From London said my old friend Greg, There once was a leopard named Nan, High on a hilltop in Frisco, A speeding bus driver named Gus, Stuck driving behind the bus; There was a young girl, a sweet lamb, There was an old man called Rus, A jitney is sort of a bus; Bride thought on the day they were wed, On a bright red London OMNIBUS There was a young lady of Rill, (Published 1870)
Said a fearful young lady named Whitney, There once was a man from Malayer A herptologist, quite underrated, A lady had thought to discuss Once on a ski-bus from Vail, A beautiful blonde of Kilbride, A man of Jewish persuasion, London busses are just not bomb-proof; Some lawyers went off on a treat, My master persistently waited. "I'm about to drop in on the French," The trouble with airlines is planes; In London if travelling by car, There was a young racer named Litton; (gasoline promotion 1960's - Put a tiger in your tank - McW)
Do you really believe we will see There are those who'd prefer, I've heard say, So I take it, blue color is pop. When cars drove a sedate 35, A girl taxi-driver named Bab, In the cab he sat quietly there, "Come on, love, let's look at your quim." Most drivers are nothing but goats;
This is file ebl
He took her for a spin in the car; We're riding to town in the car; Here's a toast to the guys in the bar -- This may make the AIRBAG passe. Americans are in precarious condition; A salesman broke down in the sticks. A girl in a new car from Lancaster (prize winner - Oct 23 1949 Signal Oil Co - 20$)
Nuclear car engine mods? An ignorant Okie named Joad A vintage-car buff named Zaccaro An autocubologist named Bode The price just went up at the pump. I have a job in which I must travel By the side of the road stood Miss Barr; An auto collector named Buster A lady born under a curse A girl undertaker named Barr, He wrote a sweet sonnet on "Circe," Detroit may succumb to the scars Let's go for a drive somewhere. Fill the tank with gas in the van. It will be a long and slow ride. Though ads in the paper may hex us Don't ride with a wild London cabby. If White House planners decree, The do-gooders. as usual, have won -- As a curious matter of taste, Our leader asked Science to start A driving instructor named Fred, There was a pre-med from the West, Hey, asshole! You're right on my tail; Lookee here! My RV is quite lush; She made friends with a young undertaker; (So she could get bread? - McW)
So fast was the car of young Phil
"Don't travel around here, I beg.
Trains and busses are nice,
Though cheap at the price;
They'll cost you an arm and a leg.
--- David Miller
Who drove in a spotted green van.
One day he crashed
And his van was smashed,
So instead of driving, he ran.
--- Anon
With his pecker greased lightly with Crisco,
A lecher named Whitney
Raped a girl in a jitney,
While she casually munched a Nabisco.
--- G0596
Was arrested, but not without fuss.
For he fell on his sword,
His aorta was gored,
And he bled all over the bus.
--- Pecos Bill
I choke exhaust fumes and fuss.
I read the small sign
Stuck on behin':
"Good transport from good people like us!"
--- Marlene
Who smiled as she entered a tram.
And as she embarked,
The conductor remarked:
"Your fare." And she said, "Yes, I am."
--- Anon A
Who was knocked down by a bus,
When asked "Are you dead?"
He nodded his head,
And caused quite a bit of a fuss.
--- Pamela Murphy
When riding, the passengers fuss;
It wasn't worth a dime
Much less then, their time;
Coined the phrase, "Leave driving to us!"
--- Barb
Cadillac would convey to their bed.
But groom was a Scot,
And all that she got
Was cheap jitney ride there, instead.
--- Chris Papa
Worked a conductor known as Gus.
One would not dare
To skip paying fare,
Because Gus would fuss and would cuss.
--- Norm
In an omnibus was taken ill,
So she called the conductor,
Who got in and fucked her,
Which did her more good than a pill.
--- L0090
"No more will I ride in a jitney.
