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Confession is good for the soul. Sigmund Freud was so slick and so sly According to old Sigmund Freud, The psychoanalysist Freud (SIG - special interest group)
An erotic neurotic named Sid, Did you know there were two Sigmund Freuds? Sex therapist, famed Sigmund Freud, A handsome psychiatrist, Lloyd, There was a young man from Toledo, The sex life of Freud was a shame. (pun on Lim SIG)
All the women here speak of our failing; A Prof of psychology, quite a dude, Freud said, "Mein verdict, Frau Muffet, He had enough money, it seems, A young man said: "This may sound funny, The famous psychiatrist Freud, When someone said Frood and not Freud, When some said Frood and not Freud, Psychological old Sigmund Freud, An early psychologist, Freud, Said Freud, "That old fraud, Dr Jung! There was a young fellow named Thrale, She hadn't on even a slip That famous psychologist Freud, The Great Man told the patient, "You bet you, Siggy said, "I find I have a bent A sexy young student once toyed Sigmund Freud, his biographers tell us, Sigmund Freud said, "Now I'll mesmerize Laughed an old Brooklyn shrink, Nathan Freud, Sigmund Freud's discussion of sex Said John, "Sex I've always enjoyed A head-shrink named Freud was in charge For Freud it was simply too chancy, A young lady got rather annoyed; Said Freud, "All this psychoanalysis A sceptical offspring named Sid Sigmund Freud sat in his chair, A lady psychiatrist, Maude, Said Sigmund, "My expectations, An unfortunate man from Madrid, Reading Freud, people said, "That's too far! Sigmund said to the pretty fraulein, Said Freud, "I've discovered the Id. An old man who's from gay Paree Sigmund Freud, it's been often reputed, Sigmund Freud, dead as Oedipus Rex, Doctor Freud, who was quite paranoid, There was a philosopher, Spencer, Than Shakespeare I'm greater by far. (This is about George Bernard Shaw)
There was a young man of Moose Jaw Said a platinum blonde from Warsaw, A Solon + Shakespeare named Shaw, (About George Bernard Shaw)
"When I'm kissing," said Evelyn Waugh, A poodle was charged by the law, George Bernard Shaw always knew All his life, Mr. George Bernard Shaw, G. B. Shaw wrote to Yeats: "P'haps it's mad of me, (on the proposed founding of an Irish Academy)
That smasher of shams, Bernard Shaw, At a meeting-hall, George Bernard Shaw, In this rhyme, some detect a slight flaw, When they asked G. B. Shaw about balling, Ninety summers -- and never a platitude, Mr Alan Jay Lerner, with by-play, (see 'move your bloody arse' in Pygmalion)
The question by G. B. Shaw goes... (ghoti - tough, women, action; pnothes - pneumonia, clothes)
It seems to have stuck in the craw
I dream day and night of a hole:
It's lined with red silk,
And the doorknobs squirt milk--
Do you think Doctor Freud should be tole?
--- G2510
In his suit and his somber necktie.
Stroked his beard, it was gray
And just then he would say,
"Good morning! You are fine, how am I?"
--- Tom Patton
Life is seldom so well enjoyed,
As in human coition,
In any position,
With the usual organs employed.
--- Anon G0077
Discovered some husbands annoyed,
When wives came to SIG
With problems too big,
And Sigmund a couch then employed.
--- Irving Superior
Got his Ego confused with his Id.
His errant libido
Was like a torpedo,
And that's why he done what he did.
--- L1545
One loved nymphomaniacal boids.
But the other -- the prude
Who wrote books that were lewd --
Had his testicles insured by Lloyds.
--- Anon
Taught having great sex never cloyed,
But anal or oral,
Fraternal, sororal
Were off-limits paths to avoid.
--- Armand E Singer 949
Caused his girlfriend to feel much annoyed,
By noting her quirks
With lascivious smirks,
But his list came entirely from Freud.
--- Norm Storer
Who traveled about incognito.
The reason he did,
Was to bolster his id,
While appeasing his savage libido.
--- Anon
Erections -- the lack of -- to blame.
Girls called him a wimp.
He'd always go limp,
So LIMP SIG his nickname became.
--- Irving Superior
Of our size or our character wailing.
