MORE

Here's Heather, a-straddling the bidet,
She's not had a lover since D-day.
She's stripped in the bars,
Flashed titties at cars,
And now the girl's trying on E-Bay.
--- Anon

Now this bathroom I created with pride,
As a place where Heather could hide.
The bath is inviting,
The shower exciting,
Safe to show her kinky cute side.
--- Anon

If ever you're short of good loos,
There's several methods to choose:
One: wait till it clogs,
Then saw off in logs;
And two: if too runny and loose...
--- Anon

The trick, if you've run short of paper,
You wait till it's all turned to vapor,
Then taking great care
To avoid singing hair,
You light the stuff off with a taper.
--- Anon

I went to the john in John's Gym,
Where I'd gone to get agile and slim.
But there, strange enough,
Was a girl in the buff:
Ninety pounds (counting muff) stripped for Jim!
--- John Miller

She was waiting, she said, just for Jim,
But who gives a damn about him?
Ninety pounds may be small
But she fit in the stall
Very nicely with me in her quim!
--- John Miller

Now, I do just hate to be mean,
But think, if you mean to be clean,
Not to come to this troupe
'Cause our little group
All have minds like an oversexed teen.
--- John Miller

In a research site at the South Pole,
Spartan living would test a stout soul;
Minus ninety, ouside!
Glad the privy's inside!
But it sure would not suit Old King Cole!
--- Anon

On a bench was just one toilet seat,
O'er an ice cavern carved out so neat;
If you shone a strong light,
Down, you saw such a sight!
Frozen pile of what guys did excrete!
--- Anon

In the ice-pile were tokens of grunting;
T.P. hung in festoons, just like bunting;
Here and there, did adorn,
Yellow kernels from corn;
Such a stalagmite folks were confronting!
--- Anon

As this spear grew, no ifs, ands, or buts,
If you sat there it froze off your nuts;
Down the seat with a bat,
They would whack that cold scat;
When it tumbled, the sound chilled your guts!
--- Anon

Then, guys sat in comfort, 'til when
The brown stalagmite grew up again;
Then they'd give it more pokes,
With some old, ribald jokes;
Yes, amusement was scarce in that den!
--- Anon

I once tried the door to the 'loo,
But 'twas locked, so I kicked it right through.
Seems 'twas a bad plight. I
Got wood in my right eye.
My name? 'Tis Ahmed Abou Bou.
--- Liam na Beag

Before you go trying Kung Fu,
On poor helpless doors, my friend, you
Should obviate crying
From debris that's flying,
By wearing mask, goggles, gloves too.
--- Tiddy Ogg

If you learned your Kung Fu from the Matrix,
By loading your brain, ere you tried kicks,
You may realize the door
Is not real, and that your
Pain is just stimuli electronics.
--- Joschi

I know of the Matrix, oh Joschi,
Though the Reload, I have yet to go see.
But try as I may,
The door's still in my way!
'Tis fiction that doors are a "no be".
--- Liam na Beag

Now you may find it sublime
To read in the loo, but now I'm
Inclined just to think
It raises a stink,
And thus, should be called 'wasting time!'
--- Travis Brasell

"Wasting Time?" You still have to go!
So why not just read while you flow?
I don't sit too long,
'Cause that would be wrong;
I wouldn't want my piles to grow!
--- Brian Belge

A loo visit when made in haste,
Or even one done when slow-paced,
Regardless of which
For poor folks or rich,
Is time when we all go to waste.
--- Travis Brasell

A lady when wanting to crap,
Had misread the lavatory map.
There she was in the gents,
But she made recompense,
By letting them sit on her lap.
--- Chris Lilley

The gents they responded with glee,
Though they had come inside for a pee.
Her titties they felt
As they undid their belt,
And got a thrill, not cheap, but free!
--- Chris Lilley

A lady misreading directions,
Thus causes us geezers deflections,
And difficulty
In the aiming of pee,
On account of quite sudden erections.
--- Peter Wilkins

And frankly I'd rather not sit
On her lap while she's taking a shit;
Though I'd ask for a hand
With my stiffening gland...
In the cause of good aim, I admit.
--- Peter Wilkins

The three A.M. bladder relief
Is joy that is beyond belief.
Small pleasures like this
Must make up for bliss;
Life passes, and time is the thief.
--- Larry Davis P8509

Some women just couldn't be gladder
Than when nature empties their bladder.
The reason you see
Is once they do pee,
There's room for a meaty Puff-Adder.
--- Anon

There was a young lady of Feems,
Who amazingly pissed in four streams.
A friend poked around
And a fly button found
Wedged tightly in one of her seams.
--- L0700

A star-crossed old fellow named Lee
No longer is able to pee.
This must mean a lot
To Lee, like as not,
But hardly one damned thing to me.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

In researching miscegenation,
This Chinese made her obervation,
"When you take a pee,
You're the same race as me.
So let's have some cohabitation."
--- Irving Superior P8911

Well I woke with the best of intention;
Had a wank just to clear sexual tension.
So I let out my jizz
And a half-pint of piss,
Now I'm soaked...should have chosen retention.
--- F Ormatsee

John Miller write programs in C,
With tight dead-lines and no time for T;
As code hits the metal,
He ignores the kettle,
But by night he'll be coding in P.
--- David Miller

A misfortunate miser named Benny,
Of fluids could never take any.
For his urinary tract
An opening it lacked,
And never could he spend a penny.
--- Raceway

As recounted to me by Sir Lancelot,
Armored knights don't like wetting their pants a lot.
If it happens that we
Really HAVE to go pee,
We just cross our ankles and dance a lot.
--- John E Mayhood

There was a young man from Turin
Who had sugar galore in his urine,
Which made him right handy
For makers of candy,
And he got paid extra for stirrin'.
--- G1475

