Though Dancer was pulling the sleigh, "How unfair can you get?" children shout. When the crapper was smashed by his sled, Said Santa, without any pause, While taking some toys off his shelves, "Do not fuck with the deer," Santa warns; In his sled Santa placed every toy, A jolly old gent called St. Nicholas While Santa was sipping a beer, That mask with the white beard and all, They said that they want me to be Santa's helper, the venerable elf, I looked out my window last night One night Santa's elves went wacky. Well, Mrs. Santa reacted with a kick, Each Christmas, when Santa leaves home, I hear Mrs Clause prefers elves Forget not those reindeer outdoors, The North Pole is a little bit shy Said a nutcracker who lived in a suite, Said Santa, "You elves made a mess Much quicker than Blitzen and Donner, Not wishing to lose sticky wealth, There was a young reindeer named Clyde, While Santa had paused for a cookie, "Now Rudolph won't guide through the fog," The next one to speak was old Vixen, "You reindeer, stop raising a ruckus," Santa, he loves a good shag, In Edinburgh, they've got a pit, Santa Claus comes once a year; Poor Rudolph the Reindeer is dead. There once was a reindeer named Rudy;
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Why is Rudolph's nose so red? Here's a question I'd like to propose Rudolph was eating his hay When asked if he's dumb as he looks, Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer Rudolph has a red nose, The daring young fag from Atlanta When Santa had downed quite a few Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer I went for a ride Christmas night; Blitzen slammed several shots, Old Santa and all of his elves Santa's helper keeps glue on the shelf What awful dumb help he's employin', The klutziest elves e'er he saw; While visiting Santa's North Pole, In their toil for unselfish causes, Now the fairy at the top of the tree, Santa said, "Of Christmas I'm sick; The fairies that pack Santa's toys, One of Santa Claus's elves named McGoo, On the couch, right away, Santa spied At Christmas, a lady named Plum The reason St. Nick is so Jolly: A cagey old elf, name of Kringle, The reason old Santa's so jolly, Last year in my house was a thriller, Dear Santa, my wish-list for Crimbo At Christmas each girl and each boy Jolly St. Nick's good to me; I wonder what Christmas will be, "For Christmas", she said with a tingle, The snow at my feet, how it swirls The shit 'neath my boots, how it squishes,
She never, but never would play!
She'll soon be replaced --
The ad I have placed --
I'm selling her off on Ebay.
--- Archie
"We're enraged! We no longer just pout.
Revenge we'll take of course
For outrageous outsourc-
ing by which Kris forced all his Elves out.
--- Loren C Fitzhugh P9712
Santa reeked from his boots to his head!
"Did I not make it clear
You dim-witted reindeer?
On the roof of the Schmitt house, I said!"
--- William N Nesbit P9601
"I have a great sex life because
The elves love to suck,
And for a great fuck,
There's reindeer and old Mrs. Claus.
--- Blowcephus T9712
Santa caught two of his elves,
Each, cock in hand.
Came the strong reprimand:
"Play among -- and not with yourselves!"
--- Writerman
For the day that he did, he still mourns.
He had thought to fuck Blitzen
For he felt that it fits in,
But he hung by the balls on his horns.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2380
But this action was only a ploy
To mislead Mrs. Claus,
And his reason -- because
He was spending the night, spreading Joy.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0356
Has certain strange habits that tickle us.
His reindeer, they say,
Eat more than just hay --
And his passion for elves is ridiculous.
--- Norm Storer
An elf was out humping a deer.
Mrs Santa got drunk
And made love to a punk,
'Cause Nick only comes once a year!
--- Robert Birch
I think I'll just leave in the hall.
'Cause if I try the jiggles,
I'll just get the giggles,
And pray that my top does not fall.
--- Anon
Santa Claus for the party, you see.
But a red mini dress --
Everyone will guess
Just as soon as they sit on my knee.
--- Anon
Fetches toys down from high off the shelf.
When Old Nick sees his backside,
He starts his "attack glide."
He views "elf-butt" as toys for himself.
--- Jabbo Stokes T9712
And witnessed one hell of a sight.
'Twas the big man in red
Giving Rudolph some head,
With an elf jacking off on the right!
