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Said the submarine captain, "A small
"Japanese fishing boat's, quite a haul.
And though I realize
That ten tons wins no prize,
For peacetime it's not bad at all."
--- Arthur Deex P0104

A submarine's not called a ship
By those who sail her and are hip.
She sails out 'neath the seas,
As quiet as you please,
Then comes back to her berthing slip.
--- William K Alsop Jr

Although by my birth I'm Britannic,
The sight of the sea makes me panic.
The only good wave
Is the one Sally gave
When she cancelled her trip on Titanic.
--- Tiddy Ogg

Enjoying a trip on Titanic
Were people quite megalomanic.
There were humble poor, too,
Down on decks out of view,
But everyone joined in the panic.
--- Anon

Noah's Ark was built in a panic,
By some amateurs, Messianic;
Who did not eschew
To try something new...
Professionals built the Titanic.
--- David Miller

While sailing across the Atlantic,
A passenger on the Titanic,
Asked a steward for ice...
"That will more than suffice,
But isn't it awfully gigantic?"
--- Observer TP9901

When they raised the Titanic, they found
That the band had survived and not drowned.
They hadn't gone far,
They were still in the bar,
And that is why Humph's still around.
--- Kevin Hale Q

Old Marge, with boobs of renown,
Didn't worry -- 'cause she wouldn't drown!
If she would've shared,
Lives could've been spared,
The night the Titanic went down!
--- Anon

There was a young girl named Marge
Whose breasts were unusually large.
Invited to go boating
She found herself floating
In the arms of her lover, Sarge.
--- Anon

Now Marge couldn't possibly drown
Those floaters just wouldn't go down.
When the boat started sinking
Without even blinking,
"Tits Overboard in a nightgown!"
--- Anon

Though the bosomy part of young Marge
Wasn't quite so Titanically large,
It was big enough, true,
To be used by the crew
As a large inflatable barge.
--- Anon

The mates at the stern with a hook out,
Catching fish for tomorrow nights cookout.
The captain, a queers man,
Is boffing the steersman,
While Marge is aloft with the lookout.
--- Anon

Just watch those two go to town in
The middle of everyone drownin'.
His balls she did blow
On that little ice floe,
While loudly they're moanin' and groanin'.
--- Arden

As they lay on a quilt filled with down,
A loud ripping noise made her frown,
And pause in the suck.
He said, "What the fuck?
I think that we're both going down."
--- Frank Fazed

"My Heart Will Go On" -- well on what?
A song of a fag and a slut.
While that big boat was sinking,
I couldn't help thinking,
This movie is numbing my butt.
--- Deep Goat TP9807a

"My heart will go on," Winslet sighed,
Making the audience cry.
The hell with her heart!
My favorite part
Was watching DiCaprio die!
--- Kitt

As the good ship Titanic went down,
A lady in shimmering gown
From her glass took a sip,
Kept a stiff upper lip,
And commenced, most discreetly, to drown.
--- Beelzebub

Do a sequel? They're sure to say yes,
With Titanic's enormous success.
They'll have Winslett, who's hexed
Ride the Hindenberg next,
With Dicaprio's twin, I would guess.
--- Larry Hollister

Titanic, that big ship of late,
Suffered a real terrible fate.
Reminds me of a girl
Which whom I had a whirl;
She went down...on the very first date!
--- Les Stewart

About Leo, the girls are fanatic,
But here's why their boyfriends don't panic:
It gives the world's males
A line that can't fail:
"Hey baby! Go down like Titanic!"
--- Anon

There was a man called Delzanic
Whose girlfriend would suddenly panic.
We don't know why;
He's such an nice guy;
And had gone down on all but the Titanic!
--- Bobby

There once was a young lady named Rose
Pursued by two diferent beaus.
She hated the cad,
Fell in love with the lad;
When Titanic went under, he froze.
--- Jim Reynolds TP9802

The first mate watched the captain drown,
Saying, "Yeah, he deserves it, the clown.
First he made a pass,
But I showed his ass --
Here's one guy who just won't go down!"
--- Kaylin

