Santa bring treats for girls and for boys;
He brings young and old festive joys.
No kids of his own,
But Santa won't moan,
He cares not if his sacks contain toys!
--- Anon

On the house top landed St. Nick;
The snow it was up to his dick.
So he stayed in the sleigh,
And went on his way.
Cheez! What an old bearded prick.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

'Twas the night before Christmas in Cheers.
In walks Santa and all those reindeers.
Did they drink? Have no doubt!
Till the old man passed out,
And Norm picked up the tab for the beers.

(Cheers - a popular TV show in the late 1980's)
--- Writerman

Ding dong merrily upon high;
Old Santa's sleigh flies through the sky.
Kids don't believe us,
"How can you deceive us
And tell such an obvious lie."
--- Tony Burrell

On Christmas, a lady named Gay
Said, "Santa's part I cannot play.
I fear that maybe
I'm having a baby;
Can't get down the chimney this way."
--- Chairman Steve

Once while resting, Santa did sit
In a living room just for a bit.
But a Playboy he read,
And then found to his dread,
In the chimney he now couldn't fit!
--- Anon

Old Santa's cash need was so dire,
He thought he would pose sans attire.
But no one would pay
To see Santa lay
On a belly that looked like a tire.
--- Anon

Woo-hoo! It's not long until X-mas --
I feel it in my solar plexus.
Hanging stockings with glee,
Paired with lingere.
Said Santa "Dear, you over sex-us".
--- Anon

There must be a zillion or more
Of parodies written hard core,
On the night before Santy's
Been dropping down panties,
And pumping those pussies galore.
--- Anon

Dear Santa Claus, bring me a sheath
To hold up my privates beneath;
If they don't stop draggin'
The ground from their saggin',
My heirs will soon hang a black wreath!
--- Travis Brasell

While visiting Santa's North Pole,
With a horny young woman I know,
She said, "Santa's dick
Is quite long and thick,
But I wouldn't call it a pole!"
--- Blowcephus T9712

When Santa golfs at the North Pole,
His ball always goes in the hole.
But he can't hit very far,
So he plays over par,
'Cause hole 18 is at the South Pole.
--- Diane Christian

Old Santa lives at the North Pole,
And gifting young children's his goal.
So if you believe,
Come late Christmas eve;
You may catch him playing his role.
--- Gifford Wherry

So let us now just pause a tick,
To talk a bit about Saint Nick.
He completes his flight
In just one night;
So Old Saint Nick is mighty quick.
--- Thomas A Ratliff Jr P0401

In his FULIGINOUS suit of red
He climbed back on his sled.
It had been a long night
But the end was in sight,
And Santa longed for his bed.
--- Norm Brust

In the night, Santa did come quickly
To my bedstead and filled stocking thickly.
'Twas all I desired;
Santa Claus I admired,
Cute red Devil horns which were tickly!
--- Fluffy

When Santa was out in his sleigh,
He said, "How I love Christmas Day!
All over the Earth,
We rejoice at his birth."
And the reindeer all shouted "Oy vey!"
--- Bill Wall

I'm sorry, no presents this year;
The reindeer are missing, I fear.
The wife has gone too;
She's found someone new;
And the elves are on strike for more beer.
--- Liam na Beag

I'm also, and have been since May,
Awaiting repairs to my sleigh;
And all the mechanic
Can say is "Don't panic".
I doubt that he'll fix it today.
--- Liam na Baeg

What's more, after raining all week,
It seems that my roof's sprung a leak.
It's damp and I'm freezin';
I'm starting to wheeze 'n'
My voice is but merely a squeak.
--- Anon

So stuff it -- I'm going away;
You'll just have to lump it and play,
Dear girls and dear boys,
With last Christmas's toys,
And be grateful you got 'em, okay?
--- Liam na Beag

I'm writing this letter to say
The government's taken away
The tools that I use
Every year, like my shoes,
My workshop, my reindeer, my sleigh.
--- Liam na Baeg

