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Is there anything quite so tart,
As a freshly-emitted blue fart.
The pungent aroma
Puts me in a coma.
You'll steer your way clear if you're smart.
--- Erica

It's been said that old Buford Smedley
Can fart a melodious medley
In the elevator,
And two hours later,
The aftereffects are still deadly.
--- Observer

I understand just how you're feeling.
The insects are thick on the ceiling.
Let me give them a taste
Of my gaseous waste!
To their deaths they all will be reeling!
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A nympho named Rose had no class
As during the act she'd pass gas.
She would sleep with Marines
After boiled eggs and beans,
Then into a coma they'd pass.
--- Barbara Cunningham P9603

There once was a fellow named Bloom,
Whose intestines brewed gasses of doom.
He let out a blast,
Highly potent and vast,
Killing everyone there in the room.
--- Cap'n Bean P0411

As the queen's coronation got started,
While stooping to kneel the queen farted.
Her Minister of Interior
Who was nearest her posterior,
Is now with the dearly departed.
--- Anon

There once was a typist named Cliff,
Who offered his workmates a whiff
Of his rarified art:
The death-dealing fart,
But he died from his own careless sniff.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

"Goodbye then," said Janine and started
To sob as her husband departed;
While breathing his last,
In the gas that she passed,
When she sat on his face and then farted.
--- Peter Wilkins

'Tis the vengance of Madame Le Geeze;
She offed him by cutting the cheese.
'Twas the one way to cure
Her philandering Monsieur
From bringing home social disease!
--- Allen Wolverton

The beauty put on a nice fur,
And went out watched by everyone, Sir.
She arrived at his door
He was shocked, but before
Saw a lady as this whore purr.
--- Anon

Anyway she got to his place,
Undressed and then sat on his face.
At the Y you know,
The BIG BOMB was let to go,
And killed the poor guy in his place.
--- Anon

A passionate priest in Peru
Tried to pin a poor nun in a pew.
But the virginal lass
Passed such ungodly gas,
That the priest passed out with a "phew!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once was a fellow from Soma
Who emitted a noxious aroma.
For some it caused wheezing,
For others just sneezing--
But some it put into a coma!
--- Paul Lusch P9405

I came to my senses with a start;
Jolted by a thunderous fart;
But the cushion was foam,
Muffled all of the drone,
But the smell went right off the chart.
--- Anon

I've always admired thunderation;
But rather prefer reverberation;
A wood seat in a room,
Creates a nice sonic boom,
And I grin at the loud condemnation.
--- Anon

Onward to the subject of tone;
Perhaps a term best left alone;
Tried to tune a fart,
Realized, (not too smart),
Because I damned near burned down my home.
--- Anon

I'll warn you, so you can get ready;
Here it comes now, slow and steady.
"Here comes what?" -- you say?
Plunk! On the ground you lay;
My farts are silent but deadly. (SBD)
--- Anon

There was a young bugger named Art
Who let a most poisonous fart;
He collected the spend
Of an intimate friend
From the cunt of a twopenny tart.
--- A Crowley G2456

As we move to next topic -- Ozone,
I'll tell you I knew an old crone
Who farted so bad
In her home, that a lad
A gas mask to wear, must be prone.
--- Nik Synytyskyy

Misfortune, this new central air --
It gave all my guests a good scare.
My farts were all trapped --
Their t-cells got zapped.
'Twas mightier than Legionnaire.
--- Anon

The only cure that I could think of
Was burning that poisonous stink off.
But when I went thence
To light some incense,
The fire brought to death, us the brink of.
--- Anon

Could somebody answer me please?
Am I suffering from some rare disease?
A foul-smelling gas
Shoots out of my ass
Each time that I cough or I sneeze.
--- Wiley

Listen, you silly old fucker;
Don't make the air any yucker.
If you have to pass
The stench from your ass,
Squeeze your butt-cheeks for more pucker.

(also get a better tone - McW)
--- That Guy

O'Conner, a wild Irish lass,
Had a small problem with gas.
When she bent over,
To harvest her clover,
Farts would fly from her ass.
--- C Broome

And when this particular odor
Reached the White Cliffs of Dover,
The news was sent
To the Duke of Kent,
Who then told the troops to go over.
--- C Broome

It came as a great surprise,
To the soldier awarded the prize;
A lad from York,
Whose skill with a cork,
And whose valor no one denies.
--- C Broome

He became a hero in Britain,
For stopping the smell of her shittin'.
A Medal of Honor
For plugging O'Conner,
And a statue for keeping her sittin'.
--- C Broome

A fart can deter some good lovin' --
Can lead on to pushin' and shovin'.
But the worst fate I know?
When your partner lets go
And smothers you with a Dutch Oven.
--- Ericka

The spectre of flatulence hovers,
When making love under the covers.
The meeting of parts
Can cause belly-farts,
And give much amusement to lovers.
--- SFA

Out on our first date we parted
So early, just when it had started.
On account of his finger;
I pulled it and...ZINGER.
The old boy, he tilted and farted.
--- Anon

It could have become quite a fetter,
If manners I'd learned any better.
Perfume couldn't quell it;
Days later I smell it.
Lingering there on my sweater.
--- Anon

I wish I could love Eloise.
Alas, when I give her a squeeze,
She farts a rip snorter
That makes your eyes water,
And makes the leaves fall from the trees.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Though Eloise may have an odor,
I still am quite glad that I knowed her.
My sinuses, see,
Are full of debris --
I can't smell how nature's bestowed her.
--- Scott Oliver