I was squeezed out of shape
By a man bent on rape,
And the jitney, I left with a bit knee."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2386
Who refused to pay his bus fare
On account of the fact
That the downstairs was packed,
And the upstairs reserved for the Mayor.
--- Michael Palin
Was once asked after he had long prated,
By a smart kid named Russ,
Q: What's a python and bus
Have in common? A: "They're reticulated."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9706
With the driver, her rape on the bus,
Till she noticed the sign
Which said ten dollar fine,
If you raise on the bus any fuss.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0111
A lass, petite and frail,
Flashed me a smile,
And with very smooth guile,
Took the last seat; left me on the rail.
--- Anon
Went along on a bus for the ride.
The conductor's "Your Fare?"
Was said with a glare.
"No I'm not," she just grinned, "I've been dyed."
--- 500 Irish Jokes & Lims
Hated cabs - took the bus on occasion.
Sounds funny I guess,
But the old I.R.S.
Got him for 'taxi' evasion.
--- Ogden Nield
Angry passengers now sit aloof.
Far as I can guage,
It's not just road-rage,
That makes passengers now hit the roof.
--- David Miller
By bus, for to paddle their feet.
'Twas tragic, for all
Were killed in the fall
From a cliff... There were two empty seats.
--- Anon
The faster his time was abated.
In spite of his aim,
The bus never came,
The thrill of the ride left unsated.
--- Brickman T9710
Richard Branson said, taking a drench.
"This amphibious car,
I drove from afar,
For a record in crossing the trench!"
--- Anon
The trouble with railways is trains.
It is better by far
To be out in your car
And annoy people in other lanes.
--- Watto
Chances are, you won't get very far.
It's deeply unpleasant,
Ah - Mornington Crescent!
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
--- Kevin Hale Q
By terrible fates was he smitten.
On a tiger did bank
When he filled up his tank,
Only all that he had was a kitten.
--- Albin Chaplin
That despite the lack of energy,
The day when we'll abort,
Even though fuel runs short,
Big gas guzzlers like the SUV?
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0105
That all safeguards be taken away.
And all those who object
Resource raping abject,
Should be torched in an anto-da-fe.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0105
It's on many of our car's top.
Some that run fine,
While others (like mine)
Cannot do much better than stop.
--- Misty Dragon
Burma-Shave added spice to a drive.
Cavemen made chickens squawk,
Shaved men got baby talk,
Took slow motion for B-S to survive.
--- Esther Koch P9911
Was trundling along in her cab,
When she saw in the road,
An old warty toad,
So she stopped, and for it made a grab.
--- Anon
While she picked up and dropped many fare.
Then she picked up a drunk,
An abusive young punk,
Who swore using epithets rare.
--- Anon
She picked up the toad looking grim.
"I'll soon stop your itch,
'Cause I'm really a witch.
Quit bub, or you'll turn out like him."
--- Anon
They clutter the highway with boats.
If you take this delusion
To its sober conclusion,
You'll see cars, behind boats, towed on floats.
--- Albin Chaplin
A convertible: a present from Da.
He said with a slight cough,
"I would like the top off,
So she took off her blouse and her bra!
--- Arthur Pattaffy
We don't really have to go far.
My wife said with insistence,
"Its about twice that distance."
I said "Pull over, drop me at the bar!"
--- Anon
Let's hope that they all travel far
By boat or by train
Or by bus or by plane --
As long as they don't drive a car.
--- Neal Wilgus P8403
On contact, eject right away.
Retractable roof.
Your parachute "poof"
And much less insurance you'll pay.
--- Irving Superior P9203
In autos they hold dominant position.
It's a matter not trifling,
The exhaust is so stifling,
They will all soon expire from emission.
--- Albin Chaplin
Said the Farmer, "I ain't got no chicks,
But my son, who is gay -- "
Said the salesman, "I pray
Triple A can deliver a fix!"
--- John Miller 0006
Was chagrined when an old flivver passed her.