I am left, with a donkey. He's slow
And he's stubborn and cranky. So know,
If you don't see me pass
Before this Christmas,
I'm out on my ass in the snow!
--- Anon

I'm sorry to hear of your fate,
That this year, Xmas is to be late.
But come on St. Nick,
I can teach you a trick,
On how to charge them a fixed rate.
--- Anon

If the kids don't leave you something
In return for the gifts that you bring,
Like cookies and milk,
Or gold, silver and silk,
Then how can you live like a king?
--- Anon

It seems times are now very hard
For Old Nick to get some reward.
He's getting too old,
The North Pole's too cold,
And the night sky is no longer starred.
--- Anon

So goodbye to our yearly tradition
Of fire places roaring ignition.
No more stockings to hang,
And fireworks to bang,
Thanks to St. Nicks poorly made decision.
--- Anon

We offer this greeting for mantle
Of fireplace or for moose's antle.
Be sure to leave space
At whichever place
For Santa to rock, roll and rantle.
--- Daniel Ford

Wow! Tonight we are bad;
We drank all the beer that we had.
Then started on Buds;
Would've drunk some soap suds.
Santa's still here, drunk! Egad!
--- Annie Jay

Santa School grads are taught to be deft
So that at Commencement they may heft
Snow white tassels, fur trimmed,
Atop red caps unbrimmed,
From the right side across to the left.
--- Loren Fitzhugh P0401

It was Santa (I could tell by his head),
Under covers in Grandmother's bed.
He said, "Don't you see,
It's much better for me,
Than sleeping with Rudolf instead!"
--- M C MacFarland

I found when I Christmased on Bimini,
Why Santa's unfruitful, by jiminey.
The conclusion is clear,
Only one time a year
Does he come, then he shoots down the chimney.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9504

Santa was caught with Sue Poff,
In bed with his boots and his suit off.
The thought makes me quiver;
Now he can't deliver,
'Cause Mrs. Claus shot all his root off.
--- Blowcephus T9712

This is file dom

My kids, they all wait for Saint Nick
To do his great down-the-flue trick.
But I'm stoking the fire.
The flames they grow higher.
I think I may singe the man's wick.
--- Mr B

The Mall stores are all now a-humming;
My red suit, white beard and tum-tumming;
You'll sit on my knee
And make a sweet plea
For what I'm to bring while I'm coming!
--- Anon

Santa's stuck in the chimney, oh my!
Bring my pliers and I'll give it a try.
If I should fail,
Let time prevail.
He's sure to lose weight by July.
--- Lynn Mostafa

A supple young lady called Kimberly
Found Santa Claus stuck in her chimberly.
An eight-inch erection
Had jammed his mid-section,
But she soon solved the problem quite nimberly.
--- Michael Horgan

Let us now just pause a tick
To talk a bit about Saint Nick.
He completes his flight
In just one night,
So old Saint Nick is mighty quick.
--- William K Alsop Jr

To visit the Lion of Oz,
You should go on a Christmas because
Your choices are two --
Tornado or you
Try hitch-hiking with Santa Claus.
--- Irving Superior P8812

There's a question designed to perplex;
Santa asking a little kid for sex.
Knowing not what to do,
Saying he'd like a screw,
But "You don't need carpentry for sex!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Santa, readying annual trip,
Found many problems there along strip;
Some elves falling ill,
Trainees too slow still,
And others coming down with the grippe.
--- Daniel Ford

What Santa next learned increased stress.
Mother-in-law would visit distress
Upon his poor head,
But then more was said:
Three pregnant reindeer, too gone to press.
--- Daniel Ford

Even more stress came with sleigh broken,
Spilling the toys; left only token.
Santa nedded drink
Broke glass in the sink,
Empty cabinet left him smokin'.
--- Daniel Ford

When Santa chose coffee, he stumbled.
The doorbell rang and then he grumbled,
"Who the hell is this?"
But little angel miss
Stood there at door and he was humbled.
--- Daniel Ford

