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Now as the sun sets on the sea Hector Kerfipple went sailing "Please help my husband!" she cried. The crew flew at once into action -- A preserver to Hector was passed When Helga saw he was okay, For someone who rowed out the flood, There was a drunk sailor named Lincoln The ferry capsized at sunset There once was a woman named Carol A tailor, who sailed from Quebec, A sea loving lady named Gast As he swam in the clear Adriatic This yachting's a really fun game, Captain Haddock was feeling quite smug -- There once was a couple renowned, I say! Any girlies about? We get used to watching all sports To a young seaman it was a shocker A traveler who called himself Mort On a round-the-world trip on a yacht, A boat sailing down from Ann Arbor The world, in all types does abound; There was a young lady named Una, I just want to make sure there'll be There once was a yachtswoman, Hetty, There was a young yachtsman named Dick, A stowaway to ports remote, The stowaway's appetites whetted Fifty-one dibbled their nib, This lass has had some kind of trip. The boat was rent clear through the middle, The Cook said "My cranks name is Fook. His ivory prosthetic paw The guy whos brains were quite quick, As soon as the winds killed the mist Should I take my poor wife on a cruise? Though Linda once worked with the law; She sails with her co-captain hubby, When lovers fight, they try to patch it, I'd sure like to go on a cruise, Old Archie applied for a post -- I'm lost in the doldrums, I fear, Sis Chris, thank the lord, ain't on board, You job application, old mate, And Carol (my god, what a rear!), My yacht's in the Mediterranean The Kearsage is an aircraft carrier; To Portsmouth returned the Ark Royal, When we talk 'bout design of the brig, The folks from a dozen cruise ships, If Harry Krause was a boat designer, A girl on the dock in Manila (Viking Cruise Lines)
Said a fellow passenger named Jerry, Most athletes remain out of doors There once was a cruise ship in Hoonah For a perfect getaway spot, (Ecstasy cruise ship caught fire 1998)
During the Ecstasy ship fire, When the Exxon Valdez ran aground, The captain was having a snort, The captain was having a snort, Right here is where we'd like to sketch There are lots of ships upon the sea. There was a young person named Scott, I said to Giuseppe, "Please note There was a cold maid from Decatur
I wonder just where we might be?
We're so gently afloat
And we're safe in this boat,
Where the only man-eater is me.
--- Anon
And fell right over the railing.
"Man Overboard!"
Helga roared,
Then shipmates she ran about hailing.
--- Gearhart
"He is an awfully nice guy.
He can't swim a lick,
So please come over quick
Or he'll take in some water and die."
--- Gearhart
But not to Helga's satisfaction.
She felt they were slow
And her anger did grow.
She thought they moved like in traction.
--- Gearhart
And a life-boat was lowered down fast,
With crewmen galore
To drag him aboard,
Making sure this trip was not his last.
--- Gearhart
She screamed and then ran away.
Hector said, "I was shoved
Overboard by my love --
'Least I though she loved me till today.
--- Gearhart
There must be some seafaring blood.
With sailcloth to sew
When big breezes blow,
And strong masts are mangled to crud.
--- Daniel Ford
Who said as his ship started sinkin',
If I bail fast enough,
I'll get rid of this stuff
So I can get back to my drinkin'.
--- Ray Gessler
When it started to rain without let...
To the canopy side
All ran to hide
From the rain so as not to get wet.
--- Karen
Who placed herself gravely in peril;
She ended up dead
From a blow to her head,
When she rode the great falls in a barrel.
--- Cap'n Bean P0209
In a storm ventured once upon deck;
But the waves of the sea
Were as strong as could be,
And he tumbled in up to his neck.
--- R S Sharpe Published 1822
Went out on a ship sleek and fast.
She was fucked in her cabin
By a sailor named Babbin,
While her panties were flown at half mast.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0164
Young Beppo was rather dramatic.
He fastened a sail
To a pole in his tail,
A whim some considered erratic.
--- Grand Prix Lim 783
For the sea is never the same.
But winds can get big,
And seas wreck the rig,
And Poseidon thinks he's not to blame.
--- Archie
He'd constructed a prototype tug.
But on his first trip,
Someone scuppered his ship,
When, in mid-stream, they pulled out the plug.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who went sailing on old Puget Sound.
He was fucking her proud,
When they both saw the crowd
That had gathered since their boat went aground.
--- Laurence Craft
Here's an offer you'll love, I've no doubt;
A free cruise on my yacht, what?
For stroking my whatnot
And nursing this damn-awful gout.
--- Anon
And marvel at many reports.
All sports have their faults,
But that of old salts,
Is a risk when away from their ports.
--- Archie
For it seemed like the joke of a mocker.
He'd heard, time after time,
"That's no rope, it's a line!
And we store the line in the Rope Locker."
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0307
Took girls on a cruise for some sport.
They thought it was nice
Going round the world twice,
Before they had even left port.
--- Spose A
I learnt to tie many a knot.
What I learned as a scout
I had to throw out;
Scout and sailor knots differ a lot.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Hit a storm coming out of the harbor.
In a garden 'twas marooned,
With spring flowers festooned,
And its starboard harbored an arbor.
--- Sam Mitchel
Some fit in square holes, some in round.
Some in storms sail a boat,
While some men, you will note,
In fair weather will drive boats aground.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2412
Only girl on a 'round the world schooner.
With her very loud voice
She did not have a choice;
She's the skipper and a honeymooner!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Enough for all of us three.
You know we're voracious,
And since the yacht's spacious,
There's another ship in from the sea.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Who had quite a way with spaghetti.
She'd use it as string,
And that sort of thing,
To tie up her boat at the jetty.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada
Who sailed boldly north up the Mill Crick.
