There was a young woman from Horton; A quite callow fellow named Fonda, There once was a woman named Rhonda, Ginger's a sort of a scooter Is this revolution sublime? I took my gal on a Suzuki, The youthful but decorous Jackie A trail biker said to his bride, I knew a poor devil named Breeze, There was a young woman named Wanda, At sixteen I sighed as I hoped A perverted molester named Lyle, A spokesman for Big Oil Men, Hey fellow, if you're boffing Wanda (illegal to have sex on parked motorcycle in London)
But now a scheme I have hatched; Your scheme is not for your bride, There once was a man with two chins I once had a used Vespa scooter; My favourite chocolate is Snickers, A little old lady from Prague Grinned a gritty Hell's Angel named Charlie, A homely old biker named Farley A bearded old biker named Charlie, There was a young lady named Carly, Famous Harley Hawg biker, "Snake Snyder," There was an old biker named Squirrel, A thieving old fellow named Charlie There was thrice a clown named Charlie, A leather-clad lady called Madeleine, I'll tell you of my cousin Gillian; Once went to a bar that was gnarly, While drinking the juice of the barley, I once knew a rough girl named Carly
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Traversing off road and through bogs, I know a lady from Sturgis; She waits for her time to pounce There once was a biker named Charley, A strapping young sailor from Venice On the stormfront the waters were rising He alone watched his yacht going down, Soon the sun gave its last bit of light He prepared with a smile just to die; There's a ship called "Dangerous Curls" There was an old pander from Perth It isn't the size of the ship, A lady who hails from Krakow, (D.P. - Dom Perignon Champagne)
A poodle went sailing one night There once was a captain named Bligh The C&D Canal's my view, The radar was not finely tuned; As she staggered from Jonathan's cruiser, A rich, rigid young man in Biscayne I'm down here in Dover perchance, Oh bugger; St. Malo you say? Hey Kitten, it's me on the shore! A chippy whose name was O'Dare In December, a woman named Terry That our ships might converse on the seas, As a sail tames the wind from abeam, If the question were only between us, A slave oarsman on the queen's schooner There are men in the village of Erith, In Poland, the whole Navy gloats A man called J. Arthur Rank Anthropologist J. Wilson Tripp I'm attached to that tree by a thread! But look here! This dugout canoe
She had a long tit and a short 'un.
Besides from that
She'd a nice juicy twat,
And would fart like an 850 Norton.
--- Anon
Was dating a biker named Rhonda.
He'd do what he'd like
On top of her bike;
He was certainly fonda Rhonda's Honda!
--- CM
Who looked like a black anaconda.
Delightfully haunted
And dumb, for she wanted
To trade menstrual cycle for Honda.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
With motors and onboard computer,
And gyroscope balance
For riding sans talent,
Sans fitness, sans practice, sans tutor.
--- Dr Limerick 12-03-01
It may save a few steps and time.
It looks like great fun,
But when alls said and done,
Just a vacuum for rich peoples dimes.
--- Dr Limerick 12-03-01
But never again, it was spooky.
That bike's strong vibrations
Gave Erm such sensations,
I couldn't compete... got no nookie!
--- Tiddy Ogg
Rode off on her new Kawasaki.
She returned with a tan
And a polished young man,
And a stock of his chewing tobaccy.
--- Anon
"There's something I still can't decide.
I'm not sure if I'm fonda
Of you or my Honda,
'Cause the Honda's a much smoother ride."
--- Pierce Evans
Who had Kawasaki disease --
Not swollen lymph nodes,
But slippery roads:
He racked up his bike in the trees.
--- Armand E Singer 983
Who loved sex on the back of a Honda.
That bike's choking spasms
Gave her many orgasms --
'Twas a feeling that Wanda was fonda!
--- Anon
For a bike like a Harley. I groped
In my pocket for cash
And bought something more flash,
And then sat on my moped and moped.
--- Peter Wilkins
From the playground lived many a mile.
