MORE

My cousin, the honorable Jed Rose,
Was kinda strange I suppose.
He'd void his bowels
On white paper towels,
Then lift his dung to his nose.
--- Anon

There was a young man from Panama
Who took a very strong enema.
It blew out his guts,
All over his nuts,
So he won't take an enema any more.
--- G2718

A nasty perverted young Brit
Loved playing around with his shit.
He said "What most I do fear
Is the old diarrhea,
Which quite spoils the texture of it."
--- Jim Weaver Collection

A fat-headed female named Burt
Was an artist in sexual dirt.
She devotedly shat
In her shoes or her hat,
And wiped her backside with her shirt.
--- G1362

My sneakers were smelling like ass,
So I checked and "Oh No and Alas!"
I'd run on the lawn,
'Twas just after dawn,
And found some chien poo de grass.
--- Archie

A vicious young man named Snerd,
Had a sick sense of humor, we've heard.
To get back at his aunts,
He shit in his pants,
And smeared the whole floor with his turds.
--- Anon

There was a young fellow named Paul,
He could not trust his ring-piece at all.
When he sat in the loo,
It went slightly askew
And splattered some shit on the wall.
--- Nick Cheek

There was a young man from St Paul,
Who really had no scruples at all.
He would fart when he'd talk,
And shit when he'd walk,
And at night, throw it over the wall.
--- L0737

Said a scholar enrolled at Concordia
To the harlot, "I cannot affordia."
At which she got mad
And, with all that she had,
Started pelting his person with ordia.
--- Hugh Oliver A129B

There once was a girl from Helsinki
Whose behavior was gross, vile, and stinky.
She'd dip her left tit
In warm polar bear shit,
Then wipe it all off with her pinky.
--- Anon

A real dim-witted bootblack Named Zola
Wears the stinkiest shoes in Angola;
Though he works like all hell
To remove the bad smell,
He's too dumb to tell shit from Shinola.
--- Armand Singer

There was an old man from Arcola
Who didn't know shit from Shinola.
He pined and he pined,
For his shoes were unshined,
When a hernia stopped up his hole-a.
--- G1347

There was a young man named McCloud,
Who fought with his arguments loud.
And he claimed right along
He could never do wrong;
When he shit in his pants, he was proud.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-2187

Yer ass is a fine one, it's true,
But what of your choad? Is it new?
I'll suck it all dry,
Then piss in your eye.
If you'd kindly shit in me shoe.
--- Anon

The morals of a fellow named Burke
Brand him as a low sort of jerk.
For he shits in the halls
Of the homes where he calls,
And scuffs it around with a smirk!
--- G1361

Montezuma's revenge isn't sweet;
It'll make you throw up in the street.
And it proves super fast,
That Scott Tissue won't last
'Cause it quickly becomes a spreadsheet.
--- Poppo

An owner of collies named Sue
Observed as she slipped on brown goo,
"I should be more cautious,
The odor is nauseous,
Though most humans don't, doggies do."
--- Armand E Singer 865

A young woman exclaimed, "Oh, my word!"
When she squishily stepped in a turd.
Her shoe was so airy,
She thought it was scary,
So she rapidly had it interred.
--- Anon

I once knew a dog, Scooby Doo,
Who left great huge mountains of doo.
His owner said, "Oop!
I've forgotten the scoop!"
And walked on, with it stuck to his shoe.
--- Anon

While fixing my broken-down tractor,
I was mocked by an out-of-work actor;
So I picked up some dung,
Which at him I flung,
To distract a tractor detractor.
--- Tiddy Ogg

A bird-watching fellow named Ferd
Was indulging his hobby, I've heard;
When besmirched by Dumbo,
Twice the size of Jumbo,
And continued his watch undeterred.
--- Tom Patton P0202

A lad from the land of the Kurds
Fell into a cave used by birds.
His friends laughed, "Good Lord, you're
All covered with ordure.
Clear up to your eyes in wet turds!"
--- Armand E Singer 206

