A novice was driving a car, A gangster chief bet that his limousine With automobiles future tense, A slick chick named Kathy O'Farrell Said the boy driving home towards Clere, On the highway we came to a halt. She gave me a clout on the ear. They built one that resists rust and dents. There was a young man from Accrar, A driver parked in a lay-by Not long after Malthus lamented I bought me a big smart Mercedes, It's an old ploy, to run out of gas, Returning, I tried to inspire The tire was changed. I said "Good. I fondled her mammary glands. She got in my car then, the bitch, So now I've a Merc here for sale. Some chemists are working in Bethel Once an old man from Mars An old Indian Chief Bunning B'ar, I'm not sure just how this I should cage A logomachist said, feeling jerks, (word expert) Said the Mountie, "I'm puzzled by far, (rough roads in Canada)
There once was a fellow named Mark, The White House welfare plans compel "My car seemed to need overhauling; (contest winner)
While waxing her car, young Miss Wise To solve old age effectively, Though it's spoken in competent verse, So long is my stretch limousine, Required in hee-haw country, An old taxi driver named Frank
This is file eal
A Seoul taxi-driver named Chun A man whose mind had gone blank A maker of bottles was Barr; There came a young fellow named Knight They're drilling me street, so they are. A singer related to Brahms, If traffic light running's your bent Stuck again in a bad traffic jam, Looking for a car is a drag; The snow on the ground necessitates The Earth may be struck by a comet, There was a young fellow named Larket, A lady not up to modernity "With your van stripped, you can't get around; Said a girl from beyond Pompton Lakes, A deli hopping Jew name of Levy, A man with an auto antique, He cussed till he swore a blue streak, While travelling the M1 Motorway, His car is now a complete wreck His brakes he applied much to late It's taken an hour or two A careless old cook of Salt Ash, (banger and mash - sausages and mashed potatoes)
The nocturnal peregrination "That Dunsany Wood," said old Bill, And if dear old Willy don't rate, Your Honor, I'm sure now you came It pounced as I rounded the curve; In her car, she pulled to the shoulder, There once was a dimwit named Bill A hoyden who drove a large tourer An old broad with a squinty-eyed stare A man once looked 'neath the car's hood,
When down Porlock his son said, "Papa
If you drive at this rate,
We are bound to be late,
I'd drive faster!" He did and they are!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Could quickly outrun a more trim machine;
But sad to recall,
He ran into a wall --
And now he inhabits a grimmer scene.
--- Norm Storer
And traffic a great deal less dense,
Although more roads were gravel,
It was safer to travel
When horsepower went with horse sense.
--- A N Wilkins P9203
Claimed gas cost kept her in a barrel,
Till to Signal she turned
And rapidly learned,
She could have both a car and apparel.
--- Anon
"We have just run out of petrol, my dear."
Said the girl, "Not to worry!
I'm not in a hurry.
You get out and push and I'll steer."
--- Ida Thurtle
I found lack of juice was the fault.
So I said with a sigh,
"Erm, the fuel tank's dry."
And gee, how I suffered assault.
--- Anon
All I asked was to bring me some beer,
And that store she must pass,
As she walked to get gas...
It's that damned PMS thing I fear.
--- Anon
Now that makes good dollars and cents.
But what we really need,
Detroit please take heed,
Is a car that outlast the payments.
--- John K Roberts P9304
Who once ran exceedingly far.
But he ran without knowing
Just where he was going,
And came first in the Paris-Dakar!
--- Friar
With a breakdown. A drunk passing by
Quizzed this unlucky bloke,
Who replied, "Piston broke."
Said the drunk with a belch, "So am I!"
--- Mike Dale A
That if war and disease were prevented,
Men would soon overrun
The planet, someone
Wisely saw that the car was invented.
--- A N Wilkins P9203
With which to attract gorgeous ladies.
Did I reach heaven's gate,
When I went off with Kate?
Not likely. That car came from Hades.
--- Anon
But not on the Reading bypass.
Causing much ambulation,
To the nearest gas station,
And much wasted time with that lass.
--- Anon
That gal into waves of desire,
By telling sweet lies,
Praising hair, breasts and eyes...
But then damn! We got a flat tire.
--- Anon
We'll go into that handy wood,
And there 'neath the trees,
We'll do as we please.
Come on, let us get in the mood."
--- Anon
She screamed "No! Just look at your hands!"
Her blouse streaked with oil,
Took her clean off the boil,
She left me there, dumbstruck, and ran.
--- Anon
Drove off and forced me then to hitch,
And reaching the end
Of my trek, on a bend,
I found my poor Merc in a ditch.
--- Anon
For pulling the birds, it won't fail.
A fornicatorium,
And ladies adore-i-'em,
From now on I'm sticking to rail.
--- Anon
To produce a new fuel from methyl;
I hope they have luck,
But for my own buck,
I'm still satisfied pumping Ethel!
--- Travis
Was arrested for burning down bars.
His parents got mad
And kicked his butt bad;
Now he only incinerates cars.
--- Chris Ault P9603
At making it rain was a star.
Asked, "How do you do it?"
He said, "Nothing to it."
"To make rain, me just washum car."
--- Mary Rita Hurley
So your anger it might not assuage,
But genetically
And frenetically
Some may be predisposed to "Road Rage".
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9803
As he drove over potholes, "This irks
Me to great stupefaction;
The roads out of action,
But signs still inform me Road Works!"
--- Prof M-G TP9901
I know you ain't been in the bar,
But your legs are quite wobbly,
And your head's rather bobbly",
I groaned, "Yes! I came here by car."
--- Port McNeill Chamb P0205
Who would play with his cock in the dark.
He'd pretend that his prick
Was a transmission stick,
And he'd come when he'd shift into park.
