A Scotland castle, bleak. The host,
"To all my ancestors, a toast!"
The front door opens wide
And enters there inside
A gust! A guest aghast! A Ghost!
--- Irving Superior P8710

The talk had been nicely post-prandial
Until the host made it most brandyal.
Then elderly males
Got on to the tails,
The party would say were ghost-randyal.
--- Bill Bache-Hansen P9308

A suit by a petulant sprite
Has blocked funding for Walpurgis Night.
Laying ghosts, if explicit
Was judged an illicit
And unconstitutional rite.
--- Melvin B Lewis P8312

At seances she went through the tedium
Of conjuring spirits and greeting 'em,
Though she often played hostess
To a ghost or a ghostess,
She was not very good, only medium.
--- Ann Gasser P9709

There was an old fellow named Breethouse
Who lived in a fine and a neat house.
And a ghost lived therin
Who was neat as a pin,
For he kept all his sheets in the sheethouse.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2466

A spirited ghost kept a graph
Of the off-season guests he could chaff
When they left the hotel.
He could always smell
Who were scared by the skeleton staff.
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8503

Beautiful banshees and ghouls
Declare that all phantoms are fools,
But still can't resist
The thrust of their fist
Nor even the taste of their tools.
--- SFA

The floor in the attic is creaking;
The bats in the rafters are squeaking;
The wind in the trees
Makes an ominous breeze;
The ghosts of the murdered are shrieking.
--- Cap'n Bean P0410

The last time I fucked me a ghost,
My liver was nearly sclerosed.
The orange ectoplasm
That spewed in a spasm,
Was tasty as hell served on toast.
--- Anon

The undead are evil and cursed,
And if in their ways you are versed,
You'd know as I do
That one thing is true;
They're worse than the students in Hurst.
--- Jo Skinner

An earthbound young man made a boast
That he manages better than most.
A departed, returning,
Quite brimfull of yearning
Said, "He's super when laying the ghost."
--- Bill Backe-Hansen P8503

"At a seance", said a young lass named Post,
"I enjoyed being eaten by a ghost.
But then on came the lights,
And down by my tights,
On his knees was Tobias, mine host!"
--- L0423

He wanted to learn how to Jazz 'em,
But when you are all ectoplasm,
It is very tough
To tickle her muff,
Or get her quim into a spasm.
--- Larry Davis P8710

In a spooky old chateau in France
The chatelaine slipped off her pants.
For a bold apparition
Was demanding coition,
And she'd try anything once-- even ha'nts!

(chatelaine - mistress of the chateau or castle)
--- Grand Prix Lim 547 G0593

Possessed by the devils of doom,
He made love to a ghost in a tomb.
He did it, they say,
In the regular way,
Under the sheets, I presume.
--- Playboy Mag J F O'Conner

There was a young man from the coast, (Washington Post,)
Who had an affair with a ghost.(once had it off with a ghost

Said the pallid phantasm, (pale ectoplasm)
"I think I can feel it, almost!" (..I'm coming, almost)
--- Anthony Burgess L0282

There once was a lady called Most
Who went down on a randy old ghost.
The spook had a spasm
And shot ectoplasm
All over the face of his host.
--- Donald McGill

Fellating this lecherous spirit,
Miss Most thought, "There's no need to fear it.
When wraith-wells orgasmic
Yield thick ectoplasmic
Soul slime, I'll just slurp, swill and smear it.
--- Randog

She had a nice weekend; thanked her host,
Who inquired what she really liked most.
"That nice guest in the hall,
Who walked clean through the wall!"
"That was no guest, dear, he's our ghost!"
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Years ago while on leave in Lahore,
I met a ghost who was gay, whilst ashore.
When I said, "You're a poof" --
Thought he'd go through the roof,
But he didn't -- he went through the door!
--- H Myers TP9802

The voices are mumbling to me,
But they're not speaking very clearly.
Speak they of towels?
And what are those howls?
It must be the wind in the tree...
--- Archie

The ghost that inhabits Fort Steele
Is really alarmingly real;
Chasing ladies for sport
'Round the walls of the fort
With a cock like a large conger eel.
--- Hugh Oliver 98b

I rolled into Hogsett today
And asked for the infamous Clay.
As you can guess
My simple request:
"Where can I find him, I say?"
--- Anon

The man in the store in the town
Was alarmed at my question and frowned.
He told me that Clay
Had long passed away,
But he knew where his 'ghost' could be found.
--- Anon

"Just look to the end of the street
And point those small wheels on your feet,
To the old grimy house
Where lived the old louse.
Then be careful when his wife you meet..."
--- Anon

"Would her name be Linda Lou?
I've once been warned of her, too.
I was said to meet Clay
That he had a new way
For my travel -- I'm just passing through."
--- Anon

He said, "Clay came many years past
Planning to leave this town fast.
But once Linda got him
His future was grim."
He ominously said "And, alas...
--- Anon

"He never did make his way out
Of her clutches, the poor old lout.
He was never the same.
It was simply a shame,
His ghost is said each night to shout.
--- Anon

"It's legend that he has waited
For one that will come, it is fated,
In from the midwest
To help achieve rest --
Clay, too, will help him," he stated.
--- Anon

"Clay's only hold to this plain
Is to keep this from happening again --
Linda Lou gaining hold
Of a 28-year-old,
Just passing through; she'll try to detain...
--- Anon

"This young man on his humble way
To Maryland, where they say,
His true love waits for him.
She does most adore him;
He has a debt to her to pay.
--- Anon

"If Clay can help him get in
To the cellar, he'll find a new Schwinn
Mountain bike there,
And then he'll take care
To see the lad get's out again.
--- Anon

