There once was a dude, name of Dan,
Who lived in an old dumpy van.
And you'll have to agree,
After squatting to pee,
That he wasn't too much of a man.
--- Rich H

Cried Mother, "Why children, you're late!
You know I serve dinner at eight,
So get into your seat
And be sure that you eat
Every carrot and pea on your plate."
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P9505

Perhaps you should not be so smug.
While a puppy is good for a hug,
It can't quite replace
A beautiful face,
And most girls won't pee on your rug.
--- MrMalo a

Anita's a lovely young Haitian,
And an overnight micturial sensation.
In the name of her land,
She performed a handstand,
Winning gold for Olympic urination.
--- Donald McGill

He was raised in a jungle, 'neath trees
By a family of dogs -- Pekinese!
With great jubilation
He found civilization,
But he still lifts one leg when he pees.
--- Arnie Schoenbrun P0308

Grandpa's dick is undoubtedly fickle,
Like a typical shriveled old pickle.
For whenever he
Feels the urge to go pee,
The best he can do is a trickle.
--- Coops

In the winter, up near Moosonee,
This old guy once related to me,
As per local advice,
He could only squirt ice
Any time he attempted to pee.
--- Keith MacMillan 77a

An old bureaucrat from D.C.
Complained that in order to pee,
He must fill out a form
And it's often the norm
That he's charged a stiff passage right fee. (legal toll)
--- Pedro J Saavedra P8208

Asked a very old man, Stuart Neddy,
"Tell me doc, why it's hard to pee steady?"
"How old are you Stu?"
"I'm past ninety two."
"Hell, you've peed way too damned much already!"
--- Armand E Singer 5

"What a shame," said a winsome young miss,
"That an organ that brings me such bliss
With it's delicate touch,
Should be wasted on such
An unpleasant production as piss."
--- Isaac Asimov

While peeling a juicy banana,
I peed on Carlos Santana!
His guitar twanged out of tune,
Caused an electric typhoon;
He was blown to the Copacabana.

(Carlos Santana - shaman con man of American southwest)
--- Magunda

There was an old spinster of Tweed
Who was prudish in thought, word, and deed.
Yet she held it no scandal
To squeeze on the handle
Of the vessel in which she wee-weed.
--- G1476

There was a young lady named Rose,
Who filled not one po, but twelve poes,
With piss, sweat, and come,
Thick slime from her bumb,
And snot from her bloody old nose.

(po - Brit chamber pot)
--- G1443

A beer-guzzling reveler, Lee,
Had to pass an abundance of pee;
He went into the loo
At a quarter-past two,
And was done 'round a quarter-to-three.
--- Cap'n Bean P0503

There was a young lady from Lynn,
Who could pee on the head of a pin.
By filling her bladder
With a quart of Salada,
And letting it out very thin.

(supposedly entered in a Salada Tea contest)
--- Harlan Logan G1414

Ladies compete when reclined,
After they've been dined and wined.
They invite their host
To judge who pisses most,
Who furthest, and who most refined.
--- Anon

There once was a pretty young miss,
Who enjoyed watching her lover piss.
She made him drink water,
Much more than he orter,
While Pilsner assured her of bliss.
--- L1482

When over the toilets I stand,
I think to myself, "Ain't it grand,
That I can piss quick,
And play with my dick,
While holding it here in my hand."
--- Travis Brasell

Soliloquized ham actor Lee,
"Two outrageous slings beset me:
The question is whether
To do both together
Or suffer my poop and just pee."
--- Armand E Singer 846

So accident prone was Marie,
When she'd get excited, she'd pee.
And this would abash, and also a rash
Would form epidermically.
The second worst part, she also would fart,

Vacating the vicinity.
--- Irving Superior P9404

There was a young lady named Sneed
Who flooded the place when she peed.
People put in new plumbing
When she said she was coming,
And everyone ran who could read.
--- G1457

