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Your girl sounds a bit of a bitch;
You sure that she is not a witch,
With a long pointy hat,
And a matching black cat.
With her you will never get rich.
--- Mushroom

An attractive young witch from South Ken
Had a penchant for very large men.
While cruising the road,
She picked up a toad,
Which she kissed, and turned into Big Ben.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

I decided to start a witch hunt
And to include warlocks in front.
I thought it a laugh,
'Til I fell neatly in half;
The bastards had turned me to cunt.
--- Anon

A PRECATORY prince often said,
He wished a young lady to bed.
So he tried to slip
His tongue 'tween her lip.
And she was turned to a frog, instead.
--- Chris Papa

Said a witch to the mirror on the wall:
"Am I still the most ugly of all?"
But before the mirror spoke,
The glass cracked and then broke,
In a voiceless affirmative call.
--- William N Nesbit P9610

A timid but competent wizard
Awoke with a pain in his gizzard;
In panic and fright,
He shortened his height
And turned himself into a lizard.
--- Limber Limericks

A spooky old guy they called Enus
Was thought to be in the Witch genus.
They burned him with glee.
Their proof was, you see,
A wart on the end of his penis.
--- Anon

Please help! I'm catching the bug,
That wicked old witch did unplug.
I'm trying to fight it,
But my sword cannot sight it.
Please Merlin! A magical drug!
--- R Wayne Porter

While out dousing for water all day
The fresh water diviner would say,
"Being a water witch
Is a son of a bitch,
With your rod twitching every which way.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9603

"I'm a water-witch moistly incurable,"
Wept old Anna Liffey, the plurabelle.
Come, Golden Gate span,
Be my arch angel man,
And as lengthy and strengthy and durable.
--- Conrad Aiken

Wicked witches have wishes of riches,
Or to chasten young children with switches;
If those avaricious
Met the ones who are vicious,
Which witches wished which wicked wishes?
--- Anon

An ethnologist, Henrik van Bynum,
Had a long black robe made, with a fine hem.
Off to coven he rode,
To notate some old mode,
Muttering, "Hell, if you can't Wiccam, join 'em."
--- Anon

Wily Wiccans, skins blackened by coal,
Chanted modal songs on a knoll,
When a scolar named Hite
Chanced upon their odd rite,
They transformed him into a small troll.

(Wiccans - modern church of white magic)
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Said a water witch, "Ships, I could check 'em,
Lure 'em on to sharp rocks and then wreck 'em."
But her nasty ambition
Never came to fruition,
For she lived on a small pond in Peckham.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

"Well this is the night, dark and eerie",
Said the witch to the zombie, her dearie.
"Since you've come from the dead,
We now can be wed."
The ghoul then did try hari-kiri.
--- Vertech Limerick Contest

Air traffic control suffered grave glitches
In Germany's skies, for the witches
Last night flew to Brocken
In search of good cock and
We guys had great fun with the bitches.
--- Dirruk

A witch, rather lacking in class,
Liked to fly through the church during Mass,
Till one day Bishop Mosier
With a swing of his crosier,
Knocked the silly witch flat on her ass.

(crosier - bishop's staff)
--- William N Nesbit P9610

A Halloween witch sang a tune,
As she boarded her broom for the moon.
This is quite a sad tale;
When she started to sail,
She slipped and dropped splat on Rangoon.
--- Vertech Limerick Contest

The Merthyr Tydfillians, they say,
Are all worthy townsfolk by day.
But they're not what they seem;
By the moon's mystic beam,
They mount broomsticks and all fly away.
--- Mary Danby Armada 1

My grandma was burned as a witch,
For it seems she often would switch
Her mop for a broom,
And off she would zoom--
To cavort without wearing a stitch.
--- Darrell Schweitzer P9506

It wasn't young Mabel that hoot;
'Twas an owl in the moonlight, I moot.
That girl was too busy
Drinking herself dizzy,
From a spoon, as she flew her old route.