The smell was so bad,
And it made him so mad,
That he spun and sped south really quick.
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0410
Tried to screw all the sailors afloat.
They dispensed with foreplay,
Stuck heer on the forestay --
Now she's bummy-fucked by the whole boat.
--- H Welchel
The parties both sordid and fetid.
She commenced in to friggin'
Up high in the riggin'.
Some say she was well tarred and feted.
--- Irish
Then left her curled up in a jib.
Said Tar fifty-two,
I'll eat out her spoo --
I could use this sail for a bib!
--- H Welchel
Swallowing se(a)men is not just a quip:
When the ship struck a reef,
It cause her no grief;
She simply went down on the ship.
--- Irish
And going down like an iron griddle.
No time for a suck!
Less time for a fuck!
Perhaps she could get one last diddle...
--- H Welchel
She said, "You know Doris, my nook.
I know you've one hand,
But perhaps, my good man,
I could ride on your lovely white hook.
--- H Welchel
This is file eel
(With Old Boston Pier in scrimshaw)
He took her to G
And sang "Mates, look at me!
It's a wee dock in Doris, that a'."
--- H Welchel
Said: "I'll crack our ship with my dick!"
So he gathered the crowd
And they all stood about
Waiting for that awesome trick.
--- Anon
The captain, on a life raft, quite pissed,
Turned his head and said:
"You stupid dick-head,
You know, the torpedo had missed!"
--- Anon
She's so tired, she will soon blow a fuse;
But the way she is made
I'm afraid she'll get laid,
By men who have nothing to loose.
--- Anon
She quit it the first time she saw
The river's wide delta.
Now she takes her shelta
On a boat in a berth without flaw.
--- Anon
And at night when they crawl in their cubby,
She takes matters in hand.
His main mast makes a stand,
And then delves in the depths of her shrubby.
--- Anon
And say, "We should bury the hatchet."
They try different measures
To restore their pleasures;
Sometimes they will cruise on a yacht.
--- Anon
On a yacht where there's plenty of booze.
And lots of good food,
Where everyone's nude,
Except for those silly boat shoes.
--- Carol
Was told that the boat was a ghost.
Sis Chris is First Mate,
The mast is not straight,
And it's grounded somewhere on the coast.
--- Archie
Not far from Madeira, m'dear.
An iceberg we struck
And the rudder got stuck,
So we've no navigational gear.
--- Peter Wilkins
Or else she'd have ravaged my sword.
The teeth in her cleft
Would've left me bereft,
And my mast comprehensively gored.
--- Peter Wilkins
Arrived just a little bit late;
Got posted to Ayr,
Which I'm sure your aware,
Is the site of my country estate.
--- Peter Wilkins
We'll soon have a party, m'dear.
With whiskey and ice
And excesses of vice,
When I've bloody well mended my gear.
--- Peter Wilkins
Full of princesses Arabian;
All of 'em cuties
And all with their duties,
To service my bits genitalian.
--- Anon
It flies a plane that's called a Harrier.
It jumps right off the deck,
When it doesn't wreck;
Landing it at night, there's nothing scarier.
--- William K Alsop Jr
For the crew to set foot on Brit soil.
Some looked like cadets,
The old-timers' pets,
Much too young for the ship's routine toil.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
It's a ship that's not very big.
With two masts, main and fore,
And never no more;
Its sail plan is always square rig.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Paid cabbies and bus drivers tips
To go to the glacier
And commune with nature,
And be in each others film clips.
--- Anon
He'd never design a Bayliner.
On his boat, what he'd do
Is drop blue in the loo,
And christen a Bluewater Cruiseliner.
--- Jonathan
Sold every last Spanish mantilla,
All her shirts and pantsuits,
Every box of cheroots,
Now she prays for a Viking flotilla.
--- Doctor P9108
"This seagoing life is quite merry.
It's my ninety-third trip
On a passenger ship,
Counting the Hoboken Ferry."
--- Doctor P9108
While performing their muscular chores.
But our cabin neighbors
Confine all their labors
To slamming their dressing room drawers.
--- Doctor P9108
Whose passengers hated canned tuna.
If we wanted such fare,
We'd go over there,
And sail with the folks on that schoona.
--- Anon
When summertime weather is hot,
Come aboard Ecstasy,
They'll burn it at sea...
A carnival cruise it is not.
--- Frank Fazed
Cruisers had a burning desire
To cancel the trip,
Escape from the ship,
And get in touch with a lawyer.
--- Marlene Lewis
The oil polluted the Sound.
The Captain was drunk
And asleep in his bunk,
But there's enough blame to go 'round.
--- Gifford Wherry
As his ferry raced into the port;
It crashed in the brine
And it killed forty-nine;
His trial is going to court.
--- Cap'n Bean P0408
As his ferry raced into the port;
It crashed in the brine
And it killed forty-nine;
His trial is going to court.
--- Cap'n Bean P0408
Which one's a yawl and which a ketch.
The mizzen's 'hind the wheel
On a yawl, that's for real.
And this, please, in your memory etch.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Some are windward and some are alee.
There are ships that sail,
And some ships that whale,.
But a friendship is the ship for me.
--- William K Alsop Jr
Who inherited rather a lot.
So he sent off a card
To a shipbuilding yard,
And commissioned a luxury yacht.
--- Anon
Off the shore I can see something float.
It's a U-boat I see."
But he did not agree,
For he said, "That is NOT a-my boat."
--- Al Chaplin P8604
Who put out to sea in a freighter;
She was very straight-laced
And vinegar-faced,
Until she got near the equator.
--- Lims Unlimited
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