So to stalk his young cooter
He bought him a scooter,
And now he's a moped-ophile.
--- Geri Desu
Was arrested for corporate sin,
When he sounded their knell,
"The Chairman of Shell
Is now chauffeured to work on a Schwinn."
--- Cyber Geezer
In London on top of your Honda,
Make sure that the deed
Is done at high speed,
When giving her your anaconda.
--- Travis
If you and the girl are well-matched,
Slide off of the seat
And steer with your feet,
While you boff in the sidecar attached.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who'd never consent to that ride;
I guess one could say
With certainty, "Hey,
Now this is for 'strange on the side!'
--- Travis Brasell
Who built bicycles for twins.
He had on hand
A suitable brand:
He called them his Siamese Schwinns.
--- Bob Polecat
The first part that broke was the tooter.
As I lived in Belfast,
I replaced it at last;
'Twas a new one that played Phil the Fluter.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
And I like wearing ladies silk knickers.
My name is Big Mike
And I ride a big bike --
A Yamaha, just like the Vicar's.
--- Anon
Got lost late one night in the fog.
At some biker bar,
Abandoned her car --
Came home on a big Harley Hawg.
--- Anon
"Get my kicks sudden gunning my Harley";
(He slammed into a tree,
Leaving little to see,
But red guts, busted bone, and some barley.)
--- Armand Singer
Tried and failed to make love on his Harley.
When he tried for a pass,
He fell flat on his ass --
He'd drunk too much booze made from barley.
--- CM
Took a very long ride on his Harley.
He knew that his hog,
Created no smog,
'Cause he ran it on hops and malt barley.
--- Popsicle TP9806
With tresses the color of barley.
This biker guy dumped her
Because when he humped her,
Her pubic hair clashed with his Harley.
--- D Kilgore a
Is at least four feet wide, maybe wider.
He's somewhat more soiled,
And invariably oiled;
He's that unwashed icon, "Greasy Rider."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh
Whose fifteen-inch crank had a curl.
When he swung it just right, he
With all of his might, he
Kick-started his hog in one twirl.
--- H Welchel
Was arrested while riding a Harley.
They wrote in the log:
"It isn't his Hog,
And his lawyer's requesting a parley."
--- Cyber Geezer
Rode he a cycle, a Harley.
He'd ride it all day
Like a badger through hay,
Or perhaps a titmouse through barley.
--- David Robbins
One day her machine she was stradeleine,
That Harley's vibration,
Meant lost concentration,
And soon in the creek she was padeleine.
--- Anon
That gal was a gal in a million.
Fantastic, I know,
But she'd give me a blow
While riding on my Harley's pillion.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And rode in upon my man's Harley.
When coming back home,
A sign hit the chrome,
Cop said "Don't mix bikes with barley!"
--- Anon
She listens to wailing Bob Marley,
And wait till some guy'd
Take her for a ride,
Astride of his Norton or Harley.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Who liked her sex real gnarly;
With a dildo that's lumpy,
On a road really bumpy,
On the back of a seventy-four Harley!
--- Anon
In blistering heat, rain and fogs,
To the Wisconsin parlays
On their expensive Harleys,
Came the motley gangs of pigs on hogs.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0310
Each year on her porch she perches.
As the Harley's come through,
What's a girl to do?
She has got strong sexual urges.
--- Gearhart
On a biker she wants to bounce
Up and down on his hog
And on his log.
She's kept track of all previous mounts.
--- Gearhart
Who threw a leg over his Harley,
Then raced on his hog
Until he hit a log,
And flew into a field growing barley.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Was put in the Great Book of Guinness.
Round the world with his cat,
Nothing special 'bout that,
But he sailed on a 30-foot pinnace.
--- Jackal
And the captain was quietly surmising:
If the supper he ate
Would add enough weight
To result in his lifeoat capsizing.
--- Anon
Thinking night was a bad time to drown,
And the distance to shore
Was a hundred miles more
That his fragile old arms could expound.