This is file egm

Eloise is a lovely young lass,
Though afflicted with bad anal gas.
Invoking high art,
She lit up a fart,
Shooting flames from the back of her ass.
--- Donald McGill

A young Kashmir girl (Hindu Kush)
Stripped off naked and wiggled her tush
In my face, touched her toes,
Spread her pretty pink rose-
Colored pussy-lips wide and said, "Push!"
--- Anon

Excitedly standing behind,
I started the old bump and grind;
But she farted a rearful
Of vapour so fearful,
I nearly went out of my mind.
--- Anon

The smell was so foul and so rotten,
It disintegrated clothes made of cotton.
And melted all plastic,
Plus all the elastic
Of panties and bras girls have got on.
--- Anon

'Twas a foul-smelling Vindaloo pong,
Indescribably acrid and strong.
It eroded my nose
But the worst of my woes
Was its gruesome effect on my dong.
--- Anon

It shrunk and then withered away,
Turning purple and yellow and gray;
And it stayed in that state
Until Jan '98
When I entered this lim-verse affray.
--- Anon

And now it's quite healthy and pink
And stands stiff as a ram-rod. I think
I'm addicted to A.
J. L. girlies, I say;
Is this normal or is it a kink?
--- Anon

Good grief! What's that horrible pong?
It's so (whew!) suffocatingly strong!
Like old cabbage and rotten
Old socks I've forgotten;
Have I been unconscious for long?
--- Anon

In future, dear Pet, 'fore you start,
Whisper kindly, "I'm just gonna fart."
Then I won't be caught napping;
I'll help with the flapping,
While you hold your bumcheeks apart.
--- Anon

It could be the beans, I suppose,
Or the cabbage, that stings our nose.
Or those two quarts of beer?
But I must make it clear --
Normally, they smell like a rose.
--- Anon

Quite wisely, I thought I'd prepare
For terror that's spread through the air;
So, doing as taught,
I went out and bought
A gas mask, in order to wear.
--- Travis Brasell

Last night, when I pleasured young Mandy,
She let out a fart; 'twas a dandy!
But in that foul terror,
I made no grave error;
That gas mask I bought came in handy.
--- Travis Brasell

If you need any help with that mask,
Rest assured, I am up to the task.
Been trained for Hazmat,
Readied for combat
Against all foul gasses, just ask.
--- Carol

If you must accept recognition
For a smelly methane emission
That explodes from the chute
Or is silently mute,
Then first add a spark of ignition.
--- Goin2later

There once was a girl from Rangoon
Who lit off a fart with a spoon!
The backflash was rough --
It blew out some stuff.
Her panties appeared pantaloon.
--- Anon

A tart who sold tarts from a cart
Blew farts that came straight from the heart.
Wise-ass Bart, upstart prick,
Started flicking his Bic,
And a tart fart blew smart Bart apart.
--- Anon

A fart-burning scheme we did hatch;
Using beans, plus a broccoli patch.
Good old Norm scarfed them down;
Pretty soon, this old clown
Let a blast that just blew out the match!
--- Allen Wolverton

Old Albert stuck vents up his ass
To relieve constipation; the gas
Thus released, was ignited
By sparks; sure he shited,
But now all his windows lack glass.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A flatulent fellow named Krauss
And his equally flatulent spouse,
Ate enough beans for three
Then carelessly he
Lit a match and he blew up the house.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0504

Oh sorrow and grief and heart achin',
It seems I was sadly mistaken.
But from what I heard,
(The rumor, the word),
Your farts could make devils awaken.
--- Anon

And being that farts are made of
Gas -- methane, some shit that is tough --
I thought that if I
Would make the world fry,
A single match would be enough.
--- Anon

But I guess I estimated your fart
To be too high on the chart;
For that I am sorry;
Could fill up a lorry
With the sadness that roams in my heart.
--- Anon

The lighting of farts with a Bic
Can be a real dangerous trick.
For just as I feared,
I've torched my bum-beard,
And singed all the hairs 'round my dick.
--- Kim

My husband takes pride in his gas;
Day and night, it flys out of his ass.
Yesterday, in the yard,
he blew it out so hard
That he burned up an acre of grass.
--- Anon

An acre of grass? Would I lie?
Hell, we're lucky we didn't all die.
Gasoline's what he drank,
Sucked it right from the tank!
Then bent over, and kissed his ass bye!
--- Anon

A FLATULENT fellow named Jim
Had a future with women quite grim,
'Cause chili and beans
Set fire to his jeans:
He burned his britches behind him.
--- Observer

There was a young woman named Charlotte,
Who ate peppers, and chili, and rot --
When she tried to pass gas,
The flames burned her ass,
And she blew herself right off the pot!
--- Kaylin

A fireman who called himself Bates,
Would light off the farts of his mates.
But partial combustion
Had this repercussion:
A flashback lit hair and burned pates.
--- H Welchel

The world record fart-blast of yore
Was lit by an old Bowery whore.
The foul conflagration?
No world devastation.
Just two city blocks, nothing more.
--- Anon

All Blue Flame Club members beware
Of the danger that your hobby bears.
If you light a big gust,
You may end up as dust
When the blast takes down your whole lair.
--- Azul

Not to mention crisping your hair
Or giving your spouse a scare.
It's a dangerous art,
This lighting of farts,
So please proceed with care.
--- Anon

Lighting an anal fart
Is a skill that requires much art.
If you create an explosion
With too much erosion,
Then your bottom and top then will part.
--- Anon

A dog I once had farted hearty
Enough he could break up a party.
He'd gas up the room,
Light a match and kaBOOM.
He thought he was a big smarty
--- Anon


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