She'll drink herself DIZZY, I'll bet,
And smoke a hand-rolled cigarette
Of wacky tobaccy.
She'll soon hit the sacky,
And waste not a drop of her sweat!

She's like something from out of a tomb;
I regret ever being her groom.
I don't get any lovin';
She's part of a coven.
My ex-wife's other car is a broom.
--- Anon

The witch lives in her cold lonely room;
Pride of place is for her trusty broom.
It is computerised,
Custom made for her thighs,
And has headlights to light up the gloom.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

Late at night, the witch saw a vandal
Destroying her Halloween candle.
The act made her fume!
In pursuit on her broom,
Quite angry, she flew off the handle!
--- Observer

Esmerelda, the witch from the west
Put her fancy new broom to the test
She mounted-up with glee,
Flew right into a tree,
And that was the end of her quest.
--- Anon

Her sister, the bitch from the east,
Showed her slitch to a hungry old beast.
He caught her and bit her
Then spit out her titter.
Her quest came to rest at yon feast.
--- Anon

A witch, with un-witchly demeanor,
Flies around on a used vacuum cleaner,
Every Halloween night
To cause panic and fright.
But she flies so damn fast, no one's seen her.
--- William N Nesbit P9610

An old witch, Emma-ugly-as-sin,
Loved to fly with her fat grimalkin;
But she's grounded of late,
By the aggregate weight
Of the cat, and the wart on her chin.
--- William N Nesbit P9610

There once was a witch who would fly
On a broom through a starry sky.
Then the broom handle broke
And her black cat awoke
And there on the ground they did lie.
--- Amanda Henard TP9807

Wanda the witch, on her broom,
Swept through the town yelling Zoom!
Through a perchance of luck,
Never heard the big truck
And she zoomed on her broom to her doom.
--- Anon

A nearsighted witch full of wine
Flew into a high tension line.
The birds were surprised
When she just vaporised,
But the birds are now feeling fine.
--- Naomi J Kahn

There once was a wicked old witch
Who had an insatiable niche.
Her boom handled pleasured
With thrusts, long and measured,
Which caused her to tremble and twitch.
--- Randog

This is file dql

If flying, she'd crazily pitch;
That "Kitch Hen" would take a big stitch,
And high over Oz,
Her soaring faux pas,
Would make the bitch crash in a ditch.
--- Randog

The night, dark and still as a tomb,
Was disturbed by a loud sonic boom,
When the witch, Grossest-yet,
Had a modern ram jet
Installed on the back of her broom.
--- William N Nesbit P9610

Said a dizzy old witch, with regret,
"High speed brooms are a trouble to get."
So she went on a course
To learn radar and Morse --
Now she flies an executive jet.
--- Mary Danby - 2nd Armada

Here was an old witch named Mean Molly,
Who thought swooping dogs was real jolly.
Her broom broke. Kersplat!
And she lost her black hat,
Now Molly is riding the trolley.
--- Anon

A librarian, H. Graham Wells,
Thought someone was ringing his bells,
When a witch on a broom
Fell into his room
And asked for a good book on spells.
--- Anon

When frost on the pumpkin is nipping,
And apple-jack's ready for sipping,
Witches sans panties,
Fly broomsticks (no man-tease),
For traction in action, no slipping!
--- Anon

A junior witch was christened Doom,
And was learning to ride on her broom.
She cried aloud: "Watch!"
As it lifted her crotch,
And she zoomed around over the room.
--- William K Alsop Jr

Through the heavens, Discovery zooms,
While excorted by witches on brooms,
Who were sent in to chase
It from Halloween space;
To protect secret spells, one assumes!
--- Prof M-G

Once a witch with a wart on her nose,
And with runs in her pantyhose,
Went and traded her broom
For a Hoover vacuum.
Where she hoovered to, nobody knows.
--- William D Robinson

Sometimes young Dee's eyes simply glow
At dusk when the sky's indigo,
And then she will hide --
Maybe take a ride --
My broomstick's now got vertigo!
--- Anon