--- Mike Dale
Fluid drive on all cars, dealers sell.
For the first time ever
All Americans never
Have the need to shift for themselves.
--- Thomas M Patton P9511
The gas it consumed was appalling.
Then Signal I tried
And now when I ride,
I can pay for my gas without bawling.
--- Mrs W G Reed P9901
By Simon was caught by surprise.
He lifted her gown,
And her panties dropped down --
She was trapped by those big Simoniz.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2391
At sixty three, drive sixty three.
At sixty four
Add one mile more
And so on ad infinity.
--- Irving Superior P8509
Your logic's a little perverse;
To keep easing my pace
For a two-second space,
I'll soon find that my car's in reverse.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
My chauffeur, I think his name's Gene,
Sits so far from me,
But no stranger, he,
For on U-Turns, his face I have seen.
--- Irving Superior P9408
Is to own a pick-up truck, see.
But here we have class,
We don't want our ass
To get wet; we own SUV's.
--- Anon
Had a nest-egg put away in the bank.
A quick word or a joke
At his fares he would poke.
Frank the Crank he was known in the rank.
--- Arthur Pattaffy
Complained that his car wouldn't run.
He meant, don't you know,
That the horn wouldn't blow
And, without it, to drive was no fun.
--- James Wade P8303
Caught a cab on the end of the rank.
Said the cabby, "Where to?"
He said, "China will do --
So you'd better fill up your tank."
--- Spike Milligan
He was known as the throw-away czar.
He was bold and astute
And he made so much loot
That he drove in a throw-away car.
--- Albin Chaplin
Who zipped in a fanciful flight.
With the yellow light on,
He just sped along;
He was fined when he went through the light.
--- Albin Chaplin
'Tis Sewer Commissioners par,
To carve holes in the street
To prove their worth. Sweet!
Just leave me a path for me car!
--- Liam na Beag
Showed an ambulance driver her charms.
He like them so much,
He allowed her to touch
The knob that set off the alarms.
--- Michael Palin P0110
And traffic court is where you're sent,
The only excuse
That you cannot use --
I wonder where the yellow went.
--- Irving Superior P9803
Closed in tighter than jammed in a clam,
The best only way
To move is to spray
All of the jammed cars with some Pam. (teflon coating)
--- Timothy Torkildson
Going lot to lot till you sag.
You see one you like
But you don't want to bite,
'Cause the salesman is really a nag.
--- Azul
Closed transportation that's first rate.
A really good heater
In a low cost gas eater;
Hope I find one before I'm prostrate.
--- Azul
And suffer no ill effects from it.
We may even get past
A great nuclear blast,
But we'll choke on vehicular vomit.
--- Warrick Elrod a
Who made many bucks on the market.
He then purchased a car,
Much the largest by far,
But he never was able to park it.
--- Albin Chaplin
Did say to the driving fraternity,
"If you don't watch your feet
While you're crossing the street,
They will blast you right into maternity. (eternity)
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2709
Let's swap tools, love, my logic is sound;
High voltage zap fries,
Makes it polymerize;
While it's curing, let's go fool around!"
--- Anon
"I do make the most stupid mistakes,
Now the cars in the hall;
It went right through the wall,
When I mixed up the gas and the brakes.
--- Morris Bishop
Found himself growing exceedingly heavy.
On his way back from lunch.
He was involved in a crunch.
And cream cheese oozed out of his Chevy.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Set out with his girl for Pike's Peak;
He burned out his wires,
And bursted his tires,
And skidded down into a creek.
--- Levi N Fouts P0509
She fainted and grew very weak;
But under the seat
Were some good things to eat,
And, heavens! Keep quiet! Don't speak!
--- Levi N Fouts P0509
An accident caused a delay.
A rather young chap
Had a little mishap,
And that really messed up his day.
--- Mystacy
And he's got whiplash in his neck
As the van driver behind
Had something else on his mind
As from his girlfriend he was getting a peck
--- Jim Weaver Collection
And the noise from the impact was great
The look on his face
As he ran out of space
And now all his girl gives is hate
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Just to reach the front of the queue.
The average speed
Did not exceed
In KPH t'was Twenty Two!
--- Mystacy
With a second-hand car, had a crash.
She ploughed through a wall,
House, garden, and all,
And ended up 'bangers and mash'.
--- Blue Peter Lim Book P0112
Of items of green vegetation,
Is often denied,
But what is implied
Must merit a full investigation.
--- Tiddy Ogg
"Has migrated over the hill."
That claim's not rejected,
And generally accepted
That Shakespeare's not mentally ill.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Then boffins will certainly state,
(And most will concur.)
That you can this infer
From molecules randomized fate.
--- Tiddy Ogg
To see now how just is my claim.
I hit not that tree;
The thing ran at me.
I cannot be held up to blame.
--- Tiddy Ogg
I'd no chance, although I prayed ferv-
Ently, and 'twas handy
That I had that brandy,
To afterwards steady my nerve.
--- Tiddy Ogg
And was struck by a very large boulder.
The doc did confess:
She was quite a mess,
For the boulder did definitely fold her!
--- Observer
Who parked his sedan on a hill.
He did not set the brake,
And off it did take.
To this day he is chasing it still.
--- Coleen Ebbert
On the motorway caused a great furor.
She ran down a Scots scooter
Who ignored the loud hooter,
And was canceled out by her insurer.
--- A N Wilkins P9211
Hit me broadside and said, "I declare,
Not my fault, no siree,
Even though I can't see,
I could not hit you if you weren't there!"
--- Ann Gasser P9412
And what he found was not too good.
He go blown to scrap,
And now there's some crap
On the ground where he had just stood.
--- Anon