A scientist from dark Transylvania
Said, "I certainly hate to detain ya,
But my son Frankenstein
Needs an ear and a spine,
An I don't think their loss would much pain ya!"
--- Charles Barsotti P9501

Young Frankenstein's robot invention
Caused trouble too awful to mention.
Its actions were ghoulish,
Which proves it is foolish
To monkey with Nature's intention.
--- Berton Braley

A scientist called Frankenstein
Built a monster held together with twine.
Neither one was too nice,
But their chase cross the ice
Will sent a great chill down your spine.
--- Neal Wilgus P8409

Frankenstein's creation's a dolt;
He has gone and mislaid his bolt.
There's a hole in his neck;
His head's gone by heck;
The experiment's now at aholt.
--- Tony Burrell

Now where can that wretched bolt be?
I saw it yesterday after tea,
When his leg fell in half
And we lost his calf.
Ah there, it's a substitute knee.
--- Tony Burrell

A mad scientist, deeply depraved,
From dead bodies, a bride has now made;
From dead scraps and bone,
Came her feminine zone;
Only parts of it need to be shaved!
--- Anon

The Mad Scientist ranted and raved,
When his Van der Graaf gen misbehaved;
Corona did sizzle;
His bride-hulk did fizzle;
Her titties were both micro-waved!
--- Anon

Said mad Victor to Mad Doctor Larrow;
"Got male parts here; do check my wheel-barrow;
There's a pud, here, to match
The most hard-to-fit snatch;
But the owners were not all straight-arrow!"
--- Anon

"Model 2," Dr. Frankenstein said,
"Will be better: a much cuter head,
No aura of death,
No stinky bad breath,
But he'll still be a monster in bed."
--- Michael Weinstein P0406

The Bride of Frankenstein was a dish!
And the lonely monster got his wish.
No more solitaire,
For now, as a pair,
They can play forever, ghoul fish.
--- Guy Ben-Moshe

There once was a guy, Frankenstein,
Who insisted his software was fine.
I'm not really a freak,
Just the neighborhood geek,
And the girls really fall for my line.
--- Anon

Frankenstein's monster could sing;
What tune to our ears would he bring?
Maybe a blues number;
Perhaps a sad rhumba
Would come from the sin king of swing.
--- Gunjan Saraf

Doktar Frahnkensteen's creature's about,
So I heard the villagers shout.
My wife's on the run;
She's looking for fun;
And she heard his "shvan-stuka" is out.
--- Anon

Is it true that your wife is Frau Blucher?
When mentioned, the horses rebuke her.
For arousing a steed
But refusing the deed
When he said he would pay her in sucre*. (sugar)
--- Anon

I heard, just between me and you,
That 'blucher' is German for glue.
From my books there's no gleaning
That particular meaning --
Can anyone say if it's true?
--- Anon

A gesture (obscenely symbolical) --
She plucked some hairs (including follicle)
From her organ (sex)
For Harry (her ex) --
Served one in each drink (alcoholical).
--- Jim Weaver Collection

When a woman is horny, to fix 'er
There's a potion for men, and it licks her
Burning need in the twat,
'Cause it sure hits the spot.
And the name of the tonic: elixir.
--- Anon

My mother said I never should,
With gypsy girls play in the wood.
But like any kid,
That's just what I did,
And did things that I never would...
--- Anon

I learned to bake hedgehogs in clay,
And how to skin rabbits, and May,
The long-legged vixen,
My eyes most would fix on,
And later fine games we would play.
--- Anon

We'd find us a nice shady glade,
She'd start to disrobe, and I prayed,
That when she had viewed
Young Ogg in the nude,
She'd reckon that I made the grade.
--- Anon

I rogered her three times or four,
But still the bitch screamed out for more.
Got in such a lather,
That up came her father,
And told of my pitiful score.
--- Anon

She kicked up a mighty commotion,
But daddy he had him a notion
To increase my powers,
To stay up for hours,
And mixed up a strange herbal potion.
--- Anon

The sight of it turned me quite pale,
It tasted like bad ginger ale,
It smells like the crap
From a long-blocked sink trap,
But to satisfy girls it won't fail.
--- Anon

So come along folks, take my tip,
Close eyes, hold your nose, take a sip.
Compared with viagra,
This stuff's like Niagara,
And that just a holey pipe's drip.
--- Anon

So fellas, to maintain your mast,
The answer I have here at last.
OK it may killyer,
But you'll have a pillar,
Like you never had in times past.
--- Anon

So if with those girlies you're dallyin'
Get Roquard (TM) and you'll be a stallion,
Now you'll change the life,
Of your girlfriend or wife,
Send now, only five bucks a galleon... er gallon.
--- Anon

I felt pretty lousy and troubled,
'Cause years had gone by since I cuddled.
You see, I'm a flop;
The chicks just say 'stop'.
Not one of them wants to be snuggled.
--- Matthew Montchalin

You know Thirty Seventh and Vine?
That pad at the end of the line?
Ths Gypsy lives there,
With raven-black hair;
Folks pay her to just read their mind.
--- Matthew Montchalin

I went in and gave her some money;
She looked at my hand and said "Funny!
I see what you need --
Some miracle seed,
In a pint of love potion, with honey."
--- Matthew Montchalin

"I mixed it last night, in due time!
You see on that label, that sign?
It's made just for you,
If love's overdue;
It's what I call Love Potion Nine."
--- Matthew Montchalin

I took it and opened it quick --
If only it would do the trick --
And make me a hero
Instead of a zero,
And let me have any I pick!
--- Matthew Montchalin

I tilted my head and I drank
As much as I could, though it stank.
Like ink it was black;
I didn't hold back,
And down to my knees I then sank.
--- Matthew Montchalin