The angel had great Christmas tree
To deliver to Santa, you see.
"This tree's the ticket;
Where should I stick it?"
Asked angel on deliviering spree.
--- Daniel Ford

And dear friends, between thee and me,
Is the process by which, most likely,
In Santa's house tall
The angel most small
Came to be atop the Christmas tree.
--- Daniel Ford

An errant brunette in Atlanta
Had trouble believing in Santa.
But the day that Saint Nick
Flashed his candy-striped prick,
Her belief and her nipples grew granda.
--- Bribelge

His tongue, in her crotch, got to flyin'
As soon as she let the old guy in.
But her nutcracker thighs
Destroyed his disguise,
Revealing that Santa was Brian.
--- Bribelge

You'd think that this might be a drag
But the maiden was not one to brag
A thing she had goin',
So she kept right on blowin',
Until Brian Claus gave her a shag.
--- Bribelge

He screwed her in various styles
As she pllied her Atlantttean wiles.
Then he left in his sleigh
But they say, to this day,
When the girl thinks of Santa, she smiles.
--- Bribelge

I have told of the girl from Atlanta --
How she came to beleve in old Santa --
How she swallowed his lie
And now swears he's the guy
That left her with Santa's Infanta.
--- Bribelge

Then there's the lawyer from Lowell,
That took everything Santa could dole.
She demanded from Santa
What the girl from Atlanta
Got, but all that he brought her was coal.
--- Bribelge

The Lowellian gal felt contrite,
And decided to treat Santa right.
She cockled his shells
And jingled his bells,
And no one was silent that night.
--- Bribelge

Santa flew with this barristerette
As fast as the fastest fast jet.
And while they were flying,
"'Tis I," he said, Brian --
And the sight of you gets me all wet!
--- Bribelge

The couple then flew straight away
For a tryst out near Stroudsburg PA,
Where they shared Christmas cheer
Bringing in the new year
With a kiss and a roll in the sleigh.
--- Bribelge

While visiting Santa's North Pole,
Mrs. Claus kept me from the cold.
She gave me a gift
Of her pussey and tits,
And that was much better than coal!
--- Blowcephus T9712

I hear Blitzen is smitten with Vixen,
And itchin' to get a few licks in.
But it's tough, don't you know,
To mount any doe,
When the Elf-men keep stuffin' their dicks in!
--- Brian Belge

While visiting Santa's North Pole,
I took out a big joint to roll.
Smoked half with an elf,
Who I bonked on the shelf;
Both made the poor bastard's eyes roll!
--- Cyberhog T9801

Put selfish desires on a shelf;
Think of others first, not yourself.
Do only good deeds,
And for sexual needs,
Old Santa might bring you an elf!
--- Anon

Shelve selfish desires? Are you kidding?
I want what I want at my bidding!
Now, bring me some honeys
Who've tight and wet cunnies,
With cherries intact for the ridding!
--- Anon

I don't think an elf serves my needs;
Alone he'd be lost in the weeds
Of my pubic hair.
Who'd find him in there?
But think of how long he can feed.
--- Wuzzums

It's come as a bit of a shock,
To hear that you sport an elf-lock. (tangle of hair)
On hearing this news,
I want no cashews;
Pistachio nuts I will stock.
--- SFA

That jolly old fattie, Saint Nick,
Felt a great need to go dip his wick;
So he buggered poor Vixen,
Two elves, and then Blitzen,
With jingle bells tied to his prick.
--- Flying Booger

When Mrs. Claus heard of this tryst,
Her reaction was not very nice.
With the whip from his sleigh,
His plump butt she did flay,
Then said, "He won't do this twice!"
--- Flying Booger

Santa, feigning shame and remorse,
Begged her not to file for divorce.
But that night in the toolshed,
He took Comet and Cupid,
And a dwarf who was hung like a horse.
--- Flying Booger

You can sell me that Dancer right here,
And Oh! how the children will cheer
When I unhitch the sleigh
On the next Christmas Day,
And buck that sweet deer up the rear.
--- Brian Belge