When potholes are all hit-and-miss,
And legs get that cross and then criss,
It's such a relief
To end all that grief,
By finding a jug to hold piss.
--- Travis Brasell

There was a young lady from Leigh
Who slipped into church for a pee.
Without any malice
She pissed in the chalice
While singing the Agnus Dei.
--- G1131

There once was a peon named Leon
Who had such a face you could pee on.
When he said "Si, si,"
We all made pee-pee
On the face of that peon named Leon.
--- L1466

During race to MICTURATE
Full bladder you can't mitigate.
But in the ranking
I will be banking,
That I'm a seven, you're an eight.
--- Darryl

Ladies compete while reclining.
One gent in particular's pining
For a certain pisser;
He just wants to kiss her;
He's been smote since the autograph signing.

(pissing in the snow?)
--- Anon

I'd love you to help me to pee,
But a catheter's better for me.
If you handled my snake,
It would rise and awake
And would make it impossible, see?
--- Peter Wilkins

Cowboys wear old leather chaps
Constructed with generous gaps;
The reason you see
Is so they can pee
Without inundating their laps.
--- Wild West Limericks P8602a

Herodotus says that we see
Egyptian males squat to pee.
Believe it or not,
The ladies don't squat,
But stand up to piss just like me.

(Herodotus Book II:35)
--- Jim Jambor P9011

This one is for Marsha Magee
Whose a talent the whole world should see.
She's probably cute
And brainy to boot;
She'd be God if she'd stand to pee!
--- Anon

The normal way than men pee,
Is standing up, as you can see.
To make men do it sitting
Is below-the-belt hitting,
And equating a He to a She.
--- Harihari Subramanian

There was an old fellow named Reed,
Who had an emotional need.
To shock his best friends,
He went to great ends,
And stood on his head when he peed.
--- Gaary Cole

There was a young woman of Florence,
Who was looked on with general abhorrence.
In an amorous crush,
Her bladder would flush,
And the stuff would come out in great torrents.
--- G1385

This is file dxm

There once was a British grandee
Who did nothing at all, except be.
So when his servants left,
He was forced to be deft
At unzipping his zipper to pee.
--- Warrick Elrod

There once was a lexicon hack,
Whose alphabet knowledge was slack.
'Stead of aardvark to zygote,
Finishing th O's, he got
Up to P, and never came back.
--- Anon

A millionaire miner named Slatter
Had manners folks say do not matter.
He used a Spode teapot
Instead of a peepot,
And shat in a Crown Durham platter.
--- G1455

A bedpan a man from Ohio sent
To a pneumonia patient unviolent.
But when he tried to tinkle,
It made not a plinkle.
The pneumonic pee is quite silent.
--- Pierce Evans

He scanned the CERULEAN sky,
And couldn't determine just why
Or even be sure
It wasn't azure;
Then finished and zipped up his fly.
--- Chris Papa

A trio of sorrowful hounds
Were brought in to water the grounds.
Said the man down in Hell,
"They've done their job well,
I hope no one else down here drowns."
--- The Ang

Pity poor grandfather Joe;
His problem was peeing to slow.
He was desperate to leak,
But he snuffed it last week.
I suppose that he went with the flow.
--- Peter W

A very apt question struck me;
The answer's not easy to see.
But now that that door
Is not there any more,
Just where do we go for a pee?
--- Sydney Bernard Smith

Geoffrey Chaucer asserted, "Ywis,
We ought to recall in this bliss
Of our revels that man
Is an engine that can
Change the finest French wine into piss."
--- A N Wilkins P8403a

There was a young lady named Grace
Who made for the john in a race.
When she saw on the wall,
The handwriting and all,
She knew she was in the wrong place.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024 P8212

Long ago in my younger days,
Icicles were a source of play.
But know that I know
Just how they grow,
I'll eat no more, I'll just survey.
--- Azul

I once heard my grandfather bellow:
"You sure are a dumb kind of fellow!
I've said more than once,
You half-witted dunce,
Don't lick on the ones that are yellow!"
--- Frank

