Santa bring treats for girls and for boys; On the house top landed St. Nick; 'Twas the night before Christmas in Cheers. (Cheers - a popular TV show in the late 1980's)
Ding dong merrily upon high; On Christmas, a lady named Gay Once while resting, Santa did sit Old Santa's cash need was so dire, Woo-hoo! It's not long until X-mas -- There must be a zillion or more Dear Santa Claus, bring me a sheath While visiting Santa's North Pole, When Santa golfs at the North Pole, Old Santa lives at the North Pole, So let us now just pause a tick, In his FULIGINOUS suit of red In the night, Santa did come quickly When Santa was out in his sleigh, I'm sorry, no presents this year; I'm also, and have been since May, What's more, after raining all week, So stuff it -- I'm going away; I'm writing this letter to say I am left, with a donkey. He's slow I'm sorry to hear of your fate, If the kids don't leave you something It seems times are now very hard So goodbye to our yearly tradition We offer this greeting for mantle Wow! Tonight we are bad; Santa School grads are taught to be deft It was Santa (I could tell by his head), I found when I Christmased on Bimini, Santa was caught with Sue Poff,
This is file dom
My kids, they all wait for Saint Nick The Mall stores are all now a-humming; Santa's stuck in the chimney, oh my! A supple young lady called Kimberly Let us now just pause a tick To visit the Lion of Oz, There's a question designed to perplex; Santa, readying annual trip, What Santa next learned increased stress. Even more stress came with sleigh broken, When Santa chose coffee, he stumbled. The angel had great Christmas tree And dear friends, between thee and me, An errant brunette in Atlanta His tongue, in her crotch, got to flyin' You'd think that this might be a drag He screwed her in various styles I have told of the girl from Atlanta -- Then there's the lawyer from Lowell, The Lowellian gal felt contrite, Santa flew with this barristerette The couple then flew straight away While visiting Santa's North Pole, I hear Blitzen is smitten with Vixen, While visiting Santa's North Pole, Put selfish desires on a shelf; Shelve selfish desires? Are you kidding? I don't think an elf serves my needs; It's come as a bit of a shock, That jolly old fattie, Saint Nick, When Mrs. Claus heard of this tryst, Santa, feigning shame and remorse, You can sell me that Dancer right here,
He brings young and old festive joys.
No kids of his own,
But Santa won't moan,
He cares not if his sacks contain toys!
--- Anon
The snow it was up to his dick.
So he stayed in the sleigh,
And went on his way.
Cheez! What an old bearded prick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
In walks Santa and all those reindeers.
Did they drink? Have no doubt!
Till the old man passed out,
And Norm picked up the tab for the beers.
--- Writerman
Old Santa's sleigh flies through the sky.
Kids don't believe us,
"How can you deceive us
And tell such an obvious lie."
--- Tony Burrell
Said, "Santa's part I cannot play.
I fear that maybe
I'm having a baby;
Can't get down the chimney this way."
--- Chairman Steve
In a living room just for a bit.
But a Playboy he read,
And then found to his dread,
In the chimney he now couldn't fit!
--- Anon
He thought he would pose sans attire.
But no one would pay
To see Santa lay
On a belly that looked like a tire.
--- Anon
I feel it in my solar plexus.
Hanging stockings with glee,
Paired with lingere.
Said Santa "Dear, you over sex-us".
--- Anon
Of parodies written hard core,
On the night before Santy's
Been dropping down panties,
And pumping those pussies galore.
--- Anon
To hold up my privates beneath;
If they don't stop draggin'
The ground from their saggin',
My heirs will soon hang a black wreath!
--- Travis Brasell
With a horny young woman I know,
She said, "Santa's dick
Is quite long and thick,
But I wouldn't call it a pole!"
--- Blowcephus T9712
His ball always goes in the hole.
But he can't hit very far,
So he plays over par,
'Cause hole 18 is at the South Pole.