"My wife is so dumb," said Bill Draper,
"Saving money to her is a caper!
When she goes to the loo
And she makes a big poo,
She wipes with both sides of the paper!"
--- Clarence E Boyle P9003

This limerick's in praise of the turd,
The four-letter, forbidden word.
Ah the shape, o the smell,
It just makes my heart swell!
Embarrassed I dropped one? Absurd!
--- Armand E Singer 100

Flouncing upstairs in a hurry
Groaned Abigail, "Ooh, I must hurry.
This petticoat fashion
Does nothing for passion;
Especially after that curry..."
--- Val Burns P0606

There was a young lady from Norway
Who crawled on all fours through a doorway.
The door slammed shut
And pinched her butt,
And she shit all over the floorway.
--- G2245

A vacationer named White, from Vancouver,
Once toured that great dam known as Hoover.
The height of the site
Gave White such a fright,
His bowels did a spontaneous maneuver.
--- Anon

Poor guy had to clean up his mess --
(It was much worse than Monica's dress!)
He said, "Ne'ermore will I
Ever climb up so high --
It's already caused me too much stress!"
--- Anon

Here's how I keep it so tight---
Bathe it in champagne every night-
It's worth every nickel,
For those bubbles do tickle,
(And he says the taste is a delight!)
--- Anon

An environmentalist, O'Boyle
Gave her kids Ex-lax and castor oil.
She wanted her brood
To return all the food,
Directly back to the soil.
--- Tom Patton P9708a

To prevent an intestinal block,
I eat chillies, as fried in a wok.
And my bowels come alive
Every morning at five,
Though I don't wake till seven o'clock.
--- Rick O'Shay

A man turned his head to the sky
And said, as a bird flew on high:
"This manifestation
Is God's great creation!"
But the bird dropped a turd in his eye.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1231

"POO!", he said straining his gut,
But his sphincter contracted and shut.
He tried once again
With considerable strain,
Till his bowels ripped asunder, KERSPLUT!!
--- Peter Wilkins

This is file dhm

We scraped all his guts off the wall
And we shovelled the shit from the hall.
Now all that remains
Are peculiar stains
And his sphincter which winks at us all.
--- Peter Wilkins

I just had gotten home from work;
This really did happen, you jerk!
He plopped a huge shit,
And then played in it,
Which drove all us nurses berserk.
--- Cheryl

We washed him from head to his toes;
We thought that he smelled like a rose.
He said, "I smell shit!"
He was right, the dumb twit.
We'd forgotten the inside of his nose.
--- Cheryl

I sure pity that loser named Leah;
She has tried the whole pharmacopeia;
But the drugs never work
And the doctors just smirk,
When they spot those brown stains from diarrhea.
--- Armand Singer

A lecher who lurked in the loo,
Tried to teach two young ladies to screw.
But together they beat him
And chose to secrete him
Below in two feet of prime poo!
--- John Miller

Upon leaving the burial loo,
The girls shouted, "Goodbye! Toodle-oo!
Now that your tush
Is really quite flush,
Who can you screw? Well, Screw You!
--- Arden

That Tiddy is one clever chappy,
And on Jan 1, one of few who is happy.
While others are broke
And in debt are to soak,
He'll be sitting with cash in his nappy. (Brit for diaper)
--- Nawahl Razak

There was an old gal from Cologne,
Who was chilled right down to the bone.
She sipped upon coffee
With a large chunk of Brie;
Now the poor soul lives on "the throne."
--- Pam Steadman TP9804

There was an odd fellow named Jules,
Right famous for green-colored stools;
Completely unnerved,
The doctors observed,
"The shade simply breaks all the rules."
--- Armand Singer

I bet on a mare that was dappled;
She won the big race, so I clappled
And did me a dance,
Until in my pants,
I found, with excitement I'd crappled.
--- Travis Brasell

A vintner who calls himself Stu
Took a fancy to his corkscrew.
So he pierced a mole
Next to his asshole;
Now his shit comes out curlycue.
--- D Melton a

I loathe all witch doctors of voodoo,
Despise con-men conning with hoodoo;
I hate all burnt toast,
But what I hate most
Is stepping in confounded doodoo!
--- Anon