While seated alone in my room,
I was disturbed by a loud sonic boom.
Getting up from my seat,
And running out in the street,
I saw a fast flying witch on a broom.
--- Arthur Pattaffy

There once was a Salem, Mass witch,
Who got mired on her broom in a ditch.
She yelled out a curse,
As she tried to reverse.
"Goddammit, this ditch is a bitch?"
--- Thomas Ratliff P0302

There was a Salem, Mass old witch,
Who got mired on her broom in a ditch.
She yelled out a curse,
As she tried to reverse:
"Goddammit, this ditch is a bitch!"
--- William K Alsop Jr

There was a slight man from Belize,
Who'd take off in a regular breeze.
He'd just look around,
As his feet left the ground;
He'd not fly too high or he would freeze!
--- Arthur Pattaffy

I wanted to sweep up today
And couldn't find where my broom lay.
I looked all around,
It couldn't be found;
And neither could Deasil all day!
--- Anon

After lunch the cat gave a big squawk
And I found I was missing a fork.
I heard Widdy laugh (Widdershins)
And a moo from the calf.
At questions I think I shall balk!
--- Anon

There's just this one dirty great toad
Which I found out there in the road
It was bringing a mouse
Back into the house
And off to the milk bowl it strode!
--- Anon

And Dea is now muttering and pointing
At Wid who I think she's anointing
About a familiar
Or something quite similiar
And now she is saying "disjointing"
--- Anon

For she has come back with the broom
I know 'twasn't up in her room
She weren't in the street
Or using her feet
And the broom is now needing a groom!
--- Anon

I dont know what Kids do today;
This stuff seems much more than just play
They are not yet three
And yet I can see
Already they're starting to stray!
--- Anon

From Salem to Cape Cod's far reaches,
Stretches miles and miles of nice beaches.
Many witches contrive
To be buried alive
Of "sandwiches", the historian teaches.
--- Marlene

An evil old woman from Preswich
Said, "I feel just like a sandwich."
Squashed under a door,
Piled by rocks by the score;
Suffocation's the fate of a pressed witch.
--- Marlene

In England, but ten miles away
From the town that I live in today,
Some centuries past,
There resided the last
Of the Witch Finder Generals, they say.
--- Peter W

Now Witch Finder Generals were paid
To find widows or any old maid
who kept broomsticks and cats
And cooked bat wings in vats,
While they muttered or mumbled and prayed.
--- Peter W

If they uttered a curse or a spell,
They were ducked in a river or well.
If they drowned, well OK.
If they surfaced, then Hey!
That just proved they were guilty as hell.
--- Peter W

In America drowning was spurned
And very few witches were burned.
Hanging was their fate
But then 'twas too late
To inquire if a lesson was learned.
--- Marlene

"Oh Mirror what 'angs on the wall!
Say who is the fairest of all;
Who's gentle and kind
And truly refined.
You're smashed if you make the wrong call."
--- Tiddy Ogg

Now mirrors that talk are quite rare,
And children, there wasn't one there;
Just ventriloquist Mike
Who'd say what he'd like;
To otherwise do, he'd not dare.
--- Tiddy Ogg

But life in that mirror-baked cell
Was getting to feel like a hell.
He'd been at the scotch,
And this day he'll botch
The job, when she asks him, he'll yell...
--- Tiddy Ogg

"It ain't you, you warty old hog!
The fairest is Ermintrude Ogg.
There ain't no lass cuter;
She's fitted with hooters
That makes boys jack off in the bog."
--- Tiddy Ogg

So what happens next? The old bitch
Trolls out for to find her a witch,
To conjure a spell
Giving Ermintrude Hell...
It worked with no hint of a hitch.
--- Tiddy Ogg

She couldn't change Trudi's angelity,
So cursed her instead with fidelity,
To husband so hideous
One Oggimus Tiddeus,
Who rendered her life utter hellity.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A virile young man from Pine Bluff
Thought rituals were never enough
When wrapped up in clothes,
Shirt, tie, pants and bows,
So he practised his craft in the buff.
--- Liath MacTyre


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