--- Diane Christian
And gifting young children's his goal.
So if you believe,
Come late Christmas eve;
You may catch him playing his role.
--- Gifford Wherry
To talk a bit about Saint Nick.
He completes his flight
In just one night;
So Old Saint Nick is mighty quick.
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0401
He climbed back on his sled.
It had been a long night
But the end was in sight,
And Santa longed for his bed.
--- Norm Brust
To my bedstead and filled stocking thickly.
'Twas all I desired;
Santa Claus I admired,
Cute red Devil horns which were tickly!
--- Fluffy
He said, "How I love Christmas Day!
All over the Earth,
We rejoice at his birth."
And the reindeer all shouted "Oy vey!"
--- Bill Wall
The reindeer are missing, I fear.
The wife has gone too;
She's found someone new;
And the elves are on strike for more beer.
--- Liam na Beag
Awaiting repairs to my sleigh;
And all the mechanic
Can say is "Don't panic".
I doubt that he'll fix it today.
--- Liam na Baeg
It seems that my roof's sprung a leak.
It's damp and I'm freezin';
I'm starting to wheeze 'n'
My voice is but merely a squeak.
--- Anon
You'll just have to lump it and play,
Dear girls and dear boys,
With last Christmas's toys,
And be grateful you got 'em, okay?
--- Liam na Beag
The government's taken away
The tools that I use
Every year, like my shoes,
My workshop, my reindeer, my sleigh.
--- Liam na Baeg
And he's stubborn and cranky. So know,
If you don't see me pass
Before this Christmas,
I'm out on my ass in the snow!
--- Anon
That this year, Xmas is to be late.
But come on St. Nick,
I can teach you a trick,
On how to charge them a fixed rate.
--- Anon
In return for the gifts that you bring,
Like cookies and milk,
Or gold, silver and silk,
Then how can you live like a king?
--- Anon
For Old Nick to get some reward.
He's getting too old,
The North Pole's too cold,
And the night sky is no longer starred.
--- Anon
Of fire places roaring ignition.
No more stockings to hang,
And fireworks to bang,
Thanks to St. Nicks poorly made decision.
--- Anon
Of fireplace or for moose's antle.
Be sure to leave space
At whichever place
For Santa to rock, roll and rantle.
--- Daniel Ford
We drank all the beer that we had.
Then started on Buds;
Would've drunk some soap suds.
Santa's still here, drunk! Egad!
--- Annie Jay
So that at Commencement they may heft
Snow white tassels, fur trimmed,
Atop red caps unbrimmed,
From the right side across to the left.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0401
Under covers in Grandmother's bed.
He said, "Don't you see,
It's much better for me,
Than sleeping with Rudolf instead!"
--- M C MacFarland
Why Santa's unfruitful, by jiminey.
The conclusion is clear,
Only one time a year
Does he come, then he shoots down the chimney.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9504
In bed with his boots and his suit off.
The thought makes me quiver;
Now he can't deliver,
'Cause Mrs. Claus shot all his root off.
--- Blowcephus T9712
To do his great down-the-flue trick.
But I'm stoking the fire.
The flames they grow higher.
I think I may singe the man's wick.
--- Mr B
My red suit, white beard and tum-tumming;
You'll sit on my knee
And make a sweet plea
For what I'm to bring while I'm coming!
--- Anon
Bring my pliers and I'll give it a try.
If I should fail,
Let time prevail.
He's sure to lose weight by July.
--- Lynn Mostafa
Found Santa Claus stuck in her chimberly.
An eight-inch erection
Had jammed his mid-section,
But she soon solved the problem quite nimberly.
--- Michael Horgan
To talk a bit about Saint Nick.
He completes his flight
In just one night,
So old Saint Nick is mighty quick.
--- William K Alsop Jr
You should go on a Christmas because
Your choices are two --
Tornado or you
Try hitch-hiking with Santa Claus.
--- Irving Superior P8812
Santa asking a little kid for sex.