The latter puts me in a fit,
There ought to be laws against it!
With crap on my shoe
There's not much to do,
Except to stand there and say, "Shit!"
--- Anon

A guy of door-knocking religion
Was blessed by an o'er-flying pigeon.
To himself, he muttered,
Then quietly sputtered
Some four-letter words...just a smidgen!
--- Anon

A stringy food-faddist named Sprat,
Wed a maid who was billows of fat.
After strenuous tries
At exposing her prize,
He farted so hard that he shat.
--- G0769

A gay young blade from Milano,
Was Count Galeazzo Ciano.
Safe from the wars,
He found that his drawers,
Contained rich deposits of guano.
--- L0723

There was an old man of Madrid,
Who went to an auction to bid.
In the first lot they sold,
Was an ancient commode;
And My God! When the lifted the lid!
--- L0719

At the wedding, so nervous was Bart,
That he pissed in his pants at the start.
When the priest spoke his bit,
He proceeded to shit,
And the nuptials were sealed with a fart.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1188

Of perilous jobs there are few
Like the one that I had at the zoo;
In the pachyderms' cage,
I flew into a rage,
Getting struck by an elephant's poo.
--- Cap'n Bean P0506

In Epsom I drank some strange salt.
I admit it, it was my own fault.
Filled my glass to the brim
Then nipped down to the gym;
My mistake was attempting a vault.
--- Bill Wall

The bed in my cave's a real sight!
Kate looks like she lost a shit fight;
But she's been a dill,
To take sleeping pill
And laxative on the same night.
--- Anon

A snuff-sniffing Turk said, "With ease,
I can stifle an audible sneeze."
But one day in church,
His ass gave a lurch,
And he shit his pants, full to his knees.
--- Bob Florida

Came the Captain to Poland from France;
As the band played, he stood in a trance.
He was glutted on snails
Which had fouled his entrails;
He saluted and shit in his pants.
--- Albin Chaplin

The author writes words that do flatter.
I'm so happy I couldn't be gladder.
If fact, I'm so pleased,
My bowel just released,
So I sit in my own fecal matter.
--- Michelle

There was a young moron named Bobby,
Who gathered up turds for a hobby.
He'd drop them in wells,
And in fashionable hotels,
He'd hide 'em in chairs in the lobby.
--- G1464a

There once was a young man named Stu,
Up whose big nose a fly flew.
He sneezed and he snorted,
But his efforts were aborted
When into his pants he did poo.
--- Ross Dunce

This Skumbunny is on the mends;
I'm sure it was just some ill winds,
Or too much coffee,
Milk, water or tea,
And just in case, I now have Depends.
--- Jim Weaver Collection

Not the ones that bring sweat to your pores,
Or that peel the shellac from the floors,
For aromas accursed,
The absolute worst
Are the ones that end up in your drawers.
--- MrMalo a

A bridge-playing lady, Miss Harte,
Proceeded her cheeks both to part,
And she tried to pass gas,
But a turd she did pass
Which finessed her right out of a fart.
--- Albin Chaplin 3024-1203

There once was an old man from Crete
Who swallowed a plate of crabmeat.
"Holy Jehoshaphat!"
He said after he shat.
"Coming out, it feels like concrete."
--- Marlene

A man cried out in distress:
"I just can't seem to undress!
My zipper's is stuck,
It is just my luck,
And now my shorts are a mess!"
--- Jim Weaver Collection

So the shorts in question were soiled?
And they needed burning or boiled.
But before you do, please,
The cure for a disease,
Could be what saves the whole woiled! (World)
--- Jim Weaver Collection

The councilman sat by the ocean,
Applying to skin, suntan lotion.
Discussing amen-
Ities funding, but then
A seagull flew over, passed a motion.
--- Tiddy Ogg

For some time those councilors tarried,
Although by the birds, they were harried.
They arose, the mayoress
Having missed on her dress.
The spot, thus the motion was carried.
--- Tiddy Ogg


MORE