--- Anon
And the auburn sky turned into night.
As he peered all around
The horizon, he found
Not one hope of salvation in sight.
--- Anon
Then he thought to himself "Wait now! Why
Should a real-world restriction
Bind me like this? I'm fiction!"
So he changed his boat into Hawaii.
--- Anon
Whose crew is entirely girls.
Their mission: To hunt
For alien cunt
And their hobby is muff diving for pearls.
--- Brodie Esperance
Kept a cruise ship tied at its berth,
With an all female crew
Knowing just what to do.
(And he charged only twice what they're worth.)
--- John Miller
Nor the rock of the boat, she did quip.
What is not to scoff
Is for all to get off
While the vessel is docked in the slip.
--- Steverino
Loves sailors her furrow to plow.
A magnum of D.P.
Is what she longs to be,
So that she can be banged 'cross the bow.
--- H Welchel
In a yacht that was not water-tight.
Under this circumstance
You could tell at a glance,
That his barque was much worse than his bite.
--- Anon
Whose ship, the Bounty, would ply
The seas, flags aflyin',
While Bligh, like a lion,
Ate a Christian, now and then, on the sly.
--- Arthur Deex P8308
Where tankers and ships all pass through,
As they make their way,
Down the Chesapeake bay,
Or up to the Atlantic blue.
--- Anon
The helmsman was seasick and swooned...
With paint both were freighted,
Red and blue neatly crated.
The collision left both crews marooned.
--- Ogni Gioia a
Ann said, "Man that cruise was a doozer!
With six men sluicing me,
I did not see the sea,
So your cruiser was more of a screwser!"
--- Grand Prix Lim 680
Rides a loving house boat gravy train!
With three girls all about,
Up and down, in and out,
He sheet-anchors a hot daisy chain...
--- Grand Prix Lim 756
To espy you arriving from France.
Standing up on the deck
Looking gorgeous by heck,
What commotion there is in my pants.
--- Anon
You'll be landing in Portsmouth today?
Ma cher Kitten, please wait;
I'll be there before eight.
(Come on train-driver, take it away!)
--- Anon
You look scrumptious! I'll open the door
Of this train; step inside
And we'll go for a ride.
Let me lead you, my sweet, by the paw.
--- Anon
Sailed on a ship to Kenmare,
But this cute little honey
Had left home her money,
So she laid the whole crew for her fare.
--- L1044
Would ride back and forth on the ferry.
Each time she passed by,
She would screw a new guy,
And that's one way to make Christmas merry.
--- Isaac Asimov
We would hoist out our flags in the breeze.
To the landsmen we say,
But can't seem to convey
That BLUE PETER is not a disease.
--- The Sailor P0307
So our mates train their teams as they scream!
The captain's the worst,
With cruel temper he's cursed:
A proleptical full head of steam!
--- Anon
Could the name of the ship have been Venus?
Her figurehead bowed;
At the mast standing proud,
A towering titan of penis?
--- Anon
Was hailed by the queen for a 'nooner'.
The queen to him spoke:
"I love your long stroke;
Tomorrow we'll nooner much sooner!"
--- Travis Brasell
Whom nobody seeth or heareth.
They spend hours afloat,
In a flat-bottomed boat,
Which nobody roweth or steereth.
--- Anon
If you ask 'bout the shape of their boats.
But everyone's seen
Their new submarine;
When put in the water, it floats!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Bought a yacht from a millionaire Yank.
"It's the safest yet built;
Insured to the hilt."
It made no difference -- it sank.
--- Spike Milligan
Was considered to have lost his grip.
He caused colleagues to smirk
When he titled his work,
"One Man's Junk is Another Man's Ship."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0103
Quick! Pull my dress over my head!
At last we are free!
As I row, I can see
That your gear is still gritty and red.
--- Anon
Has a grass skirt, practically new!
And a necklace of flowers --
(Won't you lei me for hours?)
Will you row while I go to the loo?
--- Anon