MICTURATION is urgent with cough,
And may cause you to be rushing off.
But talk of contest
Ticks me off, at best,
Like Russian Yuri Li Pismiov.
--- Daniel Ford

A food-fadist fellow from Frisco
Lived on nothing but peanuts and Crisco.
He not only shat
After eating this fat,
But you should've seen the guy's piss go!
--- G1390

A timorous fellow named Wister
Was having his girl in a twister;
One especially strong gust
Almost tore off her bust,
And scared him so bad, he bepissed her.
--- Armand E Singer 539

There was an old man, who could piss
Through a ring, and what's more, never miss.
People came by the score,
And bellowed, "Encore!
Won't you do it again, Sir? Bis! Bis!"

(bis - again)
--- Norman Douglas L0730

A beer-guzzling tippler named Dan,
Whose wife locked him out of the can,
Aimed his poor swollen dink
At her prized kitchen sink
And cleaned off a big greasy pan.
--- Armand E Singer 121a

The Pee Urge I could not defeat
But Mary stayed glued to the seat.
So I peed 'twixt her legs,
But she grabbed both my eggs:
"One slip and we'll see how you bleat!"
--- John Miller

Whilst aiming that fountain of urine,
You found her so deeply allurin',
The stream became dry
And 'though pointing high,
Your cock her deep throat was obscurin'.
--- RanDog

Mom's daddy has many a flaw;
My wants, though, he takes as the law.
(As an extra affront,
I peed down his front.)
I do love my grumpy grandpa.
--- John Miller

There remains this unanswered riddle,
What the use of this thin way to piddle.
It is a neat trick
For avoiding a prick
As you pee through the eye of a needle.
--- Chris Bolivar

Once a renowned flying ace
Came late, then caused such disgrace.
He broke with convention.
To get their attention,
He pissed in the family fireplace.
--- Donald McGill

A newspaper man's boisterous tenet
Curdled blood like milk mixed with rennet.
And he got the guests' ire
When he pissed in the fire,
Whereupon they all cried "Gordon Bennett!"
--- Donald McGill

In the woods stood an old pinon tree
With a hole up about two feet three,
In which without missing
The peasants kept pissing;
It became the first man's toiletry. (toilet tree?)
--- C M Christ P8312

With you there, sir, I cannot pee.
There's 17 million like me.
Forgive, sir, this moan;
I must be alone;
So go off and find your own tree.
--- Anon

For a little humor, Beth, try this:
A present that will bring you great bliss;
A Golden Shower
From a high tower
Of David and John Miller's piss.
--- David Miller

That "present" word wrenches my guts;
David, my boy, are you nuts?
For my Golden Shower,
I charge by the hour
As much as you Los Vegas sluts.
--- John Miller

Though bottled I charge a bit less;
Diluted a bit, you can guess,
With pure filtered water
And pee from my daughter,
And nectar, of course, from our Bess!
--- John Miller

If a Parsee is to achieve bliss
And thereby avoid the abyss,
He must put away pride
And be purified
By taking a bath in cow piss.
--- A N Wilkins P9212

"Excuse me I must go and pee,
We drunk too much cider you see.
Yes I'll soon be back
So don't give me that flack,
But keep the bed warm just for me"
--- Anon

"What's that? You want to come too?
But I don't need your help with the loo!"
"Oh I see!" and I laugh
"Well just hop in the bath --
Golden rain, coming up, just for you!"
--- Anon

I see that you like number two
The number, not the hot smelly goo
Some like number one
For some golden wet fun
But for me, just some poontang will do
--- Anon

Poor old scrophulous Jim, the despised,
Is ecstatic when wetly chastised.
When asked why, the perv said,
"Spray piss on my head,
And I feel like I'm being baptised."
--- Ward Hardman

That troll is completely bizarre,
A peripatetic clochard.
In the Bois de Boulogne
His sole eau de cologne
Is a splash from the nearest pissoir.
--- Ward Hardman