There was a young man, very frantic,
Who bought tickets on the Titanic.
The ship hit some ice;
The rest is not nice.
He's somewhere out in the Atlantic.
--- D'Arcy

"Now hear this," announced Captain Annick,
"You passengers don't need to panic;
To be quite precise,
It's just broken ice --
Remember, this ship's the Titanic.
--- Armand E Singer 810

An old maid, a luckless romantic,
Said, as she crossed the Atlantic:
"Now is my chance
To find true romance
On this beautiful ship, the Titanic!"
--- New Comic Limericks P8506

A nutty young woman, quite manic,
Sailed off on the good ship Titanic.
The iceberg -- it stunned her
And as she went under,
Her manic attack became panic.
--- Marsha Magee

Enjoying a trip on Titanic --
If it only were more Puritanic!
Might have lasted more hours --
After all, the Mayflower's
Famous voyage was transoceanic!
--- Prof M-G

The iceberg the Titanic hit
Dit dit dit, dah dah dah, dit dit dit.
With rescue too far,
One last dah dah dah,
Dit dit dit, dah dah dah ended it.
--- Irving Superior

In the lifeboats, when worst comes to worst,
All the women and children go first.
But the rich guy gets on
With a bribe and a con,
While our heroes get coldly immersed.
--- Larry Hollister

It's Dicaprio's movie, to some,
And he's certainly not feeling glum.
He's a heart-throb; a star;
Will his pride go too far?
Just how big will his capsize become?
--- Larry Hollister

Locked in handcuffs, Jack's patience is taxed,
While his girlfriend's adrenaline's maxed.
To escape from this room
And a watery tomb,
He's just waiting, it seems, to be axed.
--- Larry Hollister

If you fear going into the drink,
Then this ship's not as safe as you think.
Once the hull breaks the ice,
Things are not very nice.
Everything but the kitchen will sink!
--- Larry Hollister

This is file ecl

On board the Titanic she cruised;
With the Captain she flirted, amused.
"So how about bed?"
He said. Shaking her head,
She said, "No, but I'll see you next Tuesd..."
--- Peter Wilkins

McDuff from the Highlands and Glens
With young Jenny crept into the men's;
A quick "hows-yer-father"
And after the lather,
He cheerily promised "Next Wednes..."
--- Peter Wilkins

The Duchess in all of her furs,
Teased the Officer members with, "Sirs,
If you want to see more,
Come and knock on my door,
After cocktails and dinner on Thurs..."
--- Peter Wilkins

"Oh baby," he said as she cried.
"I'm sorry," sobbed Janet and sighed.
"I fear you might leave me."
"I won't love, believe me;
We'll marry, I promise, next Frid..."
--- Peter Wilkins

"Whatever, my dear, is the matter?"
Said mother to daughter. "I'm fatter."
"So go on a diet."
"Okay then, I'll try it;
But maybe I'll wait until Satur..."
--- Peter Wilkins

In anguish he cried, "I'm undone!
I've sinned at the thought of a nun."
"Don't fret," said the Abbot,
"A natural habit,
But keep it in check 'til next Sun..."
--- Peter Wilkins

While travelling in Titanic's third class,
Young Jack met a beautiful lass.
When the ship went down,
Jack did not let her drown.
It's a pity he could not save HIS ass.
--- Don Paul

Sinking slowly from sight, the Titanic
Heaved a groan, and a few there did panic,
That they would be drawn
Undersea with a yawn,
When the hull vanished in the Atlantic.
--- Ystap TP9802

There once was a traveling Hispanic
Who arranged for a trip on Titanic.
The ship hit some ice;
The rest isn't nice
And now he is part Oceanic.
--- Jim Reynolds TP9802

I once took the Concorde to France
(On steamships I won't take a chance).
I saw that "Titanic"
And the passengers panic,
After scraping the iceberg, by chance.
--- Anon

Enjoying a trip on Titanic,
I suddenly started to panic.
The lookout called Squeer,
Said, "No icebergs here!"
He should have been taking eye tonic.
--- Traqair TP9804

