Here's Heather, a-straddling the bidet, Now this bathroom I created with pride, If ever you're short of good loos, The trick, if you've run short of paper, I went to the john in John's Gym, She was waiting, she said, just for Jim, Now, I do just hate to be mean, In a research site at the South Pole, On a bench was just one toilet seat, In the ice-pile were tokens of grunting; As this spear grew, no ifs, ands, or buts, Then, guys sat in comfort, 'til when I once tried the door to the 'loo, Before you go trying Kung Fu, If you learned your Kung Fu from the Matrix, I know of the Matrix, oh Joschi, Now you may find it sublime "Wasting Time?" You still have to go! A loo visit when made in haste, A lady when wanting to crap, The gents they responded with glee, A lady misreading directions, And frankly I'd rather not sit The three A.M. bladder relief Some women just couldn't be gladder There was a young lady of Feems, A star-crossed old fellow named Lee In researching miscegenation, Well I woke with the best of intention; John Miller write programs in C, A misfortunate miser named Benny, As recounted to me by Sir Lancelot, There was a young man from Turin
This is file dym
When pain of a pee comes to spoil it, The weather when I was aged three, To a fancy dress ball went young Lee; A prissy young girl named Melissa In the morning the village was creepy; Many souls lie asleep in the deep. To come to the words of a sage, Now if you have dreams in the night As entropy overtakes me, A doctor whose name was Thackery Relief that will bring me a smile This weirdo outside Montreal There was an old man of Fort Lee, Mary Murphy had drunk with a sheikh, (If I had any more, why I'd leak!)
There was an old lady of Chistlehurst, A bashful young fellow named Harrison Now Harry just didn't appear There was an old man from Dubuque A young biochemist named Dan, Oh what, oh what can it be? Ladies compete while reclining; A silly young virgin named Mary A little girl walked up to me, There was a young man who said, "Who A vulgar old fellow named Petri When a mare's feeling overly amorous, Young men in raw puerile state, It's fun when THAT organ can be, A nine for the likes of dear me, Fire hydrants, it's EZ2C, There's a young man I know from Manchuria It came to me once in a dream, An agressive young girl of Spokane
She's not had a lover since D-day.
She's stripped in the bars,
Flashed titties at cars,
And now the girl's trying on E-Bay.
--- Anon
As a place where Heather could hide.
The bath is inviting,
The shower exciting,
Safe to show her kinky cute side.
--- Anon
There's several methods to choose:
One: wait till it clogs,
Then saw off in logs;
And two: if too runny and loose...
--- Anon
You wait till it's all turned to vapor,
Then taking great care
To avoid singing hair,
You light the stuff off with a taper.
--- Anon
Where I'd gone to get agile and slim.
But there, strange enough,
Was a girl in the buff:
Ninety pounds (counting muff) stripped for Jim!
--- John Miller
But who gives a damn about him?
Ninety pounds may be small
But she fit in the stall
Very nicely with me in her quim!
--- John Miller
But think, if you mean to be clean,
Not to come to this troupe
'Cause our little group
All have minds like an oversexed teen.
--- John Miller
Spartan living would test a stout soul;
Minus ninety, ouside!
Glad the privy's inside!
But it sure would not suit Old King Cole!
--- Anon
O'er an ice cavern carved out so neat;
If you shone a strong light,
Down, you saw such a sight!
Frozen pile of what guys did excrete!
--- Anon
T.P. hung in festoons, just like bunting;
Here and there, did adorn,
Yellow kernels from corn;
Such a stalagmite folks were confronting!
--- Anon
If you sat there it froze off your nuts;
Down the seat with a bat,
They would whack that cold scat;
When it tumbled, the sound chilled your guts!
--- Anon
The brown stalagmite grew up again;
Then they'd give it more pokes,
With some old, ribald jokes;
Yes, amusement was scarce in that den!
--- Anon
But 'twas locked, so I kicked it right through.
Seems 'twas a bad plight. I
Got wood in my right eye.
My name? 'Tis Ahmed Abou Bou.
--- Liam na Beag
On poor helpless doors, my friend, you
Should obviate crying
From debris that's flying,
By wearing mask, goggles, gloves too.
--- Tiddy Ogg
By loading your brain, ere you tried kicks,
You may realize the door
Is not real, and that your
Pain is just stimuli electronics.
--- Joschi
Though the Reload, I have yet to go see.
But try as I may,
The door's still in my way!
'Tis fiction that doors are a "no be".
--- Liam na Beag
To read in the loo, but now I'm
Inclined just to think
It raises a stink,
And thus, should be called 'wasting time!'
--- Travis Brasell
So why not just read while you flow?
I don't sit too long,
'Cause that would be wrong;
I wouldn't want my piles to grow!
--- Brian Belge
Or even one done when slow-paced,
Regardless of which
For poor folks or rich,
Is time when we all go to waste.
--- Travis Brasell
Had misread the lavatory map.
There she was in the gents,
But she made recompense,
By letting them sit on her lap.
--- Chris Lilley
Though they had come inside for a pee.
Her titties they felt
As they undid their belt,
And got a thrill, not cheap, but free!
--- Chris Lilley
Thus causes us geezers deflections,
And difficulty
In the aiming of pee,
On account of quite sudden erections.
--- Peter Wilkins
On her lap while she's taking a shit;
Though I'd ask for a hand
With my stiffening gland...
In the cause of good aim, I admit.
--- Peter Wilkins
Is joy that is beyond belief.
Small pleasures like this
Must make up for bliss;
Life passes, and time is the thief.
--- Larry Davis P8509
Than when nature empties their bladder.
The reason you see
Is once they do pee,
There's room for a meaty Puff-Adder.