"Linda Lou will try hard not to let
Him out when he goes in to get
That shiny new Schwinn,
That is waiting for him;.
Won't be easy escaping, I'd bet."
--- Anon

This is file dxl

After hearing what this gent has said,
I can see I've adventures ahead.
I hope I can get
Out of Hogsett
But for now, there's a feeling of dread.
--- Anon

I came to the downtrodden place
Where Linda Lou lived in disgrace.
The paint faded and chipping,
In need of a stripping,
And new paint job right now, post haste.
--- Anon

The shutters hung cockeyed and falling;
The house was just outright apalling.
And folks round these parts
Lived with fear in their hearts,
Due to Clay's nightly blood-curdly calling.
--- Anon

The sides were a greenish-grey hue,
But I'm sure that you would be too,
If you were grown over
With ivy and mold, or
Some sort of fungi 'pon you.
--- Anon

As I tried to peak through the glass,
Of a side window pane, caught a flash
Of something inside,
That left me wide-eyed --
Linda Lou's naked, furry-red ass!
--- Anon

She was monstrously huge, ten foot tall;
Must have been ten foot wide too by all
Accounts I can give,
But my memory's a sieve
Full of holes and [thank god] can't recall!
--- Anon

All of the details of that day,
Some things are best kept locked away,
In the darkest recesses
Of minds, or distresses
Might drive us quite mad, so they say.
--- Anon

I panicked and near fainted then,
But I knew I just had to get in
To the house cellar,
Or this young feller
Might ne'er see that shiny new Schwinn.
--- Anon

I crept 'round the house hoping maybe
I could avoid that evil lady.
If an external entry
Could bypass that sentry,
Linda, but soon I found gravely...
--- Anon

The only way into the basement
Was inside, and to my amazement
Seems many had tried
To get that bike but died,
After years in Linda's enslavement.
--- Anon

I crept around to the front door,
Climbed up the stairs and crossed the floor.
My knees were all shaky;
My stomach was quaky;
Thought I was a goner for sure.
--- Anon

The planks of the old porch floor creaked
The stench of death from inside reaked
And choked me once more
Then I opened the door
And inside I cautiously peeked
--- Anon

Expecting to see Linda Lou
Afraid that she might have come to
From the sound of the hinges--
Their squeaking sent cringes
Up the back of my neck and all through
--- Anon

My muscles, which clenched up all tense;
The tightness in them was immense.
'Twas all I could do
To fight my way through.
My urges to flee when I sensed
--- Anon

That someone was staring at me
I turned just in time then to see
Clay there pointing to
A door I knew through
The stairs to the cellar must be
--- Anon

I crossed the floor fast as I dared
Toward the portal to which Clay now stared
The door was unlocked
Of this I was shocked
"This should be easy!" I declared
--- Anon

When I reached the basement I found
Dead bodies there, piled all around.
Spider webs and rats,
Snakes, bugs, and bats
Scurried here/there through air and on ground.
--- Anon

I saw then what I had come for,
When from upstairs a laughter did roar.
Linda Lou was waking
And I was shaking,
Just then came the sound of a door.
--- Anon

Being slammed and the sound of a lock
Being turned, and I was in shock.
Paralyzed with the fear
Of being trapped here,
Would've screamed then but I could not talk...
--- Anon

Many moments stood motionless there
I was clutched in a fit of despair
In a room of gloom
And impending doom
Surrounded by death and dank air
--- Anon

The smell of the corpses rotting
Around me had my stomach knotting
Up into a ball
There seemed no chance at all
Any way that I'd soon be departing
--- Anon

Upstairs Linda cackled with glee
Thinking she'd make a sex-toy of me
Like so many before
I'd be stuck with that whore
And never another soul see
--- Anon

But Clay was growing quite tired
Of Linda Lou's game and aspired
To put an end to it
Was high time to do it
And this time he knew it required
--- Anon

His interference to end it
For he could no longer pretend it
Would end on it's own.
For a long time he'd known
He'd one day take a stand and defend it.
--- Anon

After what seemed like hours had passed
I heard the door opening at last
A brief glimmer of hope
Passed over this dope
But it was short-lived, dying fast
--- Anon

I heard the door slam and stairs quake
Her footfalls caused the walls to shake
Linda Lou was coming
And my heart was drumming
In my ears, not much more could I take
--- Anon

She approached me, that hideous mass
Of blubber with the furry-red ass.
That bitch sure was scary;
Her tits were all hairy,
Not to mention her bad breath and gas.
--- Anon

There I stood facing my life's end
In my mind good times passed just then
Carol's image engraved
On my heart is what saved
Me, bringing back senses again...
--- Anon

As I watched, Linda's soul was devoured
And Clay, no more seeming a coward,
Was at last released
From his ties to that beast.
He could at last rest, now empowered.
--- Anon

The others, too, could finally rest,.
After years of being distressed;
Trapped here by that witch,
Linda Lou, that big bitch.
They ended her reign of duress.
--- Anon

As I mounted my shiny new Schwinn,
Made one pass round that cellar of sin
On that cycle's one wheel,
I rode off with zeal,
Right over that whore's corpse and then...
--- Anon

I carried it up from the cellar's
Darkness while watched by those fellers
That had long been deceased,
And enslaved by that beast.
No longer at night time they'd beller.
--- Anon

As I rode off into the northeast,
I turned to look back and was pleased
To see Clay on the porch swing,
Pickin' his five string
Banjo, singing loud with no teeth...
--- Anon

Have you ever made love to a ghost?
"I'm the best!", he said with a boast.
"I never will tire,
I can't be a sire,
And my rod is as hard as a post."
--- Anon