--- Jeeves
They mailed lingerie that was tacky
Out to all nuns,
With print on the buns,
Signed: MERRY CHRISTMAS, BY CRACKY!!!
--- Annie Jay
Led the elves and Rudolf off to Arctic:
"Good bye, you old fart,
Take care of your heart,
And, lest it drop off, hang on to your dick!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection
His dear Mrs Claus will then roam
Throughout their huge castle,
While hoping to 'wrassle'
A gnome and then muff-buff his dome.
--- Travis Brasell
Who live all the summer on shelves.
When Santa's in bed,
She goes 'round giving head
To them, tens at a time, maybe twelves.
--- Peter Wilkins
That Dancer and Vixen are whores.
They let all the stags
Treat them like scags --
Ever seen a reindeer in drawers?
--- Brian
Of girl elves, and I guess that is why
Those reindeer like Vixen
Get a bit extra fixin' --
No wonder those suckers can fly!
--- John Miller 0170
"For cracking nuts I can't be beat.
I can open quite well
Any really hard shell,
But I never get any to eat!"
--- Diane Christian
On Barbie, but oh, nonetheless,
Next time when you work,
Please try not to jerk
Your dicks 'till you take off her dress!"
--- Travis Brasell
He dashed away jism upon 'er.
This premature elf
Embarrassed himself
When - Ho, Ho - his wood was a goner.
--- Q
Then she, with a great deal of stealth,
Licked up all the spunk (it
Quite tasted of junket.)
'Cause goblin's bad for your elf. (health)
--- David Miller
Who wanted to join Santa's ride.
But he learned with despair,
No flying through the air,
No matter how hard poor Clyde tried.
--- Diane Christian
Seems Blitzen was calling his bookie;
While Comet and Cupid
Had drunk themselves stupid,
And Rudolph was searching for nookie!
--- Cap'n Bean
Mourned Santa, "It must be the nog
He drank, so we're screwed!"
But Rudolph then spewed,
"Nay! Screwed's what I got from Tid Ogg!"
--- Travis Brasell
Who said "If Tid gets near, I'll fix 'em.
And now that old masher
Is hot after Dasher,
Who likes kicking balls and betwixt 'em.
--- Frank Fazed
Said Santa, "I've called Ogg to truck us
Through all of this snow!"
The deer cried, "Oh no!
Like last year, old Ogg will just fuck us!"
--- Travis Brasell
With his does and sometimes his stag.
While delivering gifts,
He screws them in shifts,
From Havana to Brisbane to Skag. (way)
--- Dick Slimer T9712
Displaying a scene of some wit.
Spiked elves on the wall,
S Claus in a caul-
Dron, robins a-roast on the spit.
--- Tiddy Ogg
His lovers, of course, are his deer.
But he's had to suffice
With the eight who play nice,
'Cause old Rudolf won't let the guy near.
--- Actaeon
Some drunkard drove over his head.
Despite the bad gashing,
His nose is still flashing,
Though it's held on by only a thread.
--- Tony Burrell
Leading the sleigh was his duty.
When Santa yelled, "WHOA!",
The second reindeer didn't know,
And his nose went straight up Rudolph's booty!
--- Jim Weaver Collection
If you were in front and had led
Horny deer through the night,
Your ass would be tight,
If Donner's dick was where you thought his head.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
About Rudolph and all his young does.
With such succulent rump,
Should it not be his lump
That's all shiny and red -- not his nose.
--- Dick Slimer T9712
When Santa said "Up, Up, Away!"
Rudy packed a hay snack
In a reindeer backpack,
For a tasty in-transit souffle.
--- Christine Brim
Said Rudolph the Reindeer, "Gadzooks!
In bed every night,
I use my own light
And read dozens and dozens of books."
--- Diane Christian
Had a very shiny rear.
Said to a friend, "Love,
This is the end of
My illustrious career."
--- Lynn Mostafa
But not as red as his hose.
He pokes every girl,
And gives them a whirl;
His dick is so sore that it shows!
--- Annie Mae Hentai T9712
Had a hot Christmas Eve with old Santa.
