram-rod. I think
I'm addicted to A.
J. L. girlies, I say;
Is this normal or is it a kink?
--- Anon
It's so (whew!) suffocatingly strong!
Like old cabbage and rotten
Old socks I've forgotten;
Have I been unconscious for long?
--- Anon
Whisper kindly, "I'm just gonna fart."
Then I won't be caught napping;
I'll help with the flapping,
While you hold your bumcheeks apart.
--- Anon
Or the cabbage, that stings our nose.
Or those two quarts of beer?
But I must make it clear --
Normally, they smell like a rose.
--- Anon
For terror that's spread through the air;
So, doing as taught,
I went out and bought
A gas mask, in order to wear.
--- Travis Brasell
She let out a fart; 'twas a dandy!
But in that foul terror,
I made no grave error;
That gas mask I bought came in handy.
--- Travis Brasell
Rest assured, I am up to the task.
Been trained for Hazmat,
Readied for combat
Against all foul gasses, just ask.
--- Carol
For a smelly methane emission
That explodes from the chute
Or is silently mute,
Then first add a spark of ignition.
--- Goin2later
Who lit off a fart with a spoon!
The backflash was rough --
It blew out some stuff.
Her panties appeared pantaloon.
--- Anon
Blew farts that came straight from the heart.
Wise-ass Bart, upstart prick,
Started flicking his Bic,
And a tart fart blew smart Bart apart.
--- Anon
Using beans, plus a broccoli patch.
Good old Norm scarfed them down;
Pretty soon, this old clown
Let a blast that just blew out the match!
--- Allen Wolverton
To relieve constipation; the gas
Thus released, was ignited
By sparks; sure he shited,
But now all his windows lack glass.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And his equally flatulent spouse,
Ate enough beans for three
Then carelessly he
Lit a match and he blew up the house.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0504
It seems I was sadly mistaken.
But from what I heard,
(The rumor, the word),
Your farts could make devils awaken.
--- Anon
Gas -- methane, some shit that is tough --
I thought that if I
Would make the world fry,
A single match would be enough.
--- Anon
To be too high on the chart;
For that I am sorry;
Could fill up a lorry
With the sadness that roams in my heart.
--- Anon
Can be a real dangerous trick.
For just as I feared,
I've torched my bum-beard,
And singed all the hairs 'round my dick.
--- Kim
Day and night, it flys out of his ass.
Yesterday, in the yard,
he blew it out so hard
That he burned up an acre of grass.
--- Anon
Hell, we're lucky we didn't all die.
Gasoline's what he drank,
Sucked it right from the tank!
Then bent over, and kissed his ass bye!
--- Anon
Had a future with women quite grim,
'Cause chili and beans
Set fire to his jeans:
He burned his britches behind him.
--- Observer
Who ate peppers, and chili, and rot --
When she tried to pass gas,
The flames burned her ass,
And she blew herself right off the pot!
--- Kaylin
Would light off the farts of his mates.
But partial combustion
Had this repercussion:
A flashback lit hair and burned pates.
--- H Welchel
Was lit by an old Bowery whore.
The foul conflagration?
No world devastation.
Just two city blocks, nothing more.
--- Anon
Of the danger that your hobby bears.
If you light a big gust,
You may end up as dust
When the blast takes down your whole lair.
--- Azul
Or giving your spouse a scare.
It's a dangerous art,
This lighting of farts,
So please proceed with care.
--- Anon
Is a skill that requires much art.
If you create an explosion
With too much erosion,
Then your bottom and top then will part.
--- Anon
Enough he could break up a party.
He'd gas up the room,
Light a match and kaBOOM.
He thought he was a big smarty
--- Anon