--- Anon
Who amazingly pissed in four streams.
A friend poked around
And a fly button found
Wedged tightly in one of her seams.
--- L0700
No longer is able to pee.
This must mean a lot
To Lee, like as not,
But hardly one damned thing to me.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
This Chinese made her obervation,
"When you take a pee,
You're the same race as me.
So let's have some cohabitation."
--- Irving Superior P8911
Had a wank just to clear sexual tension.
So I let out my jizz
And a half-pint of piss,
Now I'm soaked...should have chosen retention.
--- F Ormatsee
With tight dead-lines and no time for T;
As code hits the metal,
He ignores the kettle,
But by night he'll be coding in P.
--- David Miller
Of fluids could never take any.
For his urinary tract
An opening it lacked,
And never could he spend a penny.
--- Raceway
Armored knights don't like wetting their pants a lot.
If it happens that we
Really HAVE to go pee,
We just cross our ankles and dance a lot.
--- John E Mayhood
Who had sugar galore in his urine,
Which made him right handy
For makers of candy,
And he got paid extra for stirrin'.
--- G1475
We'd lessen the strain if we'd oil it;
If not we will work
To make the pee perk:
No wonder it's called a damn 'toil'-et!
--- Anon
Was so cold it even froze the sea.
The firemen were brave
And fought keenly to save
The dogs that were froze to the tree.
--- Tiddy Ogg a
He was dressed to appear like a tree.
He was met at the ball
By some dogs in the hall,
And they gathered around him to pee.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2157
Shut the powder-room door...A loud hissa...
Then a screech! And a hush...
She was caught in the flush,
And Heaven knows all of us missa!
--- Grand Prix Lim 824 G1428
The squaws and the braves, they were weepy.
For the poor chief, you see,
Had drunk gallons of tea,
And they found he had drowned in his tea pee.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2525
They lie there as though they're asleep.
And that way they'll stay
Until Judgement day,
Embalmed in the liquid we've peed.
--- Irving Superior P9512
"ENURESIS is bane of old age".
You're purchased a pal,
Portable urinal.
It simply fills one with wet rage.
--- Naz
That make you desire the foresight
To piss 'fore you fucked,
Just get some "Tape, Duct".
(And fasten your condom real tight.)
--- H Welchel
It still seems to work when I pee.
Flaccidity reigns,
In spite of the pains
One takes so that no one will see.
--- Larry Davis P8511
Was sued for cryogenic quackery.
The patient for a week
When she took a leak,
Pissed nothing but frozen daiquiri.
--- Tom Patton P9504
Occurs only once in a while;
That's taking a leak
In a urinal chic--
It's what I call going in style.
--- Norm Storer P9312
Had to pee in a pot in the hall.
As he stood there, said he,
"I've a problem, you see,
With this huge unpre-emptible ball!"
--- Keith MacMillan 46d
Exceedingly anxious to pee;
And the crowd gave a shout
As he splashed it about.
There was an old man -- it was me!
--- Hugh Oliver A081A
For what seemed the best part of a week.
Gurgling, "I'm full, I think,
To the edge of my brink,
Pardon me while I go take a leak."
--- Best Irish Jokes P9608
Who before she could pee, had to whistle first.
One day in June,
She forgot the tune.
(Wolf whistle) and her pisser burst.
--- L0686
Found peein' in public embarrassin'.
In the army, he near
Held it in for a year,
Till it burst out and drowned the whole garrison.
--- Anon
As someone who had much to fear.
Built burly and strong --
Except for his dong.
He sure liked it being in arrears.
--- Lightbulb
Whose claim to renown was no fluke.
He could piss in his ear
Till it shot out his rear --
A sight that cause some folks to puke.
--- Armand E Singer 69
Always followed his nose to the can.
He judged people best
By the urinal test,
As to race, and to sex, and to clan.
--- L0690
The symbol for water at sea
Is just H2O;
That we all know.
But on fire hydrants, it's K9P.
--- TuttaGioia
Their high, floodlit streams intertwining...
They vary the pressure
Per musical measure,
For a dance of bright lights serpentining.
--- Tutta Gioia
Who watched her pudenda grow hairy,
Remarked in high glee:
"Now I fizz when I pee!
A pastime I do like to vary."
--- G1426
And said to me, "I have to pee!"
So whip out your potty,
And let me be naughty,
Or else I will pee on thee!"
--- Anon
Will show me the way to the loo?
For I must have a piss;
In addition to this,
I'm just itching to masturbate too."
--- G1378a
Has canine habits excretory.
Every night after dark
He visits the park,
And lifts up his leg at each pee-tree.
--- G2719
She pees with a force that's quite clamorous.
Though I'd never tell friends,
I think in the end,
A mare's urine smells very glamorous.
--- Actaeon
Think sex is the only thing great.
But as age advances,
"To hell with romances,
It's great when IT can micturate!"
--- Chris Papa
The site of extreme ectasy.
Nirvana, much later,
A pleasure much greater,
Is knowing IT's able to pee.
--- Chris Papa
Is he puts the seat up to pee.
I get red as a beet
Upon a wet seat;
And what is a ten? Glory Be!
--- Robyn
R nothing I NV2B.
4 they hold H2O,
But B41 can flow,
A K9 will MN8P.
--- Jerry Nordal
Who sufferes persistent nocturia,
But he cares not a jot,
Ties his dick in a knot;
Next morning he pisses con furia.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Though things oft are not what they seem,
That (touch if this hurts)
We all come in spurts,
And go in a nice steady stream.
--- Cyber Wizard
Was determined to pee like a man,
But when put to the test,
She responded at best,
As a woefully poor also-ran.
--- Keith MacMillan A120D