But he got quite sick
When he sucked Rudolph's dick,
And he had to drink lots of Mylanta.
--- Jim Weaver Collection
Of his favorite winter-time brew,
He peeked out the door
To see Rudolph galore,
And said, "Whiskey I ought to eschew."
--- Peter Wilkins
Had a very shiny rear.
Said with a shout,
"I can't figure it out,
But Prancer's quite sure I'm queer."
--- Lynn Mostafa
The moon overhead shining bright.
In Santa's red sleigh
With elves there to lay,
I sang carols with all of my might.
--- Anon
Santa had peppermint schnapps.
Rudolph's nose was red,
The elves crashed the sled --
Those North Pole guys really are sots!
--- Lynn
Were stocking toys on the shelves.
The elves think it corny
When Santa gets horny,
And into Mrs. Claus he delves.
--- Annie Mae Hentai T9712
So often, he just helps himself.
His toys all need fixin';
His finger he sticks in.
Santa says, "You ENJOYIN' yours, elf?"
--- Gary Hallock
Who can't so well toys thus ENJOIN.
Their toys all are busted;
Can elves not be trusted?
Now Santa finds this most annoyin'.
--- Gary Hallock
Now St Nick must lay down the law.
He's jolly no longer
Aand wants toys built stronger;
ENJOINS them, "Construct without flaw!"
--- Gary Hallock
Just south of the last jellyroll,
Mrs. Claus made the head
All shiny and red,
While Santa just puffed on a bowl.
--- T9712
The helpers take very few pauses,
Under Santa's kind gaze,
For in so many ways,
His elves are subordinate Clauses.
--- Bob Giandomenico P9912
Exclaimed with a great deal of glee,
"This one branch up my cunt,
Is making me grunt,
But I've got room for another three."
--- Anon
Those damn kids and being Saint Nick!
My wife and the elves
Can go fuck themselves!
And Rudolph can suck on my dick!"
--- John Chastaine
When copulating, make lots of noise.
It's a terrible din,
Playing with Vixen's quim;
It's a pleasure the reindeer enjoys.
--- Anon
Asked one day of his boss, "Is it true?
Ms. Claus is a fox
With a tight little box,
Who, when coming, lets out a great MOO?
--- Violet T9712
A voluptuous girl, legs spread wide.
"Won't you stay, purred this beauty,
He said, "Hell with my duty!
I can't fit back up if I tried!"
--- John Miller a
Presented her bare-naked bum,
And asked Santa to fuck,
But old Santa said, "Yuck,
Down the chimney, I've already come!"
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1891
He's screwing a cute elf named Molly.
He gets high as a kite,
And eats Molly all night,
So his jock strap's elastic, by golly.
--- Ca['n Bean
Took a break one cold night for to mingle.
Mrs Klaus found him, naughty,
With a cute little hottie,
And old Santa soon found himself single.
--- Scott Oliver
He's screwing a woman named Holly.
He's got weed in his pipe,
He eats cookies all night,
And his waistbands's elastic, by golly.
--- Cap'n Bean
When Santa came with stocking filler.
At my girlfriend's request,
We made love fully dressed,
So he just had to wait while I drill her.
--- Anon
Is really quite simple -- a bimbo;
A Sharon or Tracy
In underwear lacy,
Whose thighs are forever akimbo.
--- Peter Wilkins
Expects Santa Claus to deploy
His fine reindeer and sled,
Gifts and goodwill to spread,
But he spends the whole night spreading Joy.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-0052
Brings to homes many gifts to see.
But a black eye he paid,
Because he laid
The wrong doll under the tree.
--- Bob
No merriment, good cheer or glee.
Now that Santa's arrested,
Because someone protested,
That he laid some doll under their tree.
--- Anon
"I'd love a gift cunnilingual."
'Twas with joy and surprise
She found 'twixt her thighs
The tongue of jolly Kris Kringle.
--- Stan
As the Holiday season unfurls!
I asked old St Nick
To try a new trick,
And send me a list of BAD girls.
--- Irish
As I make my Holiday wishes.
I wrote in my letter
To Santa, it's better
For pussies to smell more like fishes!
--- Travis Brasell