Knowing not what to do,
Saying he'd like a screw,
But "You don't need carpentry for sex!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Found many problems there along strip;
Some elves falling ill,
Trainees too slow still,
And others coming down with the grippe.
--- Daniel Ford
Mother-in-law would visit distress
Upon his poor head,
But then more was said:
Three pregnant reindeer, too gone to press.
--- Daniel Ford
Spilling the toys; left only token.
Santa nedded drink
Broke glass in the sink,
Empty cabinet left him smokin'.
--- Daniel Ford
The doorbell rang and then he grumbled,
"Who the hell is this?"
But little angel miss
Stood there at door and he was humbled.
--- Daniel Ford
To deliver to Santa, you see.
"This tree's the ticket;
Where should I stick it?"
Asked angel on deliviering spree.
--- Daniel Ford
Is the process by which, most likely,
In Santa's house tall
The angel most small
Came to be atop the Christmas tree.
--- Daniel Ford
Had trouble believing in Santa.
But the day that Saint Nick
Flashed his candy-striped prick,
Her belief and her nipples grew granda.
--- Bribelge
As soon as she let the old guy in.
But her nutcracker thighs
Destroyed his disguise,
Revealing that Santa was Brian.
--- Bribelge
But the maiden was not one to brag
A thing she had goin',
So she kept right on blowin',
Until Brian Claus gave her a shag.
--- Bribelge
As she pllied her Atlantttean wiles.
Then he left in his sleigh
But they say, to this day,
When the girl thinks of Santa, she smiles.
--- Bribelge
How she came to beleve in old Santa --
How she swallowed his lie
And now swears he's the guy
That left her with Santa's Infanta.
--- Bribelge
That took everything Santa could dole.
She demanded from Santa
What the girl from Atlanta
Got, but all that he brought her was coal.
--- Bribelge
And decided to treat Santa right.
She cockled his shells
And jingled his bells,
And no one was silent that night.
--- Bribelge
As fast as the fastest fast jet.
And while they were flying,
"'Tis I," he said, Brian --
And the sight of you gets me all wet!
--- Bribelge
For a tryst out near Stroudsburg PA,
Where they shared Christmas cheer
Bringing in the new year
With a kiss and a roll in the sleigh.
--- Bribelge
Mrs. Claus kept me from the cold.
She gave me a gift
Of her pussey and tits,
And that was much better than coal!
--- Blowcephus T9712
And itchin' to get a few licks in.
But it's tough, don't you know,
To mount any doe,
When the Elf-men keep stuffin' their dicks in!
--- Brian Belge
I took out a big joint to roll.
Smoked half with an elf,
Who I bonked on the shelf;
Both made the poor bastard's eyes roll!
--- Cyberhog T9801
Think of others first, not yourself.
Do only good deeds,
And for sexual needs,
Old Santa might bring you an elf!
--- Anon
I want what I want at my bidding!
Now, bring me some honeys
Who've tight and wet cunnies,
With cherries intact for the ridding!
--- Anon
Alone he'd be lost in the weeds
Of my pubic hair.
Who'd find him in there?
But think of how long he can feed.
--- Wuzzums
To hear that you sport an elf-lock. (tangle of hair)
On hearing this news,
I want no cashews;
Pistachio nuts I will stock.
--- SFA
Felt a great need to go dip his wick;
So he buggered poor Vixen,
Two elves, and then Blitzen,
With jingle bells tied to his prick.
--- Flying Booger
Her reaction was not very nice.
With the whip from his sleigh,
His plump butt she did flay,
Then said, "He won't do this twice!"
--- Flying Booger
Begged her not to file for divorce.
But that night in the toolshed,
He took Comet and Cupid,
And a dwarf who was hung like a horse.
--- Flying Booger
And Oh! how the children will cheer
When I unhitch the sleigh
On the next Christmas Day,
And buck that sweet deer up the rear.
--- Brian Belge