This is file dym

When pain of a pee comes to spoil it,
We'd lessen the strain if we'd oil it;
If not we will work
To make the pee perk:
No wonder it's called a damn 'toil'-et!
--- Anon

The weather when I was aged three,
Was so cold it even froze the sea.
The firemen were brave
And fought keenly to save
The dogs that were froze to the tree.
--- Tiddy Ogg a

To a fancy dress ball went young Lee;
He was dressed to appear like a tree.
He was met at the ball
By some dogs in the hall,
And they gathered around him to pee.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2157

A prissy young girl named Melissa
Shut the powder-room door...A loud hissa...
Then a screech! And a hush...
She was caught in the flush,
And Heaven knows all of us missa!
--- Grand Prix Lim 824 G1428

In the morning the village was creepy;
The squaws and the braves, they were weepy.
For the poor chief, you see,
Had drunk gallons of tea,
And they found he had drowned in his tea pee.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2525

Many souls lie asleep in the deep.
They lie there as though they're asleep.
And that way they'll stay
Until Judgement day,
Embalmed in the liquid we've peed.
--- Irving Superior P9512

To come to the words of a sage,
"ENURESIS is bane of old age".
You're purchased a pal,
Portable urinal.
It simply fills one with wet rage.
--- Naz

Now if you have dreams in the night
That make you desire the foresight
To piss 'fore you fucked,
Just get some "Tape, Duct".
(And fasten your condom real tight.)
--- H Welchel

As entropy overtakes me,
It still seems to work when I pee.
Flaccidity reigns,
In spite of the pains
One takes so that no one will see.
--- Larry Davis P8511

A doctor whose name was Thackery
Was sued for cryogenic quackery.
The patient for a week
When she took a leak,
Pissed nothing but frozen daiquiri.
--- Tom Patton P9504

Relief that will bring me a smile
Occurs only once in a while;
That's taking a leak
In a urinal chic--
It's what I call going in style.
--- Norm Storer P9312

This weirdo outside Montreal
Had to pee in a pot in the hall.
As he stood there, said he,
"I've a problem, you see,
With this huge unpre-emptible ball!"
--- Keith MacMillan 46d

There was an old man of Fort Lee,
Exceedingly anxious to pee;
And the crowd gave a shout
As he splashed it about.
There was an old man -- it was me!
--- Hugh Oliver A081A

Mary Murphy had drunk with a sheikh,
For what seemed the best part of a week.
Gurgling, "I'm full, I think,
To the edge of my brink,
Pardon me while I go take a leak."

(If I had any more, why I'd leak!)
--- Best Irish Jokes P9608

There was an old lady of Chistlehurst,
Who before she could pee, had to whistle first.
One day in June,
She forgot the tune.
(Wolf whistle) and her pisser burst.
--- L0686

A bashful young fellow named Harrison
Found peein' in public embarrassin'.
In the army, he near
Held it in for a year,
Till it burst out and drowned the whole garrison.
--- Anon

Now Harry just didn't appear
As someone who had much to fear.
Built burly and strong --
Except for his dong.
He sure liked it being in arrears.
--- Lightbulb

There was an old man from Dubuque
Whose claim to renown was no fluke.
He could piss in his ear
Till it shot out his rear --
A sight that cause some folks to puke.
--- Armand E Singer 69

A young biochemist named Dan,
Always followed his nose to the can.
He judged people best
By the urinal test,
As to race, and to sex, and to clan.
--- L0690

Oh what, oh what can it be?
The symbol for water at sea
Is just H2O;
That we all know.
But on fire hydrants, it's K9P.
--- TuttaGioia

Ladies compete while reclining;
Their high, floodlit streams intertwining...
They vary the pressure
Per musical measure,
For a dance of bright lights serpentining.
--- Tutta Gioia

A silly young virgin named Mary
Who watched her pudenda grow hairy,
Remarked in high glee:
"Now I fizz when I pee!
A pastime I do like to vary."
--- G1426

A little girl walked up to me,
And said to me, "I have to pee!"
So whip out your potty,
And let me be naughty,
Or else I will pee on thee!"
--- Anon

There was a young man who said, "Who
Will show me the way to the loo?
For I must have a piss;
In addition to this,
I'm just itching to masturbate too."
--- G1378a

A vulgar old fellow named Petri
Has canine habits excretory.
Every night after dark
He visits the park,
And lifts up his leg at each pee-tree.
--- G2719

When a mare's feeling overly amorous,
She pees with a force that's quite clamorous.
Though I'd never tell friends,
I think in the end,
A mare's urine smells very glamorous.
--- Actaeon

Young men in raw puerile state,
Think sex is the only thing great.
But as age advances,
"To hell with romances,
It's great when IT can micturate!"
--- Chris Papa

It's fun when THAT organ can be,
The site of extreme ectasy.
Nirvana, much later,
A pleasure much greater,
Is knowing IT's able to pee.
--- Chris Papa

A nine for the likes of dear me,
Is he puts the seat up to pee.
I get red as a beet
Upon a wet seat;
And what is a ten? Glory Be!
--- Robyn

Fire hydrants, it's EZ2C,
R nothing I NV2B.
4 they hold H2O,
But B41 can flow,
A K9 will MN8P.
--- Jerry Nordal

There's a young man I know from Manchuria
Who sufferes persistent nocturia,
But he cares not a jot,
Ties his dick in a knot;
Next morning he pisses con furia.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

It came to me once in a dream,
Though things oft are not what they seem,
That (touch if this hurts)
We all come in spurts,
And go in a nice steady stream.
--- Cyber Wizard

An agressive young girl of Spokane
Was determined to pee like a man,
But when put to the test,
She responded at best,
As a woefully poor also-ran.
--- Keith MacMillan A120D


MORE