I've been thinking of Freud;
With the idea I've toyed.
Perhaps it's mom's baggage they're trailing.
--- Anon
Was seized by a devilish dirty mood:
As he lectured on Freud,
With his organ he teud--
And was ousted for deep moral turpitude.
--- Norm Storer
Der Sex Akt, I know you must luff it,
But your Mann's a bit much,
Penis envy, und such..."
"Who envies his prick? Let him stuff it!"
--- Armand E Singer 393
To be cured of neurotic extremes.
But he rashly employed
A disciple of Freud;
Now he's got nothing left but his dreams.
--- Laurence Perrine P8503
But I was a psychiatrist, honey.
In my youth I once toyed
With the ideas of Freud.
I was Jung and I needed the money."
--- Richard Long
Of ethics was wholly devoid.
When feeding his Id,
He did what he did,
Leaving a large vacuous void.
--- Ernest Lefever Lib Lim
It really made Sigmund annoyed.
"When you call me Frood,
It makes me a nude."
A pun that his girl friends enjoyed.
--- Irving Superior
It really made Sigmund annoyed.
But if Froid is said,
He'd up/down his head
And Sig would retain his sang-froid.
--- Irving Superior
Who fame, the world over, enjoyed,
Would get in a mood,
If folks called him Frood;
In fact he got very annoyed.
--- Tiddy Ogg
Had the bluenoses very annoyed,
Saying "You cannot be rid
Of the troublesome id,
So it might just as well be enjoyed.
--- Bennet Cerf P9112
His theories are absolute dung!
His id is inferior
To my ego superior,
And he's not even near as well hung!"
--- MrMalo
Who was hardly what you could call male.
His libido wasn't channelized
So he got psychoanalyzed,
And now he can't get enough tail.
--- L1546
Between her tight dress and bare hip.
She said, "I forgot."
He said, "You did not.
You are wearing a Freudian slip."
--- Laurence Perrine P8503
Admitted he felt overjoyed
With patients' libidos,
Their dreams of torpedos,
And talk of a foetus destroyed.
--- Armand Singer
But you still shouldn't let it upset you.
Just because," observed Freud,
You may be paranoid,
Doesn't mean that they're not out to get you."
--- A N Wilkins P9201a
To hold forth but not experiment,
In theories complex
Such as 'Oedipus Wrecks';
It's good business and it pays the rent."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh
With the Pelican Series of Freud.
A new sense of mission
Brought dis-inhibition,
And her boyfriends are all overjoyed.
--- Richard Taylor
Thought that it was so splendid for fellows
To have pendulous pricks
To roger cute chicks,
That women must surely be jealous.
--- A N Wilkins P8601
You, and then you'll see I am quite wise.
I claim just between us,
You envy my penis.
A mere theory, but try it for size."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh
"There is something you may not have hoid:
Damned rarely do chicks
Run after men's pricks --
Penis envy is kind of absoid."
--- Armand E Singer 392
Centers much around Oedipus Rex:
A stupid young sucker
Who turned motherfucker,
And placed quite a hex upon sex.
--- G0756
And the way to avoid being cloyed,
For the fellow who dallies is
Psychoanalysis
Of the school of the great Signund Freud.
--- Isaac Asimov
Of many whose heads were too large;
Said dreams are symbolic,
They're quite often phallic:
As he puffed his big Cuban cigar.
--- W Haskins
This is file dqm
As the girls of rich men made him antsy,
When they said they'd been screwed
By their dads, it was shrewd
To declare it was merely their fancy.
--- A N Wilkins P9201
When a doctor her favors enjoyed.
She rudely said "Ouch!"
Got up from his couch,
And took all of her problems to Freud.
--- Tony Long P9201
Is ruining my male patients' phalluses.
The reason, I think
That folks use the term 'Shrink',
In describing those phalluses sans paralysis."
--- Theo Heller P9201
Would sneer at the mention of id,
Claiming egos and such
Didn't mean very much --
But slept with his mother, he did.
--- Armand E Singer 881
While cigar smoke curled in his hair.
He looked really pleased
With his pants to his knees,
As he said, "Your solution is HERE!"
--- Gday Scott
Was disbarred by her peers, the poor bawd.