Noah's sons thought the old man was manic,
His work ethic had caused them to panic.
He fed them on oats
Like donkeys and goats,
But at least they weren't on the Titanic!
--- Rob L Staples Lib Lim

"My Heart Will Go On" -- Well, on what?
How could you fall for such smut?
With her tits all a-jiggle,
And her pussy a-wriggle,
She's such a lacivious slut!
--- Raceway TP9807

A storm in the northern Atlantic
Caused a boatswain and seaman to panic.
Two tons of medicine
Called "Viagra" they jettisoned,
And that's how they raised the Titanic.
--- Res Ipsa

Enjoying a trip on Titanic,
The head barman started to panic.
He yelled once or twice,
We've run out of ice!"
Which later, I thought was ironic.
--- H Myers TP9804

Enjoying a trip on Titanic,
I found things were getting quite frantic.
I was having a wank
When the fucking thing sank;
When I came, it was in the Atlantic.
--- Mark Wright

Of all of the liners Britannic,
Not one could compare with Titanic.
Neither iceberg nor wave
Caused her watery grave.
She sank due to forces Satanic.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9807

Code word on the Titanic was "drown."
It was soon the ship would go down.
To think it sinkable
Was simply unthinkable;
Book the next trip on the ship Molly Brown.
--- Tom Patton

Enjoying a trip on Titanic,
With a senorita I practiced -- Hispanic.
While a lot can me said
For Mexican head,
You'd have thought she'd swallow, then panic.
--- Fgo TP9804

Acting on PR advice,
The Capatain announced, in a trice,
"There's no need to panic;
This is the Titanic;
We've just stopped to take on some ice."

(PR - Public Relations)
--- Don Paul

Enjoying a trip on Titanic,
With Kate Winslet, Leo said "Damnit!,
I thought she meant me,
When Katy said, 'Lee...
That thing is huge and we'll slam it!'"
--- Loretta F

The difference between a liner oceanic,
And Bill Clinton with sex drive Satanic?
Both are big and loud;
Both are strong and are proud;
They know how many went down on Titanic.
--- H Myers a

The Titantic's first voyage. Don't let it
Sail without you. You'll never forget it,
A voyage you'll no doubt
Tell grandchildren about.
If you miss it, you'll always regret it.
--- A N Wilkins P8703

The Oscars -- the talk of the town;
Each star in tuxedo or gown.
But something went wrong,
And the show took as long
As Titanic took in going down.
--- Eleison

The Titanic they said was unsinkable,
To put her down was simply unthinkable.
But pride and ice
Don't mix very nice
With water completely undrinkable.
--- Don Paul

I have booked us a fabulous trip
On the world's first unsinkable ship.
There's no need to panic,
We're on the Titanic!
Did anyone notice a drip?
--- Richard Long

After paying the cost of admission,
A love story without intermission,
While watching Titanic,
They felt quite romantic.
The boat sank as they longed for coition.
--- Bob Birch P9805

The Titanic had done the unthinkable,
Though they said, "She is utterly unsinkable."
But now she is found
On some ocean floor ground,
Amidst water that's surely undrinkable.
--- Anon

A beauty from somewhere Hispanic,
Whose appetite for blowjobs was Pyrhannic,
Died trying to rasie ratio
Of performing fellatio
When she went down with the Titanic.
--- Don Paul

That night she felt real esoteric;
Blowing him she found it so frantic.
When the iceberg hit,
He came on her tit.
The last time she went down on Titanic
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The men were attending their thirst
With a splendid alcohol burst,
When the ship started sinking.
They carried on drinking:
"Women and children go first!"
--- Don Paul

"We'd like to have you ride the bus.
It will save you from road-rage fuss."
Well, this is just great!
The bus, it is late.
I stand and I stop and I cuss.
--- Marlene

There was a young girl from France,
Who jumped on a bus in a trance.
The passengers fucked her,
Likewise the conductor;
The driver shot off in his pants.
--- Norman Douglas L0334


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