I lost all my sense of what's right;
I kissed everything that's in sight.
Oh, where was that Gypsy
And why was I tipsy
And why was the day black as night?
--- Matthew Montchalin

This is file dul

I ran out the door and tried kissing
And hugging, embracing, caressing,
Each person in sight
In loving delight,
Till a cop ran me in for resisting.
--- Matthew Montchalin

I almost might say I misspoke,
But I tell you, it's not a bad joke.
For now I do swear,
I was in despair,
When the bottle of potion it broke.
--- Matthew Montchalin

That Love Potion 'Nine' was all mine;
Just go to the corner of Pine,
Then find the last pad.
Go buy what I had.
But CAREFUL, it makes you go blind!
--- Matthew Montchalin

A Troll stood by sadly for hours,
Near where'd been two shiny bright towers.
With hot tears in his eyes,
He could not understand why,
But he hurt with the world's greatest powers.
--- Martin Calderwood

Trolls come from lands far and near;
Through legends and myth they appear.
But right now, today
To the great USA
They wish comfort and love without fear!
--- Martin Calderwood

Besides, basement trolls are so kind;
Their actions and words are refined.
They're sweet little dollies,
And none of their follies
Including picking on womankind.
--- Anon

That troll is completely bizarre,
A peripatetic clochard.
In the Bois de Boulogne
His sole eau de cologne
Is a splash from the nearest pissoir.

Some say that all trolls deal in charms;
And are likely to do good folk harm.
But mine never do,
For they smile the day through,
And greet me with wide open arms.
--- Martin Calderwood

I've heard said that trolls are no good,
'Cause they skulk under rocks and in woods..
But mine stay at home;
They prefer not to roam;
And would say so, if only they could.
--- Martin Calderwood

A troll from under the bridge,
Took a walk to the top of the ridge,
Broke into my house,
Startled my spouse,
Then proceeded to clean out my fridge.
--- Gearhart

It ate everything in my larder
And that was only for starters.
Then it ate Rover
And my kitten Clover,
Then went next door to the Carters.
--- Gearhart

It ate everything on our block;
Barrel, lock and stock;
Leaving nothing behind,
Not a crumb did we find.
This troll was becoming a cock.
--- Gearhart

I called the local police station
To report and give a summation
Of what had occurred,
But it seems they had heard
All about our alarming situation.
--- Gearhart

The National Guard had been
Alerted and they'd soon be in,
To take out this troll
That couldn't get full,
No matter how much he'd eaten.
--- Gearhart

The choppers soon swarmed in the air,
Firing and bombing everywhere.
They struck the troll down,
Just outside of town;
The carcass' stench none could bear.
--- Gearhart

The body was dumped in a trench,
After dragging it on with a winch,
One county over.
And that is why Dover
To this day has that God-awful stench.
--- Gearhart

Trolls are stuff of which legends are made,
If at home or out on a raid.
So if you're out there
In the cold Scandia air,
Be cautious but never afraid.
--- Martin Calderwood

There once was a troll named Jody,
Who had scales all over his body.
They were green; he looked sick.
He'd a very short dick.
The bridge he lived under was shoddy.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

There once live a troll with a style
That used a very scary smile.
He had only one eye
With breath like a pig sty.
You could smell him for many a mile.
--- Martin Calderwood

My basement is no place to be;
The spiders and bugs make me flee.
The trolls are okay;
With spiders they play.
You'll have to live upstairs with me.
--- Marlene Lewis

My basement is harboring trolls.
They all have their own cubbyholes.
They wear hand-made clothes
And flashy chapeaux;
In their lives they have played many roles.
--- Marlene Lewis

My favorite has long black hair;
Her face and her form are quite fair.
She's crystal blue eyes
And squat little thighs;
With her there are none to compare.
--- Marlene

Her large pointed ears are so sweet,
As are the toes on her big feet.
She's only got four,
Trolls do not need more;
I think that they look rather neat.
--- Anon

No brain is in her hollow head;
Her hair sprouts out of there instead.
She has a round tummy;
Some might think that's crummy
But I think that she looks well-fed.
--- Anon

Ten li'l bitty trolls form her court
What brightly colored skins they all sport!
Blue, red, green and yellow
And one rainbow fellow;
Too bad that these guys are so short!
--- Marlene

May I tell you of my sister Joyce,
Who also collected thses toys.
She went one-up by far
'Cause she had a troll car,
Which she called, I believe, a Trolls Troyce.
--- Tiddy Ogg

I'm sorry you've only four toes.
Did your other one just decompose?
And as for your thighs,
They're really that size?
I'll tell you just what I propose.
--- Marlene

I also abhor asininity
From trolls in the nearby vicinity.
They'll be learning their places
When I shoot in their faces,
Some loads that will taste of salinity.
--- Anon

Should we report trolls who cajole
With limericks, aimed to take toll
On gullible chicks,
Desirous of dicks,
By twat toters shamming a pole?
--- Travis Brasell

There was a man from Transylvania,
Who married a vampire with dipsomania.
She sucked and he fucked,
Until they were tucked,
For she also had bad nymphomania.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A novice and nun from St. Boyd
Were attacked by a vampire named Lloyd.
The nun, Sister Ross
Screamed, "Show him your cross!"
The novice (foot stomp) -- "I'm annoyed!"
--- FCA T9712

Crawling from a hole, TROGLODYTE,
A brute just cruising for a fight,
On vampire did run,
Who thought just for fun,
To invite him back for a bite.
--- Daniel Ford

From his coffin does Dracula climb.
He's arisen for blood-sucking time.
Metamorphosis done,
Till return of the sun,
He's a bat about town in his prime.
--- Mimi