First they chastized her
And then ostricized her,
For pronouncing the word "Freud" as "fraud."
--- Arthur Deex P8902
Are to make this the best of vacations.
I will interview dozens
Of Kissing cousins
For my study on sexual relations.
--- Ann Gasser P8702
Had both Superego and Id.
So whether he screwed,
Or entirely eschewed,
He suffered, whatever he did.
--- Norm Storer G2417
A penis is sometimes a car?
Unless it, of course,
Also is a horse,
Or it's place taken by a cigar."
--- Loren C Fitzhugh
"Won't you please on my couch to recline?
If you'll take off your jeans,
I'll interpret your dreams
While our egos and ids intertwine."
--- William N Nesbit
Of all your repressions be rid.
It won't ease the gravity
Of all the depravity,
But you'll know why you did what you did."
--- Frank Richards
Was alarmed when he found he can't pee.
In a dream starring Freud,
Who said, "When you can't void,
If you're French, you must think 'yes yes'."
--- Tom Patton
Or at least to him it's been imputed,
That he frequently said,
"This is all in your head,
And your thinking is somewhat diluted." (deluded?)
--- Loren C Fitzhugh
No longer has patients to vex,
And he no longer wonders
If his theories were blunders
Nor whether he understood sex.
--- A N Wilkins P8702
With his sex organ constantly toyed.
Mrs. Freud was annoyed
And not overjoyed
That Freud was not filling her void.
--- Richard Lederer P9603
Who never knew pleasure intenser
Than once, when he saw
Mr. George Bernard Shaw
Attempting to bugger the Censor.
--- Aleister Crowley G2514
I am always produced by a star.
My plots he can find 'em--
For I am behind 'em,
It's "in front" they don't know what they are!
--- P Braybrooke, FRSL
Who wanted to meet Bernard Shaw.
When they questioned him, "Why?"
He made no reply,
But sharpened an axe and a saw.
--- PUNCH, 1918 A
As she looked at herself in the raw,
"Neath my umbilicus
(And as like Mike as Ike is)
There's a picture of George Bernard Shaw."
--- L1620
Wished to practice St. Pancras's law;
He'd a moderate mind
And to progress inclined,
But St. Pancras resisted his jaw.
--- Punch 1904 (Bibby)
"It's the cunt of my sister-in-law.
As my eyes close up tight,
I will hug with delight,
And I dream it is George Bernard Shaw!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0895
With resembling Hall Caine. With his paw
Pressed close to his forehead,
He sobbed, "Yes, it's horrid,
But at least I'm not George Bernard Shaw."
--- Coulson Kernahan
That even though you can be true,
With women be bold;
Be done with the old,
Before you get on with the new.
--- Al Willis
Has enjoyed catching fools in the raw.
At ninety we find
There's no change in his mind,
Or decay in the set of his jaw.
--- Audrey Herbert
And I know that you folks with think bad of me,
But may I remark,
Before you embark,
That I am the Irish Academy."
--- W A Rathkey
Points out to the Sophists the flaw
In each flattering unction,
And, lacking compunction,
Makes hay of the drowning man's straw.
--- Frank Buckland
Was proceeding to lay down the law.
When, from somewhere offstage
Someone hollered in rage,
"Who can sleep with this damned foo-fo-raw!"
--- Keith H Peterson
But I don't think it breaks any law
To posthumously twit
That rapier wit,
The irascible George Bernard Pshaw.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9407
He said it was not that enthralling;
For the pleasure's too quick,
And the price makes one sick,
As for the position: appalling!
--- Bob Giandomenico P9209a
Or a single uncivilized attitude.
Ebullient heir
Of Sam Butler, Voltaire,
Would you mind if we mention our gratitude.
--- Stanley J Sharpless
Made Pygmalion less of a dry play.
Seraph Shaw, near hysterics,
On hearing his lyrics,
Shocked Heaven with "Not bloody my play!"
--- J A Lindon
(He asked it of course using prose)
"The method try telling
To stop ghoti from smelling --
It's simple, you cut off its pnothes."
--- Not George BB Shaw P8604
Of white-bearded George Bernard Shaw,
That vigor was wasted
On youth who then tasted
The joys from which oldsters withdraw.
--- R J Winkler P8502
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