Said the driver, "My lass,
If you use Signal gas,
You'd not only go farther, but faster."
--- Alma H Dickey P9812
I wonder just what are the odds.
To stop the emissions,
Just break form traditions,
And fuel 'em with small fission rods.
--- Anon
Mused, "Why did that tire explode?
It was doing just fine
While I drove a straight line...
Then I came to that fork in the road.
--- Norm Storer P9607
Is, sexwise, a superstraight arrow;
Around he's not fooling --
But rather, though, tooling
In a Gerry-built Forties Ferraro.
--- Jim O'Conner P8412
Carries a very great load.
Each day on the job,
He's careful to rob
The driver's view of the road.
--- Harry Rubin P9203
We are all so happy we jump
For joy at the news --
"More Work!" we enthuse.
This is what keeps my pocket plump!
--- Marlene Lewis
On long roads which are asphalt or gravel.
I go a long way,
And often I pray
That I won't be slowed down by a gavel.
--- Half Plume
Her battery was not up to par.
Said a driver named Gump,
"Can I give you a jump?"
She said, "Yes, if you first start my car."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1941A
Got laid on the hood of his Duster;
It was he and Miss Stax,
On a chamois, with wax -
And, man, did they bring out a luster!
--- Cap'n Bean P0402
Used to drive forth each day in a hearse.
From the back she would wail
Through a thickness of veil:
"Things do not get better, but worse."
--- Edward Gorey
Carried her independence to far.
When business was laggin',
She took her long wagon,
And started up Hearse rent-a-car.
--- Anon
In which he had rhymed her with "curse;"
And it gave such a start
To the Boston maid's heart,
That she took her next ride in a hearse.
--- Newton Mackintosh P8803
Of the sixties. When men wearing stars
And their war got the shove,
We preferred to make love.
In Japan they preferred to make cars.
--- A N Wilkins P9203
Keep goin' til we're way over there.
I need a vacation,
Some recreation,
Let the wind fly free in our hair.
--- Anon
Are you ready to go? I am.
Just keep on goin'
Don't need to be knowin'
Where we are; we don't need a plan.
--- Anon
Next to you I'll sit alongside.
Your gears I'll help shift,
They seem a bit stiff,
Mechanical skills I'll provide.
--- Anon
And hearing their prices may vex us,
Tremendous prestige
And, Noblesse oblige,
The ladies will eagerly sex us.
--- Irving Superior P9203
The're dangerous, reckless and crabby.
And the price on the meter
Will shrivel your peter.
They'll inter you in Westminster Abbey.
--- Theo M Heller
"The stick shift can no longer be.
Your new mission's
Automatic transmissions."
The shiftless on welfare agree.
--- Thomas M Patton P9511
And the "manuals" are gone, every one.
Now each woman and man
Who drives car, truck, or van,
Is a cool shiftless son of a gun.
--- William N Nesbit P9511
In America we have embraced
The automobile
Because cars reveal
That we have all that money to waste.
--- A N Wilkins P9203
A project so dear to his heart --
They must work with persistence
To determine the distance
That a car can be moved with a fart.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2319
He turned to his student and said,
"Keep your manner serene,
Stay awake with caffeine,
And don't drive while you're getting some head!"
--- Anon
Whose class said he'd turn out the best.
He's a doctor today,
But no house calls, they say
He flunked out on his driver's test.
--- P8305
You got your brains from a yard sale?
A wig-bug just bit me:
For crissakes don't hit me;
My blood-sucking lawyer's in jail!
--- Anon
All the comforts of home; I could blush;
You there, following behind,
Would you please be so kind;
Not to tailgate, or else I might flush!
--- Anon
Her previous boyfriend did forsake her.
She started to curse
When he showed with a hearse.
She said next time she would date a baker.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
'Twas easy to climb any hill.
But wherever he'd go,
All the traffic was slow.
He spent most of his time standing still.
--- Albin Chaplin